Posted tagged ‘Huckabee jokes’

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page

Artificial intelligence.

September 23, 2015

Martin Shkreli, who announced plans to raise the price of an AIDS drug from $13,50 to $750 a pill, is CEO of Turing Technologies.  Not sure how he named the company, but oddly enough, the “Turing test” is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.

Shkreli failed.

–

The CEO of Volkswagen has resigned. Guessing soon he’ll have the rare opportunity to be making license plates for his own cars.

–

A DC man has started a Change.org petition “Dear Pope Francis. Our Metro system is having some troubles. All of DC would be grateful if you could find the time to bless it during your upcoming stay. Maybe a Papal Blessing is just what it needs.”

Hmm, any chance he could also have the Pope bless Congress?

–

The Blue Jays won tonight to push their AL East lead over the Yankees to 3.5 game. So how long until some GOP candidate blames a potential Toronto win on Obama’s failure to maintain American supremacy?

–

Anne Hathaway says now that it was hard to be taken seriously as an actress after “The Princess Diaries.” Just thinking she’s not going to get too much sympathy from her co-star Julie Andrews.

–

Donald Trump says Fox News has been treating him “very unfairly”, and he’s done appearing on Fox News shows for the “foreseeable future.” Well, to be fair, the Donald is really a better fit for Comedy Central.

–

Mike Huckabee said today that President Obama is just “pretending to be a Christian. I’m thinking at this point that Huckabee is just pretending to be a plausible human being.

–

Now it’s ‪#‎Adrianza‬ who joins ‪#‎Belt‬ and ‪#‎Aoki‬ on the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ concussion list. Who expected ‪#‎Giants‬ to have more concussions than ‪#‎49ers‬?

–

Well, at this point if the ‪#‎SFGIants‬ ended up in the post season they probably couldn’t field a healthy 25 man roster.

–

The SF Chronicle is reporting that the SF Board of Supervisors is about to pass an ordinance that would make “strict enforcement of stop signs for cyclists the lowest priority for the SFPD”
And many cyclists in San Francisco are thinking “What stop signs?”

–

QB Colin Kaepernick, praising new SF coach Tomsula, says that this year is “a comfort zone for me. It’s a situation where I’m not being asked to do things outside of my character.”
Because Jim is a nice guy, or because the 49ers have designs on drafting high enough to get Jared Goff?

–

A terminal in Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport was evacuated over what turned out to be an iPhone in a gun shaped case. Not sure what the owner of the phone will be charged with, but assume included will be felony criminal stupidity.

–

R.I.P Yogi Berra. Nobody goes to heaven anymore, it’s too crowded.

Another sad thing for some about the death of ‪#‎YogiBerra‬. We can probably retire the phrase “Beloved ‪#‎Yankee‬.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

When all else fails, RTDT – read the damn thing.

September 22, 2015

Mike Huckabee’s latest complaint – “there are people who vote and they have no idea what our Constitution says.”
With all due respect, Mr. Huckabee, there are people who run for office and they have no idea what our Constitution says.” ‪#‎nottheOnion‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

Got to love it, ESPN figures the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ have 0.1% probability of making the post season this year. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”

–

The #NYJets are 2-0. If their hot start continues with Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB do they vote former Jet IK Enemkpali a playoff share? (for those who might have forgotten, or who didn’t care, Enemkpali, now with the Bills, is the guy who broke his then quarterback/ teammate, Geno Smith’s jaw with a punch.)
–
An Auburn football fan called into an Alabama sports talk show and said she won’t let her husband into the bedroom until the Tigers win.. Men whose wives and girlfriends root for the Philadelphia Eagles hope those women don’t see this.

–

The NY Post is reporting on a woman who not only fasts on Yom Kippur, she also makes her two dogs fast too. It works out fine, except that every year they need to buy another cat.

–

Some say Marco Rubio might benefit from Scott Walker’s exiting the 2016 Presidential race. Is that because for those paying only casual attention the two look sort of alike?

–

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli, who said he was raising the price for AIDS drug Daraprim from $13.50 a pill to $750, now says public backlash will mean he will lower the price. What, to $749?

–

The Lammily line of dolls now offers a ‘Period Party’ Accessory Pac,” which includes pads, underwear and a period calendar.. The idea is to help girls understand that menstruation is a normal part of of growing up.
Can only imagine what a similar line of dolls for boys might include.

