Posted tagged ‘Bill Cosby jokes’

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Buying time.

June 22, 2017

LaVar Ball says that Lonzo will “take the Lakers to the playoffs in his first year.” So is he buying them tickets?

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White Sox and Twins started a game after 4 hr & 50 min rain delay. 4 hours & 50 min!? That’s almost as long as average Red Sox Yankees game.

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Derek Jeter apparently has told Major League Baseball he is looking for other investor as he still doesn’t have enough money to buy the Marlins.
Well, he can always make up the money in a year by charging Yankee Stadium beer prices.

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Cubs sending struggling World Series star Kyle Schwarber to Triple-A. Can #SFGiants do that with (almost) their entire team?

 

In last week #SFGiants have had games where they scored, 8, 9 and 11 runs. And they lost all three.

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Bill Cosby wants to do a series of town halls to tell young people how to avoid being charged with sexual assault. Step 1- become a big celebrity.

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Los Angeles police arrested a man and his son for allegedly keeping 44 pounds of cocaine at their unlicensed day care. What was their first clue…. a really really bouncy house?

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#PlannedParenthood defunded, coverage for Viagra remains. You’d almost think GOP #HeathcareBill was put together by old white men.

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Since Trumpcare cuts Medicaid it’s a good thing that contraception is covered so fewer poor people will be born…. Oh wait, never mind.

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A man from the Bronx was arrested yesterday at JFK Airport before he boarded a flight to Istanbul, allegedly to join ISIS. #Wearegoingtoneedabiggertravelban?·

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Trump has chosen a site for his big DC re-election fundraiser- the Trump hotel. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.

Trump finally says there are no tapes on day GOP Trumpcare abomination bill is revealed. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

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In Feb. #Trump gave a jobs speech at Boeing in South Carolina. Today, plant announced they would lay off 200. Surely this is Obama’s fault

 

Trump announced Jamie McCourt, former co-owner of the Los Angeles will be the U.S. ambassador to Belgium. Hasn’t the country suffered enough?

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So time for one of my serious comments : Darryl Hamilton was killed two years ago yesterday, June 22, 2015, shot in a murder-suicide by an estranged ex-girlfriend, the mother of his youngest son. She had pleaded guilty in 2008 to felony arson for burning her ex-husband’s house down in 2006… after trying to douse him in gasoline. She received 10 years probation, which prohibited her from having a gun, but a judge terminated it early in 2010, so the weapon she used was legal.

Didn’t know Hamilton that well, but he was in my experience a thoughtful, funny really nice guy who liked talking sports AND politics.  Adored his kids.  Didn’t always adore United Airlines, though he was good humored about it –  a fun and down to earth client.  He was liked, even beloved by others in baseball who knew him well.  And his ex was clearly a disturbed woman.

Laws don’t prevent all crimes. But in this country it is way too damned easy to get a gun. Period. #whenwillweeverlearn

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Below expectations?

January 18, 2015

The bleachers at Wrigley Field won’t be ready by Opening Day, and due to renovations will be closed at least all of April, and possibly May.   Longtime Cubs bleacher bums are upset, they already know they’ll miss October.

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Yes, the Oscars this year are very white. But while we’re screaming about lack of diversity, once again, where are the nominees for comic movies and “chick flicks”? ‪#‎grumpyoldacademymen

 

The surviving members of the Grateful Dead have announced a 50th anniversary reunion show this July. Good news for many of those who saw the band in its “smoky” heyday. It will be an actual concert they can remember.

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Jennifer Aniston, being asked again about a rivalry with Angelina Jolie. “I think it’s time people stop with that petty B.S. and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.” What, and put all those tabloid writers out of business?

 

President Obama apparently will propose raising the capital gains tax on on couples making more than $500,000 per year to 28 percent, the same level as under Reagan. Have to wonder how many younger GOP legislators are thinking “yeah, that commie pinko… oh wait, never mind.”

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The Power 5 NCAA conferences approved a measure 79-1 saying that schools must pay athletes a stipend (a few thousand a year) to cover the actual cost of attendance besides room, board and books. One ACC school dissented. Wonder if it was FSU. That stipend probably wouldn’t cover crab legs.

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Meanwhile, the University of California will tie pay for newly hired coaches and athletic directors to their athletes’ performance in the classroom. Which is a good thing. Unless it means more athletes majoring in underwater basket weaving.

