Posted tagged ‘Giuliani jokes’

Drained?

November 11, 2016

So about when will Donald Trump realize that it is now HIS alligators and his swamp?

Have to think George W. Bush is smiling just a bit. Decent chance many will no longer think he’s worst US President In recent memory

 

Melania Trump and Michelle Obama apparently had a nice meeting in the White House today. Assume Melania asked Michelle for names of her favorite florist, chef, restaurants, speechwriter….

If #Trump is really going to start deporting immigrants how will Melania get her nails done?

Well, at least Thursday night Americans could take a break & have the biggest thing that sucks on TV be the #Browns. #CLEvsBAL

And early in the game, the Browns were actually ahead.  Until they reverted to form.  There alas went the 49ers best chance at a #1 draft pick.

NY Giants WR Victor Cruz, asked about Donald Trump post-election “My mom told me one time that if I don’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. So I’m gonna stick to that one.”
#notsodumbjock

Alabama football coach Nick Saban claimed today he had no idea there was a Presidential election Tuesday. “We’re focused on other things here”. Sigh. Pretty sure those other things don’t include education.

Your non-election Florida item for the afternoon: According to police affidavits, FIU senior TE Jonnu Smith’s girlfriend was upset about him not paying enough attention to her, so she poured boiling water on him. Smith is now out for the season with multiple burns. Oh, and she’s pregnant with their child. And you thought YOUR parents were embarrassing.

Rudy Giuliani on plans to “lock her up” with Hillary Clinton “I think that somebody should review that very carefully, as to how bad is that evidence. And if it isn’t as bad as some of the exaggerators think it is, then maybe the best thing to do is forget about it and move on.”
“Some of the exaggerators?” And Rudy said it with a straight face.

The Obamacare federal exchange had more than 100,000 signups yesterday, their largest day of the year. Lovely, so the threat of fines doesn’t spur people to action, but the threat of a Trump presidency does.

Waiting to see Trump announce simple new health plan that is much cheaper than Obamacare – “You get well without a doctor or you die”

So far Donald Trump’s transition team is heavy on Heritage Foundation types, K street lobbyists and GOP insiders. So was “drain the swamp” simply to get easier access to some of the bottom feeders there?

Going to be interesting to see if Donald Trump has any women in his administration. One problem, leaving misogyny aside, is any woman attractive enough to be “his first choice” might well not want to get within groping distance.

Wondering with all these ambitious legislative plans if #GOP has forgotten about that little 60 vote rule in Senate they loved so much.

Someone gave the Donald his Twitter account back    “Just had a very open and successful presidential election. Now professional protesters, incited by the media, are protesting. Very unfair!”

Such a gracious winner.

Apparently some anti-Trump protests are blocking traffic in the SF Bay Area. (Interstate 80). While I’m as upset about this election as anyone, making people late for work, childcare pickup, etc, etc, is a really good way to turn off anyone even a little bit moderate.

 

 

Many of these Trump protesters are young, some too young to vote. (Although I sure hope those who could, did.) But thinking about it, I can understand how this election hit the younger generation especially hard.
They have grown up with concepts we middle-aged and old farts never did: global warming, the idea of racial equality, anti-bullying and sexual assault messages, openly LGBT friends, taco trucks on the corner…. And with a soft-spoken African-American president.
It’s not just that we’ve elected a Republican, it’s that we’ve elected a man who at times has gone against all these people and things, and more. That is very very scary.

And the hits just keep on coming.

August 15, 2016

To show that they take domestic violence seriously, the Chicago Cubs fired an employee who played Prodigy’s song “Smack my bitch up” after Aroldis Chapman pitched yesterday. Guess the employee couldn’t throw a 100 mph fastball.

Michael Phelps says he is “‘Done, done, done – and this time I mean it,’ with swimming. And adds he wants to focus on his fiance and baby. Let’s see, the kid will hit the “terrible twos” in 2018. Should be plenty of time for Phelps to get back in the water for Tokyo 2020

Despite Santiago Casilla giving up a 3 run game winning home run with 2 outs in the 9th, SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said if the team needed closer tonight it would be Casilla again. SFGiants fans thinking of asking for a dispensation to keep beer stands open into 9th.

Once again, the curse of ‪#‎Skeeter?  ‬. Missing ‪#‎MattDuffy‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

All these “Breaking News” stories re silver & bronze medalists for women’s balance beam. Would be nice if they led with who won? ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

 

Some social media snark about the story that Bernie Sanders bought a big vacation lake house in Vermont for $575,000. No snark from California, where residents are still in shock “You can buy a house for $575,000?”

So they say the security scare that resulted in thousands of people being evacuated from JFK Airport last night may have simply been caused by a lot of really loud cheering for Usain Bolt.
Well, at least this year’s Yankees and Mets won’t be causing the same potential security problem

#‎RudyGiulaini‬ today – U.S. did not face “any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks” before Obama took office ‪#‎NYCMayor‬ ‪#‎youhadonejob‬

South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford said yesterday Donald Trump should release his tax returns because not doing so “would hurt transparency in our democratic process.” And then presumably Sanford went off again to hike the Appalachian trail.

