Posted tagged ‘Tom Brady jokes’

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Can’t win them all

February 5, 2018

Super Bowl LII was watched by 103.4 million Americans, the lowest number since 2009. How much of that was fact NY is biggest media market, and New Yorkers hated both teams?

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If NFL wants better ratings one suggestion is to make the “catch” rule at least as understandable as the balk rule.

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Vince Lombardi trophy last night “”On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

 

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Meanwhile did the Dow take a knee Monday for Trump?

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Eagles  as a team are not Trump pals nor fans. Wonder how long it will take POTUS to declare that Patriots won the Super Bowl electoral college?

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Gisele to her kids “Daddy won five times. They never won before. Their whole life, they never won a Super Bowl. You have to let someone else win sometimes.” So nice of Patriots to “let” Eagles win…

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Tom Brady “Losing sucks.” And in Cleveland they’re stampeding for the violins.

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Good news for Philadelphia police. City may have gone over-the-top on their Super Bowl celebration. But there’s no chance of another anytime soon with the 76ers or Phillies.

 

If Pepsi wanted to introduce “Quiet Doritos”, for theater or other times when eating in public, guessing they might have a thing.    But who the bleep came up with idea of “Lady Doritos?”

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Is the recommended beverage for Lady Doritos a can of New Coke?

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The President of the United States now calling opposition party “un-American” & “treasonous.” Even by banana republic dictator standards that’s pretty over the top.

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So were Republicans who didn’t stand or applaud during Obama’s SOTU also “treasonous?” Asking for a country.

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Give Trump credit – Bigliest one-day drop in the stock market ever.

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Trump calls Devin Nunes a man of “tremendous courage and grit.” I think I like Lindsay Graham’s calling Nunes “Inspector Clouseau” better.

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    Really? It took  Trump all weekend to think of that name?

 

Adam Schiff “It may be time for General Kelly to give the President a time out,” How silly. We know Trump isn’t a toddler. Because toddlers are capable of learning.

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Groin gate?

May 23, 2016

#‎NBA‬ had to decide whether or not to suspend ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬ over groin kick of ‪#‎StevenAdams‬. So once again a playoff game could have turned on deflated balls

 

New ‪#‎Warriors‬ cheer? – “Raa Raa REE! Kick ’em in the knee! Raa Raa RASS! Kick ’em in the other knee!” ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬

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With the NBA upgrading Green’s kicking Adams to a Flagrant 2 foul, since Draymond also had a flagrant 1 vs. the Rockets, he is now one more  flagrant foul of any kind away from suspension. But I am sure the Thunder won’t try to provoke him

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As ‪#‎Spurs‬ fan, have no dog in this fight, or rather in this kick. But does anyone really expect ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬ to say ” Of course I meant to kick him in the nuts.”

 

I guess someone forgot to tell the Toronto Raptors that the Eastern Conference NBA finals were over after game 2.

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But uh oh, tonight refs called a foul on ‪#‎LeBronJames‬. Time for a congressional investigation? ‪#‎CAVSvRAPTORS‬

 

Can only imagine how much the ‪#‎NBA‬ and its advertisers love the possibility of ‪#‎Raptors‬ vs ‪#‎Thunder‬ in the finals.

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Donald Trump says climate change is a “con job” and a “hoax.” But as reported by Politico, in Ireland, he wants to build a “nearly two-mile-long” stone wall to protect his golf course and hotel, citing “rising sea levels and increased storm frequency and wave energy associated with global warming.” ‪#‎nowallleftunbuilt‬ ‪#‎NottheOnion‬

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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is still free on bail while appealing his felony convictions. Now current Gov. Terry McAuliffe is apparently being investigated by the FBI over possible illegal donations to his campaign. Who does the state think it is? Illinois?