–

The CEO of Japanese company Rakuten has changed his executive offsite retreat to climbing Mount Tanigawa every year, a Japanese mountain that has claimed over 800 lives since it was first explored in the 1930s, about 600 more than Everest.
Well, that’s one way to avoid soaring pension costs.

–

Carly Fiorina, facing many accusations of completely making up her worst allegations about the Planned Parenthood video, said she was told “that the tapes don’t exist, that the images aren’t real. Well yes, ladies and gentlemen, they are real and I will issue my charge again.”
You would think that someone who bases a large part of her campaign on the purported dishonesty of Hillary Clinton would consider doing the simple thing – and just release these “real” tapes.

–

Kim Davis says she is ready to return to jail over her beliefs. Forget jail, when is the next Rowan County election? So we can replace Davis with someone who actually wants to do her job. ‪#‎your15minutesareup‬

–

Liberal rant time. Some in the GOP are accusing those of us who don’t want the country run by biblical rules of being anti-religion. Nope, it’s actually quite simple: Doesn’t matter what religion you are, just don’t foist your beliefs on the entire country.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Sinister thoughts

September 21, 2015

In an Oklahoma school, a pre-K student was allegedly forced to write with his right hand and sent home with a note about the “evil” of being left-handed. Waiting for Mike Huckabee or someone to make this about Christianity and religious freedom.

–

Mike Huckabee and some other conservatives ARE upset that, among the 15,000 people Obama has invited to an event for Pope Francis, are a handful of LGBT Catholics and even pro-choice Catholics.

You know who isn’t upset about their inclusion? The Pope.

–

A tourist died and another broke his leg when they fell down a staircase taking selfies at the Taj Mahal. If Darwin were alive he might have to revise his book to add a whole chapter on selfie-sticks.

–

If we could just create a combination gun and selfie-stick, we could cull the herd a lot faster.

–

Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. So bad news, Wisconsin, for the next few years you’re stuck with him.

–

When the Seahawks beat the Packers in the 2015 NFC Championship, Russell WIlson credited God. And Aaron Rodgers said he didn’t think God “cares a whole lot about the outcome.” But after last night’s Packers win, Rodgers said ” I think God was a Packers fan tonight, so he was taking care of us.”
You never know.. Hey, maybe Jesus had money on Green Bay.

–

Scott Walker said Monday he was “called” to drop out of the race. And God said “Wasn’t me, I was watching the Packers-Seahawks.”

–

A Georgia peanut executive was sentenced to 28 years in prison today for knowingly shipping salmonella-tainted peanut butter, which resulted in hundreds of people getting sick, and at least nine deaths. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate just to sentence him to eating his own peanut butter.

–

SNL‬ has picked  Taran Killi‪am to play ‪Donald Trump. But who’s going to play that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head?

–

After a Vikings fan was beaten after the first game at Levi’s, two Santa Clara City Council members have suggested that the city ban alcohol from the stadium. And 49ers fans are screaming, “Ban booze? Did you see the team against the Steelers, how else are we going to get through the rest of the season?”

–

Both Ted Cruz AND Hillary Clinton rebuked Ben Carson’s comment on a Muslim president by invoking the Constitution

So Clinton and Cruz agree. Now which of them will be the first to have a campaign event with flying pigs?

–

And here, for Dr. Ben Carson, since civics was clearly not required for your medical school education. The U.S. Constitution, Article VI: “The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.”

–

Bus to Hell time:  Monday, Sept 21 is World Alzheimer’s Day. Awful disease, but at least you can use the same greeting card every year.

–

The NFL keeps talking about wanting to reduce injuries. Here’s a simple way to cut them down drastically: Any player who receives a penalty for a play that injures another has to sit until that injured player returns. Up to and including missing the rest of the season.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 5 Comments

Rainbow warriors

June 27, 2015

The SF Giants posted this temporary change in their logo today.  Clearly not aiming to have more games televised this season on Fox.

 

 

rainbow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think some of these GOP Presidential candidates might be thinking carefully about going off on the Supreme Court today. They never know when they might need ‪#‎SCOTUS‬ to deliver them an election.

