Posted tagged ‘World Cup jokes’

Two men’s teams out.

November 13, 2017

Well, at least Italy and USA can get together for a serious pizza & beer World Cup watching party.

Question of the night – How did the Dolphins manage to win 4 games?

Knicks  blew 15 point lead in 4th quarter tonight to lose by 3 to Cavs. Who do they think they are, the Atlanta Falcons?

So does the “Citizen of the Year” cover mean GOP will boycott GQ too?

Trump reportedly asked Chinese President Xi to help resolve UCLA basketball shoplifting case. Because what could come of having young men grow up thinking laws don’t apply to them?

Amazing, now the Twitter bots are on to Bill Clinton allegations. Last I heard he isn’t running for Senate.

Few could believe Catholic Church could so dishonor their own religion by turning a blind eye to pedophiles. Alabama pastors “Hold our beer.”

Keurig CEO Bob Gamgort said company didn’t intend to “take sides” w/ Roy Moore. Are there “many fine people on both sides” of adults dating teenagers?

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Can’t wait for some Trump/Moore supporter to say that yearbook note was somehow forged by same person who forged Obama’s birth certificate.

Now Fox News accusing GOP who condemn Moore of being hypocrites for not condemning George H.W. Bush. Groping is not OK, even for an old man. But H.W. is not now running for Senate.

Trump nominates Alex Azar as HHS Secretary. “He will be a star for better healthcare & lower drug prices.” Right, because who lowers drug prices better than an pharmaceutical executive?

Imagine GOP response if Chelsea Clinton had been found to be communicating with Wikileaks?

On Roy Moore, again. One is a mistake, two is really bad judgment….four is a pattern. Where there’s four there’s more.

If #RoyMoore does somehow withstand scandal & gets elected assume GOP in Senate embrace him at least as long as it takes to get tax cuts?

Just guessing even if #RoyMoore wins his offer will be turned down to play Santa Claus at White House Christmas Party.

(Though perhaps he might get the gig at Mar-A-Lago)

 

As a 1977 high school graduate I don’t remember every inscription in my yearbook. But pretty damn sure there’s none from a 30 year old man signed “Love.”

Stars and no (pin) stripes?

July 7, 2015

All-Star starters are set. In the AL, there are four KC Royals, the leading vote getter is a Toronto Blue Jay, and there are NO players from the NY Yankees or Boston Red Sox. Not sure who those ballot box stuffers were, but they clearly don’t work for ESPN.

Sportswriter Jeff Passan, lamenting the All-Star Game selections, complained about Clayton Kershaw being left off the team when he is the ‘Best Pitcher in the World.”  With all due respect, this year Kershaw might not even be the best pitcher on the Dodgers. #Greinke

David West signs with San Antonio for $1.5 million, turning down $12 million with the Indiana Pacers. Either West really wants a ring, or he’s really bad at math.

Manu Ginoboli tweeted today “Happy to announce that I’m coming back next season. ‪#‎gospursgo‬ ‪#‎TDwouldvemissedmetoomuch‬.” So the Spurs machine will just keep rolling along, albeit probably with its left blinker on.

So are the Spurs done with free agents? One or two more discount deals and their payroll on average may be lower than some SEC football teams.

Lots of discussion in the media today about how the U.S. women’s “long 16 year World Cup drought is over.” And Cubs fans are just weeping.

20 riders are out of the “Tour de France” after a horrific crash. Fortunately all should recover, although the leader fractured vertebrae in his back. But you have to think someone connected with bike racing is musing “so how regularly do we have to have these crashes to increase viewership?”

Greece’s finance minister has resigned. Now there’s a position right now that might be as unenviable as managing the Philadelphia Phillies.

SC State Senator Lee Bright interrupted the Confederate flag debate to argue against gay marriage, saying the “devil is taking control of this land.” And adding “This country was founded on Judeo Christian principles….

Sounds like Senator Bright’s knowledge of history is as great as his empathy for same-sex couples.

Re the release of Cosby’s deposition in his 2005 sexual assault case, looks like his lawyer was right – “It would be terribly embarrassing for this material to come out.”

“I’m shocked” said almost no women. ‪#‎hesaidshesaidshesaidshesaidshesaid‬…..

Many NASCAR drivers are complaining over “pack racing”, because with so many similar cars bunched tightly together in one place during the competition, wrecks are likely. Sort of like the stage for the first GOP Presidential debate?

USA, USA, USA

July 6, 2015

Congrats to the U.S. Women on their World Cup win. Can we go back to ignoring soccer now?

(Of course, those who only follow and support men’s sports would say that U.S. men, by getting knocked out earlier, allow Americans to get back to paying attention to “real” sports sooner.)

And a lot of 1st time watchers for Women’s World Cup thinking “Wait a minute, I thought this was the sport where no one scored?

Have to wonder about TV rates for the Women’s World Cup final.  Japan played competitively after they ended up down 4-0.   But for a while the women’s final looked to be a big enough train wreck to please even “Bachelorette’ fans.

Open note to ‪#‎SFGiants‬, if you are trying to win, probably a better idea to score more in a 3 game series  than the women’s team scores in the ‪#‎WorldCup‬ final.

So ‪#‎USA‬ women ended up with more goals today than the ‪#‎KCRoyals‬ have All-Stars? Who’d a thunk it? ‪#‎FIFAWWCFinal‬ ‪#‎AllStarGame

NY Giants star DE Jason Pierre-Paul will live and at least “not lose the use of his hand, after a Fourth of July accident with fireworks. But clearly there should be a subcategory of Darwin Awards where all you kill is your career.

