Posted tagged ‘Pablo Sandoval jokes’

You can go home again?

July 19, 2017

SF Giants have a lot of unsold hats in storage. The prodigal Panda returns?

Pablo Sandoval actually says he’s had “a few teams” interested.  Is he talking baseball or competitive eating?

 

But hey,  today was a good day for Giants fans.  Because we all had lineup of Span, Gomez, Belt, Crawford, Gillaspie, Hundley, Tomlinson,Hernandez & Cain giving SF a 2 game win streak.

Rockies scored 18 runs, 17 through 6 innings against the Padres.  Do we even have to ask where the game is played?   #CoorsField

Bartolo Colon,  44, says he is contemplating retirement. “So young?” asked Jamie Moyer.

Jaguars DE Dante Fowler Jr. was arrested in Florida last night on charges of “simple battery and mischief.” Is he trying to get traded to the Cowboys?

While airlines will employ tighter security on in-cabin laptops for flights from Europe, a proposed ban will not happen, and the temporary ban on such devices with Mideast airlines has been rescinded.
Just goes to show that even security theater is no match for high-paying business travelers and angry parents facing prospects of 12 hour flights with un-entertained children.

For five dollars, Heinz now selling “Chicago Dog Sauce” made with tomatoes & spices. In other words, “ketchup.” Wonder if they’d sell more if they charged ten dollars.

While I didn’t and wouldn’t vote for him, sad news with John McCain’s brain cancer.  And for a rare moment of remembering life on the high road:  http://www.politico.com/story/2008/10/mccain-obama-not-an-arab-crowd-boos-014479

Hoping like Jimmy Carter, John McCain successfully fights brain cancer. And comes out of it w/ new appreciation for pre-existing conditions.

#CBO says repealing Obamacare w/out replacement would lead to 32 million uninsured. Well, death is one way to suppress votes.

 

Trump has declined an invitation to speak at NAACP’s annual convention this weekend. Of course, it would interfere with his golf game.

As a sign of leadership why doesn’t @realDonaldTrump vow not to leave the White House on weekends until a healthcare bill is passed?

“The Dems scream death as OCare dies!”  No, not an entry into the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.  This line was written by the President of the United States.

And once again, the Onion is going “We give up.”

1 in 3 Trump voters don’t believe Don Jr. met w// Russians even though he admitted it. Probably most of the 1/3 think Russians were at Trump Tower to meet Hillary.

The National Enquirer now claiming that the whole Russia collusion story is the fault of Hillary Clinton and her friends trying to bring down the Trump family. How long until Trump gives the Enquirer White House press credentials?

 

In a NY Times interview, Trump on Russia- – “Sessions should have never recused himself, and if he was going to recuse himself, he should have told me before he took the job and I would have picked somebody else.”
How long until Trump tweets angrily about #fakequotes?

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High or cry time?

April 17, 2016

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf signed a bill legalizing medical marijuana. Does being sick of watching the Phillies lose count?

Charlotte’s loss today to Miami extended their postseason losing streak to 11 games, third longest in NBA history. Almost a shame the Hornets couldn’t have a first round matchup with the Raptors. ‪#‎somethingsgottogive‬

 

Vince Carter had a good game for ‪#‎Grizzlies‬. For 2016-7 maybe he’s old enough to sign a free agent contract with the  ‪#‎Spurs‬?

Two Syracuse football players are recovering with non life-threatening injuries after they were allegedly stabbed by a former teammate. ‪#‎ifonlyhehadbeenarmed‬

Pablo Sandoval is flying to Alabama for a 2nd opinion on his injured shoulder from Dr. James Andrews. Either that or the trip is for the pulled pork and pecan pie.

#‎LukeWalton‬ has apparently turned down head coaching job with ‪#‎Knicks‬. Guess he’s holding out for an offer from an ‪#‎NBA‬ professional team

McDonald’s is opening a new restaurant in Missouri that will feature “all-you-can-eat” French Fries. So Missouri can now be the “Show Me How Fat We Can Get” state?

