Posted tagged ‘Jim Harbaugh jokes’

The 49ers, maybe not a train wreck, but a light rail wreck.

March 10, 2015

Who’d a thunk that the ‪#‎OaklandRaiders‬ might turn out to be the least dysfunctional NFL team in the SF Bay Area? ‪#‎SF49ers‬

Based on this ‪#‎SF49ers‬ off season looks like ‪#‎JedYork‬ is well on his way to becoming as popular an owner as ‪#‎DanSnyder‬

 

The 49ers’ LB Patrick Willis says he is going to retire. Well, at least he’ll be one big name SF fans won’t have to watch with another team.

 

The 49ers’ Bruce Miller has been arrested for spousal battery. If this gets much worse fans will be getting sympathy notes from Jets’ fans.

 

Alex Kaseberg: “I’ve seen rats more loyal to sinking ships than players are to the 49ers.”

 

AZ Cardinals LB Alex Okafor was arrested at 1:50 a.m. Monday morning on “suspicion of evading police.” This after Austin, TX police responded to a disturbance report, and Okafor allegedly ran from officers but was caught. Hmm, he was caught? Now we’re seeing another reason why NFL teams care about those 40 yard combine scores.

Only Monday and we may have the week’s champion: An Idaho man, Joey Patterson, 22, was wanted for a probation violation. He was found and arrested after he posted on Facebook when he announced when and where he was going to play softball. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

All of this hype on the Apple Watch. Wonder if it can tell time?

The SAE chapter at the University of Oklahoma has been shut down after members posted a racist video on the 50th anniversary of Selma. Once again, guys trying to prove that it’s an oxymoron to refer to “fraternity men.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixbeingassholeseither‬

Simpsons’ producer Sam Simon has passed away after a long battle with cancer. At his funeral, presume they will serve, “mmmm…donuts.”

Apparently Tim Tebow may try one more time to make an NFL roster at the veteran combine. “Attaboy!” said Brett Favre.

 

So regarding Pablo Sandoval. I think many SF Giants fans, including myself, were sympathetic to his thinking he wanted a new challenge, even if the grass didn’t turn out be as green as Fenway’s monster. But what’s surprising is the vitrol from him about his time in SF, saying he wasn’t respected just because they wouldn’t give him a big contract after a bad year, and that he doesn’t miss anyone etc.

This wasn’t a Jed York-Jim Harbaugh situation. But all Sandoval is doing is burning bridges of goodwill, and setting himself up for a rather large letdown. IMHO.

 

Serious bus to hell time. Apparently 10 people have been killed when two helicopters carrying passengers filming a reality show TV show crashed today in Argentina. Sorry, folks, they weren’t filming “The Bachelor.”

47 GOP senators sent an open letter to Iran, saying that any potential nuclear agreement negotiated by Iran and Obama come to is “a mere executive agreement.” And “the next president could revoke such an executive agreement with the stroke of a pen and future Congresses could modify the terms of the agreement at any time.”

Now, one of these elections we are going to have a Republican president again. I’m sure he or she will be thrilled to see this precedent.

 

 

 

 

From T.C.  World #1 golfer Rory McIlroy fired his caddy today and has hired a scuba diver to carry his bag.

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Not open for business?

January 16, 2014

Beanie baby founder Ty Warner pleaded guilty to avoiding over $5 million on $25 million in hidden income, and got sentenced to 2 years probation and 500 hours of community service.  So let that be a lesson to other billionaires….

J.C. Penney is closing 33 stores. Shocking. Penney’s still has stores?

The USADA says that A-Rod’s PED regimen was “probably the most potent and sophisticated drug program developed for an athlete that we’ve ever seen.” Well if so we’ve learned one new thing about PED’s. They don’t work in October.

While marijuana is legal in Colorado, taking it on a plane is not. So Colorado Springs airport is putting in “amnesty boxes” for passengers who forget and bring some with them. Wonder how they determine afterwards which airport officials get to, uh, destroy the evidence.

Jim Harbaugh says he thinks that the Seahawks keeping fans with California billing addresses from buying tickets to Sunday’s game is a good idea, because you want to put your team “in the best possible position to win that you can.” Why do I get the feeling the 49ers ticket office may be getting a little call with future suggestions from their coach?

