Posted tagged ‘pageant jokes’

Rolling, rolling, rolling.

June 29, 2016

Following on the NBA championship of the Cavs, the Indians have won 12 games in a row. For those who think Cleveland’s just piling on, don’t worry, the Browns’ pre-season starts soon.

The NCAA has a new rule that all bowl-eligible teams with 6-6 records must be chosen for a bowl before any teams with a 5-7 record are offered the games.
With all due respect, isn’t a bowl game for a .500 team the football equivalent of a participation trophy?

The NFL Players Association doesn’t want the active players named in the Al-Jazeera PED report interviewed by the league, but Peyton Manning apparently will cooperate. So long as the interview is sponsored by Papa John’s and Budweiser.

 

Michael Phelps tonight won the 200-meter butterfly and became the first U.S. male swimmer to qualify for five Olympics. Whereupon he celebrated by yelling “You punks get out of my pool.”

2015 Seahawks backup QB Tarvaris Jackson was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman in Florida accused him of threatening her with a gun last week. Now, newly signed backup QB Trevone Boykin has been charged with assault causing bodily injury after an Dec 31 incident with a police officer at a bar before the Alamo Bowl.
Who’s next for Seattle? Johnny Manziel is available.

Johnny Manziel says he is going sober on July 1. For the troubled QB’s sake, I hope he’s right. But hard not to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”

The Miss Teen USA pageant says they are dropping the swimsuit portion of their competition, replacing it with an athletic wear competition. For all men who only tuned in for the swimsuits, three words “tight yoga pants.

The California “Adult Use of Marijuana Act” is officially on this November’s ballot. Well, it’s high time.

‪#‎HeterosexualPrideDay‬. Really? Just go to a lot of frat houses, where every day is ‪#‎HetrerosexualPrideDay‬.

 

Regarding that story of Christy Sheats, the Texas mom and gun-rights advocate who fatally shot her daughters, reports are now that police had been called out 14 times since 2012 to their home, calls involving Christy’s having a “mental crisis.”
And she was still allowed to have guns? ‪#‎wellplayedNRA‬ ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Surprisingly little media attention to Istanbul only a day after the attacks. Must not have been any Americans killed. Sigh.

I miss President Obama already: “Now somebody else who has never shown any regard for workers, who has never fought on behalf of social justice issues, they don’t suddenly become a populist because they say something controversial in order to win votes. That’s not the measure of populism. That’s nativism or xenophobia or worse. Or it’s just cynicism.”

A new Quinnipiac University poll says Donald Trump has the support of 1% of black voters. That many?

 

Manny, Manny….

May 7, 2009

So it’s not exactly a pop quiz anymore.  All major league baseball players know they will be tested for banned performance enchancing substances.   And Manny Ramirez gets caught.

Even John Edwards said “What was he THINKING?”

Although watching John and Elizabeth Edwards do such a public airing of their dirty linen, a thought comes to mind.  Who knew Bill and Hillary might end up looking like a model political marriage?

Back to baseball…

 

Although a true cynic might note that Manny seems to get bored in a full season, and will still make $17 million.  While the Dodgers save over $6 million and still get their slugger before back the All-Star game.  ..

In San Francisco, the Giants have to be breathing a sigh of relief, since they at least flirted with signing a long term deal with Manny.  Kind of like John Edward’s last girlfriend before Elizabeth must feel…

And in the meantime, parents who don’t want their children growing up idolizing these artificially enchanced stars can just take the kids to the movies, or watch a beauty pageant. 

From Bill Littlejohn:

 “Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games for using a female fertility drug.An investigator who had talked to the star earlier and heard his voice said it was a case of ‘Manny being Minnie'”

The Red Sox broke an American League record by scoring 12 runs in the sixth inning againsts the Indians, BEFORE making an out.   The game, which they won 13-3, may go down in history as the Boston Put-it-on-a-Tee Party.

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And Celine Dion is thinking of buying the Montreal Canadians.   Maybe because watching them in the playoffs reminded her of “Titanic.”