The Treasury has announced Andrew Jackson will be replaced on the $20 bill by an unnamed woman. But Alexander Hamilton is staying on the $10. It’s about time for a woman on our currency. But poor Jackson, had they only written an “Old Hickory” hit Broadway musical….

While some voters on both sides scream about free trade, a new Associated Press-GfK poll.poll shows that while Americans say they would like to buy things made in the US, 67% of them would buy the exact same thing made overseas if it were less expensive….

A Nashville mom and her friend are facing charges after they left her 13-month-old daughter in a hot car while auditioning at a strip club. Apparently the friend was supposed to be watching the girl but went inside to watch the audition. The child is okay, and yes, it could have been a horrible story. But wonder how many people who are condemning the mom are both pro-life and against subsidized child care?

Donald Trump on a possible contested GOP convention: “I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that.”
Why doesn’t Trump just say “It’s a nice little convention you’ve got planned. It would be a shame if something happened to it.

Some angry voters are threatening to sue over New York’s closed primary, which requires them to have chosen a party affiliation 6 months before the primary. You think if they care enough to sue, they’d have cared enough to get their registration right.

Let’s see, many who support Donald Trump do so because he’s rich and “successful.” But then some of those same people are against Hillary Clinton because of the money she has made. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

Wrong numbers?

March 25, 2015

New Boston Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval told USA that he changed his cell number and doesn’t talk to old SF Giants teammates. He also added “If I had signed (with SF), I knew I would be under a (weight) regimen for five years, and I’m not going to be happy someplace where I’m under that kind of regimen, where I can’t be myself.”

Well at least Sandoval chose a new team with kind, gentle and understanding fans/media…. Hint to the Panda ‪#‎lessismore‬

And you thought the worst export from Canada was Justin Bieber. ‪#‎TedCruzCampaignSlogans‬

Now, most people agree tax law is too complicated. But along with everything else, Ted Cruz has joined Dr. Ben Carson in saying he will abolish the IRS. Sure, let’s put all Americans on the honor system. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Stanford men’s basketball team beats Vanderbilt and is heading to New York’s Madison Square Garden for the NIT final four. And hey, had they gotten to the NCAA tournament they’d either be done now or heading to maybe Cleveland, or Syracuse. With a Final Four in Indianapolis Hey, maybe these Stanford kids really ARE smart.

How many careers would benefit from a five-second delay on speech like they have on “live” TV? Mike Bocchino, a Connecticut state rep, criticizing a proposed “yes means yes” sexual assault bill – “At the end of the day, there are no witnesses — at least if there are, it’s a really great party.”. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

University of Michigan center, Jack Miller, 21, is retiring from football due to concussion fears – “I know it’s pretty unorthodox for a 21-year-old to see past his own nose This game requires such a passion to excel, and my flame is burned out.” And a number of other college players are thinking “Dude, what’s ‘unorthodox?'”

When these companies put you on hold for 30 plus minutes and say periodically “Thank you for your time and patience” I am reminded of that little vulture statue they used to sell in gift shops “Patience my a**, I’m going to kill something.”

A United Airlines employee was arrested and charged with stealing over $500 from a passenger’s wallet at a TSA checkpoint at Newark. United is appalled. If anyone is ripping off a passenger, it should be the airline themselves.

United flights from SF to Dallas, $226 roundtrip. Adding aisle seats towards the front of the plane and one checked bag in each direction, $146 additional. We don’t need Ryan Air in the US, the legacy airlines are already there.

New Orleans coach Sean Payton said there is “not one iota” of truth to rumors that the Saints are thinking of trading Drew Brees. Translation, they may be rebuilding, but they still want to sell tickets next year.

The NFL has decided that the controversial formation that the New England Patriots used to score a TD against the Ravens in the AFC championship will be illegal next year. No worries, Belichick and company expect to have a whole new stable of ways not to be caught cheating next season.

