Posted tagged ‘Cavaliers jokes’

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Groin gate?

May 23, 2016

#‎NBA‬ had to decide whether or not to suspend ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬ over groin kick of ‪#‎StevenAdams‬. So once again a playoff game could have turned on deflated balls

 

New ‪#‎Warriors‬ cheer? – “Raa Raa REE! Kick ’em in the knee! Raa Raa RASS! Kick ’em in the other knee!” ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬

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With the NBA upgrading Green’s kicking Adams to a Flagrant 2 foul, since Draymond also had a flagrant 1 vs. the Rockets, he is now one more  flagrant foul of any kind away from suspension. But I am sure the Thunder won’t try to provoke him

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As ‪#‎Spurs‬ fan, have no dog in this fight, or rather in this kick. But does anyone really expect ‪#‎DraymondGreen‬ to say ” Of course I meant to kick him in the nuts.”

 

I guess someone forgot to tell the Toronto Raptors that the Eastern Conference NBA finals were over after game 2.

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But uh oh, tonight refs called a foul on ‪#‎LeBronJames‬. Time for a congressional investigation? ‪#‎CAVSvRAPTORS‬

 

Can only imagine how much the ‪#‎NBA‬ and its advertisers love the possibility of ‪#‎Raptors‬ vs ‪#‎Thunder‬ in the finals.

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Donald Trump says climate change is a “con job” and a “hoax.” But as reported by Politico, in Ireland, he wants to build a “nearly two-mile-long” stone wall to protect his golf course and hotel, citing “rising sea levels and increased storm frequency and wave energy associated with global warming.” ‪#‎nowallleftunbuilt‬ ‪#‎NottheOnion‬

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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is still free on bail while appealing his felony convictions. Now current Gov. Terry McAuliffe is apparently being investigated by the FBI over possible illegal donations to his campaign. Who does the state think it is? Illinois?

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Your US post office in action. Mailing a first class 2 ounce parcel is $2.45 with tracking. Took a letter to the post office and asked if that was the cheapest way to get tracking. Nope. Must be first class certified for $3.77. Asked why I couldn’t do it as a parcel. Because it’s not in a big enough envelope. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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United Airlines is having a sale on miles. Not buying them, but simply transferring miles you have paid for and earned to another person as a gift. It’s 30% off the normal price of $15 per 1,000 miles. And airlines wonder why we hate them.

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Tom Brady’s 4-game “deflategate” suspension has already been revoked by the U.S. District Court, then reinstated, and now the Patriots’ QB and his team of laywers want the case heard “by a full panel of 13 judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.” If they reject it, the appeal could go all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Forget deflating footballs, can we suspend Brady for criminal waste of taxpayer money?

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Apparently one of the excuses for killing those Santiago zoo lions when a man jumped into their enclosure was that since the lions had tasted a human, they’d look at humans as a food source in the future. Got news for these folks, if you jump into a lion’s home, you ARE a food source.

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From Marc Ragovin  “A 54-year old custodian at Wooster Polytechnic Institute graduated from the school this past week with a degree in mechanical engineering. And after reading about the job prospects for 54-year old mechanical engineers, he returned to his job as custodian..

 

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A horse is a horse, of course of course…

May 5, 2016

An 8-1 shot in the ‪#‎KentuckyDerby‬ is a horse named “‪#‎Exaggerator‬ .” Waiting for ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ to sue for copyright infringement.

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The next GOP primary is in Nebraska. With Ted Cruz having dropped out at least Carly Fiorina doesn’t have to spend time researching a horse that comes from the Cornhusker state, so she can say she’s rooting for him in the Kentucky Derby.