The Nationals have put.Stephen Strasburg on the DL with an oblique strain. Feeling a bit old because I remember baseball before players had obliques.

Proving again why the Fourth of July is one of Darwin’s favorite holidays. In Maine, a 22-year-old died when he apparently lit a firework and tried to launch it off the top of his head. Police say he had been drinking. Ya think?

(The poor young man in question apparently played “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast at Walt Disney World. Alas, too much typecasting?)

The Grateful Dead had three last shows at Soldier Field and despite their possible musical failings, apparently performed in front of very happy capacity crowds. Hmm, wonder if medical marijuana prescriptions might someday be the answer for Chicago Bears’ fans.

The gift that keeps on giving. Donald Trump today tweeted “Miss Universe, Pauline Vega, criticized me for telling the truth about illegal immigration, but then said she would keep the crown. Hypocrite,”
Almost as much of a hypocrite as someone who defends “traditional marriage” and has himself been married three times?

Coke Zero 400 at Daytona finishes after 2:30am Eastern time. Wow. Normally when a sporting event in the U.S. finishes this late into the evening/morning, the Red Sox or Yankees are involved.

Go forth…

July 4, 2015

Today is Nathan’s Hot Dog East Contest. Fitting, on the 4th of July we have the one event where America can still prove our absolute superiority. ‪#‎eating‬

But got to love the Fourth of July.  A holiday where Americans celebrate our Independence while buying things and shooting off fireworks from China.

 

George Takei has apologized for calling Clarence Thomas a “clown in blackface.” Is Takei apologizing for the “blackfare” reference, or for insulting clowns?

ESPN reported Friday morning that the NY Mets had scored 23 runs in the last 17 days. Maybe they’re taking support of the US Women’s World Cup team a little too literally?

 

(And then the Mets won Friday night, 2-1.   )

 

In  late August, the NY Mets will play the Boston Red Sox, in the “Something’s got to give” series.  As my friend Joseph passed on in a comment he read somewhere “The only thing the Red Sox pitching staff has retired this season is Pedro Martinez’s uniform number.”

Not a mirage, lots of Los Angeles fans actually still in the stands in the 9th inning of ‪#‎Dodgers‬ loss to ‪#‎Mets‬ Friday night.  Maybe they’ve actually decided they care more about the game than traffic…. Nah,  it was Fireworks Night.

The NBA free agent market is really heating up. All it needs to be a serious TV event might be some of these players starting to hand out roses to their suitors.

 

Whole Foods is apologizing after an investigation found incorrect weights and overcharging on many of their items – . “Straight up, we made some mistakes, we want to own that.” Of course what the chain probably considers their biggest mistake was getting caught?

 

At around 230a Friday morning, a man decided to ignore “No swimming – alligators ” signs at a Texas marina. A gator promptly dragged him under the water and killed him. ‪#‎Darwinwouldbesoproud‬ ‪#‎Ifonlyhewasarmed‬

 

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Joe Maddon is being credited with sparking the Cubs’ recent sweep of the Mets by bringing a magician into the clubhouse prior to the series. Although with the Mets offense a mortician would have done just as well.”

Goal (s)!

July 1, 2015
The US beat Germany and is going to the Women’s World Cup final. Many Americans are so excited they might actually watch part of the game. ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

Just wondering, am I allowed to start a business and refuse clients who don’t believe in the Church of Baseball? ‪#‎religiousfreedom‬

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The Justice Department is investigating possible airline collusion on airfares. When they wrap up the investigation the DOJ’s next project will no doubt be determining if water is wet.
Wednesday was the first day that recreational marijuana is legal in Oregon. It was  also the first day NBA free agents can sign with teams? ‪#‎Coincidence‬? ‪#‎Trailblazers‬
It was 87 degrees with 34% humidity and everyone is complaining about how unbearably hot it is. Yes, Northern Californians are weather wimps.
Recently released emails show that Hillary Clinton didn’t know how to work the office fax machine. Said everyone under 30, “what’s a fax machine?”
The Boston Globe is reporting that Tom Brady and his wife Gisele Bundche, have apparently hit a snag in their efforts to o join The Country Club (TCC) in Brookline, Mass. It may be because the couple are too famous. Or maybe members don’t trust Tom around their inflatable water toys.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ just DFA’ed ‪#‎McGehee‬, MLB leader in GIDP’s. Now ‪#‎Casilla‬ is one away from MLB lead in blown saves. Not titles you want to win.
Jim Carrey called California Gov. Jerry Brown a ‘corporate fascist who must be stopped” and said the CDC was “corrupt” after Brown signed a mandatory vaccine bill. Maybe Carrey took that “Bruce Almighty” role a little too seriously?
Now Macy’s is the latest to end their relationship with Donald  Trump over his comments from referring to immigrants from Mexico as “killers and rapists.” Well, maybe this is another part of Presidential candidate Trump’s jobs program – creating a lot of new job opportunities as his own company gets fired.

A Tennessee hardware store owner put up a sign saying, “No Gays Allowed.” because he says homosexuality is against his religion and that if LGBT’s can stand up for what they believe in so should Christians.

Okay, fine, what about the “No Fornicators Allowed” sign? You know, adulterers, people having premarital sex, remarried divorced people….

Blue Jays 11, Red Sox 2, Toronto batters rapped out 16 hits. Maybe Boston pitchers didn’t realize that Canada Day, while a holiday, does not generally require the giving of gifts.

Just call him Babe.

July 13, 2014

madbum

Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.

Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants

 

#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.


Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.

(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.

Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?


Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”


So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.

Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?


Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?

CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.

ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)

Before the fall.

July 13, 2014

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

 

 

Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

 

Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”

LeBron gone.

July 11, 2014

Open note to Miami fans. There are children in Africa who need clothes. Just in case you were thinking of a jersey bonfire? #Lebron

Most googled question in #Cleveland today? “How do you get burn marks out of a jersey? #Lebron

Lebron James returning to the #Cavaliers. Best sure thing about this for #Cleveland fans? It knocks Johnny Manziel off the front page.

 

Miami Heat owner Micky Arison sent a classy ‘Thanks for the memories” tweet about Lebron James leaving, even though it’s not great news for his franchise. But Arison must be used to train wrecks by this point – he also owns Carnival and Costa Cruises.

 

“There are no second acts in American lives.” So somewhere maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald is saying “F**k you, Lebron James.”

Suspended Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is leaving his professional team of Liverpool for Barcelona. Wonder how long he had to chew on that decision?

Chad Johnson, now a member of the Montreal Alouettes, scored his first touchdown since 2011 and celebrated by hugging a CFL official. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

Forget #Lebron, the REAL breaking news is that Tim Lincecum got Paul Goldschmidt out #SFGiants

Curtis Reeves Jr. the man charged with shooting a man for texting inside a movie theater, was released on bond today. Reeves will be allowed to leave home only for church, court, doctors’ appointments, and the GROCERY STORE. New catch  phrase in Florida: “Cover me, I’m going for a quart of milk..”

 

Mashiro Tanaka, on being injured. “I want to apologize to the Yankees organization, my teammates and our fans for not being able to help during this time.” How long until the NY Yankees apologize to their fans for this season?

 

Brazil vs. the Netherlands for 3rd place in the World Cup Saturday. Have we finally found a sporting event where athletes care less than the NFL Pro Bowl?

Consumer Reports just rated California-based “The Habit Burger Grill” as having the best (chain) burger in America. Uh, many people would say it’s not even the best burger in California.

 

 

From Alex  Kaseberg:  “100 years ago, Babe Ruth made his baseball debut. It was a big day, Larry King threw out the first pitch. “

 

(and I’m thinking, who could forget the Babe’st thrilling first hit off of Jamie Moyer?)

 

 

Well, Jerry Brown may win re-election easily in California, but for 2012 Gubernatorial fun at least we have Florida. Where Gov. Rick Scott just criticized Charlie Crist as “elitist” for wearing a Rolex. Scott is worth about $150 million and has his own plane.

And then there were two.

July 9, 2014

Argentina over the Netherlands 4-2 in a penalty kick shootout. Setting up a World Cup final with Germany. Over-under on Nazi War Criminal jokes in the next 4 days?

 

On a brighter note for the World Cup host country, think of all the underprivileged children in Africa who will be be thrilled with their “Brazil, 2014 Champions” shirts.

 

Heard the US has offered to have a ceremony honoring the Brazilian soccer team. Their suggested venue? Wrigley Field.

 

So Germany vs. Argentina for the World Cup Championship Sunday in Rio De Janeiro. For Brazilians that must be like a World Series game 7 featuring the Yankees played at Fenway, or the Dodgers at A T & T, etc…..

 

Headline “Last Year’s Champion Drops Out of Tour de France.” And the response across America “Who?”

 

Sarah Palin is saying she would like to join “The View.” Good thing Barbara Walters has retired. This prospect might have killed her.

After Hobby Lobby, some religious leaders have asked President Obama to be exempted from his forthcoming executive order prohibiting federal contractors from discriminating against LGBTs. But okay, folks, if the point is limiting birth control and abortions, what better sex than gay sex?

An LA jury found the Dodgers partly liable for the injuries to Bryan Stow, ordering them to pay only $4.5 million of an $18 million verdict. $4.5 million!? That’s less than a half-year contract for an average rental player at the trade deadline.

 

Lebron James’ second free agency tour continues without a final decision.  Here we thought Lebron wanted to be Michael Jordan. Appears now he wants to be Brett Favre.

Edward Snowden has asked for an extension on his one-year Russian visa. So, okay, people disagree on if he is guilty of a crime. Snowden CLAIMS, however, “If I could go any place in the world, that place would be home.” So if true wouldn’t you think he’d want to publicly defend himself back home in a trial?

 

 

President Obama today in Texas about the “immigration crisis.” “Are folks more interested in politics or are they more interested in solving the problem?” If Obama has to ask maybe he really hasn’t learned that much during four years in Washington.

Joe Montana, playing in a flag football game which will be the final game at Candlestick Park this weekend “My jersey just got here. I’m pumped, it’s almost time for the game. #cantwait.” Flag football? Have news for Joe. Most of us CAN wait.  Forever if need be.

 

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, 58, was sentenced today to 10 years in federal prison on corruption and graft charges. Which in Louisiana means Nagin may be released just in time to run for Governor.

 

“Can’t fix stupid” item of the day. A small Pennsylvania newspaper does a reader opinion feature on various topics, complete with a photo of the responders. And a Bloomsburg University student opined on the Redskins name controversy. Campus police saw the picture, recognized it and arrested him for jumping bail in a DUI case…..

 

 

From Marc Ragovin, on the story about two members of one of the NY Mets’ Single A minor league teams being recently arrested for drag racing.  “I guess this gives new meaning to being on the fast track to the majors.”

 

 

Just a few goals past ugly?

July 9, 2014

7-1 final. Germany hasn’t rolled over another country like this since…. oh, does this even need a punchline?

