Posted tagged ‘Supreme Court jokes’
January 19, 2017
Russell Westbrook left off as a starter for the NBA All-Star team?!. Ah for the days when inexplicable voting by Americans just impacted meaningless exhibition games.
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Stanford has 11 players on rosters of the four teams left alive in this weekend’s NFL championship games. The next closest school, Alabama, has 7. #nerdnation
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Trump has appointed Woody Johnson as his ambassador to Great Britain. So Johnson will do for America’s reputation in England what he’s done for the Jets?
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Trump talking about huge crowds for inaugural concert . Based on actual numbers even the Montreal Expos are giggling.
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El Chapo has been extradited over to US. So will Trump name him Drug Czar?
Now GOP has set precedent hope Senate Dems feel justified not voting on any potential Supreme Court nominee. Only 1383 days to next election.
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Trump doesn’t like PC, wonder why he didn’t ask the Stanford band to perform at inaugural – they could have played Yellow River.
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So when Trump takes oath of office will he be saying “So help me, me.”?
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Spokesman Sean Spicer says Trump’s incoming cabinet will have diversity. Yes, rich and richer.
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Rumors are that Trump plans to privatize the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. So will PBS be replaced by “Trump TV?”
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Rick Perry “After being briefed on so many of the vital functions of the Department of Energy, I regret recommending its elimination.”
Because, hey, don’t we all want to close things down when we have no idea what they do?
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Donald and Melania Trump arrived at their inaugural concert to the music of the Rolling Stones’ “Heart of Stone.” #Truthinadvertising
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Treasury secretary nominee Steven Mnuchin admitted in confirmation hearing today while he headed OneWest Bank, he now regrets kicking some people out of their homes. And one of the “”most troubling” of the foreclosures “was actually to the Octomom.”
At the Onion they are going, “that’s it, we quit. Can’t compete.”
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Trump in a speech tonight, “Next time, four years from now, next time we’re going to win the old fashioned way.” As in without Russian help or by getting the most votes?
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Nancy Sinatra, when asked how she felt about Trump using “My Way” for the first dance at his inaugural, responded, “Just remember the first line.” Three words “You go girl.”
(And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain…..)
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: cabinet jokes, inaugural jokes, Inauguration jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
October 27, 2016
If the Raiders head to Las Vegas, Oakland still might not be without a team. At this point Santa Clara/SF might ask them to “take our 49ers, please.”
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The NFL wonders why ratings are down. Lots of complicated hypotheses – but then there are simple answers – like tonight’s nationally televised game – Jaguars vs. Titans. #nobodycares
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Twitter is shutting down #Vine. Advantage of being slow to adopt new technologies, wait long enough & some of it disappears before you get around to it.
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#Twitter announced they are laying off 9% of their workers. Does this mean we’ll soon be down to 127 characters?
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Mike #Pence campaign plane skidded off runway at #LaGuardia. No details but pretty sure it didn’t veer to the left.#Trump
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Earlier today Mike Pence was asked if there was a “red line” Trump could cross that might cause him to leave the GOP ticket. His answer “We’re in this campaign and we’re in it to win,” Translation, “no.”
(Maybe Pence should have told his pilot about red lines on the runway?)
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A Texas A&M freshman was arrested after she allegedly opened her blouse to take a Snapchat picture to send to her boyfriend. While allegedly drunk. And driving. Until she crashed her car… into a police car. No injuries. But another Darwin award #misseditbythatmuch
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More than $5 million worth of cocaine washed ashore in a tube in Ireland. Talk about a high tide.
The GOP is already promising blocked Supreme Court nominees and Congressional investigations if Hillary Clinton wins on Nov. 8. Or as President Obama calls it, business as usual.
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Ted Cruz’s latest “there is long historical precedent for a Supreme Court with fewer justices.” For such a self-described constitutionalist, Ted sure seems to have skipped the “advise and consent” part.
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Former Congressman Joe Walsh tweeted out “On November 8th, I’m voting for Trump. On November 9th, if Trump loses, I’m grabbing my musket. You in?”
Ah yes, that GOP bridge to the 18th century.
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At Ohio rally today, @realDonaldTrump “we should just cancel the election and just give it to Trump.” Would be funnier if he were joking.
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Some reports on the Mike Pence plane semi-crash landing at La Guardia are that the plane was moving too fast in the rain, and overshot the runway. But hey so, it was only ordinary travelers who were delayed and taxpayer dollars will no doubt pay for the cleanup and investigation. #MakeAmericaGreatforBillionairesagain
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At Rapid City’s airport, a SkyWest Airlnes pilot was arrested for alleged DUI before he was scheduled to fly a plane. Will his defense be that he really aspired to work for Delta?
Donald Trump said today NBC’s releasing the Billy Bush tape “was “certainly illegal, no question about it.,” and indicated he might sue.
But of course all the Wikileaks emails involving Hillary Clinton are pure freedom of speech….
Kansas Rep. Joe Seiwert, commenting about singer Denasia Lawrence kneeling down before a basketball game “I’m so sick of these anti-American blacks, f–k Black Live Matter. Go back to where you claim home”
Thinking a whole lot of Native Americans are thinking, “Back at ya.”
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Sometimes you wonder why any sane person would ever go into politics. Here’s partial Wikileak quote from Huma Abedin on Hillary planning to speak about a Super Pac issue with Jeb Bush. “She’s going to stick to notes a little closer this am, still not perfect in her head”
Okay, I’ve only done a little speaking, but seems reasonable, when you don’t have something down cold, and you don’t want to make mistakes, you use notes. And conservative sites are saying “not perfect in her head” means she has an illness affecting her brain.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, darwin joke, Janice Hough, pence jokes, pence plane jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Twitter jokes, vine jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
June 27, 2016
Iceland just knocked England out of the #Euro2016. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to England since Thursday.
After England’s loss to Iceland, England soccer coach Roy Hodgson resigned immediately. And probably about five minutes before he was fired.
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Carmelo Anthony says he’s already trying to recruit Kevin Durant. Well, there are some advantages to the Knicks – lots of media attention, the city of New York, and the months of May and June off.
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A new Lenny Dykstra book coming out tomorrow is apparently so toxic that even Jose Canseco is saying “Dude, less is more.”
Rio de Janeiro’s governor said today that the Olympic Games could be a “big failure” What was his first clue?
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Monday was #NationalSunglassesDay. In Seattle they’re going “National what?”
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Today is #NationalSunglassesDay. In Seattle they’re going “National what?”
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Jacksonville Jaguars LB Dan Skuta was charged with first-degree battery for an incident last week in Orlando where he allegedly pushed a woman’s face “with an open hand into a glass window” at around 2:30 a.m. The woman had apparently talked to Skuta, but declined to give him her phone number.