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Your US post office in action. Mailing a first class 2 ounce parcel is $2.45 with tracking. Took a letter to the post office and asked if that was the cheapest way to get tracking. Nope. Must be first class certified for $3.77. Asked why I couldn’t do it as a parcel. Because it’s not in a big enough envelope. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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United Airlines is having a sale on miles. Not buying them, but simply transferring miles you have paid for and earned to another person as a gift. It’s 30% off the normal price of $15 per 1,000 miles. And airlines wonder why we hate them.

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Tom Brady’s 4-game “deflategate” suspension has already been revoked by the U.S. District Court, then reinstated, and now the Patriots’ QB and his team of laywers want the case heard “by a full panel of 13 judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.” If they reject it, the appeal could go all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Forget deflating footballs, can we suspend Brady for criminal waste of taxpayer money?

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Apparently one of the excuses for killing those Santiago zoo lions when a man jumped into their enclosure was that since the lions had tasted a human, they’d look at humans as a food source in the future. Got news for these folks, if you jump into a lion’s home, you ARE a food source.

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From Marc Ragovin  “A 54-year old custodian at Wooster Polytechnic Institute graduated from the school this past week with a degree in mechanical engineering. And after reading about the job prospects for 54-year old mechanical engineers, he returned to his job as custodian..

 

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Golden parachuting out of the Friendly Skies?

September 8, 2015

United Airlines has announced that Jeff Smisek has stepped down as CEO, chairman and president effective immediately. United says this is connected to a federal investigation.involving the Port Authority of NY and NJ.
“What a shame, the man has built such a wonderful airline” said absolutely positively no frequent travelers.

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And as the United scandal involves the Port Authority and New Jersey politics, Chris Christie may soon be wishing someone would ask him about Bridgegate.

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Tom Brady in a recent interview said that Deflategate was the “hardest time of his life.” I feel so sorry for him, said nobody outside New England.

(from my friend Alex Kaseberg – “I think it was tough. He aged so much he almost looks like his courtroom sketch.”)

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Apparently plenty of seats are still available for the Mayweather/Berto fight this weekend in Vegas, even though seats are much less expensive than the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. I think this goes down under the “Fool me once….” category..

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Macy’s says they will close 35 to 40 under-performing stores. Responded most people under 30: “Macy’s has stores?”

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A record 10 teams from the SEC are in college football’s “Top 25” this week. So 10 of the 14 teams are ranked. If nothing else this should be a chance for many players to tackle higher math. . .

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Bryce Harper ripped Nationals fans who left in the 7th inning yesterday. And Dodgers’ players are thinking “In Los Angeles we call fans like that ‘diehards.’

(tonight, as the Nats blew a 7-1 run lead after 6, the fans are thinking “we’re smarter than Harper.”)

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Might be easier, at least faster, these days during the pre-game show to list the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ who AREN’T injured.

‪#‎TimHudson‬ was 2-3 today with a home run. So is he trying to throw down the gauntlet to ‪#‎MadisonBumgarner‬? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

SF Giants pitchers have hit 7 home runs this year.  Only three behind Pablo Sandoval.

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If this was Tim Hudson’s last start in ‪#‎MLB‬, great way to go out. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎classact‬

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Two Texas high school football players have been suspended for hitting a referee during a game Friday night. Waiting for someone to say this wouldn’t have happened if refs were armed.

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Chelsea Clinton, asked about a potential Kanye West run for President in 2020, said it could be “awesome.” Especially if she’s hoping that her mom is running for re-election.

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A judge has ordered Kim Davis released from jail, but told her not to interfere with the granting of licenses by her deputies. Thinking Davis might be too busy anyway to interfere anyway, with all her upcoming talk show and campaign appearances.

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Somehow with all the screaming about persecution and Christianity in this country, I seem to have missed all the calls from religious conservatives for the U.S. to take in at least the Christian Syrian refugees

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It’s a learning thing.