This Brazil vs. Germany World Cup game should get us all ready for those thrilling September SEC-cupcake matchups.

How ugly was it looking in Belo Horizonte against the Germans today? Wonder if the Brazilian team considered singing “Edelweiss” and trying to sneak out the back? #toosoon?


#Dodgers score 5 runs off Justin Verlander in 1st, now trail #Tigers 12-5. Are both teams are taking turns emulating Brazil vs. Germany?



Rough day for the Brazilian team. Maybe a record day for Caipirinha sales.


Meanwhile, what a waste. Madison Bumgarner in an AL park with the DH. He was more likely to get a clutch hit than at least a few batters in the #SFGiants lineup.

 

Cleveland has been selected as the site for the 2016 Republican Convention. Stand by for “Mistake by the Lake” jokes.


Sarah Palin recently referred to today’s politics as “incorrigibly disastrous.” Well, if anyone should be an expert on “incorrigibly disastrous…”

(My friend Julia Park Tracey “I didn’t know she was polysyllabic.”)


Two University of Miami football players, both projected starters, were dismissed from the team after being arrested on sexual battery charges against a “physically helpless” 17-year-old girl. Wonder how long it will take for them to show up “rehabilitated” on another team or on an NFL practice squad?

This summer TGI Fridays will offer “Endless Appetizers.” $10 a person – no sharing please – unlimited refills of choices including Potato Skins, , Mozzarella Sticks and Boneless Buffalo Wings. Presumably the offer also comes with a free test for Type 2 Diabetes.


United Airlines has announced they will outsource 630 jobs at 12 U.S. airports in a cost-saving move. So you thought that customer service was bad at Albuquerque; Buffalo; Charleston, Charlotte; Columbus, Ohio; Des Moines,. Detroit, El Paso, Sioux Falls, Wichita, Pensacola and Salt Lake City before…..

Former “Baywatch” star Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce again. So guys, they’re available.

John Boehner wants another $3.3 million for another House investigation of Benghazi. Not sure what they hope to find out this time, though it now seems pretty certain that if Congress put as much money and effort into protecting our Embassies and Consulates as they are now into “getting” Obama, Ambassador Stevens and the others would be alive today.

We’ve got trouble.

July 6, 2014

 

Browns WR Josh Gordon, already suspended for a year for violating the NFL drug policy, was arrested at 4am this morning for alleged DWI. Well, at least looks like Johnny Manziel will have one less person to party with in Cleveland.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford says he won’t guarantee he will stay sober, and that he can’t make promises about something over which he has “no control.” Wow, an actual honest statement from a politician.

in the US, July 4 was our bbq and fireworks day.    Making July 5  “so what do you put on a burn” day?

Refereeing in the #WorldCup makes me long for the simplicity of baseball’s balk rule.

You cannot make this “stuff” up, dept: Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, who is running against U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu, and who co-sponsored the “Abstinence Education Reallocation Act of 2013”, announced that his unwed 17 year old daughter will have a baby “this summer”

Foster Farms just recalled some chicken linked to a salmonella outbreak. The products have “use or freeze by” dates from March 21 to 29. Of course, if you still have chicken around from March, you might have other problems than salmonella.

 

 

Ad for Eliquis with the usual side-effect mentions in small print “May cause paralysis – the inability to move.” Guess some lawyer decided Americans don’t know what paralysis means…..

 

New Bucks coach Jason Kidd: “‘Why Milwaukee?’ My answer is simple: there is no place I’d rather be” Well, either that or there’s no place Kidd would rather be that would take him.

Amber Battle, Texas Tech’s Lady Raiders’ basketball leading scorer, was involved in a fight with a football player that resulted in the police being called. She has been suspended, for the first month of the season. Good to see that women star players can now be slapped on the hand as hard as men.

 

Last night millions of baseball fans wondered if they needed to adjust their sets. That was an #SFGiant hitting a ball out of the park. Not an illusion.

(and it happened twice more.)

 

What’s more surprising? That the reeling #SFGiants beat the only team that hadn’t blown a lead after seven innings this season. Or that that team was the #SDPadres?

 

 

Regarding illegal immigration: When living conditions are bad enough, people will do whatever it takes to leave their country in the hopes of something better.. And the idea that we can just stop that by making it harder…? Remember the Berlin Wall?

Water world.

July 3, 2014

A Qantas flight from Los Angeles to Melbourne had to turn back when a pipe burst, sending a river of water rushing through the plane. On United they would have just kept going and charged a swimming pool fee.

 

Qantas may be changing their pre-flight briefing.  “In case of rushing water in the aisle, passengers wishing to use the restroom may use their seat cushion as a flotation device.”

Silver lining about all these religious universities whose beliefs are so pure they don’t want the government involved in their health insurance – it will save taxpayer money because they won’t want tainted government funds for their research grants and student loans, right? #wecandream

Apparently the #WorldCup television ratings have been higher than those of the NBA finals. #Betterflopping?

 

All these NBA players working so hard to see if they can end up on teams together… If they spent as much effort actually working on playing as a team together maybe some of these prima donnas would have a better chance for a ring.

 

SportsCenter Breaking News “Lebron James agent meets with multiple teams.” “Lakers and Knicks offer max to Carmelo.” This isn’t an NBA off-season, it’s a bad mini-series of “The Dating Game.”

#SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy says he will drop Blanco – 10 for 59 since Pagan got hurt- down in the batting order “until he gets his swing.” Uh, except what if 10 for 59 IS his swing?