How bad are the Jaguars? Bad enough that not only can’t they come close to .500, but players can’t even impress women?
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Two University of Texas freshmen who were moving out of their dorm found a hidden hold with antique items from the late 1950s, including pictures and empty beer cans. And presumably some still-fresh Twinkies.
The Supreme Court struck down Texas’s abortion law that would have closed most clinics in the state. More ammunition for “Texit?”
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Just to prove that stupidity is not confined to one political persuasion, someone -just guessing it might have been a man – at “the Daily Show” thought this was a funny tweet in response to today’s abortion ruling: “Celebrate the #SCOTUS ruling! Go knock someone up in Texas!”
Even though fewer than 10 out of 41 clinics would have remained with the laws the Supreme Court just struck down, the Texas state solicitor general had argued “over 90% of Texas women of reproductive age will live within 150 miles of an open abortion clinic. ”
Not that they’re equivalent, but wonder what would have been the reaction if a law had required Texas men to drive up to 150 miles for Viagra?
Of course abortion and Viagra are not equivalent. But on the other hand, Texas didn’t claim their law was to eliminate abortion, it was to “protect women’s health.” And even the ED drug ads say things like “if your heart is healthy enough for sex.”
So maybe Viagra-seeking men should indeed be required to go to a hospital.
Donald Trump just will not let go of this “Pocahontas” name-calling with Elizabeth Warren. But to be fair, maybe in another life, maybe that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head was a pelt.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #scotus jokes, brexit jokes, england jokes, iceland jokes, Janice Hough, Olympic jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
March 16, 2016
This year like every year with the NCAA tournament many Americans fantasize about a 16 beating a 1. Well, the Lakers DID beat the Warriors….
Sellout crowd in Dayton for a #FirstFour game between Tulsa and Michigan. Just guessing there isn’t a lot to do in Dayton.
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Researchers are now saying that CTE could result from any contact sports. So maybe when Roger Goodell said that the risk playing youth football was similar to the risk of “sitting on your couch” he meant if your team’s play on Sunday (or in March Madness) caused you to start banging your head into the wall.
Apparently some of the Chicago Cubs are not happy with the new rules banning smoke-less tobacco for players at Wrigley Field. John Lackey” “We’re grown men. People in the stands can have a beer, but we can’t do what we want? That’s a little messed up.”
Uh, people in the stands can bet on the game at casinos too.
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Adam LaRoche retired and is giving up $13 million because the White Sox say he can’t keep bringing his 14 year-old son into the clubhouse. Just thinking if LaRoche hit say, .297 instead of the.207 he hit year the team would have not only still allowed the kid but designed him bats and washed his uniforms.
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One of United Airline’s new security questions for their Mileage Plus accounts is “What month is your best friend’s birthday?” And millions of men are going “WTF, I’m lucky if I can remember what month is my WIFE’S birthday.”
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At the Cincinnati Zoo today, a polar bear got out of its enclosure, but apparently has been “contained.” Who knows the reason for the escape. Maybe the bear thought it had a right to be armed?
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Donald Trump says “there could be riots” if he loses the nomination. As opposed to the riots if he wins it?
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So if Senate GOP won’t even consider Merrick Garland, who even Judge Roberts likes, they are saying they think they’ll get a better option from President Trump or Clinton? #batshitcrazy
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So if Hillary Clinton gets elected but the Dems don’t take back the Senate will Mitch McConnell declare in January 2017 that since it is only 36 months until the last year of her term it would be inappropriate to consider any pick she makes for the Supreme Court?
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So now some Republicans are saying they might consider President Obama’s Supreme court pick in November if Clinton wins the election. At which point Obama should pull back Garland and nominate someone to the left of RBG.
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Apparently a new Donald Trump ad against Hillary ad has footage of Clinton barking like a dog to mimic still another ad against her last month. The tag line? “We don’t need to be a punchline!”
And someone in the Trump campaign wrote that with a straight face….
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Jerry Springer said of the GOP primary “if they’re going to do my show, they should start paying me.” Are you kidding, there’s no way the Republican debates and primary process have had the calm, reasoned maturity of the Jerry Springer show. #bycomparison
“The president told me several times he’s going to name a moderate but I don’t believe him. [Obama] could easily name Merrick Garland, who is a fine man. He probably won’t do that because this appointment is about the election. So I’m pretty sure he’ll name someone the [liberal Democratic base] wants.”
Senator Orrin Hatch, MARCH 13, 2016.
I do not think I would play chess with Obama.
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Categories: airline jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Supreme court jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: basketball jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Merrick Garland jokes, NCAA jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 8, 2016
Pittsburgh’s DeAngelo Williams called out Peyton Manning as a “hall of fame QB who couldn’t play dead in a western last year.” Yeah, well that’s just piling on after the Steelers eliminated the Broncos from the playoffs last year. Oh wait, never mind.
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The Supreme Court today UNANIMOUSLY today reversed an Alabama court’s refusal to recognize a same-sex adoption. Yes, even Thomas and Alito agreed. Maybe we are creeping into the 21st century after all..
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Erin Andrews won $55 million in her lawsuit over being videotaped nude in her hotel room. And the Kardashians are thinking “We’d have allowed it for half that.”
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Bette Middler might have won the internet today: “Kim Kardashian tweeted a nude selfie today. If Kim wants us to see a part of her we’ve never seen, she’s gonna have to swallow the camera.”
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Atlanta Falcons assistant coach Marquand Manuel has apologized for asking OSU cornerback Eli Apple if he was gay. So is he sorry for the question, or sorry that it leaked out?
A United Airlines flight from Houston to Munich had to return to Intercontinental Airport with smoke billowing from one engine after they hit a bird during takeoff. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the bird.
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Maria Sharapova apparently failed a drug test at the Australian Open. The substance is one she has been taking for years, but was on a list of drugs that were banned starting January 1. Sharapova acknowledged getting the email but said she didn’t read it….
Creative excuses isn’t one area we really wanted women athletes to start equaling men.
(And okay, if it’s a lie it’s a stupid one, if she didn’t read the list and didn’t have someone on her staff read it well, well, that’s more stupid.)
Six UC Santa Cruz fraternity and sorority members were arrested and charged with being part of an organized Ecstasy drug ring. Well, that’s one way to deal with high tuition costs.
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Some talk now about how much a loss in the Florida Primary would hurt Marco Rubio. Well, not as much as his own campaigning has hurt him.
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32 pts in 1st half for #Spurs tonight in Indiana against the #Pacers. That Sunday #Lakers game might have not been the best for San Antonio’s usual inspiration from watching the Golden State #Warriors.