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According to the NY Times, a U.S congressional delegation is in Havana this weekend to meet with Cuban officials “to discuss greater cooperation and remaining areas of disagreement.” And maybe to do a little cigar shopping.

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Bill Cosby’s lawyer says he has proof the comedian was not in Los Angeles the night a model accuses him of drugging and sexually assaulting her at the Playboy Mansion. If true, that’s one “she said” down, and about 99 to go.

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Fox is considering bringing back “24” without Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer. ‪#‎whatsthepoint‬

 

Free pass on the bus to hell for my funny friend Jerry Perisho:  “‘There’s an easier way.’ – Bill Cosby to Greg Anthony”

 

The Colts’ Trent Richardson didn’t travel with his team to Sunday’s AFC championship game against the Patriots because of “personal reasons” As in “personally” everyone else on the team is sick of him?

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Family and other values.

January 10, 2015

In an upcoming book, apparently Mike Huckabee rips Jay Z and Beyonce. When asked about the comments, Jay Z and Beyonce presumably responded “Who’s Mike Huckabee?”

 

 

Dear gawd. Darren Carrington, one of Oregon’s top wide receivers, has been suspended for the national championship because he allegedly failed a drug test. The week before the game. I’m sorry, Carrington didn’t fail a drug test, he passed a stupidity test.

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Apparently someone tried to shoplift at a Versace store in Los Angeles, when Jonathan Martin was nearby. The man was “larger than the security guard” but the 49ers’ OT punched him “five to eight times” until he went down. Nice change to see an NFL player make police blotter news for a good reason.

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The Wall Street Journal reported that Mitt Romney told a meeting of donors today that he is considering running for the White House again in 2016. So congrats to all those who had Jan 9 in the pool.

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A couple was arrested earlier this week for having sex on top of a used-car at a dealership. The car involved was a 2004 Kia Sedona. Just guessing that’s not what Kia had in mind with their slogan “The Power to Surprise.” (And you guessed it, Florida.) ‪#‎stayclassy‬

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You can’t make this “stuff” up. Dartmouth has apparently suspended most of 64 students they had charged with cheating. In an ethics class.

Although to be completely accurate, it was a sports ethics class.  So maybe the students WERE demonstrating sports ethics.

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Apparently during Bill Cosby’s first show back in Canada a woman got up and he asked where she was going. When she said for a drink, his response was “you have to be careful about drinking around me.” ‪#‎hejustdoesntgetit‬

 

Three people were shot and critically wounded at a suburban Kansas City gun shop. If only the employees had been armed?

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With everything going on in France, the number #1 story trending on Facebook Friday am was the Bachelorette breakup. ‪#‎GodblessAmerica‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

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The NY Times reports that the Justice Dept is recommending felony charges be filed against former CIA Director David Petraeus for disclosure of classified information to Paula Broadwell, his former mistress and biographer. Well, loose lips may not sink ships, but they sure can sink careers.

 

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Drew Brees has been named to the 2015 Pro Bowl. Should be fun for the New Orleans star, getting to throw without any defenders in his face. Sort of like the experience opposing QBs have had all year against the Saints.

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From T.C.  “How cold will it be this weekend in Green Bay? It’s so cold that Jerry Jones and Chris Christie will be hugging each other to keep warm right from the National Anthem.“

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Crimes of omission?

November 26, 2014

Mark Whitaker, who wrote the latest biography of Bill Cosby, tweeted an apology for failing to discuss rape allegations in his recent book. Well, of course, because Whitaker now knows he would be selling more books.

 

Despite Michael Sam’s having been the SEC defensive player of the year in 2013, some questioned whether he really had NFL caliber talent. Which if so brings up another question – Why hasn’t Sam been signed by a team from the NFL South?

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In the “better to remain silent and be thought a fool..” dept, today’s nominee for the win is Adrian Peterson, who tweeted after the Ferguson decision “The GRAND JURY DECIDED NOT TO INDICT ME TOO! But that changed a week LATER! MAYBE,BUT NOT LIKELY N THIS CASE.”‘

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The Milwaukee Brewers new AA team in Mississippi will be known as the Biloxi Shuckers. If they go through a bad patch, nothing can go wrong with THAT name…

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Pablo Sandoval Tuesday on leaving San Francisco. “I need a new challenge.” Well, if Panda wanted a REAL challenge, why didn’t he sign with the Cubs?

