Posted tagged ‘NCAA jokes’

The price they pay.

November 17, 2017

House tax bill would not allow fans who make mandatory  “donations” to universities for the right to buy expensive college football or basketball tickets to deduct those donations as charity.

Just guessing they’re not hyping this part of the bill in red states.

No Kawhi Leonard, no Tony Parker, 23 point deficit to OKC, and Spurs win.  Just possible Popovich is a very good coach.

Now Jameis Winston accused of groping a female Uber driver. Buccaneers wishing he had stuck to grabbing crab legs?

Gymnast do take hard falls. Has anyone checked #GabbyDouglas for concussions?

Battle between Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell may turn out to be more riveting than 90% of NFL games this season.

Sad when it’s come to seeing #JesseJackson trending & you’re almost relieved it’s “only” Parkinson’s disease – not him dying or being accused of sexual assault.

So after Trump pardons Thanksgiving turkey will he then ship it to Mar-a-Lago to be secretly cooked & sold to guests at $100 a plate?

Saying Mike Pence’s policy of never being alone with another woman makes sense is like saying people should never go to museums w/ famous works of art because it’s too hard to look and not touch.

Trump tweet “Put big game trophy decision on hold until such time as I review all conservation facts. Under study for years. Will update soon with Secretary Zinke. Thank you!”

Who knew that some in the party that doesn’t give a damn about poor children and immigrants have a soft spot for elephants?

Trump “unexpectedly” released list of 5 conservatives he might appoint to Supreme Court. Bribe for when more sexual assault accusations come out?

Kayla Moore says President owes them thank you for taking “focus off Russia.” Except Trump might not be happy – Moore story also takes focus off Trump.

Guess no one told @realDonaldTrump, that a- it’s “FrankenSTEIN,” and b- Frankenstein was the doctor. Monster he created had no name.

Amazing GOP contortions to convince themselves that any woman who accuses a Republican is an angry liar & anyone who accuses a Dem a wronged saint.

 

Sarah Huckabee Sanders – “Difference between Franken and Trump is that Franken has admitted wrongdoing.” Right, adults do that.

 

So with Sarah Huckabee Sanders logic, any man who denies sexual harassment or abuse is innocent.   I missed her exoneration of Bill Clinton.

Trump says Al Franken “really bad.” Because he groped a woman’s breast instead of grabbing her by the pussy?

That moment when you think a zygote is worthy of protection but a teenage girl is not. #KaylaMoore #RoyMoore

Advertisements

So many laws, so little time?

November 14, 2017

Arkansas has suspended freshman QB Cole Kelley, 20, after a DWI arrest, for at least one game. Coach Bielema: “Starting games here is a very big deal. Social media and everything else around, he’s going to be held to a higher standard. … ”
A DWI arrest at 20? Higher standard than what?

UCLA players accused of shoplifting are on flights home. That’ll teach them – shoplift designer sunglasses & you could be forced to spent a week away from classes at a deluxe hotel.

On a lighter note, USA Today projections for 2017-18 Bowl Games. Holiday Bowl Dec 28 – Stanford vs Michigan. #HolyHarbaugh

France is apparently considering legalizing sex with 13 yr-olds. In related news #RoyMoore is considering retirement to Paris.

Shooter today in Rancho Tehama another angry white guy. Standby for more GOP thoughts & prayers,” & talk about mental illness while cutting funding for mental health.

Everyone who insists #RoyMoore‘s behavior was normal for Alabama at the time, forgets that people thought he was creepy AT THE TIME.

Now Paul Ryan is calling on Roy Moore to step aside. Unless he gets elected in which case  he’ll want Moore to resign after voting for tax cuts.

McConnell floating idea of Sessions as write-in candidate for Alabama Senate. Though apparently AG  has same possible Alzheimer’s memory problems as Moore. #ICantRecall

Paul Ryan “House will adopt a policy of mandatory anti-harassment & anti-discrimination training for all Members & staff. ” What about Oval Office?

Trump got off a plane tonight from the Philippines and promptly tweeted  “May God be with the people of Sutherland Springs, Texas. The FBI and Law Enforcement has arrived.”

 

Question of night, will @realDonaldTrump delete tweet referencing 9-day-old mass shooting instead of today’s, or double down on it?
#SutherlandSprings #RanchoTehama

Following the tainted money?

September 26, 2017

FBI says sting found multiple bribes, payouts involving Arizona, Auburn, Oklahoma State & USC. There’s corruption in NCAA basketball, I’m shocked.

Meanwhile, at Louisville, men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino expressed “complete shock” that his university is also involved in the investigation.

Pitino is shocked?  He’s like the guy overseeing gambling in Casablanca.

Auburn & USC are two of schools snared in NCAA men’s basketball sting. Tigers & Trojans fans are just glad it wasn’t their football teams.