September 6, 2015

Tom Brady on the Patriots’ locker room assistants who are suspended after Deflategate, said “It’s been a very tough situation for everybody. It’s put a lot of stress on everybody’s families. I feel bad that anybody is in the position that we’ve been put in. Hopefully we can just keep learning from life’s experiences…
Life lesson #1 – Little people take the fall.

Race to the bottom ? There are only 3 teams in ‪#‎MLB‬ baseball w/ 80 + losses;:they are ALL in the NL Least ‪#‎Marlins‬ ‪#‎Braves‬ ‪#‎Phillies‬

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Tom Brady said he has “a great amount of respect for Roger Goodell.” I think I like. “didn’t know anything about deflated footballs” better.

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And here we go. A Muslim flight attendant says she was suspended by regional airline ExpressJet (American Eagle-United Express) for refusing to serve alcohol because it is against her faith. So Ted Cruz, Scott Walker, etc., where’s the spirited defense of religious freedom here?

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Sarah Palin on CNN – “Republicans are the party of tolerance.” And she says it with a straight face.

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Sarah Palin thinks we should all “speak American.” And presumably all immigrants should start out by buying a copy of the “Oxford American Dictionary?”

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Notre Dame star RB Tarean Foltson, the team’s leading rusher last year, is out for the season with a torn ACL. Bummer.  But maybe God’s plan for the Fighting Irish is that they spend New Year’s eve this year home with their families.

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The Kansas State band has issued an apology for forming what appeared to be a phallic symbol pointed in the direction of  arch-rival Kansas during halftime performance Saturday. Of course, the whole brouhaha has done one thing -millions of Americans who never would have noticed have now seen the formation.

A man is accused of trying to carve his name into a wall at the Alamo. Shocking. You’d think someone that stupid wouldn’t be able to write.

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Some in the GOP love to talk about religious freedom. So why aren’t any of them espousing true freedom: Follow whatever religion you want. Just don’t hurt anyone, and don’t take a job that forces you to compromise your beliefs.

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Ohio Governor John Kasich, who says Kim Davis should do her job, on the Kentucky situation “When we see these kind of battles going on, I get a little bit afraid that it turns people off to the idea of faith in God I think we need to talk a lot about the do’s, about humility, about helping our neighbor, about the need to live a life bigger than ourselves.
So after his best efforts with Denali is Kasich trying to throw away the all-important GOP crazy vote?

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A Bleacher Report story focuses on the recent lack of star QBs in college football. Because maybe with all the stories on concussions etc, the young men who are smart enough to be great QBs are smart enough to avoid football?

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$unny day.

August 13, 2015

Sesame Street is moving to HBO. So the show will now be brought to you by the letter $.

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The outlet mall in Livermore, California is expanding and has renamed itself “San Francisco Premium Outlets.” Well, at about 45 miles from the city it’s no further away than the “SF” 49ers.

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Carly Fiorina is going to solve the maternity leave problem in the U.S! In her own words by making the economy “so strong that employers are forced to compete for workers by offering better salaries, better leave policies, more time off, and good benefits.”
And no doubt many of those workers will be with military contractors developing flying pigs.

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The A’s are having Mark McGwire bobblehead night next Tuesday. Does it come in two sizes, “before” and “after”?

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Vernon Adams finally completed his undergraduate degree from Eastern Washington so he can play this fall for Oregon. The Ducks’ expected starting QB passed the final exam today on his second attempt for a math class.

And down in the SEC they’re going “math class?”

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IK Enemkpali has a job in the NFL, Junior Galette has a job in the NFL Greg Hardy has a job in the NFL… Anyone but me thinking that with Ray Rice, who at least does appear to have learned something, the issue isn’t that elevator punch but the step or two he’s lost as a running back?

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The court sketch artist who drew an unflattering picture of Tom Brady now says she is being “cyber-bullied” by Patriots fans. Okay, if you REALLY care about a courtroom sketch to the point of harassing the artist, you probably have too much time on your hands.

