Posted tagged ‘Chipotle jokes’

MLK Day.

January 18, 2016

Happy MLK Day. Martin Luther King, Jr., was a great man. No question. But if he lived in the internet age no doubt he would have been vilified for his personal life. Now, I love a good gossip as much as anyone. But I wonder, by our unrelenting 24-7 obsession now with looking for frailties, are we discouraging many men, and women, who might be potentially great leaders?

Panthers coach Ron Rivera has banned hoverboards inside the Carolina Panthers’ facility and suggested his players not ride them to and from work. Now, I get it the week before a game where the winner goes to the Super Bowl. But right, because heaven forbid anyone who plays football should do anything where they can get injured.

The Rams are talking $100 deposits on season tickets for 2016. And the first person to put down money was Magic Johnson. Wonder if he figures by the start of the season the Dodgers won’t have any games worth watching?

Guessing the Golden State Warriors were a bit upset about that loss to the Pistons?

132-98.  Normally when Cleveland is this embarrassed, the Browns are involved. ‪#‎Cavs‬ ‪#‎GSvsCLE‬

In Tennessee, police arrested a teacher after finding three of her students in the trunk of her car. Most people are going “How horrible.” And parents of multiple toddlers are thinking “You can do that?”

New low-cost Spanish airline Air Europa Express is CHARGING applicants 60 euros to apply for a job. Two thoughts: 1, how awful. 2. Don’t tell U.S. airlines.

Novak Djokovic, ranked #1 in the world in men’s tennis, says now “I turned down £110k to throw a match.” Scary. But what might be scarier is the number of players below him who are not saying anything.

To win back customers, Chipotle is planning some free burrito giveaways, that will vary by location. Wonder how many of them might be tied into things like “Bring your mother-in-law to lunch day”?

British Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn told a UK paper that he never got around to naming his cat, and just calls it “Gato.” (cat in Spanish.) Is he lazy, or does Corbyn just have a Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s fetish?

Donald Trump today told Fox News that a 2012 tweet, which he has frequently basically repeated, that the “concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive” was just a joke.
Did it just occur to the Donald that Asian-Americans vote?

Penthouse magazine says they are ending its print publication, going exclusively digital. Well, guess no one ever did pick them up at the store saying “I’m just buying it for the articles.”

 

Watched Gigi again today. Still one of my favorite movies of all time. But it couldn’t be remade. Gaston would have to register as a sex offender.

Damn, now Glenn Frey. Such a big part of the soundtrack of my youth. And one of my first album was the Eagles’ Greatest Hits. Too many young men in their 60s are dying. ‪#‎Alreadygone‬

 

So Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder is saying that the Flint water disaster is NOT his “Katrina.” Well, yeah, the hurricane started out as a natural disaster. In Flint, that state deliberately switched their water source in 2014 from Lake Huron to the Flint River to save money, then changed it back only after the corrosive water permanently damaged the lead pipes. So yeah, this isn’t Snyder’s Katrina, it’s much worse.

from Marc Ragovin  “Just when you thought NFL refs couldn’t be more incompetent, they gave us the most screwed up coin toss since Dick York appeared in the Twilight Zone.

(yeah, its an old reference, but the episode is classic.”   (google it, children. :0))

It’s about time?

April 16, 2015

Too easy but someone’s got to do it. The Apple Watch, scheduled to be in stores April 24, now won’t be there until June. Isn’t the first function of a watch to be on time?

Chris Christie Tuesday said if elected President that he would enforce federal law against states that have legalized marijuana. “I will crack down and not permit it.” Whatever happened to small government “states’ rights” conservatism?

Guessing whatever electoral map the New Jersey Governor has in his head never included California, Washington and Colorado?

A West Virginia woman is suing Walt Disney Corporation, claiming that the company somehow inserted a rubber chip in her body without her consent. Really, does she expect to convince a judge or jury that Disney does ANYTHING for free?