–

Scott Walker is upset about today’s Supreme Court gay marriage decision, lambasting “five unelected judges.” Right, it’s “five unelected judges,” when he doesn’t like the decision, and “defenders of our freedom” for things like Citizens United and Hobby Lobby.

 

Mike Huckabee “The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity.” – Wait a minute, Huckabee believes in gravity?

 

So trying to think how this gay marriage decision really can hurt any heterosexual couples. Well, except for those procrastinators who were interested in planning last minute summer weddings at popular venues. ‪#‎competition‬

–

The latest public figure comment on the Confederate flag “I think it’s offensive to an entire race. It does nothing for anybody to be there flying, so I don’t see any reason. It belongs in the history books and that’s about it.”- Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Forget governors and senators, now we’re talking a man Southerners really respect.

–

Anheuser-Busch lost a class-action lawsuit over Beck’s beer, and will have to pay customers up to $50 each. The company allegedly tricked customers into paying more for an actual import beer, because the Beck’s label says “originated in Bremen, Germany,” and only in the small print does it say brewed in the US.

Wonder how much Anheuser-Busch will have to pay when some one sues them for selling Bud Light as actual beer.

–

Donald Trump will finally report for jury duty in August, after being fined for ignoring five summonses in nine years. Only the little people serve on juries?

–

A a news conference, Philadelphia Phillies’ manager, Ryne Sandberg announced he is resigning and leaving the team. And Phillies’ season ticket holders are thinking “you can do that?”

 

From T.C.  Ballot stuffing has resulted in 8 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home games advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?

 

Scott Walker on Wednesday signed two bills, one eliminating a 48 hour waiting period for buying a gun, allowing off-duty or retired police officers to carry concealed weapons at public schools.

Alas, while Google now allows you “un-send” an email sent in anger, they haven’t figured out how to “un-fire” a bullet.

And guess Walker never heard, for one example, of the retired officer in Florida who shot and killed a man for texting in the theater?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

The ice have it

June 2, 2015

The Stanley Cup Finals between the Blackhawks and the Lightning start Wednesday night in Tampa.   Scalpers should have a field day.  If for no other reason than when it’s 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, ANY excuse to sit inside with ice should be a hot ticket.

–

Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca.  But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning,  most of them responded “I didn’t even hear the thunder.”

–

Sepp Blatter is retiring as President of FIFA, Translation, one of the officials arrested has made an immunity plea deal.

 

June 5 is National Doughnut Day, so Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme will give away freebies on Friday. Wonder how much of the cost will be underwritten by Weight Watchers?

–

As this FIFA mess expands, you’d think that if they really wanted to do corruption on a grand scale and not be caught, these international football types would have hired someone from America’s NCAA.

–

So is everyone at FIFA in Sepp-tic shock? ‪#‎Blatter‬

 

Two months into a seven month abalone season, the sixth person this year has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast, How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?

–

Now Ohio governor John Kasich is heading to Iowa to make a speech to an economic development group in Des Moines At this point if all those ballplayers tried to come out of the cornfields they’d trip over presidential candidates.

–

Mike Huckabee, dismissing trangenders. “Now, I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.'”

Kind of makes sense that some of these clowns don’t believe in evolution. Because they are their own best argument against it. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

So the Duggars are apparently TLC’s 5th reality show hild molestation scandal, following issues with “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” “Sons of Guns,” “Cheer Perfection,”, and “Cake Boss.” Who knew that TLC stood for “Touching Little Children?”

–

An official at Poly Prep, an expensive private NYC school, has been placed on indefinite leave after reports that he included alcohol, cigars and hookers on a trip to Cuba for students. Meanwhile, have to wonder how many boys have been pleading with their parents to let them apply to the school.

–

So the American tourist killed by a lion in the South African Safari Park was taking pictures with all the windows down when she was attacked. Wonder if the lion was hungry, or if big cats too have had enough of selfie sticks?

–

Another thought on the woman mauled to death by a lion at a Safari Park. Sad that she died just for rolling down a window. On the other hand, as anyone who has cats knows, you can store their favorite food indefinitely in the house…but open a can where they can smell it, and it’s all over.

 

 

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Denial is now a river in New England?

January 23, 2015

Bill Belichick. “I have no explanation for what happened… I was shocked to learn of the footballs on Monday.” I presume the Patriots coach was also shocked to hear that there is gambling in Casablanca?