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Michael Bloomberg says he will not run for President. Has he finally figured out that the seat for the egotistical New York billionaire in the clown car is full?
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Meanwhile in South Florida, the Sun-Sentinel says there is no good candidate in the GOP primary and will not endorse. This includes the man they endorsed when he ran for Senate “Because Rubio has failed to do his job as a senator, broken the promises he made to Floridians and backed away from his lone signature piece of legislation on immigration, we cannot endorse him for president.”
Not even to get him out of Florida?
Categories: airline jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bloomberg jokes, Erin Andrews jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, Rubio jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 25, 2016
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New Cleveland coach Hue Jackson says the Browns are “going to take a stand’ with Johnny Manziel. Right. Of course their previous stands have worked about as well as Custer’s last one.
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President Obama has nominated Carla Hayden as the Librarian of Congress. The GOP would announce plans for an immediate filibuster once they get over the shock of finding Congress HAS a library.
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Kanye West is now threatening to boycott next years Grammy Awards. All together now – “Promise???!!!”
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Donald Trump, “I love the poorly educated.” Or as he also refers to them “My base.”
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Marco Rubio today ” You don’t win the nomination by how many states you win.” Clearly another Republican who thinks math is one of those commie pinko liberal concepts.
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Marco Rubio keeps declaring victory with these second place finishes. In related news, the Minnesota Vikings are going to put up Super Bowl banners.
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Responding to social media rumors of a setback in his recovery, Tiger Woods says he is “progressing nicely.” Isn’t that what Jeb Bush said last week about his campaign?
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Rumors have it that Obama is considering Nevada’s GOP governor Brian Sandoval to succeed Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court. If true, a reminder that whatever you think of this President, you don’t want to play chess with him.
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Got to love the fact that the man leading for the Presidential “family values” party has had numerous affairs and three wives. #Trump
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Two British members of parliament have sent a letter to the NFL as they are upset about the Redskins name, and saying it directly contravenes the values that many in Britain have worked so hard to instill.” They ask “at a minimum, send a different team to our country to represent the sport, one that does not promote a racial slur.”
So are the MPs really taking a high road here? Or do they want the NFL not to send over another sucky football team?
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It took “about $100,000” in legal fees, but Bristol Palin’s first baby daddy Levi Johnston finally won shared custody of their son Tripp. Because of course all children are better off with a mommy and daddy unless you don’t want to see the guy again. #familyvaluesmyass
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As of today British Airways will no longer accept bookings for unaccompanied minors, children under 12. Guess they got tired of dealing with badly behaved kids. Now if they can just figure out a way not to allow bookings for badly behaved adults
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Really, Facebook? With all the complications in the world these days you have to change the “like” buttons without warning? Life is so confusing.
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Wow. The latest out of the University of Tennessee is that football coach Butch Jones told WR Drae Bowles, who later transferred, that he was a “traitor” who “betrayed the team” for helping a woman who said she had been sexually assaulted by teammates.
#MamadontletyourbabiesgrowuptobeVolunteers
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And for those who commented on me doing this every day. Blame Scott Ostler. A SF Chronicle columnist and friend, he kept encouraging me to do this. And when I said I couldn’t come up with jokes every day, he said, “nah, you’re funny, just give yourself a deadline and you’ll come up with stuff.” I curse him under my breath regularly. But he was right about the self-imposed deadlines. And on good days, some of the “stuff ” is actually funny. 🙂
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, kanye jokes, Obama jokes, Rubio jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 14, 2016
In the midst of all the craziness, this comment from Ruth Bader Ginsberg on Antonin Scalia is worth repeating. “I disagreed with most of what he said, but I loved the way he said it.”
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So at #Scalia‘s funeral will Clarence Thomas honor his late colleague by not saying a few words?
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#TedCruz says the next President should nominate
#Scalia‘s replacement. So congrats to all those who had “about 10 minutes” in the pool.
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Wind chill in liberal Massachusetts tonight down to at least 35 below. Maybe some in the GOP shouldn’t have said it would be a cold day in hell when Obama would get to nominate another Supreme Court justice.
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Padmanabhan Srikanth “Sri” Srinivasan – google him. Confirmed 97-0 on the US Court of Appeals. Obama could make things very difficult both for the GOP and reporters/copy editors.
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So all these GOP yahoos demanding we wait until the election and to let the next President pick the next Supreme Court justice, does this mean that if a Republican is elected, they think he should not be able to fill any potential SCOTUS opening in the 2nd half of his term?
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We interrupt politics for a bulletin from Pebble Beach. Phil Mickleson is leading the AT&T Pro-Am by 2 strokes after 3 rounds. Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “That dude is old.”
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Jenrry Mejia has been banned permanently from MLB for his 3rd PED suspension. Clearly Mejia should have focused on trying to play NFL football, where he’d be back again after a few games.
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More of the “stuff” you can’t make up: In New York, Central Park’s ice festival was canceled today, due to extreme cold.
(And in Minnesota they’re just giggling.)
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Kentucky men’s basketball coach John Calipari was ejected two minutes and 26 seconds into today’s game against South Carolina. 146 seconds?!! That’s only about as long as his players spend in class.
As a retirement gift, Michael Jordan gave Kobe Bryant a full set of all 30 sneakers released so far in the Air Jordan line. A very nice gift. Although at this point Kobe almost has enough money to have been able to buy them himself.
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For that matter, will those in the GOP who say a president should not be able to nominate a Supreme Court judge in the last year of his term, also say that a president cannot negotiate important deals and treaties etc in that last year. Leaderofthefreeworldforthefirsthalfofhisorherterm?
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Mitch McConnell -“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new President.” Uh, didn’t the American people exercise their voice by electing President Obama? Twice.
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Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. Such an ad would never be released by Hillary Clinton’s campaign – Bill would recognize the actress first.
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Watching these debates makes many Americans wish that Jed Bartlett was president. Heck, watching these debates makes many Americans wish Frank Underwood was president.
Comparing tonight’s GOP debate to a kindergarten playground is an insult to kindergarteners.
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Somewhere Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders had to be watching this #GOPDebate and just giggling.
So will those in the GOP who say a president should not be able to nominate a Supreme Court judge in the last year of his term, also say that a president cannot negotiate important deals and treaties etc in the last year of his term? #Leaderofthefreeworldforthefirsthalfofhisorherterm?
Categories: debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clarence Thomas jokes, Cruz jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, scalia jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 24, 2015
Pope-mania has really taken hold in the U.S. Nice to see the country so excited about an older person in a skirt who isn’t Caitlyn Jenner.
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Pope Francis’s visit and the resulting security has meant many businesses just closing for a few days. Waiting for the first GOP candidate to complain about another immigrant hurting American jobs.
