Posted tagged ‘Toronto mayor jokes’

Random thoughts

November 14, 2013

A thought about all these stores opening Thanksgiving night. Let’s see…take millions of Americans, add family stress, plus alcohol, and put them on the road to the mall. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?


Random baseball  thought, none of the 2014 CY Young nor MVP winners played in the World Series. Coincidence? Or is there something about having a superstar on the team that makes others feel less urgency about performing?

Chris Brown checked out of rehab, about two weeks after he checked in following his latest arrest in Washington, D.C. Too soon to start a pool on the next “incident?”

In a recent poll, Congress was viewed less favorably than hemorrhoids or toenail fungus. Well, makes sense. There are cures for hemorrhoids and toenail fungus.

MLB owners today approved funding to expand instant replay in 2014. You know what this means – beer prices are going up.

Apparently the $10 million annual jeweled “Fantasy Bra” created by Victoria’s Secret isn’t very comfortable. Uh, thinking anyone buying such a bra for a present wouldn’t expect it to stay on very long.

A blind man was kicked off a US Airways flight because his service dog wouldn’t sit still for takeoff. The flight was then cancelled when so many other passengers protested. Wonder how many of them were protesting that airlines don’t do that with parents and children.

Just when you think the Toronto mayor story can’t get any weirder. Today Rob Ford, denying an affair with a former staffer. “It says I wanted to eat her (fill in the blank) and I have never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married and I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.” Is Ford angling for a post with the Clinton Global Initiative.

On thing about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford,  perhaps he puts to rest the image of Canadian politics being boring to rest once and for all.  (for those who don’t remember Pierre Trudeau.)


Not sure how long this Rob Ford saga will continue. But if there’s a silver lining for anyone, at least the 2013-14 Maple Leafs are just about guaranteed not to be the biggest target of jokes in Toronto.

A woman on a Southwest plane that made a rapid descent and then made a safe emergency landing at Raleigh-Durham airport, claims the pilot told passengers “We’re in trouble; we’re going down.'” No word on any possible compensation. But wonder if another carrier might have added a “thrill-ride” surcharge.

Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito has now filed a grievance against the team over his suspension. This might be the biggest mess ever in Florida football not involving Urban Meyer..

Once again proving that Twitter is a great way to prove you’re an idiot in only 140 characters: The Clippers’ Matt Barnes, DURING last night’s game, after he was ejected , tweeted, “I love my teammates like family, but I’m DONE standing up for these n—as! All this s— does is cost me money. …” The tweet was later deleted.


Just a hunch that a year from now the GOP will be back to Benghazi as an anti-Obama theme. Because as much of a mess as the Obamacare rollout has been in some ways, is it that different than a lot of big high-tech rollouts? Or say, airline mergers? The biggest mistake made may have been the assumption this was going to be smooth from the get go.


Bill Littlejohn:  USC coach Ed Orgeron’s handwritten thank-you letters to each member of the Trojan marching band defied school tradition–every word in each note was spelled correctly”


More than some assembly required.

November 14, 2013

Police in Sweden were called to a potential “domestic incident”, when a neighbor heard “banging and screaming.” It turned out to simply be a couple trying to assemble IKEA furniture. Although I have to wonder….how many domestic incidents have started over trying to assemble IKEA furniture.

In San Francisco a Muni train left the station without an operator after the driver got out to check a door and forgot to set the emergency break. Well, it could have been worse.. could have happened to an airline pilot.

The 9-0 Kansas City Chiefs said WR Dwayne Bowe, who was arrested for marijuana possession this week will start Sunday night against the Broncos. (Bowe is 2nd on the team in catches.) It’s all about that Golden Rule. Bring in the Gold, you don’t need to follow the Rules.

Anyone else find it just a bit ironic that the party complaining about how all Obamacare policies must cover maternity, is the party that also usually makes a big show of being pro-life?

The University of Florida president and AD have both expressed confidence in embattled coach Will Muschamp, despite the Gators 4-5 record. Well, they have about 15 million reasons, as Mushamp has five years left on his contract at an average salary of $2,928,791.