 

 

More from Belichick’s press conference. “Tom’s personal preferences on his footballs are something that he can talk about in much better detail and information than I could possibly provide,” Someone want to pass this quote on to Giselle?

 

 

Tom Brady – – “I wouldn’t do anything to break the rules.” Giselle – “My husband cannot f–king throw the ball and deflate it at the same time.”

 

 

So much denial out of New England. Hmm. Overheard last weekend in the Patriots’ locker room by coaches and players holding footballs “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome air?”

–

First a missing elevator video, now a micro-manager of a coach who didn’t realize his team was cheating, again. Just wondering, since when did Roger Goodell decide that ignorance is only no excuse in New Orleans.

–

So can we make sure all the Pro Bowl footballs are deflated? Since it’s an exhibition game, it would be fun to see Luck and Brees combine to throw for  20-30 touchdowns.

–

 

Meanwhile, back in the NFC, the NFL has fined Marshawn Lynch $20,000 for the grabbing his crotch after scoring a TD in the Seahawks win over Green Bay. And then presumably the league will fine the Seattle RB another $50,000 for refusing to comment on the incident.

–

Starbucks reported a 16% jump in quarterly profit today. Makes sense, interest rates are still low enough that consumers can get inexpensive loans to buy their coffee.

–

How much more does this Disneyland measles outbreak have to spread before people start clamoring for President Obama to figure out a way to prevent the disease?

–

House GOP leaders pulled a very restrictive anti-abortion bill from the floor after reports that several women Republican congressmen were going to vote against it. Presumably their next step, looking into what it would take to repeal the 19th amendment.

–

Mike Huckabee, talking about how states could resist a Supreme Court decision upholding gay marriage: “Do we really surrender the entire American system of government to five people, unelected, appointed for life, with no consequences for the decisions they make? The founders never intended for there to be such incredible, almost unlimited power, put in the hands of so few people.”

Uh, wonder what President Al Gore thinks of this statement?

 

–

 

As negative as this ‪#‎DeflateGate‬ coverage is ‪#‎RichardSherman‬ still probably stewing over fact that he’s out of the headlines. ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

 

 

From Marc Ragovin. “I hear the Patriots’ Super Bowl fight song is gonna be “Under Pressure.”

–

Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah, 91, has died. The scary thing…. he’s supposed to have made the country more modern and reasonable. ‪#‎howcouldyoutell‬

–

A 50-year-old Irish grandmother received no jail time when she pleaded guilty to possession of a small amount of cocaine at a Cork bingo hall. Apparently police first became suspicious when they heard her yelling “BINGO” from the next county.

 

–

Email ad today for the Westminster Kennel show “See your favorite dogs for this February only $30.” Of course New York bargain hunters can wait six weeks and get cheap seats for the Mets.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

The danger zone?

January 13, 2015

In D.C. one woman has died, two are in critical condition, and 81 others were injured when smoke filled a DC Metro station. And apparently this was caused by an electrical fault. Who needs terrorists when we have an aging and underfunded infrastructure?

 

 

Well, now that the Oregon-Ohio State game is over, we don’t have to see ESPN’s silly countdown clock to the National Championship.  ESPN’s countdown clock to the Super Bowl no doubt starts tomorrow.

–

When asked if he would ever consider moving to the NFL, Urban Meyer said, “Not right now. I’ve got a commitment to Ohio State.” Translation, ‘no ones offered me enough money, and none of my players here have yet been arrested for a felony.”

–

Caradle Jones, the third-string QB who led OSU to the National Championship, when asked about leaving early for the NFL – “In my personal opinion, I’m not ready for that level yet.” Well, maybe, but Jones might be at least ready for the level of the Jets.

–

Apparently Urban Meyer promised his team if they won the national championship he’d get a tattoo. And unlike his players, the OSU coach won’t get in trouble if he doesn’t pay for it.

–

Stay classy, Texas congressman Randy Weber tweeted, “Even Adolph Hitler thought it more important than Obama to get to Paris. (For all the wrong reasons.) Obama couldn’t do it for right reasons.” Just guessing Rep. Weber, who crusades against gay marriage and immigration, “our traditional family values are under attack,” isn’t even likely to pick up a copy of Charlie Hebdo.