 

So last year United Airlines took away free alcohol on international flights in coach Now they’re announcing that as of June 1 they’re offering free beer and wine to international economy class passengers. Kind of the airline equivalent of doubling prices before a “Buy one get one free” sale.

Washington State Auditor Troy Kelley has been indicted on tax-evasion charges. You’d think if nothing else he’d have been smart enough not to get caught.

So with the Warriors having the best record in the NBA, and the Spurs having the best record over the past few weeks, Vegas has of course made the favorite to win the championship – the Cavaliers. Well, makes sense, they are the closest team to the East Coast.

Toronto-based Ashley Madison is going public but in England. Going to to be interesting to see how many people buy stock who will swear they never use the website.

Really? Rush Limbaugh and others are attacking Hillary Clinton for not tipping at Chipotle, and for not introducing herself and mingling with other customers. So a- how many of these folks tip at fast food restaurants, and b- if she HAD gone in and started talking to customers, Clinton would have been accused of disrupting normal Americans’ lunch for a photo op. ‪#‎canweactuallytalkaboutissues‬?

If she had left a $20 she’d have been criticized for trying to buy votes. #cantwin

The NBA playoffs are starting. But to put in perspective how crazily long the process is, if baseball used the same format, the World Series “Fall Classic” could end in December.

The D.A in the Aaron Hernandez case said “the fact that he was a professional athlete meant nothing in the end.”. True, but had Hernandez not been an athlete they’d have locked him up and thrown away the key a long time ago. Instead of after a months long trial with the best defense money could buy.

 

#‎BruceBochy‬ turned 60 today. As the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎DBacks‬ game goes into the 12th, right about now he’s got to be feeling 70.

Some of the younger generation may find it hard to imagine travelling without cellphones. But just as hard to imagine now travelling with luggage without wheels.

A hard-bitten team?

June 24, 2014

 

This just in –  World Cup coaches have ordered players to strike “Bite Me” from their vocabularies against Uruguay.

Mike Tyson has just been named an honorary team captain for #Uruguay #WorldCup #Suarez

 

Luis Suarez says of his biting another player, for the third time, “these things happen.” Translation, if you’re playing Uruguay in the next round of the World Cup, get a rabies shot.”

Will the headline for #Italy‘s #WorldCup exit today be “The Biter End?” #Uruguay #Suarez

All this commotion over Uruguay player Luis Suarez biting an Italian player today. This would never have happened with England playing Italy. #WorldCup

 

 

President Obama visited a Chipotle restaurant today and REACHED OVER THE SNEEZE GUARD to point at what he wanted. Republicans will no doubt soon announce a congressional investigation. #impeachableoffense

After almost a year long investigation, the NTSB faults actions by the pilots in the crash of Asiana Airlines 214 in San Francisco. In another year will an investigation conclude that Malaysian is missing a plane?

That moment when you think the “Crooks are stupid” contest for the year is already over, and it’s only June: In Minnesota, a burglar apparently couldn’t resist checking his FB on the home computer of someone he was robbing. And he FORGOT TO LOG OUT. So police tracked him down from the profile. Guess he has updated his status to #Busted.

Wonder how many #Miami fans are checking #Cleveland websites for advice on the best way to burn jerseys. #TheDecision2 #Lebron

#Lebron James will opt out of his #MiamiHeat deal. Assume the #Spurs have already told him, “No Thanks.”

Gregg Popovich, on Tim Duncan’s decision to return to the Spurs for a relatively low salary. “”He feels a responsibility to his teammates.” And Kobe Bryant and Lebron James responded “A what?”

 

 

The Phillies signed OF Grady Sizemore to a minor league contract. The way Philly is playing this season, isn’t “minor league contract” redundant?

 

 

Headline – “Boehner threatens war with Obama.” As opposed to his current wonderful spirit of cooperation?

From Alex Kaseberg: “U.S. women’s soccer goal, Hope Solo, was accused of assaulting two family members. She was charged with two counts of assault and one count of impersonating an NFL player.”