Posted tagged ‘tournament jokes’

Who needs numbers anyway?

March 18, 2016

So will the DVD of the 2016 Men’s Basketball Tournament be titled “The Bad Seeds” ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Looking like the folks who seeded the NCAA tournament were about as good at their jobs as the Michigan Democratic pollsters who had that big win for Hillary.

 

Oops. ‪#‎marchmadness‬ headline  “Las Vegas SuperBook Has Michigan State As Favorite To Win NCAA Tournament”

Only thing that could have saved ‪#‎MichiganState‬ today was a ‪#‎JimHarbaugh‬ punt. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Many thought ‪#‎MichiganState‬ should have had a #1 seed. So would they have lost to #16 seed ‪#‎Hampton‬ too? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Even ‪#‎MiddleTennesseeState‬ alums didn’t have them winning this game. ‪#‎MichiganState‬ ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Happy 2nd round of March Madness.  That morning when millions  of Americans wake up and realize their retirement plan will not include millions made on betting the perfect bracket.

73-67 ‪#‎Warriors‬ over ‪#‎Mavericks‬ at halftime. Did someone decide to play by ‪#‎NBA‬ All-Star Game rules and not tell us?

This kid clearly wants to be drafted by the Spurs and Gregg Popovich. Or at least Pop wants him as his media spokesman: Baylor’s Taurean Prince, asked after their upset loss how the Bears were out-rebounded by Yale. “You grab it with two hands, and you come down with it, and that’s considered a rebound. So they got more of those than we did.”

The Colts are going to retire Peyton Maning’s #18 and build him a statue. But before it’s installed the Broncos are interested in seeing if the statue can lead them to another Super Bowl win.

 

Chicago White Sox star pitcher Chris Sale says the team is demanding a meeting with chariman Jerry Reinsdorf over Adam LaRoche’s retirement and executive V.P Ken Williams “bold-faced” lying to players.
Remember the good old days when the White Sox’s biggest problem was Ozzie Guillen shooting off his mouth?

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is seriously ill and in the hospital with cancer. Wishing him the best. Hard to realize now but there was a time not that long ago when Ford might have been the brashest, loudest and most politically-incorrect politician in North America.

Hulk Hogan won $115 million in a lawsuit after Gawker published a sex tape of him with his (then) best-friend’s wife. Now that’s the kind of combination of money and family values that might get Hogan an offer of a place in a Trump cabinet.

On brighter note, ‪#‎MittRomney‬‘s awful 2012 Presidential campaign is no longer the most embarrassing performance out of Michigan. ‪#‎MichiganState‬

Sad news that Ravens CB Troy Walker, 23, has died after an accident on a dirt bike, when he was apparently riding in dark clothing at night without lights and collided with a car. Proving alas that with all the dangers in the world, high up there is testosterone poisoning.

 

 

FOX News is slamming Donald Trump for his vitriolic attacks against Megyn Kelly and his extreme, sick obsession with her.” FOX thinks such vitriol and obsession should be reserved for Hillary Clinton.

Start chilling that wine….

March 18, 2016

 

#‎Duke‬ vs ‪#‎Yale‬ for a ‪#‎SweetSixteen‬ berth. Most of America will find this as appealing as a choice between ‪#‎Trump‬ and ‪#‎Cruz‬ ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

But really, Yale vs. Duke?   Hope the  Dunkin’ Donuts Center in Providence sends out a rush order for extra chardonnay.

North Carolina started 2nd half on a 22-6 run after being basically tied with Florida Gulf Coast at halftime. Did coach Roy Williams remind the Tarheels at halftime that no one may remember who wins in any given year, but being the first #1 seed to lose to a #16 would be forever.

Nice for the kids playing in early March Madness games today. They got to relax and watch players their dad’s age kicking the crap out of the Trail Blazers. #Spurs

Sorry, when a #9 beats an #8 you do not get to crow all day about picking an upset in your bracket. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Seriously, does ‪#‎Butler‬ EVER lose in the first round? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

So I no longer have a perfect bracket, but I did figure out the channel for TruTV.  #smallvictories.

MLB has announced Yasiel Puig will not be disciplined for an November alleged domestic violence incident involving his sister at a Miami nightclub. Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of Puig’s next incident?

A U.S. college student has been sentenced to 15 years hard labor in North Korea for stealing a propaganda poster of Kim Jong Il from a restricted area at a hotel. So really, is he being sentenced for the theft or for the stupidity?

Anonymous has decided to release Donald Trump’s personal information. Waiting for the Donald to demand we need to start deporting all hackers. ‪#‎thiscouldbefun‬

Laura Bush, after talking about isolationism and xenophobia then told a reporter “‘Don’t ask’ if I’ll vote for Trump.” Hmm, maybe SHE’s the smart one in the family.