 

Mike Huckabee criticizes the Obamas in an interview with PEOPLE magazine because they “on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful,” but they let their daughters listen to Beyonce. Yep, clearly a major lapse in parental judgment, and the President and First Lady might even let the girls read stuff like PEOPLE magazine.

–

 

 

Jason Garrett signed a new five year contract with the Dallas Cowboys. The deal was based on Garrett’s loyalty, success on the field, and ability to tolerate Jerry Jones.

–

Dianne Feinstein says the Justice Dept erred in recommending charges against General Petraeus over him giving his mistress access to some classified government documents. “It’s done, it’s over. He’s retired. He’s lost his job. How much does government want.” Besides, Petraeus probably didn’t leak as much as any two-bit college hacker can find in a day.

–

Rep. Randy Weber has apologized for his recent tweet, saying it “It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler.” Considering the way that the Texas GOP demonizes Obama was Weber apologizing to the President or to Hitler?

 

 

Donald Trump is suing Palm Beach County because he says the airport is deliberately routing flights over his mansion – and causing “excessive, unreasonable, unwarranted and uninvited noise. The alleged motivation? Revenge for Trump’s blocking the airport expansion in the 1990s.

Well, if they weren’t doing it on purpose before, no doubt the airport director appreciates the idea.

–

United Airlines has warned 2,000 workers that they may outsource gate agents and baggage handlers at 28 non-hub airports.. So you think their customer service is bad now? Cheer up, it may get worse.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Family and other values.

January 10, 2015

In an upcoming book, apparently Mike Huckabee rips Jay Z and Beyonce. When asked about the comments, Jay Z and Beyonce presumably responded “Who’s Mike Huckabee?”

 

 

Dear gawd. Darren Carrington, one of Oregon’s top wide receivers, has been suspended for the national championship because he allegedly failed a drug test. The week before the game. I’m sorry, Carrington didn’t fail a drug test, he passed a stupidity test.

–

Apparently someone tried to shoplift at a Versace store in Los Angeles, when Jonathan Martin was nearby. The man was “larger than the security guard” but the 49ers’ OT punched him “five to eight times” until he went down. Nice change to see an NFL player make police blotter news for a good reason.

–

The Wall Street Journal reported that Mitt Romney told a meeting of donors today that he is considering running for the White House again in 2016. So congrats to all those who had Jan 9 in the pool.

–

A couple was arrested earlier this week for having sex on top of a used-car at a dealership. The car involved was a 2004 Kia Sedona. Just guessing that’s not what Kia had in mind with their slogan “The Power to Surprise.” (And you guessed it, Florida.) ‪#‎stayclassy‬

–

You can’t make this “stuff” up. Dartmouth has apparently suspended most of 64 students they had charged with cheating. In an ethics class.

Although to be completely accurate, it was a sports ethics class.  So maybe the students WERE demonstrating sports ethics.

–

Apparently during Bill Cosby’s first show back in Canada a woman got up and he asked where she was going. When she said for a drink, his response was “you have to be careful about drinking around me.” ‪#‎hejustdoesntgetit‬

 

Three people were shot and critically wounded at a suburban Kansas City gun shop. If only the employees had been armed?

–

With everything going on in France, the number #1 story trending on Facebook Friday am was the Bachelorette breakup. ‪#‎GodblessAmerica‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

–

The NY Times reports that the Justice Dept is recommending felony charges be filed against former CIA Director David Petraeus for disclosure of classified information to Paula Broadwell, his former mistress and biographer. Well, loose lips may not sink ships, but they sure can sink careers.

 

–

Drew Brees has been named to the 2015 Pro Bowl. Should be fun for the New Orleans star, getting to throw without any defenders in his face. Sort of like the experience opposing QBs have had all year against the Saints.

–

From T.C.  “How cold will it be this weekend in Green Bay? It’s so cold that Jerry Jones and Chris Christie will be hugging each other to keep warm right from the National Anthem.“

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

East and West?