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Frontier Airlines is getting rid of their toll-free numbers. Wonder which airline will decide to go them one better by getting rid of phone numbers period?

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Uh, ‪#‎ESPN‬, at this point isn’t “Tiger Struggling” redundant? ‪#‎TigerWoods‬ ‪#‎PGA‬

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A NASA climatologist says that this winter “has the potential of being the Godzilla El Niño,” Bill Patzert, a climatologist with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.” Great, so Californians can deal with a drought and flooding at the same time.

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So Buzzfeed is reporting that Al Gore is at least thinking of entering the 2016 Presidential race now. Well, heck, let’s run him against Mitt Romney. “I’ll take two politicians most people just want to go away for $1000, Alex.”

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Wisconsin men’s basketball coach Bo Ryan announced in June that he would retire after the 2015-16 season. Now he says “I’m not totally sure, ” and adds that the AD “said I could change my mind at any time.”

“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.

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Next stop, the Supremes? A Colorado court has ruled that a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple cannot use his Christian beliefs as a defense. You know, I would have a lot more sympathy for these religious folks if they also made an effort not to bake cakes for couples who live together before marriage, or who met while one was already married, etc.

From T.C. “MetLife Stadium has gone totally wireless, except one QB’s jaw.”

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Tommy don’t lose that number?

July 28, 2015

So why would an intelligent man destroy a cell phone when it absolutely would make him look guilty? If the messages destroyed would make him look worse. ‪#‎TomBrady‬

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But really, don’t we all want to destroy our phones when we get a new one?  Because it’s so much fun re entering all those apps, contact information, bookmarks…

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The “Bachelorette” is finally over. But after weeks of guilty fun watching a couple dozen crazy contestants whittled down to a winner, for a relationship not even based in reality, well, Americans still have the GOP primary.

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Donald Trump is now saying he’d “love” to have Sarah Palin have some sort of position in his administration. That’s bold. Trump isn’t afraid Palin would take a shot at that furry thing that lives on his head?”

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LaTroy Hawkins, 42, has been sent to Toronto along with Troy Tulowitzki. Bit of a waste. Hawkins gets to Canada and universal healthcare just before he becomes eligible for Medicare.

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So Drew Storen has a 1.73 ERA and 29 saves out of 31 chances. And the Washington Nationals decide to bolster their playoff chances by adding… a temperamental closer (Papelbon). Same brilliant logic that had the team shut down Strasburg a few years back.

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The Mets’ Jenrry Mejia, is now suspended 162 games for his 2nd failed PED test. Once you might think you’re invulnerable. The second time? Proves again that MLB drug testing is also an IQ test. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Boston claimed Jean Machi off waivers Tuesday. Are the Red Sox trying to bolster their struggling bullpen? Or just to pick up a former Giant with experience reducing the amount of food available to Pablo Sandoval at the training table?

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So the hunter who illegally shot Cecil, Zimbabwe’s most famous, and protected. lion, is an American dentist who was put on probation in 2008 for lying about the location where he shot and killed a bear, and who regularly travels the world to shoot big cats, elk, bears, rhinos etc, with a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Why stop there? A real man would face one of these animals with no weapons at all.

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Good. The AP reports “According to Zimbabwe police spokeswoman Charity Charamba, (Minnesota dentist) Walter Palmer will face charges of poaching. It is alleged that Palmer worked with the guides to lure Cecil from the national park to an unprotected area by strapping a “dead animal to their vehicle.” ‪#‎justiceforCecil‬

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M Gone Blue.

May 12, 2015

Dennis Norfleet, Michigan’s all-time leader in kick returns and kick return yards has been dismissed from the program over a disciplinary issue with new coach Jim Harbaugh. Shall we start a pool with which SEC team Norfleet will end up?

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Jim Harbaugh and Michigan have self-reported four minor violations to the NCAA. One of them, that he sent an autographed helmet and jersey to a high school auction benefiting a scholarship fund. (Which apparently Jim didn’t know was illegal.) Really good to see that the NCAA is focused on the important things.