As if you needed more reason not to go to Carl’s Jr., whose founder was staunchy anti-choice and anti-gay, the CEO has he wants to open a completely automated restaurant with no human employees. Well, makes sense, most actual humans don’t want to eat there either.

Chip Kelly on Colin Kaepernick “If he’s here on April 4 we’re going to coach the heck out of him, and he’s going to work his (tail) off.”
Sounds like Kelly is behind Kap 1,000%. ‪#‎ifyougetthisreferenceyoumightbeold‬

Sarah Palin said her husband is still in intensive care but she is “so thankful for today’s medical technology including 3-D X-rays, temporary pain blocks and epidurals. I’m voting for their continued use…” But of course Palin can’t wait to get back on the road to campaign against Obamacare.

Many in the GOP love to quote “the Biden rule” about approving a Supreme Court Judge. But one, Biden was talking about a judge deliberately retiring to allow a president to pick another younger justice with the same views, and two, this was in 1992, and Biden said “before the political season is underway.” As if in 2016 the “political season’ ever stops.

 

 

Marco Rubio says he’s not interested in running for V.P. in 2016. Translation, maybe he can’t stand Trump or Cruz any more than many of us.

If you are reading this….

March 15, 2016

And haven’t pressed “submit” tonight, either you don’t care or shouldn’t you be working on your brackets?

As we approach March Madness, remember, nothing is certain but death, taxes, and Kansas finding a way to lose before the finals.

 

 

In retrospect one reason shows like “The Bachelor” are so popular – you get to watch people make really stupid decisions and it doesn’t affect the fate of the world? ‪#‎Presidentialprimaries‬

 

 

So now Pete Rose’s lawyer is denying that Rose sent Trump a baseball saying “Mr. Trump, please make America great again.” The Donald claims the baseball was an endorsement.
And how could you doubt either of these fine  gentlemen? ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Disney has announced that Harrison Ford, 73, will return for a fifth Indiana Jones movie in 2019. Only this time the lost relic will be Jones himself.

The US House is holding two hearings on the water crisis in Flint, Michigan. Would that they keep at this with the same intensity they have on Benghazi.

 

New England Patriots safety Nate Ebner will take a leave of absence from the team to train for the U.S. rugby team and this summer’s Olympics. Other international rugby teams just demanded a guard on the rugby balls.

A traffic monitoring group says that the average San Francisco commuter spent more than three days in traffic in 2015. And down in Los Angeles they’re thinking “amateurs.”

Rick Pitino, defending his embattled Louisville program, says that the problem was a graduate assistant, Andre McGee “whose sole responsibility was to make sure they do the right things.”
Right, because in major programs, all graduate assistants have the power and the $$$$$$ to hire prostitutes. And none of the coaching staff would have any clue.
I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat better.”

Hillary Clinton was caught on a “hot mic” speculating about Chris Christie’s reasons for endorsing Donald Trump. “Did he have a debt or something?” Whatever you think of Hillary, the woman is not stupid.

So what’s the difference between ‪#‎MarcoRubio‬ and ‪#‎JebBush‬?   About three weeks? ‪#‎GOPPrimary‬

Ben Carson, in explaining why he endorsed the Donald, said that even if Trump “turns out not to be such a great president … we’re only looking at four years.” as opposed to if the Democrats win “multiple generations and perhaps the loss of the American dream forever.”
Wow, well at least someone thinks Hillary is powerful.

 

So folks saying they always knew ‪#‎Trump‬ ‪#‎Clinton‬ would be 2016 Pres. candidates also will pretend their 1st weekend brackets are perfect?

Donald ‪#‎Trump‬ is  saying. “We need to bring our party together.”. And never has Tonto’s quote been more apt  – “Who’s ‘we’. white man?”

‪#‎TedCruz‬, doubling down on promise to be a strong president for Israel. Sorry, I thought we were choosing President for the US? ‪#‎GOPPrimary‬

 

Since ‪#‎TedCruz‬ might be last alternative to ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ would like to thank the San Antonio  ‪#‎Spurs‬ for reminding us of the possibilities of sanity in Texas.

Jerry Brown,  “If Trump were ever elected, we’d have to build a wall around California to defend ourselves from the rest of this country.”

Another reason we Californians love Governor Moonbeam 2.0.   (He did add   “By the way that is a joke. We don’t like walls, we like bridges.”)

Brackets, brackets, who’s got brackets?

