Posted tagged ‘Lewinsky jokes’

Going, going, gone,

November 25, 2014

A New Hampshire woman was arrested and briefly jailed when she slapped her boyfriend during a fight over a game of Monopoly. Bet she didn’t even get to collect her $200 either.

RB Justin Forsett, released in March by the Jaguars and signed in April by the Ravens as a precautionary backup for Ray Rice, tonight ran for 182 yards. Forsett thanked God. Probably would have been tacky to have thanked whoever installed that casino elevator video camera.

 

Monica Lewinsky complains that having an affair with Bill Clinton 19 years ago and the resulting scandal has made her unemployable. Really? Maybe for a few years, but Donna Rice moved on to a very successful career. Even Michael Vick has a job…. America loves second acts..

(my friend Tom Dodd says ” I would have thought that she demonstrated that she had a marketable skill.”)

Maybe ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬  decided to sign with ‪#‎Boston‬ because he wanted to play on national television every week instead of just during the postseason. ‪#‎RedSoxYankees‬ ‪#‎ESPN‬

Boston now has Big Papi and Pablo Sandoval on their team. Does this give the Red Sox the first dugout that will register on the Richter scale?

 

Not that most Giants fans would trade this year’s World Series to keep one player.  But my friend Alex P. makes a good point. “Alternate reality: Let’s say the Giants lost the Wildcard game to the Pirates.” (or for that matter the Brewers didn’t collapse down the stretch and give SF the second wild card.  Then “what contract would Sandoval get?”

 

Guessing this year the SF Giants Dugout Stores will be shipping children in Africa a lot of Panda hats?

John McCain wants Lindsey Graham to run for President. Democrats are thrilled. Republicans want Senator McCain checked for other signs of dementia.

Budweiser has apparently dropped the Clydesdales from their holiday advertising for new campaign aimed at 21-27 year-olds who have been drinking craft beers. Uh, have news for them, if Bud wants millennials, forget spending money on ads, spend it on improving the beer.

Chuck Hagel has resigned as Secretary of Defense. The GOP is eagerly awaiting President Obama’s pick for a replacement so they can say why he/she is the worst possible choice.

QB Johnny Manziel was reportedly at the center of a 20-person brawl in Cleveland last Friday. Belated congrats to all those who had Nov. 20 in the most recent pool.

 

 

Sports anchor Mike Lynch tweeted that he heard the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ matched the ‪#‎RedSox‬ offer for Sandoval but that Pablo left because he felt “disrepected.” Well, then it’s a good thing the Panda is going to such a gentle, warm and fuzzy market as Boston.

Sad to watch the rioting in Ferguson. But okay, if you WANTED to create a riot, could you do any more than say 10 hours in advance that a verdict had been reached, a verdict that many people expected to be a non-indictment, and then wait until several hours into the evening actually to announce it

Not quite a Virgin flight…

May 7, 2014

A woman was detained and then released by Las Vegas police after she apparently got drunk on board a Virgin Atlantic flight from London and noisily joined the Mile High Club,with a man she had just met on board. The best part – she was traveling with her PARENTS. And you think some of your family vacations have been awkward.

 

 

The NFL Draft is coming Thursday. For the uninitiated, that means for a few days ESPN will be only slightly less fixated on the draft than CNN has been on MH370.

After a social media storm,  Eric LeGrand is again speaking at Rutgers’ commencement. “I’ll take ‘Damage Control’ for $1000, Alex.”

 

Apparently Toronto mayor Rob Ford may have disappeared on his way to rehab in Chicago. You actually kind of hope he’s hiking the Appalachian Trail

Golden State Warriors have fired coach Mark Jackson, saying they think “it’s time to move in a different direction.” Like back out of the playoffs?

SFGiants are getting about as much production out of Pablo Sandoval as they would if he were on the DL.

Many frustrated #SFGiants fans want Bruce Bochy to bat Pablo Sandoval 8th. Although there are others who disagree and think the Panda should bat 9th.

Anyone who needs a reason to root for the San Antonio Spurs, I give you coach Gregg Popovich. He’s been having WNBA star Becky Hammon, who wants to coach someday, attend practices. And Popovich says about a female NBA coach someday – “I don’t see why not. There shouldn’t be any limitations. It’s about talent and the ability to do things. It’s not about what your sex is or your race is or anything else

The Spurs were on a roll. Tonight looked like one of the most uneven matchups in San Antonio since the Alamo.

Would ANYONE who hadn’t watched the regular season and just turned in for the #NBAplayoffs have guessed the #IndianaPacers were a #1 seed?

Monica Lewinsky, in a Vanity Fair article: “I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.” More like she regrets a – getting caught, and b- not having that fifteen minutes of fame turn into something lucrative?

 

Just an open note to those in the GOP who want to use Monica Lewinsky’s book against Hillary. The American public knows Bill Clinton is a tomcat. We knew that when we elected him the first time. And we would have elected him a third time if possible. Yeah it makes for good punchlines but in the big picture nobody cares.So get over it. #puritans

 

From Marc Ragovin;  ” Willie Mays turned 83 on Tuesday. Of course he has now gone from “say hey” to “what did you say?””