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The original CSI is finally coming to an end Sunday with a 2 hour finale, after 15 years. Guess they didn’t wanted to change the title to “CSI – Assisted Living.”
After Elton John was pranked earlier this month he now got a REAL call from the Russian President. Have to wonder if the singer’s initial response this time was. “Are you Putin me on?”
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The NBA has promised that for next year’s Finals, they will mandate at least two days between games any time teams have to change cities. So expect the 2016 champion to be crowned about the 4th of July.
They’re expecting gridlock in Manhattan because of the Pope’s visit. Or as New Yorkers call it, Friday.
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Supreme Court judges Scalia, Alito and Thomas skipped the Pope’s address to Congress. Well, it’s not like they are Catholic or anything. Oops, never mind….
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Tom Brady’s jersey is the number one seller in the NFL this year. That’s really going to inflate his ego.
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For the first time in a decade, the number of children in foster care in the U.S has risen, and is now over 415,000. You’d think maybe just a few of these “pro-life” types would spend time and money on trying to help them….
Republicans are so sure they will hold Congress and win the White House in 2016, wouldn’t you think that they’d maybe ease up on this minority-shutting-down-the-government concept, so as not to give Democrats ideas?
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In Texas, with the case where two football players attacked a referee, the University Interscholastic League, which is in charge of high school sports, says they are not making any decisions about punishments at least until they can hold another hearing next month.
Sounds like they learned their concept of swift justice from the NFL.
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Bill Littlejohn. “An extra point kicked by Midland Lee High School (TX) bounced off of a referee’s head and went through the uprights. So was the ref any relation to Jose Canseco?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Csi jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Pope Francis jokes, Pope jokes, Supreme Court jokes
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June 29, 2015
Some may be shocked at the speed at which gay marriage became mainstream. For perhaps a bigger shock in terms of a fast change, yes, this week’s Astros Royals series really could be a preview of the American League Championship Series.
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Regarding this religious objection stuff to judges, clerks and gay marriage…. While I respect people’s right to their religion, what if you are a man whose religion teaches that women are subservient to men? Does that give you a right to disobey or refuse to work for a female boss?
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Donald Trump said that if he is elected President he will change his hair style, because it takes too much time to maintain. Well, that’s good news….. for the furry thing that lives on his head. #goingtoliveforever
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NBCUniversal says the the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants will no longer air on the network. Both pageants have been jointly owned by NBC and Donald Trump. This may be in response to Trump’s recent anti-immigrant comments. Or maybe those pageant ratings were a lot lower than we thought.
Donald Trump’s ranting statement today included this – “If NBC is so weak and so foolish to not understand the serious illegal immigration problem in the United States….” Speaking of serious problems, could Trump not afford a ghostwriter who learned in school not to split an infinitive?
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There’s still talk about how disappointed some NY Knicks fans (and Carmelo Anthony) were with the team’s #1 pick, Kristaps Porzingis. How about a little discussion of how disappointed Pozingis might be to have been drafted by the Knicks?
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Veteran MLB executive Andy MacPhail apparently will join the Philadelphia front office and be introduced as part of “new Phillies’ leadership” today. Except isn’t “Phillies leadership” an oxymoron?
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Police say alcohol was involved in the death of a Michigan man who died when a firework he was holding to his head exploded. #Darwin #Ifonlyhewasarmed
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Oscar De La Hoya, announcing he is NOT coming back out of retirement. “My wife was all for it. But my kids didn’t want to see old Papa get hurt.” Hmm, does that mean his wife did want to see him get hurt…?
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Jimmy Fallon is saying he injured his left hand when he “tripped and caught my fall (good thing)! Ring caught on side of table almost ripped my finger off (bad thing).” And a whole lot of men who lost their marriage excuse because gays can now get married just got another reprieve – “I’d love to honey, but those rings are DANGEROUS.”
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Just wondering, where wasusually very outspoken Darth Vader, excuse me, #DickCheney, on subject of #SupremeCourt upholding gay marriage?
All of these stories and photos of Caitlyn Jenner, 65, in skimpy, and/or really tight clothes. How long before the transgender stuff fades and people start just telling her to dress her age?
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The Supreme Court voted 5-4 today to stay a recent lower court ruling that would have shuttered all but nine Texas abortion clinics. The state already has some of the toughest restrictions in the U.S, half have closed in the last two years.
Just for starters, maybe they could at least have an equivalent waiting period in Texas for having abortions and buying guns.
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BS detector post of the day: Texas Gov. Rick Perry, unhappy with the Supreme Court’s decision to keep abortion clinics open in face of new regulations requiring them to be constructed like surgical centers. “It unnecessarily puts lives in danger by allowing unsafe facilities to continue to perform abortions.”
Uh, if it’s about women’s health, Texas could a) drop “abstinence only” sex education, and cut down on unwanted pregnancies AND STDs, b) fund clinics for low-income women to prescribe and dispense birth control, and c) make it easier to get the “morning-after pill,” which is safer than any medical abortion.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Donald Trump jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Phillies jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 27, 2015
The SF Giants posted this temporary change in their logo today. Clearly not aiming to have more games televised this season on Fox.
Think some of these GOP Presidential candidates might be thinking carefully about going off on the Supreme Court today. They never know when they might need #SCOTUS to deliver them an election.
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Scott Walker is upset about today’s Supreme Court gay marriage decision, lambasting “five unelected judges.” Right, it’s “five unelected judges,” when he doesn’t like the decision, and “defenders of our freedom” for things like Citizens United and Hobby Lobby.
Mike Huckabee “The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity.” – Wait a minute, Huckabee believes in gravity?
So trying to think how this gay marriage decision really can hurt any heterosexual couples. Well, except for those procrastinators who were interested in planning last minute summer weddings at popular venues. #competition
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The latest public figure comment on the Confederate flag “I think it’s offensive to an entire race. It does nothing for anybody to be there flying, so I don’t see any reason. It belongs in the history books and that’s about it.”- Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Forget governors and senators, now we’re talking a man Southerners really respect.
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Anheuser-Busch lost a class-action lawsuit over Beck’s beer, and will have to pay customers up to $50 each. The company allegedly tricked customers into paying more for an actual import beer, because the Beck’s label says “originated in Bremen, Germany,” and only in the small print does it say brewed in the US.
Wonder how much Anheuser-Busch will have to pay when some one sues them for selling Bud Light as actual beer.
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Donald Trump will finally report for jury duty in August, after being fined for ignoring five summonses in nine years. Only the little people serve on juries?
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A a news conference, Philadelphia Phillies’ manager, Ryne Sandberg announced he is resigning and leaving the team. And Phillies’ season ticket holders are thinking “you can do that?”
From T.C. Ballot stuffing has resulted in 8 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home games advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?