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Verizon is buying AOL. In hopes that finally two wrongs do make a right?

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So apparently in yesterday’s apparent road rage incident involving George Zimmerman, both Zimmerman and the man who allegedly shot him -resulting in minor injuries -had guns with them at the time. And Darwin is thinking “Missed a two-fer by THAT much”

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Tom Brady’s agent has accused Ted Wells of running a biased “sting” investigation on “Deflategate”, and Wells has fired back defending himself and the report. I’m wondering how long until one of the fired Patriots’ employees decides to supplement his severance pay with a book deal…..‪#‎whenyoureinaholestopdigging‬?

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Today President Obama’s Tuesday fast-track trade deal was stalled in the Senate….by Democrats. And over at Fox News heads are exploding. ‪#‎dowehavetopickaside‬?

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Just got a pre-sale notice for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. So is it time for stores to start decorating?

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The U.K. Daily Mail is reporting that the real reason Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods split up is that she found out he cheated on her. “I can’t believe Tiger would do that” said nobody.

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A woman gave birth on an AIr Canada flight to Japan, and said she hadn’t even known she was pregnant. Another graduate of “Abstinence only” education?

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Donald Trump has apparently TRADEMARKED the slogan “Make America Great Again” for his Presidential campaign. Is he trying to top “Mission Accomplished?”

 

Per Duane Kuiper, ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are hitting 5 for 26 with the bases loaded in 2015. Matt ‪#‎Duffy‬ with the bases loaded is 3 for 4. ‪#‎McGehee‬ who?

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The SF Giants have a much maligned farm system.  But starting today. Pitcher Chris Heston, catcher Buster Posey, first baseman Brandon Belt, second baseman Joe Panik, shortshop Brandon Crawford, and third baseball Matt Duffy. Every single one of them home-grown talent.

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MLB has tightened security for its game balls after Deflategate. Angels pitcher C.J. Wilson commented “Obviously, there’s not as much that you can do to baseballs. I mean, you can’t change the density of the baseball at any point — unless you dunk them in water. Then they’re going to be 9 ounces, and everyone’s going to blow their arms out.” Hmm. wonder how he knew that?

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Lindsay Lohan, who still has more than half of her 250 mandated community service hours to go from a 2013 reckless driving conviction, apparently missed her first day Tuesday at a Brooklyn preschool. This could really put her in jeopardy with Hollywood’s “37 strikes and you’re out” policy.

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Decisions, decisions

May 8, 2015

So let’s see, if Tom Brady gets a 3 game suspension, he misses the Steelers, Bills and Jaguars games….. if he gets a 4 game suspension, he misses the Cowboys. New England vs. Dallas. That’s a tough one. Many Americans are going to have a hard time deciding which team they would rather see lose.

 

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No other QB in the NFL so far has said anything of substance on the Tom Brady “Deflate-gate” issue. But I wonder how many of them have been on their phones deleting texts?

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Pretty clear that the Patriots didn’t need to cheat to beat the Colts in the AFC championship game. Of course, Nixon didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern either…. ‪#‎whenwilltheyeverlearn‬ ‪#‎coverupworsethanthecrime‬

 

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Besides deflecting Deflate-gate questions, Tom Brady commented yesterday on his no-show at the White House last month, saying if the Patriots won again “there’s no doubt I’ll be there. They should just give me a little more planning in advance.” Gosh, and how could anyone think the man is disingenuous?

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The poor get poorer? Dante Fowler Jr., #3 pick in the 2015 NFL draft, tore his ACL less than an hour into the Jaguars’ rookie mini-camp. On the bright side, looking like Jacksonville should have another high draft pick next year..