 

 

Thunder 91, Spurs 130?! So does Oklahoma City call that “elder abuse”, or rather “abuse by elders?”

Another of those rare serious thoughts.  “Turns out the reportedly suicidal man who allegedly shot and killed a San Jose, California, police officer last night, did fatally shoot himself later in the evening. Once again, such a damn shame that anyone bent on murder-suicide can’t take care of the latter first.”

The 49ers, maybe not a train wreck, but a light rail wreck.

March 10, 2015

Who’d a thunk that the ‪#‎OaklandRaiders‬ might turn out to be the least dysfunctional NFL team in the SF Bay Area? ‪#‎SF49ers‬

Based on this ‪#‎SF49ers‬ off season looks like ‪#‎JedYork‬ is well on his way to becoming as popular an owner as ‪#‎DanSnyder‬

 

The 49ers’ LB Patrick Willis says he is going to retire. Well, at least he’ll be one big name SF fans won’t have to watch with another team.

 

The 49ers’ Bruce Miller has been arrested for spousal battery. If this gets much worse fans will be getting sympathy notes from Jets’ fans.

 

Alex Kaseberg: “I’ve seen rats more loyal to sinking ships than players are to the 49ers.”

 

AZ Cardinals LB Alex Okafor was arrested at 1:50 a.m. Monday morning on “suspicion of evading police.” This after Austin, TX police responded to a disturbance report, and Okafor allegedly ran from officers but was caught. Hmm, he was caught? Now we’re seeing another reason why NFL teams care about those 40 yard combine scores.

Only Monday and we may have the week’s champion: An Idaho man, Joey Patterson, 22, was wanted for a probation violation. He was found and arrested after he posted on Facebook when he announced when and where he was going to play softball. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

All of this hype on the Apple Watch. Wonder if it can tell time?

The SAE chapter at the University of Oklahoma has been shut down after members posted a racist video on the 50th anniversary of Selma. Once again, guys trying to prove that it’s an oxymoron to refer to “fraternity men.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixbeingassholeseither‬

Simpsons’ producer Sam Simon has passed away after a long battle with cancer. At his funeral, presume they will serve, “mmmm…donuts.”

Apparently Tim Tebow may try one more time to make an NFL roster at the veteran combine. “Attaboy!” said Brett Favre.

 

So regarding Pablo Sandoval. I think many SF Giants fans, including myself, were sympathetic to his thinking he wanted a new challenge, even if the grass didn’t turn out be as green as Fenway’s monster. But what’s surprising is the vitrol from him about his time in SF, saying he wasn’t respected just because they wouldn’t give him a big contract after a bad year, and that he doesn’t miss anyone etc.

This wasn’t a Jed York-Jim Harbaugh situation. But all Sandoval is doing is burning bridges of goodwill, and setting himself up for a rather large letdown. IMHO.

 

Serious bus to hell time. Apparently 10 people have been killed when two helicopters carrying passengers filming a reality show TV show crashed today in Argentina. Sorry, folks, they weren’t filming “The Bachelor.”

47 GOP senators sent an open letter to Iran, saying that any potential nuclear agreement negotiated by Iran and Obama come to is “a mere executive agreement.” And “the next president could revoke such an executive agreement with the stroke of a pen and future Congresses could modify the terms of the agreement at any time.”

Now, one of these elections we are going to have a Republican president again. I’m sure he or she will be thrilled to see this precedent.

 

 

 

 

From T.C.  World #1 golfer Rory McIlroy fired his caddy today and has hired a scuba diver to carry his bag.

Crimes of omission?

November 26, 2014

Mark Whitaker, who wrote the latest biography of Bill Cosby, tweeted an apology for failing to discuss rape allegations in his recent book. Well, of course, because Whitaker now knows he would be selling more books.