Scott Walker on Wednesday signed two bills, one eliminating a 48 hour waiting period for buying a gun, allowing off-duty or retired police officers to carry concealed weapons at public schools.
Alas, while Google now allows you “un-send” an email sent in anger, they haven’t figured out how to “un-fire” a bullet.
And guess Walker never heard, for one example, of the retired officer in Florida who shot and killed a man for texting in the theater?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: gay marriage jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, marriage jokes, rainbow jokes, scalia jokes, SF Giants jokes, Supreme Court jokes
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January 17, 2015
In Arizona, high school seniors will have to pass a 100 question civics test to graduate from high school. Wonder how many legislators could pass it.
Not to say the mostly old white male voters in the Academy don’t get it, but when the uproar began about this year’s Oscars being too white, they suggested giving all nominees a gift certificate to a tanning salon.
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Now that the Supreme Court is going to rule on the subject, am sure advocates of same-sex marriage have to feel confident about Clarence Thomas’s vote. Since his marriage to a white woman would have been against the law in some states until the Court ruled miscegenation laws unconstitutional in 1967.
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New Oakland Raiders coach Jack Del Rio was optimistic in a press conference today but said the team needs “some work.” Yep, like Joan Rivers had had “some work” done.
#NBC says they won’t work with #BillCosby again. Which would be big news, if anyone still watched NBC.
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Urban Meyer on the Late Show talked about how J.T. Barrett “broke his ankle against the team up north.” Letterman asked “When you say ‘team up north?’” Meyer replied “That’s our rival. Can’t say the word.” Right, and some wonder how kids get the idea that there’s no life outside football.
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Is no sport sacred? Former world champion Carolina Kostner of Italy has been banned for 16 months for a doping case involving her ex-boyfriend, Olympic race walking gold medalist Alex Schwazer. It’s all enough to make you long for the purity of professional wrestling.
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Randy Johnson has announced that he will go into the Hall of Fame wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks cap. So guess those 7 months he was with the SF Giants didn’t mean that much to him?
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John Boehner is using 13 gifs of Taylor Swift to take President Obama’s plan to offer free community college tuition. Who knew the Speaker knew what a “gif” was? Who knew the Speaker knew who Taylor Swift was?
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Just wondering, what would happen if terrorists threatened the creators of “South Park”? Would the people who are getting hysterical over Obama not going to Paris also say the President should strongly defend their right to cartoon free speech?
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Amnesty International reported Saudi authorities today postponed the second round of public flogging of a blogger sentenced to 1,000 lashes for insulting Islam. Only because a doctor said the wounds from the first hadn’t healed and “he would not be able to withstand another round of lashes at this time.” The floggings will thus resume late – he still has 950 lashes to go.
It’s okay though, Saudi officials marched in the Paris demonstration last week.
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After having 20 debates before the 2012 election, the Republican National Committee has cut the 2016 Presidential debates down to nine. Great news for Rick Perry, whose theory is “the smaller the better” when it comes to numbers.
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Tags: Janice Hough, Oscars jokes, paris jokes, Raiders jokes, South park jokes, Supreme Court jokes
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June 30, 2014
Thinking anyone who is asking or sneaking off from work Tues.to watch USA vs. Belgium should be able to name 2 players on USA Team #WorldCup
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Charming. Waffle House now says that since the U.S. is playing Belgium tomorrow “We support a boycott on Belgian Waffles. We support America. We don’t support Belgian Waffles.” Except that actually in Belgium they have Brussels Waffles and Liege Waffles. Not “Belgian.” And the food that originated in Belgium that Americans really love is French Fries. #nojoke
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Regarding this call for a boycott of Belgian waffles. We’d find out how little Americans, particularly women, care about the World Cup if the call instead had been for a boycott of Belgian chocolate. #priorities.
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The U.S soccer coach apparently thinks Belgium will have an advantage tomorrow with the Algerian referee. Because the U.S. helped eliminate Algeria last time and because the ref speaks French. And how many Americans are thinking “Well, at least he doesn’t speak Belgian?”
Apparently thousands of bags were lost and/or delayed by British Airways at Heathrow last weekend. Thousands. And U.S. airlines accused British Airways of bragging.
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So the Supreme Court has ruled for Hobby Lobby. Ready for the first business to sue demanding not to cover Viagra, unless the man is married to a woman of childbearing age. (And not while that woman is pregnant.) And for that matter, why cover vasectomies at all?
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I guess I missed the part in American History when “Freedom of Religion” became “Freedom to Follow MY Religion?” #SCOTUS
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Today’s Supreme Court decision applies to “closely-held” corporations. So if you’re a woman considering working a small business, check the owners’ bumper stickers.
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The emergency evacuation slide on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Orange County, California accidentally deployed Sunday night, and the plane was diverted to Wichita, Kansas. United is being generous, however, in giving affected passengers free hotel rooms, and waiving their slide fee.
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Lebron James has informed teams that he wants nothing less than the maximum salary for 2014-5, which is projected to be $22.2 million. Because surrounding a few stars with bargain basement players worked out so well this season?
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A new survey found that 47% of U.S. adults said they wouldn’t last 24 hours without their smart phones. The other 53% were no doubt too wrapped up in their phones to answer the survey.
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Someone leaded details of the Houston Astros’ trade discussions to a data sharing website. The team is said to be furious, but come on, who’s going to try to steal negotiation secrets from the Astros?
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Okay, how many casual BayArea fans heard “walk off grand slam loss” and assumed #SFGIants instead of #OaklandAs
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And yes, it is wrong to rejoice in the misery of others. But my first team when I was 8 was the Detroit Tigers, and I have hated the As since they knocked “my” Tigers out of the World Series in 1972. So it’s not just me being an #SFGIants fan that really enjoyed Rajai Davis’s walkoff grand slam.
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General Motors has recalled over 39 million cars this year. Wow. Who knew GM had sold over 39 million cars?
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The San Diego Padres beat the Cincinnati Reds 1-0 today, despite getting only one hit. Not surprising that the Reds – or Padres – hitting was that bad. But how did Cincinnati sweep 4 games from the SFGiants? #automaticnoclutch
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #scotus jokes, Belgium jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Supreme Court jokes, United jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 5, 2014
Tiger Woods said that missing the Masters wasn’t that bad. “Speak for yourself” said CBS.
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Didn’t everyone have this figured? NL pitching leaders as of May 5 with 5 wins – Greinke, Wainwright, Machi… #SFGiants
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The Supreme Court ruled today that city councils can begin their meetings with prayer, even if it plainly favors a specific religion. Okay, so let’s see what happens when some council decides to include, say, a Buddhist or Muslim prayer…
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Who says politicians are never honest? Lindsay Graham – “Our Democratic friends, for the most part, have been in the tank over Benghazi. Some guy said this about me yesterday on the left: The only reason I cared about this was because I have six tea party opponents. Well, if that’s true, I’m the biggest scumbag in America.”
