Posted tagged ‘World Cup jokes’

Two men’s teams out.

November 13, 2017

Well, at least Italy and USA can get together for a serious pizza & beer World Cup watching party.

Question of the night – How did the Dolphins manage to win 4 games?

Knicks  blew 15 point lead in 4th quarter tonight to lose by 3 to Cavs. Who do they think they are, the Atlanta Falcons?

So does the “Citizen of the Year” cover mean GOP will boycott GQ too?

Trump reportedly asked Chinese President Xi to help resolve UCLA basketball shoplifting case. Because what could come of having young men grow up thinking laws don’t apply to them?

Amazing, now the Twitter bots are on to Bill Clinton allegations. Last I heard he isn’t running for Senate.

Few could believe Catholic Church could so dishonor their own religion by turning a blind eye to pedophiles. Alabama pastors “Hold our beer.”

Keurig CEO Bob Gamgort said company didn’t intend to “take sides” w/ Roy Moore. Are there “many fine people on both sides” of adults dating teenagers?

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Can’t wait for some Trump/Moore supporter to say that yearbook note was somehow forged by same person who forged Obama’s birth certificate.

Now Fox News accusing GOP who condemn Moore of being hypocrites for not condemning George H.W. Bush. Groping is not OK, even for an old man. But H.W. is not now running for Senate.

Trump nominates Alex Azar as HHS Secretary. “He will be a star for better healthcare & lower drug prices.” Right, because who lowers drug prices better than an pharmaceutical executive?

Imagine GOP response if Chelsea Clinton had been found to be communicating with Wikileaks?

On Roy Moore, again. One is a mistake, two is really bad judgment….four is a pattern. Where there’s four there’s more.

If #RoyMoore does somehow withstand scandal & gets elected assume GOP in Senate embrace him at least as long as it takes to get tax cuts?

Just guessing even if #RoyMoore wins his offer will be turned down to play Santa Claus at White House Christmas Party.

(Though perhaps he might get the gig at Mar-A-Lago)

 

As a 1977 high school graduate I don’t remember every inscription in my yearbook. But pretty damn sure there’s none from a 30 year old man signed “Love.”

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Stars and no (pin) stripes?

July 7, 2015

All-Star starters are set. In the AL, there are four KC Royals, the leading vote getter is a Toronto Blue Jay, and there are NO players from the NY Yankees or Boston Red Sox. Not sure who those ballot box stuffers were, but they clearly don’t work for ESPN.

Sportswriter Jeff Passan, lamenting the All-Star Game selections, complained about Clayton Kershaw being left off the team when he is the ‘Best Pitcher in the World.”  With all due respect, this year Kershaw might not even be the best pitcher on the Dodgers. #Greinke

David West signs with San Antonio for $1.5 million, turning down $12 million with the Indiana Pacers. Either West really wants a ring, or he’s really bad at math.

Manu Ginoboli tweeted today “Happy to announce that I’m coming back next season. ‪#‎gospursgo‬ ‪#‎TDwouldvemissedmetoomuch‬.” So the Spurs machine will just keep rolling along, albeit probably with its left blinker on.

So are the Spurs done with free agents? One or two more discount deals and their payroll on average may be lower than some SEC football teams.

Lots of discussion in the media today about how the U.S. women’s “long 16 year World Cup drought is over.” And Cubs fans are just weeping.

20 riders are out of the “Tour de France” after a horrific crash. Fortunately all should recover, although the leader fractured vertebrae in his back. But you have to think someone connected with bike racing is musing “so how regularly do we have to have these crashes to increase viewership?”

Greece’s finance minister has resigned. Now there’s a position right now that might be as unenviable as managing the Philadelphia Phillies.

SC State Senator Lee Bright interrupted the Confederate flag debate to argue against gay marriage, saying the “devil is taking control of this land.” And adding “This country was founded on Judeo Christian principles….

Sounds like Senator Bright’s knowledge of history is as great as his empathy for same-sex couples.

Re the release of Cosby’s deposition in his 2005 sexual assault case, looks like his lawyer was right – “It would be terribly embarrassing for this material to come out.”

“I’m shocked” said almost no women. ‪#‎hesaidshesaidshesaidshesaidshesaid‬…..

Many NASCAR drivers are complaining over “pack racing”, because with so many similar cars bunched tightly together in one place during the competition, wrecks are likely. Sort of like the stage for the first GOP Presidential debate?

USA, USA, USA

July 6, 2015

Congrats to the U.S. Women on their World Cup win. Can we go back to ignoring soccer now?

(Of course, those who only follow and support men’s sports would say that U.S. men, by getting knocked out earlier, allow Americans to get back to paying attention to “real” sports sooner.)

And a lot of 1st time watchers for Women’s World Cup thinking “Wait a minute, I thought this was the sport where no one scored?

Have to wonder about TV rates for the Women’s World Cup final.  Japan played competitively after they ended up down 4-0.   But for a while the women’s final looked to be a big enough train wreck to please even “Bachelorette’ fans.

Open note to ‪#‎SFGiants‬, if you are trying to win, probably a better idea to score more in a 3 game series  than the women’s team scores in the ‪#‎WorldCup‬ final.

So ‪#‎USA‬ women ended up with more goals today than the ‪#‎KCRoyals‬ have All-Stars? Who’d a thunk it? ‪#‎FIFAWWCFinal‬ ‪#‎AllStarGame

NY Giants star DE Jason Pierre-Paul will live and at least “not lose the use of his hand, after a Fourth of July accident with fireworks. But clearly there should be a subcategory of Darwin Awards where all you kill is your career.