 

Despite Michael Sam’s having been the SEC defensive player of the year in 2013, some questioned whether he really had NFL caliber talent. Which if so brings up another question – Why hasn’t Sam been signed by a team from the NFL South?

In the “better to remain silent and be thought a fool..” dept, today’s nominee for the win is Adrian Peterson, who tweeted after the Ferguson decision “The GRAND JURY DECIDED NOT TO INDICT ME TOO! But that changed a week LATER! MAYBE,BUT NOT LIKELY N THIS CASE.”‘

The Milwaukee Brewers new AA team in Mississippi will be known as the Biloxi Shuckers. If they go through a bad patch, nothing can go wrong with THAT name…

Pablo Sandoval Tuesday on leaving San Francisco. “I need a new challenge.” Well, if Panda wanted a REAL challenge, why didn’t he sign with the Cubs?

Many Giants fans are taking the high road saying “Well, Pablo Sandoval gave us some good years, we wish him nothing but the best.” Right. Like people do when someone breaks up with them to move on to a different guy or gal. Of course you want them to be happy…..‪#‎sarcasm‬

After two of players were ejected in the 2013 OSU-Michigan game, Urban Meyer has warned his Buckeyes to behave this year, or he may impose further penalties. Guess the former Florida coach wants players to keep their bad behavior off the field.

You can’t make this “stuff” up.. CFO Anthony Noto accidentally tweeted what he thought was a private message saying “I still think we should buy them.” And it went out publicly. Ok, this stuff happens. Especially to executives who may not get social media. Except Noto is the CFO of Twitter. ….

The Seahawks’ Richard Sherman and Doug Baldwin did a little comedy routine for reporters today, which included lampooning the NFL’s sponsorship rules and $100,000 fine to Marshalll Lynch for not talking. Wonder how much Roger Goodell will fine them for the skit?

 

Washington apparently will start Colt McCoy nstead of RGIII against the Colts this weekend. Uh oh, has anyone checked Redskins owner Dan Snyder for signs of sanity?

 

Saw a DWTS “spoiler” saying “Winner Revealed on Season 19 Finale: Is It Alfonso Ribeiro, Janel Parrish, or Sadie Robertson?” And thinking “Who, who and who?”

 

 

From T.C.  “Redskins owner Dan Snyder in an attempt to gain support for the name debate, sat with Navajo Chief Ben Skelly and his wife at the Phoenix game. Not to be outdone, new Buffalo owner Terry Pegula invited 20 guys named Bill into his private box yesterday.”

Going, going, gone,

November 25, 2014

A New Hampshire woman was arrested and briefly jailed when she slapped her boyfriend during a fight over a game of Monopoly. Bet she didn’t even get to collect her $200 either.

RB Justin Forsett, released in March by the Jaguars and signed in April by the Ravens as a precautionary backup for Ray Rice, tonight ran for 182 yards. Forsett thanked God. Probably would have been tacky to have thanked whoever installed that casino elevator video camera.

 

Monica Lewinsky complains that having an affair with Bill Clinton 19 years ago and the resulting scandal has made her unemployable. Really? Maybe for a few years, but Donna Rice moved on to a very successful career. Even Michael Vick has a job…. America loves second acts..

(my friend Tom Dodd says ” I would have thought that she demonstrated that she had a marketable skill.”)

Maybe ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬  decided to sign with ‪#‎Boston‬ because he wanted to play on national television every week instead of just during the postseason. ‪#‎RedSoxYankees‬ ‪#‎ESPN‬

Boston now has Big Papi and Pablo Sandoval on their team. Does this give the Red Sox the first dugout that will register on the Richter scale?

 

Not that most Giants fans would trade this year’s World Series to keep one player.  But my friend Alex P. makes a good point. “Alternate reality: Let’s say the Giants lost the Wildcard game to the Pirates.” (or for that matter the Brewers didn’t collapse down the stretch and give SF the second wild card.  Then “what contract would Sandoval get?”