 

SF Giants reliever Vin Mazzaro May 2, 2 outs, 1 hit, 0 earned runs and a win relieving Johnny Cueto.  May 5,   relieving Matt Cain, Mazzaro got  1 out, with six hits and 9 earned runs ‪#‎Baseballisacruelgame‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

 

With each pitch ‪#‎timlincecum‬‘s asking price is going up. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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The Dodgers have suspended SS Erisbel Arruebarrena for the remainder of the season “for his repeated failure to comply with the terms of his contract.” Well, that and for hitting .182. ‪#‎teamsdontsuspendsuperstars‬

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Apparently some Hawks players were upset that the Cavaliers, including bench players, kept shooting 3-point shots to set the all-time NBA record last night –  (25)  with the game not even close. Here’s a hint to Atlanta, don’t want a team to set a 3-point shooting record against you? Start playing defense.

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A recently published PennLive story says former coach Joe Paterno allegedly was told about accused child sexual abuse Jerry Sandusky in 1976. Guessing that Paterno statue that was temporarily removed from its place on campus going to stay in its hidden “secure location.”

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In Hong Kong, KFC is introducing edible nail polish that supposedly tastes like chicken. WTF? KFC’s fried chicken doesn’t really actually taste like chicken.

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John McCain says that Donald Trump’s heading the GOP ticket could make the Senate’s re-election bid “the race of my life,” because of how unpopular Trump is with Hispanics.
Yeah, it’s a real bummer when a loose cannon on the Presidential ticket threatens the party’s candidates in state races.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.

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A bodyguard who was fired by Kanye West for allegedly trying to hit on Kim Kardashian says he didn’t do anything wrong and that Kanye is ‘the most self-absorbed person’ he’s ever met. Hmm, another potential running mate for Trump?

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Open note to @realDonaldTrump on your running mate pick – @SarahPalinUSA is available. Love, all U.S. comedy writers.

 

Donald Trump tweeted on Thursday. “Happy ‪#‎CincoDeMayo‬! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
‪#‎wrongonsomanylevels‬ ‪#‎guessheswritingoffcaliforniatexasandarizona‬

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Paul Ryan “I’m just not ready to do that (support Donald Trump) at this point, I’m not there right now, and I hope to, though, and I want to, but I think what is required is that we unify this party.”
Waiting for one of these wimps to say, “You know what. Screw it. I’m voting for Hillary but support your local GOP candidates. We can survive four more Clinton years with a Republican House and Senate.”

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Johnny Manziel, who is out on bail, has been ordered by a Texas judge to have no contact at all with his former girlfriend. And we all know how well Manziel follows instructions.

 

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Police in Arizona have decided to drop felony charges against a high school football player who exposed his penis in a yearbook picture “on a dare,” The relieved kid told a local reporter “God is on my side and I’m blessed [by] everything that’s happened from the support side.”
Uh, it’s Arizona. He shouldn’t be thanking God, but rather the fact he’s a white, heterosexual football player.

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As a British Studies major once upon a time, have to note that JD in PA reminds us  .”Anyone who had a Shakespeare course in college could tell you that “Bend it like Richard III” should work on at least two levels.#leicesterjokes”

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Dumb and dumber?

May 8, 2015

The Cleveland Cavaliers are apologizing for an “insensitive” promotional video where a young man imitates Patrick Swayze about to catch Jennifer Grey on her leap in “Dirty Dancing.”  But the man is a Cavs fan, the woman has a Bulls shirt on, and instead of catching her, he throws her to the ground….  At the end, she cuddles up next to him with a new  Cavs shirt, an ice pack on her head. “Well, I’m all in now.”

 

And regarding that  video. I’m not P.C, and okay, a Dirty Dancing spoof could have been funny. Maybe if a Cavs fan just dropped a Bulls fan. But then to show a woman writing on the floor in pain, and with the ice pack?  Thinking the ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ goes less to the morons who filmed it, than to the executive(s) who signed off on showing the thing…..

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So Tom Brady’s agent now says that the Wells report “contains significant and tragic flaws” and “is a significant and terrible disappointment.” Well, for Patriots fans he’s right about that second part. ‪#‎didntwelearnanythingfromWatergate‬?

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And maybe Brady was telling the literal truth at least when he said “”I” didn’t alter the ball in any way,” ‪#‎Willnooneridmeofthistroublesomeair‬?”