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Saturday was the Kentucky Derby, Monday was Cinco de Mayo. Which for many Americans means finding out the answer to a question – do you get a worse hangover from bourbon or tequila?
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Governor Chris Christie on the Brooklyn Nets “They’re not in New Jersey anymore. They’re not my team — I’m a Knicks fan. And so the fact is, I just don’t care.” Makes sense that Christie would root for the Knicks, their year has made his look good by comparison.
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Former PayPal exec Rakesh “Rocky” Agrawal is no longer with the company after sending out late night tweets saying amongst other things that PayPal’s global communications VP was a “useless middle. manager” and a “piece of s***.” Agrawal says he quit before tweeting, but just guessing he’s not expecting a reference?
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A Hong Kong company has come up with a new “Paper Clip” armrest for planes, which has a double decker format they say will eliminate the armrest battles most fliers face regularly. Wonder which U.S. carrier will try it first, presumably as soon as they figure out how to charge an “arm room fee.”
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up: .Steve Wiles is running in the GOP primary for North Carolina state Senate, touting his support for a gay marriage ban. And the Winston-Salem Journal is reporting Wiles worked for years as a drag queen emcee known as ‘Miss Mona Sinclair’ at a Winston-Salem gay bar.
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Jameis Winston apparently was carrying crawfish, crab legs and butter when he walked out of a Florida Publix without paying. But the Heisman winner insisted he did not steal the butter, because he left it in a bin before he left the store. Maybe that explains why FSU has already reinstated him?
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Stay classy. Stacey Campfield, the Tennessee state senator who once said HIV and AIDS originated from a man having sex with a monkey, just wrote in his blog “Democrats bragging about the number of mandatory sign ups for Obamacare is like Germans bragging about the number of manditory sign ups for ‘train rides’ for Jews in the 40s.”
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From my funny friend Jerry Perisho: Oregon State fired head basketball coach Craig Robinson, the brother-in-law of Pres. Obama. Fox News said the firing was part of the Republican resurgence. MSNBC said it was due to right wing radicalism on campus. CNN said, “Oregon is nowhere near the Indian Ocean, so we don’t care.
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For some variety, Dwight Perry’s sideline chatter. (And he included one of my jokes)
http://seattletimes.com/html/sidelinechatter/2023524610_chatter04xml.html
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Tags: airline jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Supreme Court jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
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April 3, 2014
An idea after the latest Supreme Court decision abolishing individual limits on giving to campaigns. Since the idea with all this money is to buy politicians, why can’t states start charging sales tax on donations?
Two straight wins to open the season for the Houston Astros. How long until Mayor De Blasio gets blamed for the NY Yankees?
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The Phillies’ Ben Revere now owns the MLB record for 1,410 career plate appearances without a single home run. But he’s still two away from passing Duane Kuiper.
Stay classy, Arizona. Some SF fans rented the box behind home plate at last night’s Giants-D’backs game. Rather than having them show up in orange and black on TV, the Diamondbacks moved them all another box behind the dugout. Kind of makes you want some group to rent the pool, come in wearing nondescript clothes, then put on TONS of Giants stuff in the 1st inning,
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The Diamondbacks also apparently can’t keep their new $25 corn dog, dubbed the “D’bat” in stock at their concession stands. The 18 inch hot dog filled with cheddar and jalapeno, then wrapped in bacon, battered and deep fried. And it’s been a huge seller. Upon reading this at least 100 cardiologists made plans to move to Arizona.
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Alabama RB Altee Tenpenny has been charged with marijuana possession. Am sure coach Nick Saban will come up with some stern punishment like making Tenpenny sit through three quarters of the Tide’s game against Florida Atlantic.
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A couple will stand trial for an alleged unspecified sex act aboard an Air Canada plane this January. That’s Canada. In the U.S. the airline would probably have levied an inflight entertainment charge.
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Former S & L executive and convicted felon Charles Keating has died at 90. Suppose it would make sense for taxpayers to pay for his funeral, heck, we’ve already covered over $3 billion for his financial house of cards.
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Breaking television news “A microclimate weather alert” with rainstorms in Northern California. Rainstorms. And back east they are just giggling.
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Vladimir Putin has divorced his wife. Last year Russian leader said “It was a joint decision: we hardly see each other, each of us has our own life.” Responded Bill Clinton “And your point is?”
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These instant replay reviews are taking 2-3 minutes. Meaning that each of them takes almost as long as Mike Hargrove’s or Nomar Garciaparra’s batting box routines.
Mississippi just passed a new “religious freedom” law, similar to the one vetoed by Gov. Jan Brewer in Arizona, that would allow hotels, restaurants and pharmacies to refuse to serve gays. Guess the state doesn’t think they have enough tourist business to threaten.
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Tags: Arizona jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Supreme Court jokes, Yankees jokes
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June 17, 2013
The Oakland As and Seattle Mariners both had to use the Oakland Raiders’ locker room to shower after yesterday’s game with a sewage problem at the aging Coliseum created smelly pools of water in both clubhouses. Wonder how long it will take Bud Selig to appoint a “Blue Ribbon Committee” to look into the problem.
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Love it. Some folks in Starbucks chatting about the whole government surveillance thing as the cheery gal behind the counter is getting a guy to sign up for a loyalty program that will reward – and track – every single purchase.
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By a 7-2 vote, the Supreme Court today rejected an Arizona law asking voters to provide additional proof of citizenship beyond an oath for voter registration. Thomas and Alito dissented on states’ rights grounds. So where’s this “states rights” stuff when it comes to things like marijuana legalization?
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Some travelers in Arizona claim they see the image of Jesus in a smudge on the floor at Phoenix’s Sky Harbor airport. Airlines aren’t sure, but are trying to figure if they can charge a “See our Lord and Savior” fee.
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Mon dieu! In Nov, Michael Applebaum took over as interim Montreal mayor, vowing to “end an era of sleaze” when the previous mayor resigned over corruption allegations. Today Applebaum was arrested and charged with 14 criminal counts including fraud, breach of trust and conspiracy. Where do these Canadians think they are? Louisiana?
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A stone-cutter who engraved Ed Koch’s tombstone accidentally put Dec 12, 1942 instead of 1924 on the marble No word if he was fired. But on a brighter note, the engraver immediately got future job offers from most of the women in Hollywood.