November 12, 2014

Wonder how the East Coast gets that reputation about being clueless about West Coast baseball. In an ESPN thread about the Red Sox trying to sign Pablo Sandoval, a “top commenter” complains Panda has “NO power..he hit 14 homers last year in a friendly park….” Right. All the free agents sluggers want to come to AT&T because it’s such a hitters’ park…..-

–

Apparently Mark Sanchez, who has a reputation for being kind of a sensitive guy, is quite happy with the adulation from Eagles fans after his game last night. Next week’s game though, is in Green Bay. Good thing Philly fans are so loving and loyal toward their players.

–

Megyn Kelly introduced Mike Huckabee today and replaced the “H” in his name with a “F.” An accident? Or a shameless attempt by Fox News to go after that all important pre-teen boy viewer demographic?

 

–

Fox announced that Randy Jackson is leaving “American Idol.” And a lot of Americans responded “American Idol is still on?”

–

OF Michael Cuddyer has left Colorado to sign with the NY Mets. What Cuddyer is about to find out… it’s not like the Mets are really better than the Rockies. But in New York, when a team sucks, people actually notice.

–

The Mormon church just admitted that founder Joseph Smith had 40 wives.  One as young as 14.   But note here. 40 wives. Not a single husband.  The man took the sanctity of marriage seriously.

–

Bears coach Marc Trestman said Jay Cutler “didn’t play very well,” Sunday night and wants him “to play better.” Because had Cutler had a good game Chicago might have only lost 55-35?

–

In a Hollywood movie theater, a woman reportedly used mace on a man who asked her to put her cellphone away. And Floridians are thinking, “Lucky guy, she didn’t shoot him.”

–

And you think you might need a life? Two women in Beaumont, California, have been camping since Nov 5. in front of a Best Buy so they can be first in line for the Black Friday sale, which begins Nov. 27 at 5pm .

–

So some in the media were up in arms over New Orleans at 4-5 potentially hosting a playoff game. Where was this outrage when the 7-9 Seahawks hosted and beat the 10-6 Saints.

–

George W. Bush has a new book out – “41. Portrait of my Father,” about George H.W. Bush. Impressive. So the former President has now written two books before he’s read one.

–

The Chinese have censored an internet photo showing Vladimir Putin wrapping a shawl around the wife of the president of China. Wonder what they would have done if W. had been around to give her a shoulder rub?

 

Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino is getting a $500,000 bonus for keeping his players academically eligible. Wonder if the Cardinals borrowed course syllabi from UNC?

 

 

There are many good reasons to choose MLB awards before the postseason. On the other hand, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ Bruce Bochy has one “Manager of the Year” award. And it’s from 1996 with the San Diego Padres.

–

Watching the ‪#‎Spurs‬ in action you have to wonder how ‪#‎SanAntonio‬ would ever stoop so low as to recruit the ‪#‎Raiders‬.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Be careful what you wish for?

April 13, 2014

Got to figure someone in the SF 49ers’ organization wished yesterday for some news to take the focus off of QB Colin Kaepernick’s involvement in a police investigation in Miami.

 

SF 49ers LB Aldon Smith was arrested at LAX today, apparently because he got angry with a TSA agent and indicated he was in possession of a bomb. As my friend Alex Kaseberg says, “You just can’t put a positive spin on stupid.”

 

Local television status on the 49ers’ Aldon Smith’s latest arrest “a troubling pattern of behavior.” Uh, I think Smith passed “troubling pattern” at least an arrest ago.

–

Well, Boston manager John Farrell has become the answer to a future trivia question – the first MLB ejection that resulted from arguing about a replay ruling. Are we shocked that it was about a call that went in favor of the Yankees?

 

OSU’s quarterback Braxton Miller insulted Michigan’s SPRING GAME attendance on Twitter. This after the Buckeyes’ attendance was 61,000 compared to the Wolverines’ 15,000 for essentially an intrasquad scrimmage. Penn State, meanwhile drew 72,000. Proving mostly perhaps not only is there less to do on the weekend in Columbus than Ann Arbor, there is really nothing going on in Happy Valley, PA.

–

Heisman winner Jameis Winston is playing baseball at FSU, serves as the team’s closer, and has a 1.76 ERA. And across the ACC and SEC, other football teams are thinking “Hey, you could have a great career in MLB, why risk it on the gridiron?”

–

Bad news for Knicks fans. The team has been eliminated from playoff contention. Good news for Knicks fans. The team has been eliminated from playoff contention. 