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In the grand scheme of things, how important is the Tom Brady – Deflategate Story? Not that big of a deal. But really, as talented as the Patriots’ QB is.. It’s almost as if Jennifer Lopez was caught using butt-enhancers.

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So while rumors swirl about a possible ‪#‎TomBrady‬ suspension, what about Bill Belichick? ‪#‎RogerGoodell‬ ‪#‎Ignoranceisnoexcuse‬ ‪#‎Saints‬ ‪#‎Patriots‬

 

A 23 year-old Michigan woman was arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. This after she was caught driving down a road going the wrong way, naked, after leaving her husband and young child, also both naked, at a rest stop. She says she doesn’t remember the night. So this is one of those traditional marriages we need to defend?

 

Defense Secretary Ash Carter, when asked if the Pentagon really is “planning to overtake Texas”, flatly replied, “no.” How tempting must it have been to add “But if they want to secede….”

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Kevin Love is out, Chris Paul is out, John Wall is out….. are we sure the Golden State Warriors don’t have a batch of voodoo dolls hidden somewhere?

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Everett Golson has announced he will transfer from Notre Dame to another school next year. While he listed several SEC schools as possibilities, the QB would need a waiver to go to any of them, because one conference criteria for transfers is “The student-athlete has not been subject to official university or athletics department disciplinary action at any time during enrollment at any previous collegiate institution.”

And Golson was suspended from Notre Dame in 2013 for “poor academic judgment”

In the SEC they’re asking “what’s poor academic judgment?”

 

 

 

From T.C.  “The Tampa Bay Bucs have added a clause in QB Jameis Winston’s contract the prohibits him from playing major league baseball. The Seahawks are considering rewriting Russell Wilson’s contract, who participated in spring training with The Texas Rangers. They don’t want Wilson to be throwing unnecessarily.”

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Move over Los Angeles…

July 9, 2010

So “King James” is going to Miami, where he will end up with his friends Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. After this ego-driven free-agency madness, forget hating the Lakers, the rest of America may just decide they can’t stand the Heat.

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And back in Cleveland, suffice it to say that the only King Cavs fans want to compare Lebron to is Charles 1 of England.*

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Fans in Cleveland, who once adored Lebron, have turned in a hurry. It’s not just that he left, but that he did it in such a narcissistic, over-the-top, public way. So many fans are publicly burning his old jerseys.

Guess we can call them, “Lebron fires,” or more aptly “Lebronfires from his Vanities.”

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All over America, women watched their husbands and partners riveted to the Lebron show and saying “Don’t you dare ever call ‘the Bachelor’ or ‘Bachelorette’ insipid again.

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Although in the past week, both a previous “Bachelor” couple (Jake and Vienna), and a Bachelorette couple (Jillian and Ed), have had well-publicized breakups. Just wondering, how lovey-dovey will James and Heat fans be if they don’t win a championship fast?

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Not sure when the Miami Heat come to Cleveland next season, but no doubt Cavs fans will be looking for the number of Lindsay Lohan’s manicurist.

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Everyone in Miami may not be thrilled about Lebron’s choice. For example, he just gave sports fans in the town yet more reasons in the spring not to go to Marlins games.

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And btw, Lebron, you said you were taking your talents to South Beach? American Airlines Arena, where the Heat play, is in the city of Miami proper, about a 15 minute driver from South Beach. The main sport in South Beach is partying…. Hmm, never mind.
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It was announced today that USC would be ineligible to be ranked in this year’s USA Today’s football coaches’ poll. But, the Trojans just hired coach Lane Kiffin -there wasn’t a snowball’s chance they would be ranked anyhow.

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Larry King and his seventh wife Shawn have called off divorce proceedings. It was the 76 year old talk-show host who originally filed for divorce back in April. One of two things have happened. Either the two have reconciled, or Larry forgot why he filed in the first place.

*Asterisk to above joke, Charles 1 was beheaded after being convicted of treason by Parliament.

And for those hard core history and sports types, (yeah, both of us. ) How mad at the King are Cleveland fans? Many of them want to change their name to the Cleveland Roundheads.

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