March 13, 2016

So I wasn’t paying close attention to the NCAATournament  brackets. What seed did the Philadelphia 76ers get.

 

 –

#‎StMarys‬ is out of the ‪#‎NCAATournament‬. But maybe the Gaels can continue ‪#‎Stanford‬‘s Northern California ‪#‎NIT‬ dominance.

LSU turned down an NIT invitation and said they will not play in this postseason. Well, with 38 points in the SEC opening game not like they played in that tournament either.

SF Giants infield definitely leading the league in college boys – Posey/FSU, Belt/Texas, Panik/St. Johns, Crawford/UCLA, Duffy/Long Beach St, Susac/Oregon State, Tomlinson/Texas Tech… And Mac Williamson/Wake Forest, Osich/Oregon State, Samardzjia/Notre Dame….
Should be fun during March Madness.

Mississippi State’s Dak Prescott, expected to be one of the first QB’s taken in next month’s draft, was arrested yesterday for DUI. So was Prescott just trying to prove he’s NFL ready?

ESPN is reporting that at “at least 3 former University of Louisville men’s basketball recruits have confirmed to NCAA investigators that they attended parties inside an on-campus dorm where strippers danced for them and prostitutes were paid to have sex with them.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the schools that beat out Louisville for recruits offered?
New York’s Mayor de Blasio tweets about Donald Trump “Of course he’s a racist.” Well, and I’m sure GOP primary voters care a lot what a liberal NY mayor thinks.

A Florida man who warned officers he was speeding to get home to the bathroom was arrested and then ended up urinating and defecating in the police car. ‪#‎ifonlyhewasarmed‬ ‪#‎YourmoveTexas‬

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John Boehner has endorsed ‪#‎JohnKasich‬ for President. So much for any orange solidarity movement.

Marco Rubio won the D.C. GOP Primary with 37.3 % of the vote. Does that mean there are at least 37.3 Republicans in Washington, D.C.?

 –

President Obama has apparently narrowed his choices to replace Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court down to three. So will the GOP stand fast with their threats not to give them a hearing? Or will they roll the dice and take the chance on a replacement pick being from Clinton, Sanders, or Trump?

Donald Trump, playing the blame game on violence at his rallies “Bernie Sanders is lying when he says his disruptors aren’t told to go to my events. Be careful Bernie, or my supporters will go to yours!”
Wait, I thought this was all Obama’s fault.

It’s clearly his fault….

March 19, 2015

Texas Southern – gone, SMU – gone, Texas – gone, Baylor – gone. Last time the state of Texas had a day this bad, the Alamo was involved.

Stephen F. Austin makes a strong showing but joins Thursday’s Texas ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ loss parade. How long will it take Ted Cruz to blame Obama?

So many upsets and busted brackets that with their lack of  productivity today, American office workers are being named honorary members of Congress. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

That stampeding sound you hear is every potential GOP Presidential candidate rushing to tell Iowans “I feel your pain.”

(UAB over Iowa State.)

Looking good for cat brackets. Georgia State is the Panthers. (Two most common reactions across America – “Georgia State has a Panther mascot?” “Georgia State has a team?”)

 

How many of their nine lives did ‪#Bearcats‬ use in beating ‪#‎Purdue‬?    And thus earning a beat down by Kentucky.

 

But really, Bearcats are  not real cats. But that last Cincinnati shot at the buzzer in regulation sure looked like voodoo was involved. ‪#‎Marchmadness‬

It has been an absolute consensus that ‪#‎UCLA‬ did not belong in the ‪#‎NCAATournament‬. Apparently neither did ‪#‎SMU‬
Getting into the NCAA tournament when with their record they belonged in the NIT, then winning on a disputed goal tending call on a 3-point shot. Well, maybe God IS a UCLA Bruin. Or maybe he/she REALLY doesn’t like that east coast bias.
Larry Brown says Kentucky could make the playoffs in the NBA East. Coach John Calipari is thinking “Make the playoffs in the East? That’s absurd. We should be at least a five seed.”
Liza Minnelli is back in rehab. At this point is she getting a frequent stay discount?
The SF Giants announced that Angel Pagan is having back issues, will need an injection, and will miss at least another three games. So congrats to everyone who had March 19 in the pool.
President Obama yesterday publicly mulled the idea of mandatory voting. Why go to the trouble of making it the law? Just give everyone who votes a lottery ticket…. The USA would be at 90% turnout in no time.
Israel PM Benjamin Netanyahu, after promising during his campaign that there would be no Palestinian state, today said “I don’t want a one-state solution. I want a sustainable, peaceful two-state solution…” So I guess he has more in common with American politicians than many of us thought.

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