–

A judge has ruled Chris Christie and other defendants will get more time to file their responses to two lawsuits related to the September lane closures at the George Washington Bridge. The NY Governor is hoping that extension lasts until December 2016.

–

Donald Trump said in a speech to a Conservative group that politicians are “all bullsh*t, all talk.” Was the Donald trying to convince them that he’s a real politician?

–

 

Florida’s Miami-Dade County has a new policy to close ALL restrooms at polling places on election day. Supposedly “in order to ensure that individuals with disabilities are not treated unfairly and “to avoid situations where accessible restrooms would be available to some, but not all voters.” Maybe it’s time for the Democrats to show up with Porta-Potties with Governor Rick Scott’s picture on them.

–

Today’s CNN breaking news report is that the MH370 pingers, thought to be dying, are “Most Likely Dead.” Stand by for a Generalissimo Francisco Franco reference on next week’s SNL.

–

Mike Huckabee, complaining about TSA. “My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States. When I go to the airport, I have to get into the surrender position, people put hands all over me, and I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms to prove that I’m not going to terrorize the airplane.” Even Dennis Rodman is thinking “Dude is crazy.”

(and as Jim Barach adds.  Yeah, Huckabee thinks you should only be treated that way when you go to vote.)

–

A Florida woman is recovering after she was reportedly dragged from her garage by bears who were looking for food. Insert “armed bears” and “standing her ground” jokes here:

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 4 Comments

Blind squirrel nut day.

April 10, 2014

I admit, I was wrong. Never thought any of the Kardashian clan would ever say anything intelligent. But I give you Kris Jenner, when asked about rumors that she would pose for Playboy – “Oh my god, no! I don’t think anyone wants to see me without any clothes on.”

–

 

The NY Post reports that Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t want to publicly split from Chris Martin, preferring that they stay in a “pretend marriage.” If true, who does she think she is? Tom Cruise?

–

 

–

The SF 49ers’ Colin Kaepernick is reportedly being investigated for sexual assault in Miami. No charges have been filed at this point. But wouldn’t you think with all the money these guys make they’d be smart enough to stick with professional working girls?

 

 

–

SF 49ers hoping sexual assault charges will not be filed against Colin Kaepernick. Still, once again this illustrates the danger of having openly heterosexual men play football.

 

–

In a new interview, Jimmy Carter praised John Kerry but criticized President Obama and Hillary Clinton over their handling of Middle East peace negotiations. And over at FOX as they try to figure out how to say “Carter is right,” heads are no doubt exploding.

–

A new report indicates that the CIA used Red Hot Chili Peppers’ songs to torture terrorism suspects. Well, guess they couldn’t use “It’s a Small World,” because that would have been a violation of the Geneva convention.

–

NY Giants QB Eli Manning will have arthroscopic surgery on his left ankle today. But the team hopes he will be recovered and ready to throw interceptions in minicamp.

–

Paul Goldschmidt v. Tim Lincecum lifetime 7 HR, 17 RBI in 24 ABs. If he ever throws him a strike again test Timmy for marijuana #SFGiants .

 

Jay Leno might be thinking he got out of the Tonight Show just in time. #Colbert #Letterman

 

–

John Calipari has a new book coming out with reform suggestions for college basketball. Amongst other things he believes players should be paid a stipend between $3,000 to $5,000, get one free roundtrip flight home a year, and be able to accept loans up to $50,000 against future earnings. Because these days kids on his team are really struggling during those six months of college.

–

–

The lawyer for the young man accused of stabbing 20 people at a school near Pittsburgh says the kid’s family is “like the Brady Bunch.” Uh, yeah, except for that show a violent episode was Marcia’s broken nose.

–

 

NY Giants QB Eli Manning will have arthroscopic surgery on his left ankle today. But the team hopes he will be recovered and ready to throw interceptions in minicamp.

 

 

 

Mike Huckabee says he’s not “homophobic but” he’s “on the right side of the bible., and unless God rewrites it, edits it, sends it down with his signature on it, it’s not my book to change.” Okay, so Huckabee’s good with all that rape, slavery, torture, incest and infanticide stuff too?

–

 

Kathleen Sibelius is resigning as Secretary of HHS. Republicans cannot wait for Obama to appoint her replacement so they can explain why he or she is the wrong choice.

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments