Posted tagged ‘#scotus jokes’

Seeing red?

June 27, 2016

Iceland just knocked  England out of the #Euro2016. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to England since Thursday.

 

After England’s loss to Iceland,  England soccer coach Roy Hodgson resigned immediately. And probably about five minutes before he was fired.

Carmelo Anthony says he’s already trying to recruit Kevin Durant. Well, there are some advantages to the Knicks – lots of media attention, the city of New York, and the months of May and June off.

A new Lenny Dykstra book coming out tomorrow is apparently so toxic that even Jose Canseco is saying “Dude, less is more.”

 

Rio de Janeiro’s governor said today that the Olympic Games could be a “big failure” What was his first clue?

Monday was ‪#‎NationalSunglassesDay‬. In Seattle they’re going “National what?”

Today is ‪#‎NationalSunglassesDay‬. In Seattle they’re going “National what?”

Jacksonville Jaguars LB Dan Skuta was charged with first-degree battery for an incident last week in Orlando where he allegedly pushed a woman’s face “with an open hand into a glass window” at around 2:30 a.m. The woman had apparently talked to Skuta, but declined to give him her phone number.
How bad are the Jaguars? Bad enough that not only can’t they come close to .500, but players can’t even impress women?

Two University of Texas freshmen who were moving out of their dorm found a hidden hold with antique items from the late 1950s, including pictures and empty beer cans. And presumably some still-fresh Twinkies.

 

 

The Supreme Court struck down Texas’s abortion law that would have closed most clinics in the state. More ammunition for “Texit?”

Just to prove that stupidity is not confined to one political persuasion, someone -just guessing it might have been a man – at “the Daily Show” thought this was a funny tweet in response to today’s abortion ruling: “Celebrate the ‪#‎SCOTUS‬ ruling! Go knock someone up in Texas!”

 

Even though fewer than 10 out of 41 clinics would have remained with the laws the Supreme Court just struck down, the Texas state solicitor general had argued “over 90% of Texas women of reproductive age will live within 150 miles of an open abortion clinic. ”
Not that they’re equivalent, but wonder what would have been the reaction if a law had required Texas men to drive up to 150 miles for Viagra?

Of course abortion and Viagra are not equivalent.  But on the other hand, Texas didn’t claim their law was to eliminate abortion, it was to “protect women’s health.” And even the ED drug ads say things like “if your heart is healthy enough for sex.”
So maybe Viagra-seeking men should indeed be required to go to a hospital.

 

 

Donald Trump just will not let go of this “Pocahontas” name-calling with Elizabeth Warren. But to be fair, maybe in another life, maybe that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head was a pelt.

Filling out those permission slips?

June 30, 2014

 

 

Thinking anyone who is asking or sneaking off from work Tues.to watch USA vs. Belgium should be able to name 2 players on USA Team #WorldCup

Charming. Waffle House now says that since the U.S. is playing Belgium tomorrow “We support a boycott on Belgian Waffles. We support America. We don’t support Belgian Waffles.” Except that actually in Belgium they have Brussels Waffles and Liege Waffles. Not “Belgian.” And the food that originated in Belgium that Americans really love is French Fries. #nojoke

Regarding this call for a boycott of Belgian waffles. We’d find out how little Americans, particularly women, care about the World Cup if the call instead had been for a boycott of Belgian chocolate. #priorities.

The U.S soccer coach apparently thinks Belgium will have an advantage tomorrow with the Algerian referee. Because the U.S. helped eliminate Algeria last time and because the ref speaks French. And how many Americans are thinking “Well, at least he doesn’t speak Belgian?”

 

Apparently thousands of bags were lost and/or delayed by British Airways at Heathrow last weekend. Thousands. And U.S. airlines accused British Airways of bragging.

 

So the Supreme Court has ruled for Hobby Lobby. Ready for the first business to sue demanding not to cover Viagra, unless the man is married to a woman of childbearing age. (And not while that woman is pregnant.) And for that matter, why cover vasectomies at all?

 

I guess I missed the part in American History when “Freedom of Religion” became “Freedom to Follow MY Religion?” #SCOTUS

Today’s Supreme Court decision applies to “closely-held” corporations. So if you’re a woman considering working a small business, check the owners’ bumper stickers.

The emergency evacuation slide on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Orange County, California accidentally deployed Sunday night, and the plane was diverted to Wichita, Kansas. United is being generous, however, in giving affected passengers free hotel rooms, and waiving their slide fee.

Lebron James has informed teams that he wants nothing less than the maximum salary for 2014-5, which is projected to be $22.2 million. Because surrounding a few stars with bargain basement players worked out so well this season?

A new survey found that 47% of U.S. adults said they wouldn’t last 24 hours without their smart phones. The other 53% were no doubt too wrapped up in their phones to answer the survey.

Someone leaded details of the Houston Astros’ trade discussions to a data sharing website. The team is said to be furious, but come on, who’s going to try to steal negotiation secrets from the Astros?

Okay, how many casual BayArea fans heard “walk off grand slam loss” and assumed ‪#‎SFGIants‬ instead of ‪#‎OaklandAs‬

And yes, it is wrong to rejoice in the misery of others. But my first team when I was 8 was the Detroit Tigers, and I have hated the As since they knocked “my” Tigers out of the World Series in 1972. So it’s not just me being an #SFGIants fan that really enjoyed Rajai Davis’s walkoff grand slam.

General Motors has recalled over 39 million  cars this year. Wow. Who knew GM had sold over 39 million cars?

 

The San Diego Padres beat the Cincinnati Reds 1-0 today, despite getting only one hit. Not surprising that the Reds – or Padres – hitting was that bad. But how did Cincinnati sweep 4 games from the SFGiants? ‪#‎automaticnoclutch‬