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Ah, SEC football. Florida LB Antonio Morrison was arrested for allegedly punching a Gainesville, FL bar bouncer who wouldn’t waive the cover charge after he said “I am Antonio, I am a UF football player” Morrison, a 19 year old sophomore, plans to plead not guilty and told police he was intoxicated at the time.
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The FBI is digging up a field near Detroit looking again for the remains of Jimmy Hoffa. I have an idea, how about we quit using all this taxpayer money and just offer a flat finder’s fee to whoever can find his bones. Let the private sector do it….
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So Clayton Kershaw says leaks about his possible $300 million contract negotiations are “distracting.” Hey, you’d think he’d welcome a distraction from the way the Dodgers are playing.
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For anyone who actually listened to #MissUtah’s answer at #MissUSA pageant will agree, in her case we really did need to create education better.
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All the talk is about Miss Utah and “creating education.” But Miss Connecticut, who won Miss USA, was asked about with the Supreme Court ruling that police could subject criminal suspects to a DNA test. And simply said “I think if somebody is being prosecuted and has committed a crime that’s that severe, they should have a DNA test.” Might have been fun to ask her what a DNA test was?
(or as my friend Michael says, “If she wanted time to study for it.”)
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The comedy gods taketh away, and the comedy gods giveth. Iran elected a “moderate cleric” to replace President Ahmadinejad. But over on Fox News, Sarah Palin is back.
Walt Disney World has started charging a $5 premium ($101 to $96) for single-day tickets for the Magic Kingdom in Florida, compared to the other three – Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios and Epcot. Some think this is because the Magic Kingdom is the best park. Although as the only one of the four without alcohol, maybe Disney figures they need to make up what they can’t make on beer sales
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hoffa jokes, miss utah jokes, NSA jokes, Selig jokes, Starbucks jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
March 26, 2013
You think of showing your support for something with a bumper sticker, instead of changing your profile picture.
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As the internet buzzes with the possibility of an active NFL player coming out, remember Willie Mays, asked at the age of 80 if MLB was ready for an openly gay player. His response “Can he hit?”
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Apparently in oral arguments, Supreme Court justices Scalia and Alito were asking question related to the statement “We don’t know the effects of same sex parenting on children.” Uh, could it be any worse, than say the effects of heterosexual parenting, with say, Dina Lohan or Kris Jenner?
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If all gay weddings required a 21-gun salute, would more Republicans be in favor of allowing them?
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A man has won $8,000 in a lawsuit from Disneyland after he was trapped in the “It’s a Small World” ride for more than 30 minutes. Had he been stuck for much longer it might have been a violation of the Geneva convention.
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Nike has started another controversy with a new ad showing Tiger Woods lining up a putt behind the slogan, “Winning takes care of everything.” Well, at least the ad is honest.
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Not sure how Lindsay Vonn and Tiger Woods celebrated his regaining the world #1 ranking. Guessing she didn’t send him out to pick up take-out pancakes.
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So all this excitement over the same sex marriage debate, then no ruling until June. It’s as if we had the early rounds of March Madness now, and then the Final Four after the NBA finals.
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President Obama is planning to appoint Julia Pierson as the first female director of the U.S. Secret Service. Well that’s one way to avoid Columbian prostitute scandals.
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There’s always a silver lining. Manti Te’o has to be thrilled in some ways that the headlines now are mostly just about his disappointing 40 yard dash times. (4.71 .)
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One of Justin Bieber’s neighbors has accused the singer of battery following an argument over loud parties? Really, just how desperate for money do you have to be go to down in history as the punchline who claims to have been smacked down by Bieber?
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Kanye West reportedly wants to call his new album “I am God.” Who knew, Kim Kardashian might end up being the more responsible parent?
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Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, with 19 children, say they are open to the idea of the idea of adoption. Many think they should have started adopting about 14-15 children ago.
(Pete Brody says maybe they can adopt octomoms 14 and they can have a rolling rock 33)
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Glenn Beck is now saying that the Muslim Brotherhood is behind the ethics investigation of Michele Bachmann, because of her efforts against radical Islam. Forget welfare recipients, maybe it’s time to drug-test media hosts..
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From T.C. “Dionne Warwick owes $10 Million in back taxes. The IRS left her a singing message on her voicemail, “Do you know the way to San Quentin?””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: equal sign jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Prop 8 jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
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June 28, 2012
At the time of this posting, before 1am in California, no one really knows how the Supreme Court will rule at 10:00am ET on Obamacare. One thing we know for certain, at 7:01am ET Fox News will declare the verdict to be bad news for the President.
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Referring to the upcoming Supreme Court healthcare decision, Mitt Romney said ““My guess is they’re not sleeping real well at the White House tonight. ” Of course Mitt is sleeping the relaxed sleep of someone who knows he’s got both sides of the issue covered.
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The voice of experience on that healthcare mandate: “First we established incentives for those who were uninsured to buy insurance. Using tax penalties, as we did, or tax credits, as others have proposed, encourages “free riders” to take responsibility for themselves rather than pass their medical costs on to others. This doesn’t cost the govt a single dollar” Mitt Romney, USA Today Op-ed 2009
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Many SF Giants fans thought a start against a Triple A was what Tim Lincecum needed to break out of his slump. Or as it turned out, the Los Angeles Dodgers. Same difference.
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“Down they go, down into depths unimaginable just a few weeks ago, down where light is reduced to a flicker.” A melodramatic novel? Nope, Steve Dilbeck, Los Angeles Times baseball writer, after the Dodgers were shut out for the third game in a row against the SF Giants.
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The FDA approved Belvig, a new diet drug. Wednesday, although it only has been shown to result in modest weight loss. One cheaper alternative, a large generic plastic pill, to be held indefiinitely between the lips.
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The president of Greece will travel on Aegean Air in economy class to a European Union summit this week. “Good move” said Angela Merkel. “What’s economy class?” asked Mitt Romney?
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A new study finds that drinking at least two cups of coffee a day lowers people’s risk of heart failure. Especially since that makes them too jittery to be sedentary.
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Rielle Hunter’s latest “I’m not a mistress, I’m a mom.” Guess Rielle wasn’t a big fan of those “If A then B” logic puzzles in school.
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The PGA Tour is moving to a year round schedule starting October 2013. You know what that means? All Tiger, All the time.
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Kate Upton and her film crew were kicked off Santa Monica pier when they got on a ride and her one-piece swimsuit broke and fell off. Kate is reportedly now sorting through the invitations to visit dozens of other U.S. amusement parks.
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One of this week’s Groupon type deals is half price Botox? Really? You’re going to have a potential toxin injected into your face and you want the bargain basement version? Not that I’m a fan of the Botox idea in general, but sounds about as appealing as day-old sushi.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, obamacare jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 26, 2012
BCS Presidential oversight committee members have a meeting scheduled until 10pm Tuesday so they have time to approve a proposed four-team college football playoff. Why so late? Presumably so they can stay as long as it takes to assure at least one and maybe two SEC teams get in that playoff.
