Posted tagged ‘Prop 8 jokes’

You know you’re old when…

March 26, 2013

You think of showing your support for something with a bumper sticker, instead of changing your profile picture.

As the internet buzzes with the possibility of an active NFL player coming out, remember Willie Mays, asked at the age of 80 if MLB was ready for an openly gay player. His response “Can he hit?”

Apparently in oral arguments,  Supreme Court justices Scalia and Alito were asking question related to the statement “We don’t know the effects of same sex parenting on children.” Uh, could it be any worse, than say the effects of heterosexual parenting, with say, Dina Lohan or Kris Jenner?

If all gay weddings required a 21-gun salute, would more Republicans be in favor of allowing them?

A man  has won $8,000 in a lawsuit from Disneyland after he was trapped in the “It’s a Small World” ride for more than 30 minutes. Had he been stuck for much longer it might have been a violation of the Geneva convention.

Nike has started another controversy with a new ad showing Tiger Woods lining up a putt behind the slogan, “Winning takes care of everything.” Well, at least the ad is honest.

Not sure how Lindsay Vonn and Tiger Woods celebrated his regaining the world #1 ranking. Guessing she didn’t send him out to pick up take-out pancakes.

So all this excitement over the same sex marriage debate, then no ruling until June. It’s as if we had the early rounds of March Madness now, and then the Final Four after the NBA finals.

President Obama is planning to appoint Julia Pierson as the first female director of the U.S. Secret Service. Well that’s one way to avoid Columbian prostitute scandals.

There’s always a silver lining. Manti Te’o has to be thrilled in some ways that the headlines now are mostly just about his disappointing 40 yard dash times. (4.71 .)

One of Justin Bieber’s neighbors has accused the singer of battery following an argument over loud parties? Really, just how desperate for money do you have to be go to down in history as the punchline who claims to have been smacked down by Bieber?

Kanye West reportedly wants to call his new album “I am God.” Who knew, Kim Kardashian might end up being the more responsible parent?

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, with 19 children, say they are open to the idea of the idea of adoption. Many think they should have started adopting about 14-15 children ago.

(Pete Brody says maybe they can adopt octomoms 14 and they can have a rolling rock 33)


Glenn Beck is now saying that the Muslim Brotherhood is behind the ethics investigation of Michele Bachmann, because of her efforts against radical Islam. Forget welfare recipients, maybe it’s time to drug-test media hosts..

From T.C.  “Dionne Warwick owes $10 Million in back taxes. The IRS left her a singing message on her voicemail, “Do you know the way to San Quentin?””


Fast food and fast times…

August 6, 2010

A woman was found guilty of extortion for demanding millions of dollars from Rick Pitino to keep their “close encounter” in a restaurant secret. Pitino said the sex lasted “15 seconds” and was “unfortunate.”

The University of Louisville for now is sticking by their coach, though Pitino may lose endorsement contracts. On the other hand, he stands to pick up a new offer from “In and Out Burger.”

Taco Bell is introducing new “Cantina” tacos, which they say can compete with street tacos. Yeah, right, the only way anyone is going to get anything approaching real street tacos at Taco Bell is if one of those trucks is parked in their lot.

Singer Wyclef Jean has filed the paperwork to run for president of his native Haiti. Well, he has more political experience than Meg Whitman.

Just how crazy are some of the comments Sharron Angle has been making lately? Apparently even Sarah Palin is thinking of “refudiating” her.

From Bill Littlejohn: Repair crews in Boston will soon be busy addressing the Green Monster.And once Shaq gets fixed up, attention will be given to Fenway’s left field wall”

A number of billionaires, including Warren Buffett, Larry Ellison and Bill Gates, have pledged to donate half their wealth to charity. Said Meg Whitman, Jeff Greene and Mike Bloomberg, “Does spending it on running for office count?”

The University of Texas and Notre Dame have agreed to a four-game football series starting in 2015. This is going to be tough. For sports fans outside Texas and South Bend, Indiana, who do they hate and thus root for to lose more?

Despite mounting evidence against Lance Armstrong, many fans want to believe he was “clean.” Why is it so hard to believe that someone who has an inspirational story can’t also be a cheater? Hey, Bill Clinton grew up a poor kid with a widowed mom and abusive stepfather.

For Canadian readers: This is an unusual year for Toronto sports fans. This year it looks like the Argonauts may actually stay in playoff contention longer than the Blue Jays.

There are now rumors that Brett Favre sent sexy text messages to a young woman who worked as sideline reporter. Hard to believe, it’s not just that Favre is a married man, but if he were going to “sext” another woman, how would he decide which one?

Last thought for the night on Prop 8, direct quote from Judge Walker’s decision “Religious leaders may determine independently whether to recognize a civil marriage or divorce but that recognition or lack thereof has no effect on the relationship under state law.” Separation of church and state?! What a concept. This could catch on.

Lies, damn lies, and propositions….

August 5, 2010

An open question to all those in favor of Prop 8. Can any gay couple make more of a mockery of the idea of marriage than Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston?

Semi serious note: I just don’t see why conservatives oppose gay marriage. Leave the moral and fairness issues aside and let’s talk money. Married couples pay higher tax rates. And weddings – including the reception and gifts – are expensive, which boost the state economy and bring in more sales tax. More sales tax revenue equals less need for raising income taxes.

Brett Favre now said Wednesday that he hasn’t decided on retirement, and the decision won’t be about money. Too bad, otherwise there is a chance we could pay him to go away.

Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th home run today. “That’s really awesome” said absolutely no one outside New York.

Two women have been charged with misdemeanors for a fight that led to a brawl during a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony.
I guess we can expect felonies when their daughters try out for cheerleading.

Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth skipped yet another conditioning test and still isn’t allowed to practiced. Haynesworth hasn’t blown off this many tests since he was at the University of Tennessee.

Rudy Giuliani’s daughter was arrested for shoplifting in New York. It will be interesting to see how Rudy ties this to 9/11.

In San Francisco, federal authorities today announced the a number of arrests, and seizure of more than 200,000 counterfeit retail items valued at $100 million, in one of the largest such busts ever in Caliifornia, The retailers, many near Fisherman’s Wharf, had been selling Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Chanel labeled items, for a fraction of the cost of the real thing

Local reaction was mixed. 25 percent said the arrests wer warranted, 25 percent said they were unnecessary, and 50 percent said they wished they had known the names of the stores earlier.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says testing players for HGH is about the “integrity of the game.” When a player can be suspended for steroids and go to the Pro Bowl in the same season I would ask “What integrity of the game?”

Happy Birthday to Barack Obama. Wonder what the over-under was on conservative commentators who both wished him a happy day and once again brought up the issue of his birth certificate? (Open note to all doubters – if he had faked being born in the U.S., trust me, Hillary would have proved it.)

Meg Whitman said today “In all likelihood I will vote no on Prop. 23,” (the climate change law suspension proposition.) Actually given Whitman’s past history, the first six words of her statement would have been newsworthy enough.