Posted tagged ‘Madonna jokes’

Youthful follies.

December 2, 2014

Elizabeth Lauten, who posted that rant on FB about the Obama girls and their clothes, resigned today as communications director for a GOP congressman from Tennessee. Well, at least she won’t have to deal with that interview question “why did you leave your last job?”.

Some wonder where Elizabeth Lauten will end up next. I got dibs on FOX News in the pool.

Madonna, 56, is topless in a new photo spread in “Interview” magazine. And you think you embarrass YOUR children.

 

Cleveland QB Brian Hoyer, defending his role as the team’s starter. “We’re 7-5. That just doesn’t happen by luck.” No, but getting to have played Tennessee, Jacksonville, Oakland, Atlanta, New Orleans and Tampa Bay doesn’t hurt either.

Some tickets for tonight’s Miami-NY ‪#‎MNF‬ game were going for $15. But many Jets fans were holding out to be paid more.

It’s getting bad. At this point the only halfway decent team playing football in New Jersey might be 7-5 ‪#‎Rutgers‬. ‪#‎NYJets‬ #nyjets

The Washington Redskins had a “Cyber Monday” deal for season tickets. “By Telephone Only.” Sounds like Dan Snyder and company get the concept of “Cyber Monday” about as well as they get the idea of putting together a decent football team.

 

 

Cyber Monday is over. The one day of the year when average American women are as focused on their jobs as most men are during the first day of March Madness.

Lindsey Vonn says her boyfriend Tiger Woods is an “inspiration”. “You’re just figuring that out now?” responded comedy writers.

The NFL has decided not to fine the St. Louis Rams players who made the “hands up don’t shoot” gesture before yesterday’s game with Oakland. Nor are they fining the Raiders who looked like they were REALLY surrendering.

TC says  “The Raiders played the entire game with their hands up also. Did you know their “Challenge Flag” is white?”

House Speaker John Boehner has indicated another government shutdown could be possible when a temporary funding measure expires Dec. 11. Here’s a simple solution – NO ONE from Congress goes home for the holidays until they have a deal, period..

The winner of Uruguay’s presidential election, Tabare Vazques, has promised to create the first state-run marijuana marketplace. In related news, travel agents report a sudden jump in calls asking to visit Uruguay.

Super question.

February 6, 2012

Super Bowl XLVI is history. So what time this week does the pre-game show for Super Bowl XLVII start?

Okay, so this year’s Super Bowl commercials may not have been that memorable. On the brighter side for viewers, especially in Florida and South Carolina, none of them were made by political super PACS.


New England WR Wes Welker dropped a pass late in the fourth quarter that resulted in New York getting the ball back with time to drive for the winning touchdown. NBC commentator Cris Collinsworth commented that Welker makes that catch “100 times out of 100.” Uh, make that 99.


Not a NY Giants or NE Patriots fan, but at least they didn’t get to the championship with a payroll two to four times that of most of the rest of the league. (Yes, Yankees and Red Sox fans, I’m talking to you.)

Who says football players don’t need math? For New England being able to count to 12 would have been helpful.

A GOP friend posted that President Obama called the NY Giants and told them to share the trophy with other 31 teams. Right, and Mitt Romney called the Patriots and told them how to deduct the loss as a write-off.

(My friend Jeff Klein says “Newt Gingrich told both teams he could build them a training facility on the moon.”

Open note to the younger generation: Madonna was the first Lady Gaga.

Congratulations to those who bet the first score in the Super Bowl would be a safety. Both of them.

Today’s Giants-Patriots Super Bowl game is a Jets fan’s worst nightmare. Well, except for the sight of Joe Namath weaving towards a pretty sideline reporter.


Confused. Madonna sang “Like a Prayer.”. But where was Tim Tebow.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell is now saying that eliminating the Pro Bowl is a possibility. “That would be terrible,” said absolutely nobody.


Only 366 days until Super Bowl 47, Feb 3, 2013 in New Orleans. How much do we think Drew Brees and company will be motivated to make it a home game?

There’s an explanation for the latest controversy over Peyton Manning. Apparently he HAS been cleared to play professional football. But based on the 2011 season, that leaves out playing for the Colts.