 

Ah for the days when #SFGiants really and truly sucking in 2017 would have been one of things folks in Bay Area were most upset about.

If we got rid of national anthem before sporting events could eliminate controversy AND shorten game times. #winwin

Peyton Manning reportedly a “possible” 2018 candidate for U.S. Senate. Will his campaign be sponsored by Budweiser and Papa John’s?

Repeal of Obamacare will not come to a vote. So officially dead, again. For now. Forget Trumpcare we should call this GOP mess Zombiecare

AG Sessions gave a talk on free speech at Georgetown. Protesters were banned from the speech. #WhyThereIsNoSatire

 

Reportedly Khloe Kardashian is pregnant with  Cavs’ Tristan Thompson’s baby. Odds just went up  for Warriors to be disinvited again as champions  in 2019 by White House.

So Twitter is going to 280 characters? Waiting for the Trump tweet taking credit.

Trump couldn’t get Hurricane Relief to Puerto Rico as “it’s an island.” Somehow 1 of those athletes he trashes, Tim Duncan made it to USVI.

Trump on Puerto Rico- “It’s very tough because it’s an island.” Hawaiians praying they never need federal help while he’s in office. #WTF?

 –

New poll of 2,200 Americans found 54% knew Puerto Ricans are US citizens. Would love to see same folks polled about Hawaiians.

Maybe it would be simpler to learn who in the Trump White House HASN’T used personal email for government business?

In Palm Beach Gardens, a woman was arrested allegedly for trying to run down her lover with her Mercedes.   Her intended victim happened to be her daughter’s husband. She told police he had recently told his wife about the affair, and the “revelation ruined her relationship with her daughter.”
Back on your game, Florida.

From Marc Ragovin  “So it looks like Trump will no longer invite nfl or nba teams to White House celebrations. “That is really gonna affect our plans,” said nobody on the Knicks.”

 

Running away with it?

September 21, 2017

 

Ryan Trahan, a Texas A&M athlete, has been told he may lose his eligibility over “Neptune bottles”, his ecologically friendly steel reusable bottle company, because the NCAA thinks it he might be profiting on his “athletics reputation or ability.”
Trahan, a freshman, is a cross-country runner. And we all know that sport is about the fame and big bucks. #WTF?

LaGuardia power failure this am resulted in many flight delays. It was the biggest power outage for NY in the summer not involving the Mets.

Anyone else think it’s not just their records – colors of #49ers #Rams uniforms make it look like watching college teams?

Apparently #AaronHernandez had CTE. Maybe Mama Boucher was right about “foosball is of the devil.”

Charles Barkley, scoffing at today’s “soft” NBA players, said when he was playing, players “flew commercial and we were able to play back-to-back.”
And we walked to school five miles in the snow, uphill, both ways…

Ok, now it’s SNOWING in Montana. You don’t have to be a scientist to get the idea that Mother Nature is really not happy with us.

Everyone thinking “relax, no way abomination known as #GrahamCassidy will pass” – we thought no way Trump gets elected either. #keepcalling

So Jimmy Kimmel is being branded as a “Hollywood Elite” by supporters of our Reality Television Star President. #whythereisnosatire

Entire island of Puerto Rico is w/out power; restoring it may take “months.” These are US citizens. Sorry Trump, “stay safe” isn’t enough.

Iowa Sen Grassley on Graham-Cassidy “You know, I could maybe give you 10 reasons why this bill shouldn’t be considered. But Republicans campaigned on this so often that you have a responsibility to carry out what you said in the campaign.”
And why should this promise be different from most other campaign promises?

 

Facebook will now apparently release the Russian election ads, and Mark Zuckerberg said company was determined to make it “much harder” for anyone to interfere in elections and to “use our tools to undermine democracy.”
Then after his statement did Zuckerberg go out to lock the barn door and look for his horses?

Haley –Trump name calling worked w/ Kim Jong Un- Every other international community referring to him as ‘Rocket ​M​an.’” What are we, 6?

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Kim Jong Un calls Trump “mentally deranged US dotard” This would all be much more entertaining if they both didn’t have weapons of mass destruction.

#Dotard” – I guess you find it in the dictionary after “Covfefe.”

Houston, where are we?

February 22, 2017

The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum is sending the Apollo 11 Command Module on a tour around the U.S. to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. 50 years?! Wow. Assume the capsule will travel cross country with its left blinker on.

After receiving a new NCAA notice of allegations that brings the total to 21, Ole Miss officials announced they are self-imposing a one-year bowl ban for the 2017 season.
What a shame after their great 2016 bowl appearance…. oh, wait, they were 5-7. Never mind.

 

Rumors are that Kirk Cousins might be traded from the Redskins to the 49ers. Would be the owner equivalent of going from one frying pan into a younger frying pan.