Marc Ragovin thinks Trump will release his tax returns when Sanford releases his itineraries.

Think I’ve got this straight. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go up, he is getting his message out. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go down, it is the fault of the “disgusting and corrupt” media.

Ivanka Trump posted a picture on Instagram of herself on vacation in Dubrovnik with Wendi Murdoch, who is Vladimir Putin’s girlfriend. Now, heck, if they’re friends they’re friends. But imagine if Chelsea Clinton posted such a picture? Or if one of the Obama girls posted a picture with the daughter of a Muslim leader?

 

Regarding the picture of Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump and Putin’s girlfriend Wendi Deng Murdoch, I  would understand their anger if paparazzi invaded their privacy. But Ivanka posted the vacation shot herself. ‪#‎WTF‬?

 

 

Trump today “Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into the country.”
And then did he reassure his supporters that none of them will be deported?

T.C ‘s comment on “Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”

“Lol, you only need bait when the fish aren’t jumping right into your boat!”

Entering a football free zone.

February 9, 2016

 

Donald Trump is saying now he would not have run for President if he owned an NFL team. Quick, can some one sell him one?

So which was more disappointing yesterday for serious fans? The ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ game or the #SuperBowl commercials?

 

Rudy Giuliani on Beyonce’s Super Bowl Show, which featured a tribute to “Black Lives Matter,” “I thought it was really outrageous that she used it as a platform to attack police officers who are the people who protect her and protect us.” Shocking – Giulani spoke an entire sentence without mentioning 9-11?!

If everyone hadn’t gotten their knickers in such a knot, most of America wouldn’t have even realized there WAS a political message in Beyonce’s Super Bowl halftime show.

Broncos safety T.J. Ward on the Panthers after the Super Bowl “They want to be famous. We want to be champions. They want to be rappers and backup dancers. We want to play football.”
Apparently no one told Ward about the concept of being a sore winner

Last night showed Cam Newton has a lot to learn. For starters Marshawn Lynch could have taught him “I’m just here so I don’t get fined.”

A bright note for fans of many other teams – Panthers and Broncos showed yesterday you don’t really need a quarterback to win a Super Bowl.  (Yes, Bears fans, there’s hope even with Jay Cutler.

The best thing about after hearing the words “I’m presenting the Super Bowl trophy to….” is that soon we will be hearing the words “Pitchers and catchers report.”

The Cal band played at halftime of yesterday’s Super Bowl. Which was exciting for Bears band members- especially since they aren’t likely to get the chance to play at halftime of a Rose Bowl

 

Jack in the Box says they will give away 1 million free hamburgers. To paraphrase Johnny Carson 40 or so years ago, wow, that’s almost 100 pounds of meat.

Former NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg says he IS considering running for President in 2016. Because the car doesn’t have enough clowns already?

The U.S Treasury department said 4,279 people renounced U.S. citizenship in 2015, a new record. Which will be a very small percentage of the total if Donald Trump somehow gets elected

A Broncos fan, Justin Kerrigan, told an NBC reporter he had paid $21,000 for Super Bowl tickets but said “Don’t tell my wife.” Well, it’s a good thing no one watches NBC.

Tomorrow is the New Hampshire primary, the first actual primary, not caucus, of the 2016 Presidential election. For the rest of us, we’re only 2 weeks away from the first voting on American Idol.

 

 

 

A Royal Caribbean cruise ship has turned around and is heading back to New Jersey after being caught in damaging hurricane force winds on its way to the Bahamas. CNN is torn between covering the ship’s return and the New Hampshire primary.

Scene right out of “Airplane” at Houston Intercontinental Airport. Someone opens a door they shouldn’t and a siren and announcement comes on “A fire alarm has been activated, please evacuate the building. Use the stairs. Do not use the elevator”. With continual siren. This announcement competes with the United agent saying “This happens all the time, please remain seated, we have not confirmed an actual fire alarm.”. Half expected them to start arguing about the red zone and the white zone.

 

 

From Alex Kaseberg  “Last year, Tom Brady gave his Super Bowl MVP truck to the player who won the game for them, safety Malcolm Butler. So is Von Miller giving his truck to Cam Newton?”

Can you see me now?

February 19, 2015

A Canadian PhD student says he has developed a topical cream that can remove tattoos easily and without pain. If this cream actually ends up available to for sale I think we’ve just figured the answer to an often pressing question. “What do I buy for a college graduation present?”

Roger Goodell, 56, ran the 40 yard dash this week, in a very respectable 5.53 seconds. Assume Goodell did it by imagining he was running away from tough questions.

 

The San Diego Chargers and Oakland Raiders are talking about building a joint stadium together in Los Angeles. Makes some sense. And it’s not like the new stadium would need to set aside much space for future Super Bowl trophies.