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Many Giants fans are taking the high road saying “Well, Pablo Sandoval gave us some good years, we wish him nothing but the best.” Right. Like people do when someone breaks up with them to move on to a different guy or gal. Of course you want them to be happy…..‪#‎sarcasm‬

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After two of players were ejected in the 2013 OSU-Michigan game, Urban Meyer has warned his Buckeyes to behave this year, or he may impose further penalties. Guess the former Florida coach wants players to keep their bad behavior off the field.

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You can’t make this “stuff” up.. CFO Anthony Noto accidentally tweeted what he thought was a private message saying “I still think we should buy them.” And it went out publicly. Ok, this stuff happens. Especially to executives who may not get social media. Except Noto is the CFO of Twitter. ….

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The Seahawks’ Richard Sherman and Doug Baldwin did a little comedy routine for reporters today, which included lampooning the NFL’s sponsorship rules and $100,000 fine to Marshalll Lynch for not talking. Wonder how much Roger Goodell will fine them for the skit?

 

Washington apparently will start Colt McCoy nstead of RGIII against the Colts this weekend. Uh oh, has anyone checked Redskins owner Dan Snyder for signs of sanity?

 

Saw a DWTS “spoiler” saying “Winner Revealed on Season 19 Finale: Is It Alfonso Ribeiro, Janel Parrish, or Sadie Robertson?” And thinking “Who, who and who?”

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From T.C.  “Redskins owner Dan Snyder in an attempt to gain support for the name debate, sat with Navajo Chief Ben Skelly and his wife at the Phoenix game. Not to be outdone, new Buffalo owner Terry Pegula invited 20 guys named Bill into his private box yesterday.”

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Wonders never cease.

November 23, 2014

Hillary Clinton said Obama’s executive action on immigration is an “historic step” and that she supports it. Wow. A Democrat these days daring to say she supports the President on anything!

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Apparently ESPN baseball writer Keith Law has been suspended from Twitter for tweeting an argument with Curt Schilling who was defending the theory of creationism. Well, to be fair, some athletes’ behavior does rather challenge the theory of evolution.

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Boston Red Sox reportedly offering 5 years, $95 million to Pablo Sandoval, while the SF GIants reportedly offering 5 years $90 million. So after taxes, that’s about $2.5 million over 5 years difference. Heck, that might barely cover the heating and air conditioning bills.

 

Several officiating experts say Jameis Winston should have been ejected for his contact with a referee today as the FSU QB was trying to do a quick snap. But really, why should Jameis be treated any differently for his conduct on the field than off it?

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So then  FSU takes advantage of a stalled Boston College drive and missed FG to drive for a FG of their own with 3 seconds left to win 20-17. Ought to do wonders for the Seminoles’ “game control” points with the College Football Playoff committee.

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Bill Cosby’s lawyer called all the sexual assault claims “ridiculous” and “unsubstantiated, fantastical stories.” Uh, and then there’s the Yiddish proverb “If one man calls you an ass, pay him no mind. If five men call you an ass, go buy a saddle.”

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From Alex Kaseberg “The accusations of sexual assault continue against Bill Cosby. On the bright side, he has been named an honorary member of the Baltimore Ravens.”

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Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari wished his daughter Megan a happy birthday today,  but he had the date wrong.  Give Calipari credit.  At least he remembered he had a daughter. And he got her name right.

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#‎TigerWoods‬ has hired a new swing consultant. Or did he say a new swinging consultant? Not sure.

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Regarding this ‪#‎ThanksMichelleObama‬ students tweeting pictures of nasty but healthy school lunches, two thoughts. 1. Does anyone really have fond memories of great school lunches? 2. So if it’s what kids want let’s just serve candy and cookies that need no refrigeration or cooking and be done with it?

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Five turnovers for ‪#‎Cal‬ in a 38-17 ‪#‎BigGame‬ loss to ‪#‎Stanford‬. Just as well the Bears didn’t get the Axe. They’d probably have dropped it.

 

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SF Giants have sent out Season Ticket Invoices. Inflation is flat but prices have gone up 8%. They’d better be spending the money on raises for employees and player contracts….

 

 

#8 Ole Miss was the highest ranked 2-loss team in college football. After this shutout loss to Arkansas will they be the highest 3-loss team? ‪#‎SECbias‬

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