Seattle officials are working on plans to build a new arena ,and according to media reports are looking into acquiring the Sacramento Kings. Some are even more ambitious, and hope they can land an actual professional team.

Pre Pre Big Game Show.

February 1, 2012

Technicially, if you’re not an official sponsor, you’re not allowed to use the words “Super Bowl.” Yeah, hate to put a non-profit like the NFL at risk of losing money.

Madonna says there will be “no nipple” in her Super Bowl halftime show. Not to say the former Material Girl is getting up there in years but the way NBC will assure this is by only showing Madonna above the waist.

49ers coach Jim Harbaugh has signed up to play the A T & T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Which means for the first time, CBS plans to schedule cameras every day on the course for the post-round handshakes.

The Campaign Media Analysis Group (CMAG) analyzed political ads shown in Florida this past week and said 92% them were negative. As someone who just spent a weekend in Florida I am shocked – 8% were actually supposed to be positive?

Sarah Palin has been saying “Annoy a liberal, vote for Newt.” Uh, actually not speaking for all liberals, but a number of us would be thrllled to see more in the GOP vote for Newt.

Gingrich had a robocall in FL saying that as “Gov. of Mass, Romney vetoed a bill paying for kosher food for our seniors in nursing homes. Which meant Holocaust survivors were forced to eat non-kosher, because Romney thought $5 was too much to pay.” Newt may be doing the impossible, making Mitt appear the more likable candidate.

Newt Gingrich seems like he’s on a mission to make us all forget about that Howard Dean scream.

Now that the GOP primary is over, Florida residents who want to watch something embarrassing on TV will have to turn back to Orlando Magic games.

Aaron Rodgers said on a radio interview that he was disappointed in some players’ effort during the Pro Bowl. “I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves.” Does that make them all honorary Oakland Raiders?

This year the New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. Although at 9-7, barely over .500, many think the team didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs in the first place. And really, who does the NFL think it is? The NBA?

Many changes on high school signing day for college football…. Sounds like some of these prior commitments had all the validity of a Kardashian marriage..

At Newt Gingrich’s Florida “Not-quite-Victory” Party, one of the tunes was “”Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar Hearing that, Mitt Romney suggested Newt invite Dick Cheney.

When a company says as part of their hold music-message “Thank you for your patience,” anyone else want to scream at them “What patience, a**holes?”

Delta Airlines is apparently looking into the possibility of acquiring either US Airways or American. Thereby bringing airline travelers in the United States a step closer to one giant “Take it or Leave it Air Lines.”

“You might need a life” story: A California woman and about 100 people who are fans of the Facebook game “Frontierville” reportedly posted 1,001,291 comments to a single post in order to break a Guinness World Record.

From Bill Littlejohn: The Oakland Raiders have hired Greg Knapp as offensive coordinator, a position he held with the team in 2007 and 2008.I guess they want to re-capture the glory days of JaMarcus Russell”

Kosher Tequila?

March 29, 2009

No joke, a U.S. company is planning to launch a new Kosher Tequila in time for Cinco de Mayo.

Presumably each bottle will come with a free phone card, because “if you have time to drink tequila, you have time to call your mother.”

Three shots and you’ll be singing “Ay, ay, ay, oy!”

Kosher Tequila, just what you want for those Matzo Wrapped Burrritos and Gefilte Fish Tacos.

What’s going to be their ad campaign “Kosher tequila – now you don’t even need a hangover to feel guilty?”

or

“When you need a shot of guilt”?

or

“Pass out on Pass Over”?

No word yet on the kosher worm.

Madonna is apparently trying to adopt a four year old girl from Malawi. What does a 50 year old mother of three want with another whiny child. Guess she misses A-Rod more than we thought.

Barney Frank called Supreme Court judge Antonin Scala a “homophobe.” Scalia corrected him quickly, saying the correct term is “misanthrope.”


With the final four composed of two one-seeds, one two-seeds and one three-seeds, Cinderella officially didn’t make it to the NCAA tournament. Apparently her fairy godmother invested with Bernie Madoff.