Posted tagged ‘women’s world cup jokes’

USA, USA, USA

July 6, 2015

Congrats to the U.S. Women on their World Cup win. Can we go back to ignoring soccer now?

(Of course, those who only follow and support men’s sports would say that U.S. men, by getting knocked out earlier, allow Americans to get back to paying attention to “real” sports sooner.)

And a lot of 1st time watchers for Women’s World Cup thinking “Wait a minute, I thought this was the sport where no one scored?

Have to wonder about TV rates for the Women’s World Cup final.  Japan played competitively after they ended up down 4-0.   But for a while the women’s final looked to be a big enough train wreck to please even “Bachelorette’ fans.

Open note to ‪#‎SFGiants‬, if you are trying to win, probably a better idea to score more in a 3 game series  than the women’s team scores in the ‪#‎WorldCup‬ final.

So ‪#‎USA‬ women ended up with more goals today than the ‪#‎KCRoyals‬ have All-Stars? Who’d a thunk it? ‪#‎FIFAWWCFinal‬ ‪#‎AllStarGame

NY Giants star DE Jason Pierre-Paul will live and at least “not lose the use of his hand, after a Fourth of July accident with fireworks. But clearly there should be a subcategory of Darwin Awards where all you kill is your career.

The Nationals have put.Stephen Strasburg on the DL with an oblique strain. Feeling a bit old because I remember baseball before players had obliques.

Proving again why the Fourth of July is one of Darwin’s favorite holidays. In Maine, a 22-year-old died when he apparently lit a firework and tried to launch it off the top of his head. Police say he had been drinking. Ya think?

(The poor young man in question apparently played “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast at Walt Disney World. Alas, too much typecasting?)

The Grateful Dead had three last shows at Soldier Field and despite their possible musical failings, apparently performed in front of very happy capacity crowds. Hmm, wonder if medical marijuana prescriptions might someday be the answer for Chicago Bears’ fans.

The gift that keeps on giving. Donald Trump today tweeted “Miss Universe, Pauline Vega, criticized me for telling the truth about illegal immigration, but then said she would keep the crown. Hypocrite,”
Almost as much of a hypocrite as someone who defends “traditional marriage” and has himself been married three times?

Coke Zero 400 at Daytona finishes after 2:30am Eastern time. Wow. Normally when a sporting event in the U.S. finishes this late into the evening/morning, the Red Sox or Yankees are involved.

Go forth…

July 4, 2015

Today is Nathan’s Hot Dog East Contest. Fitting, on the 4th of July we have the one event where America can still prove our absolute superiority. ‪#‎eating‬

But got to love the Fourth of July.  A holiday where Americans celebrate our Independence while buying things and shooting off fireworks from China.

 

George Takei has apologized for calling Clarence Thomas a “clown in blackface.” Is Takei apologizing for the “blackfare” reference, or for insulting clowns?

ESPN reported Friday morning that the NY Mets had scored 23 runs in the last 17 days. Maybe they’re taking support of the US Women’s World Cup team a little too literally?

 

(And then the Mets won Friday night, 2-1.   )

 

In  late August, the NY Mets will play the Boston Red Sox, in the “Something’s got to give” series.  As my friend Joseph passed on in a comment he read somewhere “The only thing the Red Sox pitching staff has retired this season is Pedro Martinez’s uniform number.”

Not a mirage, lots of Los Angeles fans actually still in the stands in the 9th inning of ‪#‎Dodgers‬ loss to ‪#‎Mets‬ Friday night.  Maybe they’ve actually decided they care more about the game than traffic…. Nah,  it was Fireworks Night.

The NBA free agent market is really heating up. All it needs to be a serious TV event might be some of these players starting to hand out roses to their suitors.

 

Whole Foods is apologizing after an investigation found incorrect weights and overcharging on many of their items – . “Straight up, we made some mistakes, we want to own that.” Of course what the chain probably considers their biggest mistake was getting caught?

 

At around 230a Friday morning, a man decided to ignore “No swimming – alligators ” signs at a Texas marina. A gator promptly dragged him under the water and killed him. ‪#‎Darwinwouldbesoproud‬ ‪#‎Ifonlyhewasarmed‬

 

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Joe Maddon is being credited with sparking the Cubs’ recent sweep of the Mets by bringing a magician into the clubhouse prior to the series. Although with the Mets offense a mortician would have done just as well.”

Goal (s)!

July 1, 2015
The US beat Germany and is going to the Women’s World Cup final. Many Americans are so excited they might actually watch part of the game. ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

Just wondering, am I allowed to start a business and refuse clients who don’t believe in the Church of Baseball? ‪#‎religiousfreedom‬

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The Justice Department is investigating possible airline collusion on airfares. When they wrap up the investigation the DOJ’s next project will no doubt be determining if water is wet.
Wednesday was the first day that recreational marijuana is legal in Oregon. It was  also the first day NBA free agents can sign with teams? ‪#‎Coincidence‬? ‪#‎Trailblazers‬
It was 87 degrees with 34% humidity and everyone is complaining about how unbearably hot it is. Yes, Northern Californians are weather wimps.
Recently released emails show that Hillary Clinton didn’t know how to work the office fax machine. Said everyone under 30, “what’s a fax machine?”
The Boston Globe is reporting that Tom Brady and his wife Gisele Bundche, have apparently hit a snag in their efforts to o join The Country Club (TCC) in Brookline, Mass. It may be because the couple are too famous. Or maybe members don’t trust Tom around their inflatable water toys.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ just DFA’ed ‪#‎McGehee‬, MLB leader in GIDP’s. Now ‪#‎Casilla‬ is one away from MLB lead in blown saves. Not titles you want to win.
Jim Carrey called California Gov. Jerry Brown a ‘corporate fascist who must be stopped” and said the CDC was “corrupt” after Brown signed a mandatory vaccine bill. Maybe Carrey took that “Bruce Almighty” role a little too seriously?
Now Macy’s is the latest to end their relationship with Donald  Trump over his comments from referring to immigrants from Mexico as “killers and rapists.” Well, maybe this is another part of Presidential candidate Trump’s jobs program – creating a lot of new job opportunities as his own company gets fired.

A Tennessee hardware store owner put up a sign saying, “No Gays Allowed.” because he says homosexuality is against his religion and that if LGBT’s can stand up for what they believe in so should Christians.

Okay, fine, what about the “No Fornicators Allowed” sign? You know, adulterers, people having premarital sex, remarried divorced people….

Blue Jays 11, Red Sox 2, Toronto batters rapped out 16 hits. Maybe Boston pitchers didn’t realize that Canada Day, while a holiday, does not generally require the giving of gifts.