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A new WSJ/NBC poll found that 52% of Americans would be comfortable with a evangelical Christian presidential candidate, but 61% would be comfortable with a gay or lesbian president. ‪#‎Fabulous‬ ‪#‎thetimestheyareachangin‬

Meanwhile, Lindsey Graham is set to announce his candidacy for 2016 on June 1. #justsayin

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A GOP state senator from Vermont was arrested on Thursday after he allegedly solicited sex from two women in exchange for overdue rent. Presumably not the way Republicans in the state wanted to stop Bernie Sanders from getting all the headlines.

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At Heathrow Airport’s Terminal 2, a misting globe will dispense fragrances through the air that represent Brazil, China, South Africa, Thailand and Japan, as those are destinations passengers can reach from Heathrow.

Hmm…. out of Terminal 2 you can also take United nonstop to Newark, New Jersey…..

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How the mighty have fallen. Today’s ESPN headline. “Tiger birdies final hole to move above cut line.”

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Apparently Texas has gotten too many of the headlines: A principal of a charter high school was arrested after she was caught with a student, partially unclothed, and allegedly smoking marijuana. Nice trifecta, Florida.

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Spanish police caught a woman trying to smuggle an eight-year-old boy across the border inside a suitcase. And U.S. airlines just got another idea for transporting discount fare passengers.

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Warning on a new SPF 30 moisturizer – For External Use Only. Well, glad they cleared that up…. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎toomanylawyers‬

 

From Bill Littlejohn  ” Leaked from Tom Brady’s appeal to Roger Goodell. ‘To air is human, to forgive is divine.”

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Dumb and dumber?

May 8, 2015

The Cleveland Cavaliers are apologizing for an “insensitive” promotional video where a young man imitates Patrick Swayze about to catch Jennifer Grey on her leap in “Dirty Dancing.”  But the man is a Cavs fan, the woman has a Bulls shirt on, and instead of catching her, he throws her to the ground….  At the end, she cuddles up next to him with a new  Cavs shirt, an ice pack on her head. “Well, I’m all in now.”

 

And regarding that  video. I’m not P.C, and okay, a Dirty Dancing spoof could have been funny. Maybe if a Cavs fan just dropped a Bulls fan. But then to show a woman writing on the floor in pain, and with the ice pack?  Thinking the ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ goes less to the morons who filmed it, than to the executive(s) who signed off on showing the thing…..

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So Tom Brady’s agent now says that the Wells report “contains significant and tragic flaws” and “is a significant and terrible disappointment.” Well, for Patriots fans he’s right about that second part. ‪#‎didntwelearnanythingfromWatergate‬?

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And maybe Brady was telling the literal truth at least when he said “”I” didn’t alter the ball in any way,” ‪#‎Willnooneridmeofthistroublesomeair‬?”

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In the grand scheme of things, how important is the Tom Brady – Deflategate Story? Not that big of a deal. But really, as talented as the Patriots’ QB is.. It’s almost as if Jennifer Lopez was caught using butt-enhancers.

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So while rumors swirl about a possible ‪#‎TomBrady‬ suspension, what about Bill Belichick? ‪#‎RogerGoodell‬ ‪#‎Ignoranceisnoexcuse‬ ‪#‎Saints‬ ‪#‎Patriots‬

 

A 23 year-old Michigan woman was arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. This after she was caught driving down a road going the wrong way, naked, after leaving her husband and young child, also both naked, at a rest stop. She says she doesn’t remember the night. So this is one of those traditional marriages we need to defend?

 

Defense Secretary Ash Carter, when asked if the Pentagon really is “planning to overtake Texas”, flatly replied, “no.” How tempting must it have been to add “But if they want to secede….”

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Kevin Love is out, Chris Paul is out, John Wall is out….. are we sure the Golden State Warriors don’t have a batch of voodoo dolls hidden somewhere?

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Everett Golson has announced he will transfer from Notre Dame to another school next year. While he listed several SEC schools as possibilities, the QB would need a waiver to go to any of them, because one conference criteria for transfers is “The student-athlete has not been subject to official university or athletics department disciplinary action at any time during enrollment at any previous collegiate institution.”