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There were men with bats who had clearly stolen the SF Giants’ uniforms Monday night and were holding the real team in an undisclosed location.
Seriously what was more unlikely. Barry Zito giving up no runs, or the Giants scoring 8?
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Sarah Palin’s back on the “death panel” rant, saying “Obamacare did in fact create a panel of faceless bureaucrats who have the power to make life and death decisions about health care funding.” Uh Sarah, we already had those, they’re called “insurance companies.”
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Marlon Byrd, recently released by the Red Sox, tested positive for a PED and was suspended 50 games. He says “It was an inexcusable mistake, resulting from a medication for a “private condition,” and he did not use the drug as a PED. Just once I want to hear a player say “Yep, I was trying to cheat, you caught me.”
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The Supreme Court upheld the part of the Arizona immigration law that allows police to check a person’s immigration status if “reasonable suspicion” exists that the person is in the United States illegally. Hmm, this means it could be dangerous to wear a Maple Leaf or cheer too loudly for the Phoenix Coyotes.
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Justice Antonin Scalia dissented from today’s Supreme Court ruling on Arizona, and suggested President Obama and the federal govt do not want to enforce their own immigration laws. Wonder how he’d feel if the govt had tight restrictions, on say, Sicilians, in the 1930s. (Scalia’s father came over as a grad student, his mother was the child of immigrants.)
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Kevin Youkilis has been traded from the Red Sox to the White Sox. The hardest part about this? All his friends and family won’t be able to watch “Youk” play every other week on ESPN or Fox when Boston plays the New York Yankees.
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A passenger on a Kenya Air flight from Amsterdam to Tanzania received a partial refund after she had to fly across the aisle from passenger who died of a heart attack. (The cabin crew had wrapped his body in blankets and laid him across 3 seats.) Although many travelers who’ve flown next to to drunks and obnoxious children would prefer the dead body.
Adds T.C. “Watch for Kenya Air ads to claim “People are dying to fly with us
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Mitt Romney, after dodging initial questions on the Arizona immigration decision, finally said he would have preferred the Supreme Court give more latitude to the states, not less. Does that mean as President he’d support states’ medical marijuana and gay marriage laws?
Anonymous joke passed on by my friend David. “A judge today denied Jerry Sandusky’s request to serve his sentence in juvenile hall.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, immigration jokes, Janice Hough, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 25, 2012
“Lonesome George,” the last Galapagos tortoise of his subspecies, died last weekend at the approximate age of 100. Or as Larry King said, “So young.”
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Some lawyers think Jerry Sandusky has grounds for an inadequate counsel appeal after his attorney Joe Amendola said he’d “die of a heart attack” if his client were acquitted of all charges. Uh, “inadequate counsel,” or being so guilty even your lawyer knows it?
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But really, even if Sandusky’s case is overturned on appeal, who’s the former coach going to find to represent him. Even John Edwards is thinking “This guy is a sleazy douchebag.”
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From Gary M. ” Sandusky is hoping to be assigned to a minimum security seminary.”
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Many Americans on both sides of the aisle are anxiously awaiting the Supreme Court ruling on Obamacare. Got to love it, such a major decision on our nation’s healthcare will be made by nine men and women with jobs, and benefits, for life.
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Mitt Romney is spending the weekend in Park City at his “Victory Leadership Retreat” for donors who have contributed at least $50,000 to the campaign. Privately Mitt refers to this as his middle-class outreach program.
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Random midnight thought: If Kindles and other E-readers take over from paper volumes, what happens to book signings?
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A 6,000-acre fire south of Salt Lake City was believed to have started at a target-shooting range. The NRA immediately put out a statement: Guns don’t start fires, people start fires.
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Walking into Home Depot gives me an idea of how men must feel walking into a Sephora.
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Rick Perry, on Obama’s first use of executive privilege: “You have a president who is using his executive privilege to keep information from Congress. If that’s not Nixonian, then I don’t know what is.” Uh, where was the Texas governor when George W. Bush was invoking his executive privilege… six times?
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Jeopardy’s Alex Trebek is expected to make a full recovery after a mild heart attack. This fortunately despite a slight delay when the 911 operator asked him to phrase his request in the form of a question.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Sandusky jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 11, 2010
Commie pinko stuff first. But you have to love U.S. politics, where within a 24 hour news cycle a President’s Supreme Court pick can be attacked for being both too liberal AND too conservative.
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Regarding conservatives trying to “out” Elena Kagan as a lesbian in order to keep her off the Supreme Court – what evidence do they have? Did someone see her at a Republican fundraiser?
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Soome conservative groups are already mobilizing to fight Elena Kagan’s nomination because they think she is gay. These groups believe there is no place for gays on the Supreme Court; they should stay closeted in the Republican party where they belong.
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Carly Fiorina, one of the Republican Senate candidate in California, has indicated concern about “Ms. Kagan’s brief litigation experience, and lack of any judicial experience.”
So apparently in Fiorina’s world you need specific legal experience to sit on the Supreme Court, but a couple months advising a failed presidential campaign is sufficient political experience to be a Senator from California.
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The Republican National Committee is already questioning Elena Kagan’s “commitment to the Constitution? One question, if these folks are so committed to the Constitution, where were they when George W. Bush was shredding it?
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Okay, back to sports, etc.
The University of California football team will be playing their 2011 home games at A T and T Park. S.F. Giants management would have actually preferred to have a pro team as a temporary tenant instead of the Cal Bears, but the USC Trojans declined their offer.
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JetBlue was selling seats on some nonstop flights Tuesday and Wednesday for $10 each way. Now, for passengers who wanted those flights to actually take off there was a small additional charge.
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Dallas Braden, the Oakland A’s pitcher who criticized A-Rod for walking across his mound, will be on David Letterman Tuesday night with his “Top 10” list of ways to p*** off the Yankees’ slugger. Number 11? Get between him and any mirror.
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Tiger Woods swing coach, Hank Haney, has resigned. He said that recent events made it clear that Tiger was the last person who needed any help with his swinging.
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The Lakers-Jazz game started at 11pm east coast time. I guess the way Utah played in the first three games of the series, the networks knew game four might be unsuitable for small children.
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Woody Allen once said “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” Guess someone forgot to tell the Heat, Jazz and Spurs.
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Phoenix, with their bilingual “Los Suns” jerseys, swept the Spurs decisively in four games. Now the Dodgers are considering changing their jerseys to read “The Angeles.”
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So when did the NBA playoffs turn into “Sweeps Week?”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braden jokes, Kagan jokes, NBA jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 