Posted tagged ‘Rand Paul jokes’

Analyze this?

November 6, 2017

Cashman – Yankees fired Girardi because Joe didn’t have good “connectivity” w/ clubhouse. “Connectivity?” Is that like exit velocity?

If all ex-players with CTE and/or dying young haven’t bothered you,  but guys kneeling to protest oppression makes you stop watching NFL, you might be a racist.

All these teams don’t want to sign Colin Kaepernick because they might hear boos from fans? Guess what… Packers, Browns, 49ers, Dolphins, Giants…


From Marc Ragovin  “MetLife Stadium is now known as Area 51.”

Kevin Spacey has entered a sex addiction rehab program in Arizona. Congrats to all those who had Nov 6 in the pool.

From T.C.  “A World Series fan picked the first 6 games correctly, parlaying a $200,000 bet into $14,000,000. He didn’t bet on game 7, saying he needed the funds to pay for his Yankee season tickets, hot dogs and beer.”


Rumors that Rand Paul’s neighbor assaulted him over some sort of issue over their lawns. If only they had both been armed. #duel?


Many women appalled that a dispute over yards between neighbors would result in Rand Paul being assaulted. Not something serious like shopping.

Bernie Sanders petition wants DNC to implement policies to make “Democratic Party more inclusive.” Uh, Bernie, can you become a Democrat  first?


Interesting how same GOP that will do anything to help people keep their gun rights will do anything to take away other people’s voting rights.

GOP tax plan eliminates teachers’ ability to deduct cost of school supplies they buy from taxes. Makes sense, education causes Democrats.

Only problem w/everyone having guns is that when shooting starts, in chaos it’s hard to get good guys from the bad. Seriously.


Witness to #TexasChurchMassacre “The Bible tells us that we overcome evil with good.” How about good gun laws?

Kellyanne Conway “Rush” to politicize Texas shooting “disrespectful to dead.” Because in Murica we only politicize killings by brown people?’

An 18-month old was among those killed in #TexasChurchMassacre. Once again, how can you be so-called “pro-life” & anti-gun control?



Seriously, after latest Texas shooting, have to wonder, how many other domestic violence convictions have our armed forces not reported to civilian authorities?

Trump comment on recent mass shootings. “It isn’t a guns situation,” but “mental health problem at the highest level.”  The highest level as in the Oval Office?

Although Trump’s tweets so far from Asia are mild by his usual standards. Think maybe Kelly told him he didn’t have intl data plan & has control of his phone?


Juli Briskman, Virginia woman who flipped off Trump’s motorcade while riding bike, was fired for gesture. Guessing a few others might hire her.

If you’re in a state with 2017 elections, VOTE Tuesday  or give up all bitching rights. That is all.


Missed it by how much?

April 8, 2015

The NCAA’s supervisor of officials said none of them saw the CBS video feed on the controversial out-of-bounds call at the end of the national championship game. But today Dan Gavitt, the NCAA’s VP told ESPN that officials DID see it. Ah, well this ought to reassure all the Duke conspiracy theorists….


The Boston Celtics are making a late push for the #8 seed in the Eastern Conference. Isn’t that the NBA equivalent of making it to the March Madness play-in game?

The mayor of Hillsboro, Mo, population 2,800, died March 9, but was re-elected yesterday. Well, maybe the voters figured, it’s been a month, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.



New York Knicks owner James Dolan just said in an interview “You got to believe, baby! I believe, I believe!” And even Cubs fans are saying “Are you bleeping nuts?”

Someone is selling a New Orleans Saints Super Bowl ring on Craigslist. Maybe one of the Jets should buy it, might be their best chance at getting a ring.

Mitt Romney who had Duke over Wisconsin in the NCAA championship, tweeted “Should have put $10,000 on my bracket. Congrats, Coach K and @DukeU,” Prompting an immediate call for Romney to reconsider entering the 2016 race, from Pete Rose.

I understand the American way of justice, and it’s mostly a good thing. Still seems somehow odd to spend millions of dollars saving a critically injured man’s life, and then millions of dollars to try him, and then probably now millions of dollars over appeals to a death penalty conviction. ‪#‎BostonMarathonExplosion‬

A new book about the White House says that during a fight after the Monica Lewinsky affair came to light, Hillary Clinton called Bill a “g*ddamn b*stard” and that she had him sleep on a couch for a few months. Some say the revelations could hurt Hillary’s candidacy. Thinking it might make a lot of women like her better.


Aqib Talib, a CB for the Denver Broncos, who had charges dropped after an alleged gun incident in 2011, is apparently being investigated again for allegedly firing a gun into the air during a fight at a Dallas nightclub. So clearly the Aaron Hernandez trial is serving as a cautionary lesson to other NFL players. ‪#‎facepalm‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Pitcher Chris Heston missed his Opening Day start for the Sacramento River Cats. Bummer.  ‪#‎SFGiants‬

(and the way his start went, he may never have that start.)