 

Overheard around U.S water coolers today. “Hey, do you know when the next World Cup games are?” “No, me neither.”

Hillary Clinton said in a BBC interview that she’s “grateful” she forgave Bill over Monica Lewinsky. “Forgiveness is a choice, and I fully respect those who don’t make that choice for whatever reason in their personal or professional lives .But for me, it was absolutely the right choice.” So where’s the applause from “family values” conservatives?

Stay classy Mississippi. GOP State Sen. Chris McDaniel is offering a $1,000 ‘reward’ for evidence of voter fraud by Senator Thad Cochran, who beat him in the Republican Primary. In this case the “Big Tent” is more like a cover over a boxing ring.

The economy added 288,000 jobs in June and the unemployment rate fell to 6.1% – the lowest it’s been since September 2008. Time for the GOP to call another hearing on Benghazi.

From an anonymous friend “Next up: SCOTUS declares the Universal Suffrage Amendment unconstitutional because “it wasn’t in the original Constitution, so the Founding Fathers didn’t want it”. Cave paintings at 11″

From Bill Littlejohn  “Food and drink will be delivered to 49er fans at the new Levi’s Stadium via GPS tracking.  Maybe they might reconsider Apple Maps, however, as a couple of construction workers there, however, report that recently their lunches were sent into San Francisco Bay”

Misremembering and misbehaving.

July 3, 2014

Today, U.S. coach Jurgen Klinsmann now says he believed team USA could have won the World Cup — even though he said the exact opposite before they started playing. So maybe Klinsmann’s goal isn’t to be a winning coach, but a politician.

 

The Yankees were swept by the Rays and have now joined the Red Sox in having sub .500 records. Stand by for Bud Selig and MLB to implement emergency 16 team NBA-type playoffs..

 

Okay, maybe your baseball team is suffering. But I think Boston “wins” the week by being swept by the Chicago Cubs. Capped off by a 16-9 loss tonight. Talk about “50 Shades of Red Sox.”

 

But as T.C. says “Cubs 16; Red Sox 9. Boston doesn’t need hitting, they need Tom Brady!!!!”

Toronto mayor Rob Ford, just out of rehab, says “he can’t imagine” saying the things he said about black people, Jews and Italians. “When you have this disease, you say things, do things that aren’t you.” And Donald Sterling said “Why didn’t I think of that?

In England, the lawyer for ex-“News of the World” editor Andy Coulson, convicted of phone hacking, is pleading for a reduced sentence. The claim, that no one in the newspaper industry “realized that interception of voicemail messages was illegal, in the sense of criminal.” Ah, what, Coulson thought it was only immoral?

Target is asking customers, even those in “open carry” states, to leave their firearms at home. And really, who needs a gun while shopping anyway? Well, outside the first hour or so of a “Black Friday” sale.

At a Starbucks with line out the door, young woman is not only ordering for herself, but texting back and forth with a friend as to what kind of iced tea the friend wants. When she has finally paid, and line has grown, gal then pulls two Starbucks gift cards from her wallet and says “Can you verify the balances on these for me?” Beginning to see there just MIGHT be a reason for “open carry.”

Car in front of me on way to work had a “student driver” sign on it. Of course, it might have been obvious, the driver was actually using turn signals.

 

Protesters this week blocked buses containing undocumented immigrants from entering the Southern California  town of Murrieta. Said one woman “”I just wish America would be America again.” “Amen,” responded Native Americans.

 

Rick Perry has given up wearing cowboy boots. Allegedly as a way to soften his Texas image as he runs for President again in 2016. Amazing. For appealing to a national audience, guns aren’t dangerous but boots are?

 

Louisiana Rep. Vance McAllister, elected on a “Christian Family Values” platform, became known as the “kissing congressman” when he was seen on video making out with a staffer, McAllister said he would step down but now says he will seek re-election in November. Well, makes sense. He changed his mind about “forsaking all others” too.

No looking back.

July 1, 2014

 It could be worse for #USA in #WorldCup. We could be a country that cares about being eliminated for more than 5 minutes. #England, #Spain, #Chile

 

So the USA lost again Tuesday. That means we advance again, right? #WorldCup

A nice win for Belgium. So Americans will have to go back to wasting time at work by looking at cat videos. #WorldCup

Now that we are out of #WorldCup maybe #SFGiants will stop emulating #TeamUSA and start scoring.?

 

A new Florida Gators calendar is out, and Mr. July is…. Aaron Hernandez. Yikes. Apparently the pictures had to be approved in Spring, 2013. Well, it does mean the most embarrassing NFL picture on the calendar isn’t of Tim Tebow.

Rolando McClain retired from the NFL in April, saying “Now I know God has something else planned for me and that my life is bigger than football.” Now he’s un-retired and signed with Dallas.  So what,  McClain is now trying to say that he thinks God is a Cowboys fan?

A federal appeals court has agreed to reconsider Barry Bonds’ felony conviction for obstruction of justice. Wonder what happens if Bonds incorporates himself and says the “cream and the clear” were part of his religion?

Not that it will ever happen, but if teams in the #WorldCup knockout round had to win by 2, like in tennis, and if they had to keep playing until that happened, the games might be a lot more watchable. IMHO.

So the FTC claims T-Mobile added bogus overcharges to customers’ bills. As opposed to T-Mobile’s legitimate overcharges?

The Los Angeles City Attorney’s office announced after a “long review” that Aldon Smith will not be charged after being arrested for allegedly making a fake bomb threat at LAX this April. So where’s the disclaimer – “Professional athlete, do not attempt.”

