Posted tagged ‘cabinet jokes’

Voting and other consequences

January 19, 2017

Russell Westbrook left off as a starter for the NBA All-Star team?!. Ah for the days when inexplicable voting by Americans just impacted meaningless exhibition games.

Stanford has 11 players on rosters of the four teams left alive in this weekend’s NFL championship games.  The next closest school, Alabama, has 7.  #nerdnation

Trump has appointed Woody Johnson as his ambassador to Great Britain. So Johnson will do for America’s reputation in England what he’s done for the Jets?

Trump talking about huge crowds for inaugural concert .  Based on actual numbers even the Montreal Expos are giggling.

El Chapo has been extradited over to US. So will Trump name him Drug Czar?

 

Now GOP has set precedent hope Senate Dems feel justified not voting on any potential Supreme Court nominee. Only 1383 days to next election.

Trump doesn’t like PC, wonder why he didn’t ask the Stanford band to perform at inaugural – they could have played Yellow River.

So when Trump takes oath of office will he be saying “So help me, me.”?

Spokesman Sean Spicer says Trump’s incoming cabinet will have diversity. Yes, rich and richer.

Rumors are that Trump plans to privatize the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. So will PBS be replaced by “Trump TV?”

Rick Perry “After being briefed on so many of the vital functions of the Department of Energy, I regret recommending its elimination.”
Because, hey, don’t we all want to close things down when we have no idea what they do?

Donald and Melania Trump arrived at their inaugural concert to the music of the Rolling Stones’ “Heart of Stone.” #Truthinadvertising

Treasury secretary nominee Steven Mnuchin admitted in confirmation hearing today while he headed OneWest Bank, he now regrets kicking some people out of their homes. And one of the “”most troubling” of the foreclosures “was actually to the Octomom.”
At the Onion they are going, “that’s it, we quit. Can’t compete.”

Trump in a speech tonight, “Next time, four years from now, next time we’re going to win the old fashioned way.” As in without Russian help or by getting the most votes?

Nancy Sinatra, when asked how she felt about Trump using “My Way” for the first dance at his inaugural, responded, “Just remember the first line.” Three words “You go girl.”

(And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain…..)

Ich bin Berliner

December 20, 2016

The picture is from 2 years and 6 days ago,  at a different Berlin Christmas market. But hey, if we stop traveling, the bad guys win.

berlin

Ugh. Too much death today. And then Trump tweets “Today there were terror attacks in Turkey, Switzerland and Germany – and it is only getting worse. The civilized world must change thinking!
Uh, in Switzerland, it was Muslim men that were attacked. And in Turkey it appears the motive was vengeance about Aleppo. #notthatsimple.

ESPN.com reports Clemson QB Deshaun Watson, 2nd in the Heisman voting, said today “I’m the best player in the country. That’s how I think. That’s how I feel. People have their own way of voting.”
Well, it’s probably a good thing for Watson that no one at Ohio State reads anything on the internet.

Christian McCaffrey says he will doesn’t want to risk his NFL career and will sit out the Sun Bowl. So guess outside of Stanford and UNC fans, that will still mean the game gets a few dozen national viewers.

But makes sense, McCaffery was smart enough to get into Stanford, he’s smart enough to know it’s not worth risking millions of dollars in potential future earnings over a meaningless bowl in El Paso.

FIFA has fined England, Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland over wearing poppies on their armbands for Armistice Day, claiming that the flowers are now a “political” symbol. Even officials at the No Fun League are going WTF

After every Islamic terrorist act, some want to register Muslims, but after every U.S. mass shooting, same folks don’t want to register guns

Eric and Donald Jr. Trump are offering $500,000 donors to “sportsmens’ charities” a private reception with their father Donald, as well as a hunting trip with one of the sons. Hmm, can we crowdfund a donation for Dick Cheney?

You know @realDonaldTrump could just say “Merry Christmas” without trying to make a war out of it.

Another snow warning has been issued for Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea on the Big Island of Hawaii. So now only apparently would hell freeze over when Trump got elected, but heaven too.

Trump’s pick for Secretary of the Army, billionaire Florida Panthers owner Vincent Viola. Well, Viola did graduate from the USMA and served in both the 101st Airborne and the Army Reserves. And maybe since he owns an NHL team, Trump figures Viola also knows all about fighting?

Trump to announce his new Secretary of Veterans Affairs soon. Can I put money on a billionaire draft-dodger with no healthcare experience?

Brief detour from snark: Have to say, not that it really matters what I think but having the electors refuse to vote for Trump seemed like a really bad idea. I’m genuinely worried about him as President, but talk about a scary, slippery slope into complete anarchy.
Personally I also doubt he will “grow into” the office, but suppose we need to at least wait and see. Which doesn’t mean liberals rolling over. In one of the few times I will quote a Stanford rival school, ‘Fight on.”

If you are thinking of higher office someday…

February 28, 2009

With all the recent political career derailments, thought I would do a helpful post on suggestions for those planning on a career in public service above the local level. Including cabinet positions.

If you are planning any indiscretions, do them while you are young. Note, young means 21 and under. Under 18 is better. 25 is marginal. 30 something, or 40 something, may be young at heart, but not in the court of public opinion.

Live your life as if EVERYONE you come in contact with has a cellphone camera. This is almost true anyway. Especially if you hang out with anyone under 60.

If you patronize an adult bookstore, a “gentlemans club” or anything similar, pay cash.

If possible, never end a relationship on bad terms. Especially if your ex has pictures. And if it’s a relationship you would prefer not to be public, this goes double.

Pay taxes. For anything over a lemonade stand. And maybe even then.

Pay taxes for anyone you hire. And employees count as a relationship. Don’t be the kind of boss with ex-employees feeling they need to get back at you. Because, if you become a public figure, they will.

In public restrooms, don’t adopt a wide stance.

And remember, friends may fade, but Facebook is forever.

Additional suggestions welcome. Remember the career you save may be your own.