Posted tagged ‘selfie jokes’

Sinister thoughts

September 21, 2015

In an Oklahoma school, a pre-K student was allegedly forced to write with his right hand and sent home with a note about the “evil” of being left-handed. Waiting for Mike Huckabee or someone to make this about Christianity and religious freedom.

Mike Huckabee and some other conservatives ARE upset that, among the 15,000 people Obama has invited to an event for Pope Francis, are a handful of LGBT Catholics and even pro-choice Catholics.

You know who isn’t upset about their inclusion? The Pope.

A tourist died and another broke his leg when they fell down a staircase taking selfies at the Taj Mahal. If Darwin were alive he might have to revise his book to add a whole chapter on selfie-sticks.

If we could just create a combination gun and selfie-stick, we could cull the herd a lot faster.

Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. So bad news, Wisconsin, for the next few years you’re stuck with him.

When the Seahawks beat the Packers in the 2015 NFC Championship, Russell WIlson credited God. And Aaron Rodgers said he didn’t think God “cares a whole lot about the outcome.” But after last night’s Packers win, Rodgers said ” I think God was a Packers fan tonight, so he was taking care of us.”
You never know.. Hey, maybe Jesus had money on Green Bay.

Scott Walker said Monday he was “called” to drop out of the race. And God said “Wasn’t me, I was watching the Packers-Seahawks.”

A Georgia peanut executive was sentenced to 28 years in prison today for knowingly shipping salmonella-tainted peanut butter, which resulted in hundreds of people getting sick, and at least nine deaths. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate just to sentence him to eating his own peanut butter.

SNL‬ has picked  Taran Killi‪am to play ‪Donald Trump. But who’s going to play that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head?

After a Vikings fan was beaten after the first game at Levi’s, two Santa Clara City Council members have suggested that the city ban alcohol from the stadium. And 49ers fans are screaming, “Ban booze? Did you see the team against the Steelers, how else are we going to get through the rest of the season?”

Both Ted Cruz AND Hillary Clinton rebuked Ben Carson’s comment on a Muslim president by invoking the Constitution

So Clinton and Cruz agree. Now which of them will be the first to have a campaign event with flying pigs?

And here, for Dr. Ben Carson, since civics was clearly not required for your medical school education. The U.S. Constitution, Article VI: “The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.”

Bus to Hell time:  Monday, Sept 21 is World Alzheimer’s Day. Awful disease, but at least you can use the same greeting card every year.

The NFL keeps talking about wanting to reduce injuries. Here’s a simple way to cut them down drastically: Any player who receives a penalty for a play that injures another has to sit until that injured player returns. Up to and including missing the rest of the season.

Scattered pictures.

May 24, 2015

As this Duggar family saga unfolds have to wonder…. if an African-American family, Christian or not, had tried to cash in on their fertility with a reality show, would they have been turned into Child Protective Services just for having 19 children.

Roger Federer was upset by a selfie-seeking fan who accosted him on the court after his French Open match today. The young man in question has been barred from the rest of the tournament. Really? So he can’t see a few more matches? You really want to cure this problem, tell fans if they jump on court for pictures, they and their camera may be used for as targets for serving practice.

 

Sad to read of the death of Nobel prize winner and “A Beautiful Mind” subject John Nash and his wife in a taxi accident. But you would think someone as brilliant as he was on game theory etc would also have calculated the odds and put on a seatbelt.

Many viewers just tune into the ‪#‎Indy500‬ for the wrecks. Which is actually the same reason most viewers watch ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬

 

Nine brains were found on a street near train tracks in a village in northern New York village. Hmm, so how many GOP candidates have declared for the Presidency in 2016?

Some say jockeys aren’t athletes. But thinking it takes more skill to win riding an animal with a mind of its own compared to riding in an expensive high-powered well-tuned car. ‪#‎Indy500‬ ‪#‎TripleCrown‬

 

So today there was a two hour rain delay in Denver today for the Rockies- Giants game. During which time IT DID NOT RAIN.

 

Although in four games this weekend at Coos Field there was a total of over 7 hours of delays,   ‪#‎sowhodecidedtobuildtheColoradoballparkwithnoroofanyway‬?

The SF Giants have DFA’ed Casey McGehee. So congrats to all those who had May 24 in the pool.

 

Best news for most baseball fans about the Yankees’ fourth appearance (and loss) tonight on Sunday Night Baseball against the Rangers. ESPN is contractually obligated not to show any one team more than six Sunday Night games. ‪#‎twomoretogo‬