A federal judge ruled today that same-sex couples have a right to marry in Kentucky. Kind of puts a new slant on sisterhood and brotherhood.

So the news that some of us may have been amongst the 700,000 guinea pigs in a FB experiment of either skewing new feeds positively or negatively is not thrilling. But then there’s the question – what other FB experiments do we not yet know about?

Serena Williams is gone, Maria Sharapova is gone. This potential women’s Wimbledon is shaping up to have all the ratings draw of a Tiger-less golf tournament.

Some statements just cannot be topped with a punchline. Monica Lewinsky, talking about the Starr report and the media “I was a virgin to humiliation.”

 

From T.C’ “Wednesday’s water cooler hot topic will be the US Soccer team’s World Cup loss to Belgium. Of course 99.9% of those asked if they watched the game will respond “No”.”

 

 

Political thoughts, anyone not interested can stop reading now. But.

 

Have to wonder with the Hobby Lobby decision, how would Sandra Day O’Connor have voted, as opposed to her replacement Samuel Alito? (Who says I never say anything nice about Ronald Reagan?)

 

Here’s one of many frustrating things about #SCOTUS decision. Good people can disagree on abortion. (And I am one who thinks it should be between a woman, her doctor and her God if she has one.). But the Hobby Lobby ruling is about four types of contraception they believe to be abortion. But many scientists would say otherwise.. Plan B is simply a large dose of birth control pills and may prevent ovulation,. The copper in the IUD is toxic to sperm and may prevent fertilization…. But hey, why should science enter into this when it’s a morality play?

Filling out those permission slips?

June 30, 2014

 

 

Thinking anyone who is asking or sneaking off from work Tues.to watch USA vs. Belgium should be able to name 2 players on USA Team #WorldCup

Charming. Waffle House now says that since the U.S. is playing Belgium tomorrow “We support a boycott on Belgian Waffles. We support America. We don’t support Belgian Waffles.” Except that actually in Belgium they have Brussels Waffles and Liege Waffles. Not “Belgian.” And the food that originated in Belgium that Americans really love is French Fries. #nojoke

Regarding this call for a boycott of Belgian waffles. We’d find out how little Americans, particularly women, care about the World Cup if the call instead had been for a boycott of Belgian chocolate. #priorities.

The U.S soccer coach apparently thinks Belgium will have an advantage tomorrow with the Algerian referee. Because the U.S. helped eliminate Algeria last time and because the ref speaks French. And how many Americans are thinking “Well, at least he doesn’t speak Belgian?”

 

Apparently thousands of bags were lost and/or delayed by British Airways at Heathrow last weekend. Thousands. And U.S. airlines accused British Airways of bragging.

 

So the Supreme Court has ruled for Hobby Lobby. Ready for the first business to sue demanding not to cover Viagra, unless the man is married to a woman of childbearing age. (And not while that woman is pregnant.) And for that matter, why cover vasectomies at all?

 

I guess I missed the part in American History when “Freedom of Religion” became “Freedom to Follow MY Religion?” #SCOTUS

Today’s Supreme Court decision applies to “closely-held” corporations. So if you’re a woman considering working a small business, check the owners’ bumper stickers.

The emergency evacuation slide on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Orange County, California accidentally deployed Sunday night, and the plane was diverted to Wichita, Kansas. United is being generous, however, in giving affected passengers free hotel rooms, and waiving their slide fee.

Lebron James has informed teams that he wants nothing less than the maximum salary for 2014-5, which is projected to be $22.2 million. Because surrounding a few stars with bargain basement players worked out so well this season?

A new survey found that 47% of U.S. adults said they wouldn’t last 24 hours without their smart phones. The other 53% were no doubt too wrapped up in their phones to answer the survey.

Someone leaded details of the Houston Astros’ trade discussions to a data sharing website. The team is said to be furious, but come on, who’s going to try to steal negotiation secrets from the Astros?

Okay, how many casual BayArea fans heard “walk off grand slam loss” and assumed ‪#‎SFGIants‬ instead of ‪#‎OaklandAs‬

And yes, it is wrong to rejoice in the misery of others. But my first team when I was 8 was the Detroit Tigers, and I have hated the As since they knocked “my” Tigers out of the World Series in 1972. So it’s not just me being an #SFGIants fan that really enjoyed Rajai Davis’s walkoff grand slam.

General Motors has recalled over 39 million  cars this year. Wow. Who knew GM had sold over 39 million cars?

 

The San Diego Padres beat the Cincinnati Reds 1-0 today, despite getting only one hit. Not surprising that the Reds – or Padres – hitting was that bad. But how did Cincinnati sweep 4 games from the SFGiants? ‪#‎automaticnoclutch‬

Going down.

June 29, 2014

Would baseball be more popular around the world if batters could fall to the ground writhing in agony if the pitch got near them and then be awarded 1st base? #WorldCup #flopping

Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari said he and his team “can’t be polite anymore” after barely beating Chile. Are they flopping too gracefully?

A fire broke out in the boiler room of a Holland America cruise ship leaving Seattle yesterday. But it was quickly extinguished, the ship returned to port without incident, and was cleared to sail again this morning. “Darn” said CNN.

In the 9th inning of a 4-0 loss, the #SFGiants won a review and have a play overturned. So where do you go to request the month of June be overturned?

Open note to #SFGiants. This is not the World Cup. You don’t have to wait to score with penalty kicks.

 

So according to Bochy, Sergio Romo will no longer be closing games for the #sfgiants. Of course that’s been true for over two weeks.

SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy today said the team “as a group, we’ve hit a bump in the road.” A bump? Feels more like a Giant sinkhole.

 

 

As of Sunday night, at SeaWorld San Diego, apparently several people have been stuck on the Skytower ride for several hours due to a power issue. The San Diego Fire Department is on stand-by.but says “no one is in distress.” If they’re not in distress after several hours guess this makes the Skytower perhaps the world’s highest outhouse.

Texas Tech has dismissed their top football recruit, CB Nigel Bethel II, for allegedly punching one of the their star woman basketball players in the face during a pickup basketball game. Next stop for Bethel, the Baltimore Ravens?

No injuries fortunately when two Ryanair jets ran into each other at London’s Stansted Airport yesterday morning. A spokesman said they hit wing tip to tail cone while one was approaching a gate and the was pushing back. Maybe enough passengers didn’t pay the “light stick” fee?

 

 

The Cleveland Browns owner reportedly told Johnny Manziel to “tone it down” and watch “what goes up on social media. Manziel reportedly responded that he’s not going to change his ways and will enjoy his time off. Of course, if Johnny can’t deliver on the field in the NFL, he could end up with a lot more time off.

 

Missed it by that much.

June 29, 2014

South Korea says North Korea fired two projectiles Sunday that “appear to be short-range missiles” into the sea off the eastern coast of the country. Or were these Kim Jong-Un’s attempt to hit Hollywood after that “act of war” James Franco movie?

 

 

Cover of NY Times Magazine from June 8 “The World Cup Issue – Featuring Ronaldo. The Man With the Golden Touch.” Who does the magazine think they are, Sports Illustrated? #jinx

Seen on a package of Trader Joe’s Turkey Jerky – “Turkey raised without artificial hormones.” Underneath – “Federal regulations do not permit the use of added hormones in Turkey.”

 

Luis Suarez says in no way was it ‘”a bite or intent to bite.”After the impact… I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent.” I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

When Brazil escaped their World Cup match with Chile by one penalty kick, wonder how many of the 11 players on the team cancelled their one-way flights out of the country?

With a “blowout”, by World Cup standards, 2-0 win today, looks like Colombia didn’t have to fight tooth and nail to beat Uruguay.

On June 13, ESPN’s’ Dan Szymborski wrote an article saying “Calling the NL West for S.F.” Would he like to write another article now saying the Dodgers look like a juggernaut and the Giants look done? #jinx

Fine whine of the day. Serena Williams, after being upset in the third round at Wimbledon “If I’m not playing a great, great match, these girls, when they play me, they play as if they’re on the ATP Tour, and then they play other girls completely different. It’s never easy being in my shoes.”

 

Chris Bosh and  Dwayne Wade have now joined Lebron James in opting out of their Miami Heat contracts to try free agency.  Shame they can’t all take their talents overseas. Would be fun to have an NBA team named “the Swiss Mercenaries.”

Confused about this #WorldCup. I think I’ve now figured out the penalty kicks. But when do they give out the Academy Awards for flopping.

 

 

Nestle recalled 10,000 containers of Haagen-Dazs chocolate peanut butter ice cream where the top lid was correct but the cartons said Chocolate Chocolate Chip, And sent out a notice “People who have an allergy or severe sensitivity to peanuts may run the risk of serious or life-threatening allergic reaction if they consumer this product.” Absolutely true, a real mistake, and yes, people should return the product but have to think if you’re deathly allergic, you should be paying close attention.

 

 

#SergioRomo, after 5th blown June save. “It doesn’t deter my confidence.” #SFGiants fans’ confidence, however, just a bit past deterred.

Time to man up?

June 26, 2014

Really? Ann Coulter, says “any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.” And that “I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” First, Ann should STFU. Second, few Americans are likely to be watching past the next round anyway.

 

 

Another thought on Ann Coulter’s comment that “No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” Thinking that not having children just makes Ann bitter about never having the chance to become a great-grandfather.

Phrase we never thought we’d hear in the USA. “Don’t ask me a work question, I’m watching the #WorldCup.” #USAvGER

Question asked around the US today? “So how do you win the World Cup by losing a game? “. “Oh, you mean there’s more…?”

In later World Cup games Thursday, Belgium beat Korea 1-0 and Algeria tied Russia 1-1. And across the USA one response “There were later games?”

Luis Suarez has been banned four months for biting. Although his actions did change the conventional wisdom that most Americans couldn’t name a single player in the World Cup

Ghana has kicked two players off their World Cup team after a training “altercation.” And apparently they had to bring $3 million in cash to Brazil yesterday after players threatened to mutiny over not being paid enough. Who says “futebol” is nothing like American football?

Tiger Woods shot a 74 on his first day back in a tournament. At ESPN they are wishing there were only some way to give the other golfers red cards.

 

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan will apparently reunite briefly on screen in the upcoming movie “Ithaca.” Of course, this time they will both be “Sleepless in Seattle” from getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

Howard Baker, 88, has died. He was Reagan’s chief of staff, a presidential candidate himself, and a moderate GOP Senate Majority Leader. Yes, Virginia, there was a time you could be known as a “moderate Senate Majority Leader”

If anyone has been  watching the #SFGiants lately and  heard Tim Lincecum threw a no-hitter against the Padres, their first question must have been “Did he win?

 

LGBT night at A T and T  and not a single same sex couple shown on “Kiss Cam.”. That’s as weak as #SFGiants hitting tonight.

According to the CDC, women are considered “heavy drinkers” if they have eight or more drinks a week, men are “heavy drinkers” if they have 15 or more. Great, one more stressor to drive us to drink.