 

In April, McDonald’s will have a promotion where all soft drinks, even the extra-large size, will be only $1. Using the restroom, however, may be $5.

“7 Earth-size planets found orbiting nearby star” How long until Trump takes credit for making galaxy great again. HUGE

 

So this intentional walk change in MLB is for real. Got a better idea with same time results, let the pitcher still throw his 4 pitches, but take one of the between-inning commercials and put it on half the screen. Then shorten one of those breaks. #dontmesswithbaseball

Kellyanne Conway hasn’t been seen lately. Wonder if she’s in the same “undisclosed location” they used to put Dick Cheney?

From Politico article talking to Trump associates “Leaving him alone for several hours can prove damaging, because he consumes too much television and gripes to people outside the White House.”
So basically Twitter has become his way of screaming “You punks get off my lawn?”

If protestors were paid as often as @POTUS & @PressSec seem to think they are, they’d be rich enough to vote GOP.

Pence says GOP will bring “individual responsibility back to American health care.” In other words, if you’re sick it’s your responsibility.

So if transgender bathrooms are a states’ rights issue, does that mean that, for example, marijuana is too?

 

As much as some conservatives freak out, guessing most have been in bathrooms with transgenders & HAVEN’T EVEN NOTICED.

 

It’s as dangerous to allow trans kids in school bathrooms  as it was to visit Bowling Green during the massacre. #ProtectTransKids

 

Reportedly six White House staffers left last week after failing FBI background checks. Considering some of the stories on those who DID make it through, even to the Cabinet, you do have to wonder what these guys did.

 

 

Marc Ragovin FTW

Lakers President Jeanie Buss has fired her brother Jim because of the team’s poor record. “Amateur,” said Kim Jong-Un

Rolling, rolling, rolling.

June 29, 2016

Following on the NBA championship of the Cavs, the Indians have won 12 games in a row. For those who think Cleveland’s just piling on, don’t worry, the Browns’ pre-season starts soon.

The NCAA has a new rule that all bowl-eligible teams with 6-6 records must be chosen for a bowl before any teams with a 5-7 record are offered the games.
With all due respect, isn’t a bowl game for a .500 team the football equivalent of a participation trophy?

The NFL Players Association doesn’t want the active players named in the Al-Jazeera PED report interviewed by the league, but Peyton Manning apparently will cooperate. So long as the interview is sponsored by Papa John’s and Budweiser.

 

Michael Phelps tonight won the 200-meter butterfly and became the first U.S. male swimmer to qualify for five Olympics. Whereupon he celebrated by yelling “You punks get out of my pool.”

2015 Seahawks backup QB Tarvaris Jackson was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman in Florida accused him of threatening her with a gun last week. Now, newly signed backup QB Trevone Boykin has been charged with assault causing bodily injury after an Dec 31 incident with a police officer at a bar before the Alamo Bowl.
Who’s next for Seattle? Johnny Manziel is available.

Johnny Manziel says he is going sober on July 1. For the troubled QB’s sake, I hope he’s right. But hard not to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”

The Miss Teen USA pageant says they are dropping the swimsuit portion of their competition, replacing it with an athletic wear competition. For all men who only tuned in for the swimsuits, three words “tight yoga pants.

The California “Adult Use of Marijuana Act” is officially on this November’s ballot. Well, it’s high time.

‪#‎HeterosexualPrideDay‬. Really? Just go to a lot of frat houses, where every day is ‪#‎HetrerosexualPrideDay‬.

 

Regarding that story of Christy Sheats, the Texas mom and gun-rights advocate who fatally shot her daughters, reports are now that police had been called out 14 times since 2012 to their home, calls involving Christy’s having a “mental crisis.”
And she was still allowed to have guns? ‪#‎wellplayedNRA‬ ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Surprisingly little media attention to Istanbul only a day after the attacks. Must not have been any Americans killed. Sigh.

I miss President Obama already: “Now somebody else who has never shown any regard for workers, who has never fought on behalf of social justice issues, they don’t suddenly become a populist because they say something controversial in order to win votes. That’s not the measure of populism. That’s nativism or xenophobia or worse. Or it’s just cynicism.”

A new Quinnipiac University poll says Donald Trump has the support of 1% of black voters. That many?

 

Mistakes may not have been made.

April 11, 2016

The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.

 –

That moment when even ‪#‎ESPN‬ on ‪#‎BaseballTonight‬ says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎Hellhasfrozenover‬

Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?

Even if you’re not a ‪#‎Warriors‬ fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked ‪#‎KobeBryant‬ farewell tour off ‪#‎ESPN‬ Wed

 

Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..

Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎butcanweelectstupid‬

 

Monday was ‪#‎NationalPetDay‬. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”

Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.

The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money

Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?

Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.

 

Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?

Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!