And Golson was suspended from Notre Dame in 2013 for “poor academic judgment”

In the SEC they’re asking “what’s poor academic judgment?”

 

 

 

From T.C.  “The Tampa Bay Bucs have added a clause in QB Jameis Winston’s contract the prohibits him from playing major league baseball. The Seahawks are considering rewriting Russell Wilson’s contract, who participated in spring training with The Texas Rangers. They don’t want Wilson to be throwing unnecessarily.”

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Denial is now a river in New England?

January 23, 2015

Bill Belichick. “I have no explanation for what happened… I was shocked to learn of the footballs on Monday.” I presume the Patriots coach was also shocked to hear that there is gambling in Casablanca?

 

 

More from Belichick’s press conference. “Tom’s personal preferences on his footballs are something that he can talk about in much better detail and information than I could possibly provide,” Someone want to pass this quote on to Giselle?

 

 

Tom Brady – – “I wouldn’t do anything to break the rules.” Giselle – “My husband cannot f–king throw the ball and deflate it at the same time.”

 

 

So much denial out of New England. Hmm. Overheard last weekend in the Patriots’ locker room by coaches and players holding footballs “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome air?”

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First a missing elevator video, now a micro-manager of a coach who didn’t realize his team was cheating, again. Just wondering, since when did Roger Goodell decide that ignorance is only no excuse in New Orleans.

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So can we make sure all the Pro Bowl footballs are deflated? Since it’s an exhibition game, it would be fun to see Luck and Brees combine to throw for  20-30 touchdowns.

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Meanwhile, back in the NFC, the NFL has fined Marshawn Lynch $20,000 for the grabbing his crotch after scoring a TD in the Seahawks win over Green Bay. And then presumably the league will fine the Seattle RB another $50,000 for refusing to comment on the incident.

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Starbucks reported a 16% jump in quarterly profit today. Makes sense, interest rates are still low enough that consumers can get inexpensive loans to buy their coffee.

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How much more does this Disneyland measles outbreak have to spread before people start clamoring for President Obama to figure out a way to prevent the disease?

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House GOP leaders pulled a very restrictive anti-abortion bill from the floor after reports that several women Republican congressmen were going to vote against it. Presumably their next step, looking into what it would take to repeal the 19th amendment.

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Mike Huckabee, talking about how states could resist a Supreme Court decision upholding gay marriage: “Do we really surrender the entire American system of government to five people, unelected, appointed for life, with no consequences for the decisions they make? The founders never intended for there to be such incredible, almost unlimited power, put in the hands of so few people.”

Uh, wonder what President Al Gore thinks of this statement?

 

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As negative as this ‪#‎DeflateGate‬ coverage is ‪#‎RichardSherman‬ still probably stewing over fact that he’s out of the headlines. ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

 

 

From Marc Ragovin. “I hear the Patriots’ Super Bowl fight song is gonna be “Under Pressure.”

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Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah, 91, has died. The scary thing…. he’s supposed to have made the country more modern and reasonable. ‪#‎howcouldyoutell‬

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A 50-year-old Irish grandmother received no jail time when she pleaded guilty to possession of a small amount of cocaine at a Cork bingo hall. Apparently police first became suspicious when they heard her yelling “BINGO” from the next county.

 

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Email ad today for the Westminster Kennel show “See your favorite dogs for this February only $30.” Of course New York bargain hunters can wait six weeks and get cheap seats for the Mets.

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No “I” in Team. But there is an “I” in Giselle.

February 7, 2012

Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” Super Bowl ad is being talked about as a potential boost for President Obama. Republicans are just trying to figure out how to discredit that liberal icon Clint Eastwood.

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“Extra” TV host Maria Menounos, a New England fan, paid off on a bet by wearing a New York Giants bikini in Times Square because the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I think I can speak for all Americans in saying I’m glad Bill Bilicheck didn’t make that same bet.