 –

UK based Titan says they have sold at least one Titan “Zeus”, a $1.6 million, 370 inch TV. And somewhere some guy’s neighbor is plotting how he can find one bigger.

Open note to all drivers: When you are the 2nd, 3rd and 4th cars through the intersection after the light in the other direction turns green, it is just possible you ran a light that was a bit past yellow.

 

From Bill Littlejohn :   “Robert Morris University-Illinois has become the first school to consider video games as a sport.   CalTech could be next, but has concerns over attracting too many ‘one-and-dones'”

A hard-bitten team?

June 24, 2014

 

This just in –  World Cup coaches have ordered players to strike “Bite Me” from their vocabularies against Uruguay.

Mike Tyson has just been named an honorary team captain for #Uruguay #WorldCup #Suarez

 

Luis Suarez says of his biting another player, for the third time, “these things happen.” Translation, if you’re playing Uruguay in the next round of the World Cup, get a rabies shot.”

Will the headline for #Italy‘s #WorldCup exit today be “The Biter End?” #Uruguay #Suarez

All this commotion over Uruguay player Luis Suarez biting an Italian player today. This would never have happened with England playing Italy. #WorldCup

 

 

President Obama visited a Chipotle restaurant today and REACHED OVER THE SNEEZE GUARD to point at what he wanted. Republicans will no doubt soon announce a congressional investigation. #impeachableoffense

After almost a year long investigation, the NTSB faults actions by the pilots in the crash of Asiana Airlines 214 in San Francisco. In another year will an investigation conclude that Malaysian is missing a plane?

That moment when you think the “Crooks are stupid” contest for the year is already over, and it’s only June: In Minnesota, a burglar apparently couldn’t resist checking his FB on the home computer of someone he was robbing. And he FORGOT TO LOG OUT. So police tracked him down from the profile. Guess he has updated his status to #Busted.

Wonder how many #Miami fans are checking #Cleveland websites for advice on the best way to burn jerseys. #TheDecision2 #Lebron

#Lebron James will opt out of his #MiamiHeat deal. Assume the #Spurs have already told him, “No Thanks.”

Gregg Popovich, on Tim Duncan’s decision to return to the Spurs for a relatively low salary. “”He feels a responsibility to his teammates.” And Kobe Bryant and Lebron James responded “A what?”

 

 

The Phillies signed OF Grady Sizemore to a minor league contract. The way Philly is playing this season, isn’t “minor league contract” redundant?

 

 

Headline – “Boehner threatens war with Obama.” As opposed to his current wonderful spirit of cooperation?

From Alex Kaseberg: “U.S. women’s soccer goal, Hope Solo, was accused of assaulting two family members. She was charged with two counts of assault and one count of impersonating an NFL player.”

Mr. Padre.

June 24, 2014

gwynn

The #SFGiants honored Tony Gwynn before their game today.  And even put his #19 up on their wall.  Classy move for a real class act ballplayer.

 

(Although after honoring the best #SDPadres hitter ever in  Tony Gwynn, the Giants made  1st time starting pitcher Despaigne look like Trevor Hoffman each and every inning. #unclearontheconcept)

 

 

-Tony Gwynn got 97.61% of the votes in becoming a first ballot Hall-of-Famer, appearing on 532 of 545 ballots.   So were the other 13 voters a**holes or just ignorant.

 

 

 

 

The Tampa Bay Rays invited a 17 year old girl to throw batting practice for them before today’s game. Good thing they weren’t playing an interleague game in SF. She might have shut out the ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

 

#TimDuncan has quietly exercised his $10.3 million option to stay with #SanAntonio. My dad is right on this one. The #Spurs are just too professional for the media. #nodrama.

Apparently a “scathing” report by the Office of Special Counsel found a “troubling pattern of deficient care at VA facilities nationwide.” Not good. But have to wonder, what kind of pattern would they find at a lot of U.S. HMO’s?

Apparently some men tagging sharks from a 35-ft boat off the NJ shore have a video of getting their chum bag stolen by a 16-ft shark. Wonder who was the first to say “we’re going to need a bigger chum bag.”

You can’t make this stuff up. Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran, 76, who is struggling to keep his seat by fighting off a younger challenger, now has Brett Favre campaigning for him.

Katy Perry offered she’ll write Hillary Clinton’s theme song if Hillary runs again for President in 2016. And Bill offered to spend some private time consulting with Katy while she works on it.

There is a theory that warm weather countries are at a big advantage in this #WorldCup because of the hot, humid conditions in Brazil. If true, then just how good is the Netherlands?

With all the finger pointing after yesterday’s last second Portugal comeback, did anyone notice if a “mission accomplished” banner was raised on the U.S. side?

 

The USA Portugal broadcast had 24.7 million viewers between ESPN and Univision, a new record for any soccer game in the US. To put this in perspective, it’s a little more than half the 45.7 million who watched the 2014 NFL draft.

 

3 goals in 10 minutes Monday for Mexico. Who took the ball out of the humidor? #WorldCup

Oh lordie. Now with Hillary Clinton’s awkward statements about her family’s wealth, Joe Biden said today he’s “the poorest man in Congress. Adding.”I don’t own a single stock or bond. … I have no savings accounts. The VP and his wife reported $407,009 in adjusted gross income in 2013. If Biden’s telling the truth it doesn’t say much for his ability to manage his own money, let alone taxpayer dollars..

A Louisiana man is recovering with 80 stitches in his hand after he and his friends were drunk and tried to move an alligator out of the road. And Darwin is thinking “missed it by that much.”