The latest story on Jim Harbaugh is that his wife hates his pleated khakis, threw his old pairs out, and the 49ers coach bought replacements for $8 at Walmart. So maybe when Harbaugh famously asked Pete Carroll “What’s YOUR deal?” he was talking about pants?

Tom Brady missed today’s practice with an apparent cold. Will Giselle blame the Patriots wide receivers?

Wow. Apparently the fatal movie shooting in Florida theater happened during the PREVIEWS. Imagine if the victim had been texting during the movie itself. Would the killer have have shot up the entire theater?

Bus to Hell time. So if texting during the previews isn’t a good reason to shoot someone in a movie theater, what DOES qualify as a good reason? Just polling my twisted readers/friends.

 

Chris Christie on Tuesday  “This administration and this Legislature will not allow the work that needs to be done to improve the people’s lives of New Jersey to be delayed for any reason.”   Well,  unless we are stuck in traffic.

 

From Marc Ragovin:   Chris Christie is trying to move on from the bridge scandal.  But if he runs for President in ’16, I’m pretty sure his campaign theme song won’t be “Life in the Fast Lane.

Letdown?

September 17, 2012

Wonder how many viewers tuned into tonight’s  49er-Lions game and were secretly disappointed by the relative lack of violence? Especially between the Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz.

 

Jim Harbaugh tonight borrowed Molly Ivins’ line about Ann Richards to praise his QB Alex Smith, saying he was “tougher than a two-dollar steak.”   And a Golden Corral Restaurants spokesman said,  “Hey, what did we ever do to you?”

 

 

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel says he will go to court to force teachers back to work. Which means either he thinks the union has gone too far, or he realizes children don’t vote.

Have to wonder if the Cowboys will feel the same sense of urgency this week in signing that long term contract with Tony Romo?

The Patriots fell at home to the Arizona Cardinals. Frustrated New England fans are wondering if they can blame it on Bobby Valentine?

Dwight Howard in an ESPN interview to air tonight” That’s one of the lessons that I learned, you know. I can’t make everybody happy.” Here’s a hint, Dwight, if you can’t make up your mind, you don’t make anyone happy.

(Even Lebron James is saying,  “Hey, bro, at least I made a decision.”)

Reggie Bush had such a good day, wonder if we should expect Kim Kardashian to reconsider?

A new study has 7 signs of being a “shopaholic,” One supposed sign “You experience a rush of excitement when you buy.” Of course there’s a name for people like that, they’re called “women.”

“I am not a witch” Christine O’Donnell, is considering another run for Senate in 2014, saying “I think I owe that to my supporters.” Not to mention the nation’s struggling comedy writers.

Love these “bombshells.” The National Enquirer has a headline story about Malia and Sasha’s private school, saying 71% of students said they have attended parties where drugs or alcohol available. Wow. Would guess in most high schools it’s closer to 100%. (And wonder if that counted their parents’ parties.

(as a friend says,  well, that means 29% percent of the kids have already learned how to lie.)

Stanford’s number 9?! Okay, not too bad after barely beating San Jose State and beating that other California team by a touchdown.

My favorite statistic from last night’s Stanford-USC game: As the clock ran out in the first half with the Cardinal protecting against a Hail Mary, Curtis McNeal ran for 30 yards. Without that the Trojans would have been in minus numbers for net rushing.

Netanyahu said today that the U.S. must establish a clear “red line” that Iran cannot cross with its nuclear program if it wants to avoid war. Sometimes I wonder, does the PM realize Americans are not electing a President of Israel?

 

Another statement on Libya: “This is a time when we all should reflect on those who continue to give, even the last measure, of service and sacrifice, to promoting and defending America’s interests abroad. This is above all a reminder that politics should end at the water’s edge.” From Jon Huntsman, proving again why he was too sane to make it through the GOP primary.

Pre Pre Big Game Show.

February 1, 2012

Technicially, if you’re not an official sponsor, you’re not allowed to use the words “Super Bowl.” Yeah, hate to put a non-profit like the NFL at risk of losing money.

Madonna says there will be “no nipple” in her Super Bowl halftime show. Not to say the former Material Girl is getting up there in years but the way NBC will assure this is by only showing Madonna above the waist.