The Nationals have put.Stephen Strasburg on the DL with an oblique strain. Feeling a bit old because I remember baseball before players had obliques.

Proving again why the Fourth of July is one of Darwin’s favorite holidays. In Maine, a 22-year-old died when he apparently lit a firework and tried to launch it off the top of his head. Police say he had been drinking. Ya think?

(The poor young man in question apparently played “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast at Walt Disney World. Alas, too much typecasting?)

The Grateful Dead had three last shows at Soldier Field and despite their possible musical failings, apparently performed in front of very happy capacity crowds. Hmm, wonder if medical marijuana prescriptions might someday be the answer for Chicago Bears’ fans.

The gift that keeps on giving. Donald Trump today tweeted “Miss Universe, Pauline Vega, criticized me for telling the truth about illegal immigration, but then said she would keep the crown. Hypocrite,”
Almost as much of a hypocrite as someone who defends “traditional marriage” and has himself been married three times?

Coke Zero 400 at Daytona finishes after 2:30am Eastern time. Wow. Normally when a sporting event in the U.S. finishes this late into the evening/morning, the Red Sox or Yankees are involved.

Go forth…

July 4, 2015

Today is Nathan’s Hot Dog East Contest. Fitting, on the 4th of July we have the one event where America can still prove our absolute superiority. ‪#‎eating‬

But got to love the Fourth of July.  A holiday where Americans celebrate our Independence while buying things and shooting off fireworks from China.

 

George Takei has apologized for calling Clarence Thomas a “clown in blackface.” Is Takei apologizing for the “blackfare” reference, or for insulting clowns?

ESPN reported Friday morning that the NY Mets had scored 23 runs in the last 17 days. Maybe they’re taking support of the US Women’s World Cup team a little too literally?

 

(And then the Mets won Friday night, 2-1.   )

 

In  late August, the NY Mets will play the Boston Red Sox, in the “Something’s got to give” series.  As my friend Joseph passed on in a comment he read somewhere “The only thing the Red Sox pitching staff has retired this season is Pedro Martinez’s uniform number.”

Not a mirage, lots of Los Angeles fans actually still in the stands in the 9th inning of ‪#‎Dodgers‬ loss to ‪#‎Mets‬ Friday night.  Maybe they’ve actually decided they care more about the game than traffic…. Nah,  it was Fireworks Night.

The NBA free agent market is really heating up. All it needs to be a serious TV event might be some of these players starting to hand out roses to their suitors.

 

Whole Foods is apologizing after an investigation found incorrect weights and overcharging on many of their items – . “Straight up, we made some mistakes, we want to own that.” Of course what the chain probably considers their biggest mistake was getting caught?

 

At around 230a Friday morning, a man decided to ignore “No swimming – alligators ” signs at a Texas marina. A gator promptly dragged him under the water and killed him. ‪#‎Darwinwouldbesoproud‬ ‪#‎Ifonlyhewasarmed‬

 

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Joe Maddon is being credited with sparking the Cubs’ recent sweep of the Mets by bringing a magician into the clubhouse prior to the series. Although with the Mets offense a mortician would have done just as well.”

Goal (s)!

July 1, 2015
The US beat Germany and is going to the Women’s World Cup final. Many Americans are so excited they might actually watch part of the game. ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

Just wondering, am I allowed to start a business and refuse clients who don’t believe in the Church of Baseball? ‪#‎religiousfreedom‬

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The Justice Department is investigating possible airline collusion on airfares. When they wrap up the investigation the DOJ’s next project will no doubt be determining if water is wet.
Wednesday was the first day that recreational marijuana is legal in Oregon. It was  also the first day NBA free agents can sign with teams? ‪#‎Coincidence‬? ‪#‎Trailblazers‬
It was 87 degrees with 34% humidity and everyone is complaining about how unbearably hot it is. Yes, Northern Californians are weather wimps.
Recently released emails show that Hillary Clinton didn’t know how to work the office fax machine. Said everyone under 30, “what’s a fax machine?”
The Boston Globe is reporting that Tom Brady and his wife Gisele Bundche, have apparently hit a snag in their efforts to o join The Country Club (TCC) in Brookline, Mass. It may be because the couple are too famous. Or maybe members don’t trust Tom around their inflatable water toys.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ just DFA’ed ‪#‎McGehee‬, MLB leader in GIDP’s. Now ‪#‎Casilla‬ is one away from MLB lead in blown saves. Not titles you want to win.
Jim Carrey called California Gov. Jerry Brown a ‘corporate fascist who must be stopped” and said the CDC was “corrupt” after Brown signed a mandatory vaccine bill. Maybe Carrey took that “Bruce Almighty” role a little too seriously?
Now Macy’s is the latest to end their relationship with Donald  Trump over his comments from referring to immigrants from Mexico as “killers and rapists.” Well, maybe this is another part of Presidential candidate Trump’s jobs program – creating a lot of new job opportunities as his own company gets fired.

A Tennessee hardware store owner put up a sign saying, “No Gays Allowed.” because he says homosexuality is against his religion and that if LGBT’s can stand up for what they believe in so should Christians.

Okay, fine, what about the “No Fornicators Allowed” sign? You know, adulterers, people having premarital sex, remarried divorced people….

Blue Jays 11, Red Sox 2, Toronto batters rapped out 16 hits. Maybe Boston pitchers didn’t realize that Canada Day, while a holiday, does not generally require the giving of gifts.

Just call him Babe.

July 13, 2014

madbum

Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.

Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants

 

#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.


Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.

(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.

Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?


Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”


So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.

Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?


Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?

CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.

ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)

Before the fall.

July 13, 2014

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

 

 

Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

 

Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”