The media is reporting that last year Barry Manilow married his manager and apparently  long time partner. Garry Kief.  I am shocked, said absolutely positively nobody.


A scary thought about that South Carolina case. If the person with the cellphone video saw what really happened, what about that officer’s partner?

As Rand Paul is getting unfavorable coverage for lecturing journalists, especially female journalists, on how to do their jobs, #”‪#‎Randsplaining‬ is trending on Twitter. Well, it’s a good thing for Paul that if he stays in the Presidential race he won’t have to be dealing with this sort of thing in future. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixarrogant‬ either.

Do you see what I see?

April 7, 2015

Oops. The NCAA’s supervisor of officials admitted today that the officials who gave possession to Duke after a late out-of-bounds play, didn’t have all the angles that CBS had. Although the TV replay showed the Blue Devils’ Winslow touching the ball with his fingertips. But to be fair, with amateur sports it’s not like the NCAA really has the money to do it right.

If we’re going to have legalized discrimination, can some state become a pioneer in saying businesses do not have to serve stupid people? Because ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬


Mitt Romney finished in the the top 1% of contestants in the ESPN NCAA tournament challenge, having Duke and Wisconsin and Duke winning it all. President Obama was in the 40th percentile. Of course, had Obama done as well as Romney the GOP would accuse him of having neglected his duties to focus on basketball.

Kentucky coach John Calipari says he expects “five to seven players” to declare for the NBA draft.  It’s a scary choice for these young men. But since returnees must be academically eligible, they’ll have to figure out how to find the classrooms.

From Marty Robinson:  “In Monday night’s NCAA championship game, Duke rallied to beat Wisconsin, earning their 5th title in the Coach K era. “Wonderful” said absolutely nobody outside of Durham.”

Last night’s Miami Marlins opener was delayed 16 minutes by rain in the second inning, because the roof operators couldn’t get the roof closed fast enough. If only their supervisor had been armed.

As pictures of all of these plastic cups full of something that isn’t beer circulate after Opening Night for the Cubs at Wrigley Field, here’s a tip for other teams: If you are doing a major renovation on your stadium, do the bathrooms first.

Norwegian Cruise Line has an “enhanced” room service menu on some of their ships. And those menus will include a “convenience charge” of up to $7.95 per order. “Convenience charge?”! And many airlines are thinking, why didn’t we think of that?

Mercedes Benz is coming out with a pickup truck. The perfect vehicle for all those cowboy politicians who still want to pretend they can relate to the “common man.”

LeGarrette Blount, suspended 3 times at Oregon, and arrested last year for marijuana possession has now been suspended without pay for the 1st game of the 2015 season for a “violation of the league’s substance abuse policy.” This is clearly part of football’s strict “10 strikes and you’re out” policy.


An unnamed NBC source told Vanity Fair that Brian Williams “could not say the words ‘I lied.’ …He couldn’t explain what had happened. Asking ‘Did something happen to [my] head? Maybe I had a brain tumor, or something in my head?'”

Sounds increasingly clear that Williams was in the wrong business, He sounds less like a newsman than a politician.

Despite a perhaps less than stellar record, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel has won re-election. Should we be surprised? The town’s residents have a long history of supporting the “devil you know.” I mean, how many people have given up being Cubs fans?

Lots of headlines about Derick and Jill Dillard (neé Duggar, of “19 Kids and Counting” having their first baby last night…. And thinking, as popular as this show is in some circles, wonder what the reaction would be if they were African-American?


Don McLean’s ‘American Pie’ manuscript sold for $1.2 million, Now, “American Pie” is iconic enough that even the younger generation knows the song. But many of them are wondering “What’s a manuscript?”

A white police officer has been arrested and charged with murder after a video showed him repeatedly shooting and killing a 50 year old black man who was running away. Well, this might get some changes made. Wonder how many states will outlaw cellphone videos?


The scariest thing about ‪#‎WalterScott‬ video is wondering how many of these shootings have happened where there is no cellphone video.

Rand Paul is the latest to declare for 2016. While Paul has many interesting libertarian policies, he’s also come up with gems like this, opposing mandatory vaccination because of “many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines.” Sigh ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ Even with medical school degrees.

Sequester this?

March 7, 2013

If President Obama wants bipartisan agreement maybe he could just send a drone to at least temporarily silence Nicki Minaj?

Could we declare this sequester part of the New York Yankees starting lineup?. Seems to be the best way to guarantee it will be shelved in no time.

Leaving aside our potential differences on Rand Paul’s politics, can we at least agree that the man knows the right way to do a filibuster?

This week’s blizzard, projected to be one of the most powerful of the year, has kind of turned into a big “meh.” Which means the storm could end up being renamed from “Saturn” to “Lakers.”

The Yankees’ Mark Teixeira injured his right wrist and will be out about 2 months. “That’s really a shame”, said no one outside New York.

Taco Bell is coming out with a new Cool Ranch Doritos Loco Taco, which uses a shell that is basically just a giant Cool Ranch Dorito. For all those who think the chain’s regular offerings just don’t have enough artificial flavorings and salt.