49ers coach Jim Harbaugh has signed up to play the A T & T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Which means for the first time, CBS plans to schedule cameras every day on the course for the post-round handshakes.

The Campaign Media Analysis Group (CMAG) analyzed political ads shown in Florida this past week and said 92% them were negative. As someone who just spent a weekend in Florida I am shocked – 8% were actually supposed to be positive?

Sarah Palin has been saying “Annoy a liberal, vote for Newt.” Uh, actually not speaking for all liberals, but a number of us would be thrllled to see more in the GOP vote for Newt.

Gingrich had a robocall in FL saying that as “Gov. of Mass, Romney vetoed a bill paying for kosher food for our seniors in nursing homes. Which meant Holocaust survivors were forced to eat non-kosher, because Romney thought $5 was too much to pay.” Newt may be doing the impossible, making Mitt appear the more likable candidate.

Newt Gingrich seems like he’s on a mission to make us all forget about that Howard Dean scream.

Now that the GOP primary is over, Florida residents who want to watch something embarrassing on TV will have to turn back to Orlando Magic games.

Aaron Rodgers said on a radio interview that he was disappointed in some players’ effort during the Pro Bowl. “I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves.” Does that make them all honorary Oakland Raiders?

This year the New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. Although at 9-7, barely over .500, many think the team didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs in the first place. And really, who does the NFL think it is? The NBA?

Many changes on high school signing day for college football…. Sounds like some of these prior commitments had all the validity of a Kardashian marriage..

At Newt Gingrich’s Florida “Not-quite-Victory” Party, one of the tunes was “”Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar Hearing that, Mitt Romney suggested Newt invite Dick Cheney.

When a company says as part of their hold music-message “Thank you for your patience,” anyone else want to scream at them “What patience, a**holes?”

Delta Airlines is apparently looking into the possibility of acquiring either US Airways or American. Thereby bringing airline travelers in the United States a step closer to one giant “Take it or Leave it Air Lines.”

“You might need a life” story: A California woman and about 100 people who are fans of the Facebook game “Frontierville” reportedly posted 1,001,291 comments to a single post in order to break a Guinness World Record.

From Bill Littlejohn: The Oakland Raiders have hired Greg Knapp as offensive coordinator, a position he held with the team in 2007 and 2008.I guess they want to re-capture the glory days of JaMarcus Russell”

The “shake” heard round the world.

October 18, 2011

Okay, most serious football fans weren’t surprised that Jim Harbaugh has already gotten into it with another NFL coach. But 90 percent of those in the pool had Pete Carroll.


T.C. says “Breaking News: UFC 138 Headliner now changed to Harbaugh vs Schwartz.”


After the “shake heard round the world”, Jim Harbaugh is now saying that he will personally attempt to get better at the postgame handshake.” But let’s be real here, if he planned these handshakes in the first place, who other than Harbaugh himself thought the 49ers coach would be doing much more than congratulating his opponents.

So tomorrow it will be the Cardinals vs. the Rangers in the World Series. Well, at least we know the BCS has nothing to do with baseball – otherwise it would be the Phillies against the Yankees in the series. With St. Louis and Texas in something like the Tostitos Tournament.


How unpopular is Mitt Romney with Tea Party members? Herman Cain is just the latest of several candidates to vault into a tie in the polls for the GOP Presidential nomination. In fact, some dislike Romney so much they may still support Cain after they figure out he’s black.

The Oakland Raiders, 4-2, are looking for a temporary QB now that Jason Campbell will be sidelined for 6-8 weeks with a broken collarbone. Rumor has it they already sent someone to Hattiesburg, MS to put up a billboard saying “No thanks Brett.”

A new law in California will require children to be in booster seats until they are 4’9″ or eight years old, whichever comes first. Good thing about that “whichever comes first,” kids like Doug Flutie would be in boosters through high school.

Okay, so maybe the Cardinal isn’t getting any BCS love, but there are different measures of success. And how’s this one? The Stanford football game Saturday against Washington is SOLD OUT. And tickets are being scalped at twice face value and up on Stubhub.

Okay, regarding this maybe slightly simplistic 9-9-9 tax plan: So new goods get taxed, and used goods don’t. Well, for starters, that would mean that a buyer of the most basic model 2012 Nissan Versa would pay tax, and a buyer of a 2010 S-Class Mercedes wouldn’t.