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Why super models don’t play on teams: Tom Brady’s wife overheard screaming at hecklers after the Super Bowl – “My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times.”

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Wonder if Giselle Bundchen blamed Kate Winslet for the bad acting reviews in ‘Titanic.”

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Just my opinion, but guessing when Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen’s son starts playing Pop Warner or Little League, Giselle won’t be chosen as team mom.

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This just in. Tom Brady criticizes some Giselle’s make-up artist for not making her look better.

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All this commotion over M.I.A’s middle finger gesture. Right, as opposed to wholesome regular prime-time television like Family Guy and the Bachelor.

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Anyone else see the Super Bowl trailer for “The Dictator,” and think that Sasha Baron Cohen owes the Giants’ Brian Wilson royalties?

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A Georgia man sustained non life-threatening injuries after he accidentally shot himself in the leg at a Savannah gun show. (With a pistol he had just bought the day before) Wonder if he was wearing a Plaxico Burress jersey.

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The Knicks won tonight with Harvard grad Jeremy Lin, Stanford grad Landry Fields, and Marquette grad Steve Novak. They may not make the playoffs but New York should be unbeatable at “Words with Friends.”

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Mitt Romney today said that he agreed with the Susan G. Komen’s decision to cut Planned Parenthood funding. That probable gender gap in November just turned into the Grand Canyon.

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Hard to believe, but Tim Lincecum said he lost 22 pounds over the winter. SF Giants fans are hoping Pablo Sandoval didn’t find them.

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Mimi Alford, 69, has written a book about her previously unknown relationship with JFK. Just wondering how much the world would be different if we had Twitter and camera phones in the 60s. Heck, even during Clinton’s presidency.

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Rick Santorum told a gay man that he doesn’t deserve the ‘privilege’ of marriage because same sex relationships don’t “benefit society.”

Uh, one of my more generally conservative friends, a wine merchant, would beg to differ. As he says, “Gay couples buy the most expensive champagne.”

All for that matter, no birth control or abortion issues.

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Hard to believe sometimes that an ob/gyn like Ron Paul can be so clueless about women. Especially when he comes up with terms like “Honest Rape.” Talk about a useless oxymoron.

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Jon and Kate, Separ – Eight.

June 23, 2009

Does anybody really care?

Actually Jon and Kate are saying now that the pressure of having their whole team on national television every week really took its toll. And the Detroit Lions said “Tell us about it.”

Alternate punchline, the Detroit Lions said “Wait a minute, that’s OUR excuse.”

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Gloria Estefan has purchased a stake in the Miami Dolphins. No word yet if the Dolphins running attack will now be nicknamed the “Miami Ground Machine.”
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Speaking of television, Lindsay Lohan is apparently getting her own reality show. This may be the first time in recent memory that the terms Lindsay Lohan and reality have been used in the same sentence.

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The Guardian Council, Iran’s top electoral body, found “no major fraud” in the recent presidential election. Apparently they used the same investigative techniques that Bud Selig used to proclaim baseball’s steroids testing program so successful.

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Iran’s top electoral body found “no major fraud” in their recent presidential election. They also announced that they felt sure Derrick Rose took his own SAT test.
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An 103 year old man, believed to be the oldest living professional baseball player, threw out the first pitch last weekend at a Padres game. The man said it was the biggest thrill he has had in baseball – well, since he hit his first home run against Jamie Moyer.

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This line below was actually spoken live on ESPN’s coverage of the College World Series Monday night. The context, for any readers with dirty minds, was that the weather was so hot and humid, it was almost impossible to keep the baseballs moisture free.

“The balls are getting wet in the umpire’s sack.”

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And this is one I wish I had written, from the very funny Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Star Phoenix and Canada.com

“Tom Brady’s supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen is expecting a baby. Either that or she ate a grape.”
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