 

Guessing this year the SF Giants Dugout Stores will be shipping children in Africa a lot of Panda hats?

John McCain wants Lindsey Graham to run for President. Democrats are thrilled. Republicans want Senator McCain checked for other signs of dementia.

Budweiser has apparently dropped the Clydesdales from their holiday advertising for new campaign aimed at 21-27 year-olds who have been drinking craft beers. Uh, have news for them, if Bud wants millennials, forget spending money on ads, spend it on improving the beer.

Chuck Hagel has resigned as Secretary of Defense. The GOP is eagerly awaiting President Obama’s pick for a replacement so they can say why he/she is the worst possible choice.

QB Johnny Manziel was reportedly at the center of a 20-person brawl in Cleveland last Friday. Belated congrats to all those who had Nov. 20 in the most recent pool.

 

 

Sports anchor Mike Lynch tweeted that he heard the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ matched the ‪#‎RedSox‬ offer for Sandoval but that Pablo left because he felt “disrepected.” Well, then it’s a good thing the Panda is going to such a gentle, warm and fuzzy market as Boston.

Sad to watch the rioting in Ferguson. But okay, if you WANTED to create a riot, could you do any more than say 10 hours in advance that a verdict had been reached, a verdict that many people expected to be a non-indictment, and then wait until several hours into the evening actually to announce it

Wonders never cease.

November 23, 2014

Hillary Clinton said Obama’s executive action on immigration is an “historic step” and that she supports it. Wow. A Democrat these days daring to say she supports the President on anything!

Apparently ESPN baseball writer Keith Law has been suspended from Twitter for tweeting an argument with Curt Schilling who was defending the theory of creationism. Well, to be fair, some athletes’ behavior does rather challenge the theory of evolution.

Boston Red Sox reportedly offering 5 years, $95 million to Pablo Sandoval, while the SF GIants reportedly offering 5 years $90 million. So after taxes, that’s about $2.5 million over 5 years difference. Heck, that might barely cover the heating and air conditioning bills.

 

Several officiating experts say Jameis Winston should have been ejected for his contact with a referee today as the FSU QB was trying to do a quick snap. But really, why should Jameis be treated any differently for his conduct on the field than off it?

So then  FSU takes advantage of a stalled Boston College drive and missed FG to drive for a FG of their own with 3 seconds left to win 20-17. Ought to do wonders for the Seminoles’ “game control” points with the College Football Playoff committee.

Bill Cosby’s lawyer called all the sexual assault claims “ridiculous” and “unsubstantiated, fantastical stories.” Uh, and then there’s the Yiddish proverb “If one man calls you an ass, pay him no mind. If five men call you an ass, go buy a saddle.”

From Alex Kaseberg “The accusations of sexual assault continue against Bill Cosby. On the bright side, he has been named an honorary member of the Baltimore Ravens.”

Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari wished his daughter Megan a happy birthday today,  but he had the date wrong.  Give Calipari credit.  At least he remembered he had a daughter. And he got her name right.

#‎TigerWoods‬ has hired a new swing consultant. Or did he say a new swinging consultant? Not sure.

Regarding this ‪#‎ThanksMichelleObama‬ students tweeting pictures of nasty but healthy school lunches, two thoughts. 1. Does anyone really have fond memories of great school lunches? 2. So if it’s what kids want let’s just serve candy and cookies that need no refrigeration or cooking and be done with it?

Five turnovers for ‪#‎Cal‬ in a 38-17 ‪#‎BigGame‬ loss to ‪#‎Stanford‬. Just as well the Bears didn’t get the Axe. They’d probably have dropped it.

 

SF Giants have sent out Season Ticket Invoices. Inflation is flat but prices have gone up 8%. They’d better be spending the money on raises for employees and player contracts….

 

 

#8 Ole Miss was the highest ranked 2-loss team in college football. After this shutout loss to Arkansas will they be the highest 3-loss team? ‪#‎SECbias‬