Martin Sheen praised President Obama today and said he’s the “only adult in the room.” Well, if anyone knows about being the only adult in the room, it’s Charlie Sheen’s father.


Wells Fargo reported third-quarter net income of $4.1 billion, up 21% from a year ago. The bank earned 72 cents a share, although analysts had expected 73 cents. You know what that means… banking fees are going up.

After an extremely contentious divorce, Frank McCourt got the Dodgers, and his ex-wife Jamie got $130 million. Guess Frank got the short straw.

Frank and Jamie McCourt have reached a divorce settlement. She gets $130 million, he gets to keep the Dodgers. This is good news, for Giants fans.

Fans of several lousy NFL teams are now hoping their teams continue to lose in a “Suck For Luck” strategy. Andrew Luck himself was interviewed about the idea, and responded. “I think it’s stupid. Simply put.” Fans of the Dolphins, Rams and Colts responded – “Uh, since you’re supposed to be the smart guy from Stanford, clearly you haven’t seen our current QBs play this year.”

Harbaugh bidding wars – “The Decision, The Sequel?”

January 7, 2011

Actually,however this turns out, the drama with Jim Harbaugh is considerably more interesting than “the Decision.”

But okay, here’s my solution for short-term gain for Stanford fans and potential long-term gain for San Francisco fans. Have Harbaugh ask for a deferral of the coaching job offer for one year. Then let Jed York coach his own team. Result – a great year for the Cardinal and a sure #1 pick for the 49ers in 2012 to choose Luck.

Meanwhile, this year, guess Andrew Luck decided another year of college WAS something that could be fina’ than to be in Carolina….-

 The Miami Dolphins, presumably impressed by Stanford’s Orange Bowl performance,  reportedly offered coach Jim Harbaugh $7 million a year. Unfortunately most teams in the AFC South aren’t quite as easy to beat as Virginia Tech. Teams in the NFC West, maybe.

 SF 49ers owner Jed York said he was going to do a “global” search for an experienced GM, and ended up almost immediately going down the hall for V.P. of Player Personnel Trent Baalke. But give the guy a break, he worked at least as hard on the search as O.J. did on his for the real killer.

Figure skater Johnny Weir has announced in his autobiography that he is gay. Not to dismiss his courageous decision, but wouldn’t it be bigger news if a male figure skater announced he WASN’T gay?

Dulles Airport was basically closed today for two hours while airport police investigated a suspicious package that turned out to be harmless. So where are all those high-tech X-Ray machines when they really need them?

Edgar Renteria has signed with the Cincinnati Reds. Based on their 2010 postseason performance it seems clear that Edgar decided he was just tired of all that World Series pressure.

Despite his previous opposition to DADT repeal, John McCain now says he will act “to make it work.” This could be a sign of his fundamental practicality, or that as a good military man he believes in following laws, even when he disagrees with them. Or that at his age, John just doesn’t remember voting against it.

After winning the World Junior Championships, The Russian junior players were booted off their flight home as it was deemed they were too intoxicated and were declared a safety threat.  In their defense, the players said they were in training to become pilots.

Augie comments about the story that John Edwards and Rielle Hunter may be engaged:   Surprised he’s not registered at Crate and Barrel.  Since most women would want to put him in one or the other.

The British Airport Authority has called in experts to help them avoid another disaster like they had last December, where at most 5 inches of snow shut down Heathrow for days. This in fact was the biggest mess caused by just a few inches since Brett Favre texted those pictures to Jenn Sterger.

Michele Bachmann has been appointed to serve on the House Intelligence Committee. What’s next, Sarah Palin on the board of PETA?

Not that Brett Favre doesn’t appear to be a grade-A scumbag where women are concerned. But I do have one question for Jenn Sterger. If he was being THAT offensive, why didn’t you just call the phone company and have them block calls from his number?               
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Regarding those Southwest commercials attacking other airlines for their change fees:, I agree that it’s nice that the airline doesn’t charge change fees per se. But what they don’t mention, if you are on a discount ticket and want to standby on an earlier flight, you have to pay the difference between your fare and the full fare, even if the earlier flight has empty seats.