The Secret Service is under investigation again for sexual misconduct, this time stemming from an alleged incident where a supervisor met a woman in the Hay-Adams hotel, and accidentally left a bullet in her D.C. hotel room. Former President Bill Clinton no doubt has already volunteered to investigate.

Contradicting a statement he made after the 2012 election, John Boehner now says the House will not take up immigration reform this year, saying it’s “too complicated to rush.” So is the Speaker angling for a post-politics job of serving on one of Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”

Mariah Carey on her American Idol experience with an unnamed co-judge. “It was like going to work every day in hell with Satan.” And somewhere Simon Cowell is thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?”

Ben Roethlisberger, on Detroit Lions DTs Nadmukong Suh and Nick Fairley “You’ve got to be careful. You’ll end up dead if you’re not careful.” Suh’s response “I’m not a killer.. I guess I can take that somewhat as a compliment.” Wonder if he thought of adding “And I’m not a rapist either.”

Lululemon founder Chip Wilson is apologizing for offending customers by saying their brand’s yoga pants just don’t work for “some women’s bodies.” Although no doubt Wilson is being secretly cheered by people who have been at restaurants, stores, etc where some of lululemon’s customers have proved his point.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s latest admission, that he did purchase illegal drugs. Well, it could be worse, at least Ford didn’t get in a drunken stupor and text pictures of his junk.

The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.

From Alex Kaseberg:  Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, admits to buying illegal drugs. Of course we Americans are shocked. A politician who paid for something out of their own pocket? Never happens here.

Big winners and losers?

November 6, 2013

 Chris Christie in his victory speech says it’s about showing up. And that “you don’t just show up six months before an election, you show up four years before an election”. Which might be a pre-emptive explanation why he might spend much of the next four years in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina etc.

Chris Christie won, but the Houston Astrodome lost and will be demolished. It would be tacky to make a joke about a mixed night for supersized entities.

Will anyone EVER top this political excuse? Toronto mayor Rob Ford is now admitting he smoked crack “probably a year ago” but it was because he was in a “drunken stupor” at the time.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s approval ratings actually went up after it came out that he smoked crack cocaine. So how many members of Congress sent their staffers out on the street for a little…shopping?

ESPN headline about how poor Ohio State might go undefeated but still might not make it to the BCS title game. Uh, here’s a hint for the Buckeyes. Next time don’t make your out-of-conference games against Buffalo, San Diego State, Cal and Florida A & M.

Berkeley police said a fight between two Cal football players in the locker room resulted in one being taken to a hospital. Bears fans were shocked, they didn’t think a member of this year’s team could actually hit anyone.

Wannabe Darwin award of the week, as in lucky he wasn’t shot: A 21 year old Central Connecticut State University student accidentally caused a three hour lockdown at the school when he walked through campus dressed as. Snake Eyes costume from G.I. Joe for Halloween. Complete with tactical vest, camouflage pants, mask, plastic sword and handgun….

How quickly things can change. Before last weekend, Miami Dolphins’ fans thought the worst thing happening with their team was a four game losing streak.

in a recent YouGov poll, only 15% of Americans said they had ever excused themselves “from a social event or a conversation to go to another room to check email.” The other 85% presumably just used their phones during the middle of the event or conversation.

Joy Johnson, 86, the oldest woman to run the NY Marathon, died the next day. And coach potatoes around the world are saying “See, exercise is dangerous to your health.”


NY Giants safety Antrel Rolle on the Dolphins’ bullying scandal: “Was Richie Incognito wrong? Absolutely But I think the other guy is just as much to blame as Richie, because he allowed it to happen.” Well of course, Martin should have brought a gun to the locker room, in fact, let’s arm all NFL players…..


Now, who knows how this will all come down, but if the NFL decided to suspend the Saints’ Sean Payton over bounties, going to be really interesting to see what they do with Dolphins’ Joe Philbin and his locker room.


Jeff Ireland, GM of the Miami Dolphins, probably had no direct involvement with the current scandal. But Ireland is the man who in 2010 asked Dez Bryant, born to a 15 year old who did time for drug dealing, if his mother was a prostitute. What a classy team….

And then there’s the short form reaction to the whole Dolphins mess: men are pigs.