Mayor Bloomberg’s next campaign is to warn young people that listening to loud music on their iPods with earbuds could result in hearing loss. On the other hand, if kids use the earbuds in traffic, it does increase the chance of a Darwin award to remove them from the gene pool.

Rory McIlroy about leaving the course during the Honda Classic last week “I realized pretty quickly it wasn’t the right thing to do…. my tooth was bothering me, but it wasn’t bothering me enough to quit.” What? No blaming bad advice, the crowd, his medications…..

President Obama had dinner tonight with 12 GOP Senators. I wonder how many food tasters will be involved.

Rand Paul decided to have a real filibuster against President Obama’s nominee for head of the CIA. So far he’s been speaking about twelve hours….. Let’s hope Joe Biden doesn’t take this as a challenge.

Members of Congress left for early weekends today starting at 1pm, despite the much vaunted storm only bringing an inch of snow. So for the remainder of the week, sounds like as much will be accomplished in Washington as usual.

So now Jeb Bush is making noises about running for President in 2016, which means he may well face off against Hillary.. Isn’t it great we Americans don’t live in a banana republic where power is concentrated in the hands of a few families?

And all joking aside, my friend Alex B sent along this link from West Wing, “Ten Word Ansswers.”   Kind of makes you wish we could draft   Jed Bartlett for President in 2016.

Not the “Happiest Place on Earth.”

May 23, 2010

Three games into the Eastern Conference NBA finals, maybe it’s time to rename them the “Orlando Tragic.”

Magic fans haven’t seen anything this bad since the movie remake of “Bewitched.”

Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to schedule the NBA playoffs during sweeps week?

The San Francisco Giants, losers of another 1-0 game today, have just scheduled Sir Paul McCartney for a concert at A T and T Park right before the All-Star Break. It might be the only time this year San Francisco fans can count on seeing some hits.

Retired quarterback Kurt Warner is attempting to quash rumors of a comeback by saying – “When I made this decision, it was a final decision.” Responded Brett Favre – “What’s a final decision?”

Kentucky Republican Senate primary winner Rand Paul has said of the BP spill and the latest mining accident deaths “sometimes accidents happen.” Tell us about it, said many of the national GOP establishment.

A 13 year old boy became the youngest person to ever climb Everest. He also became the first to send 1000 text messages from the summit and to post it as his Facebook status.

Dice-K almost threw a no-hitter for the Red Sox against the Phillies, until Juan Castro hit a bloop single just out of shortstop Marco Scutaro ‘s reach.

Scutaro, who fell down lunging for the ball, was jokingly quoted as saying “I know the whole country of Japan hates me. Sorry, sorry. My bad.” Well, maybe not all of Japan. But most of Boston.

Brett Favre underwent successful ankle surgery in Florida yesterday. The operation was performed by a top orthopedic surgeon with consulting help from a Field museum paleontologist.

Something most Democrats and some Republicans can actually agree on…. we would love to see a Sarah Palin-Rand Paul GOP ticket in the 2012 presidential election

Happy Birthday Pac Man!

May 22, 2010

The arcade game Pac Man turns 30 on Saturday. Video game players younger than 35 say “What’s Pac Man?” Players under 25 say “What’s an arcade?”

Republican Kentucky Senate candidate Rand Paul, who has criticized the Civil Rights Act, and defended BP, is now complaining- “When does my honeymoon period start? I had a big victory.” And some say President Obama is a hopeless dreamer.

Watching Rand Paul a couple questions come to mind? Can SNL hire a look-alike comic for him by September. And as much as he wants to war on Washington, DC, can he see it from his house?

A 13-year-old American boy became the youngest climber to reach the top of Mount Everest on Saturday And presumably the first to send about 300 texts from the summit and post it on his “Facebook” status.

Sad thought for cycling. Floyd Landis may be a nasty snitch who is coming forward for the wrong reasons. But you could say the same thing about Jose Canesco.

Cycling, baseball and football all have PED scandals, the NBA is dealing with allegations of game fixing, college sports are facing both academic and financial scandals. Who knew, the most honest sport of all might turn out to be pro-wrestling?

To paraphase Woody Allen: A Shark is like a relationship, it either has to move forward or it dies. And what Sharks fans may have here for 2010 is a dead relationship.

Richard Blumenthal keeps trying to explain his comments about serving in Vietnam. But he’s not making things much better. For example, today he tried to blame his inaccurate statements on post-traumatic stress syndrome from when he faced sniper fire with Hillary Clinton.

Blumenthal is getting so good at telling increasingly implausible stories with a straight face, if he doesn’t get elected to the Senate, there’s a job waiting for him in the public relations department of BP.

For all those pessimists who love to say, “Cheer up, it can only get worse.” Remember last month when the company most known for a unstoppable disaster was Toyota?

At this point the only thing slimier than the oil washing ashore on Gulf Coast beaches is BP’s “we didn’t do anything wrong stance.”