Police who have accused Warren Sapp of soliciting prostitution and assault say that the former NFL star not only paid for oral sex, he filmed it on his cellphone. Nice of Sapp to do their evidence gathering for them. ‪#‎cantfixstupid

So now FIFA has decided that the 2022 World Cup in Qatar will be played in November-December, right in the middle of the European Cup Season. But hey, the weather should only be in the 80s. And why should FIFA care about European soccer anyway, Qatar should have the World Cup they bought and paid for.

Tiger Woods has decided he will not play in next week’s Honda Classic at PGA National.    Tiger must really need some time away from the game – it would only be two rounds of golf.

Former NBA star Jerome Kersey passed away today way too young at the age of 52. Kersey won a single championship, with the San Antonio Spurs in 1999. How long ago and yet how recent was that? One of his teammates was Steve Kerr.  And the MVP of the finals was Tim Duncan.

Rudy Giuliani, speaking at a dinner for Scott Walker with about 60 wealthy Republican executives and conservative media. “I do not believe that the president loves America. He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me.” Well Giuliani got two out of three right.

The Big Ten says they are looking into the idea of making freshmen athletes ineligible for competition. The idea being to give them “a year of readiness” to adjust to college life. So is the conference also presumably thinking of giving up on D1 college basketball?

The NBA season resumed post-All Star break tonight. Which means we only have about two months until the two-month postseason starts.

 

From T.C.  “Memo to all players at Yankee Spring Training: Since we are running out of traditional numbers, please submit a request for a “letter or double letter” uniform in case the number you want is unavailable. The letters BB (bat boy); DD (our well endowed left field foul line girl) and FU (in case Randy Johnson comes out of retirement) are already taken.”

Lies, damn lies, and propositions….

August 5, 2010

An open question to all those in favor of Prop 8. Can any gay couple make more of a mockery of the idea of marriage than Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston?

Semi serious note: I just don’t see why conservatives oppose gay marriage. Leave the moral and fairness issues aside and let’s talk money. Married couples pay higher tax rates. And weddings – including the reception and gifts – are expensive, which boost the state economy and bring in more sales tax. More sales tax revenue equals less need for raising income taxes.


Brett Favre now said Wednesday that he hasn’t decided on retirement, and the decision won’t be about money. Too bad, otherwise there is a chance we could pay him to go away.


Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th home run today. “That’s really awesome” said absolutely no one outside New York.


Two women have been charged with misdemeanors for a fight that led to a brawl during a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony.
I guess we can expect felonies when their daughters try out for cheerleading.

Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth skipped yet another conditioning test and still isn’t allowed to practiced. Haynesworth hasn’t blown off this many tests since he was at the University of Tennessee.

Rudy Giuliani’s daughter was arrested for shoplifting in New York. It will be interesting to see how Rudy ties this to 9/11.

In San Francisco, federal authorities today announced the a number of arrests, and seizure of more than 200,000 counterfeit retail items valued at $100 million, in one of the largest such busts ever in Caliifornia, The retailers, many near Fisherman’s Wharf, had been selling Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Chanel labeled items, for a fraction of the cost of the real thing

Local reaction was mixed. 25 percent said the arrests wer warranted, 25 percent said they were unnecessary, and 50 percent said they wished they had known the names of the stores earlier.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says testing players for HGH is about the “integrity of the game.” When a player can be suspended for steroids and go to the Pro Bowl in the same season I would ask “What integrity of the game?”

Happy Birthday to Barack Obama. Wonder what the over-under was on conservative commentators who both wished him a happy day and once again brought up the issue of his birth certificate? (Open note to all doubters – if he had faked being born in the U.S., trust me, Hillary would have proved it.)

Meg Whitman said today “In all likelihood I will vote no on Prop. 23,” (the climate change law suspension proposition.) Actually given Whitman’s past history, the first six words of her statement would have been newsworthy enough.

A politician’s best friend?

June 30, 2009

A teenager was turned away from a flight to South America in Miami because his golden retriever had chewed up his passport, making it unreadable.

Which means had Mark Sanford only had a dog, he might still be a legitimate presidential candidate for 2012

Daniel Radliffe, the 19-year-old star of “Harry Potter”, says he prefers dating older women, because they are less work. Not to mention that dating “women” younger than him is generally at least a misdemeanor.


Yao Ming has a serious foot injury that could mean the end of his NBA career. Besides being a star player, Yao actually has done his part for global warming. By assuring that instead of being shipped thousands of miles, many more NBA souvenirs have been sold in their country of origin.


Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison. Which is appropriate, it’s over 1000 in dog years.


Rudy Giuliani says he is thinking of running for Governor of New York. Well, with three wives, who has more experience with family values?


New bumper sticker in South Carolina?

“It’s 10pm, do you know where your governor is?”


And when Sanford finally leaves office, whether by resignation or term limit, will the band play “Happy Trails?”