Posted tagged ‘Gore jokes’

$unny day.

August 13, 2015

Sesame Street is moving to HBO. So the show will now be brought to you by the letter $.

The outlet mall in Livermore, California is expanding and has renamed itself “San Francisco Premium Outlets.” Well, at about 45 miles from the city it’s no further away than the “SF” 49ers.

Carly Fiorina is going to solve the maternity leave problem in the U.S! In her own words by making the economy “so strong that employers are forced to compete for workers by offering better salaries, better leave policies, more time off, and good benefits.”
And no doubt many of those workers will be with military contractors developing flying pigs.

The A’s are having Mark McGwire bobblehead night next Tuesday. Does it come in two sizes, “before” and “after”?

Vernon Adams finally completed his undergraduate degree from Eastern Washington so he can play this fall for Oregon. The Ducks’ expected starting QB passed the final exam today on his second attempt for a math class.

And down in the SEC they’re going “math class?”

IK Enemkpali has a job in the NFL, Junior Galette has a job in the NFL Greg Hardy has a job in the NFL… Anyone but me thinking that with Ray Rice, who at least does appear to have learned something, the issue isn’t that elevator punch but the step or two he’s lost as a running back?

The court sketch artist who drew an unflattering picture of Tom Brady now says she is being “cyber-bullied” by Patriots fans. Okay, if you REALLY care about a courtroom sketch to the point of harassing the artist, you probably have too much time on your hands.

Frontier Airlines is getting rid of their toll-free numbers. Wonder which airline will decide to go them one better by getting rid of phone numbers period?

Uh, ‪#‎ESPN‬, at this point isn’t “Tiger Struggling” redundant? ‪#‎TigerWoods‬ ‪#‎PGA‬

A NASA climatologist says that this winter “has the potential of being the Godzilla El Niño,” Bill Patzert, a climatologist with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.” Great, so Californians can deal with a drought and flooding at the same time.

So Buzzfeed is reporting that Al Gore is at least thinking of entering the 2016 Presidential race now. Well, heck, let’s run him against Mitt Romney. “I’ll take two politicians most people just want to go away for $1000, Alex.”

Wisconsin men’s basketball coach Bo Ryan announced in June that he would retire after the 2015-16 season. Now he says “I’m not totally sure, ” and adds that the AD “said I could change my mind at any time.”

“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.

Next stop, the Supremes? A Colorado court has ruled that a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple cannot use his Christian beliefs as a defense. You know, I would have a lot more sympathy for these religious folks if they also made an effort not to bake cakes for couples who live together before marriage, or who met while one was already married, etc.

From T.C. “MetLife Stadium has gone totally wireless, except one QB’s jaw.”


No crime or misdemeanor?

July 30, 2010

The Portland Police decided not to file charges against Al Gore in the alleged 2006 sexual assault case. They cited deficiencies in the masseuse’s story, lack of forensic evidence, and the near impossibility of getting a 12 person jury to imagine Gore as a “crazed sex poodle.”

Tom Brady says he would like to pay another 10 years, until he’s 43. “Quitting so young? scoffed Brett Favre.

With Tim Tebow’s new deal with Jockey as an underwear model, maybe we’ll finally get an answer to that age old question.. .WWJW? As in “What would Jesus wear?” (Boxers or briefs?)

Where is Saturday Night Live when you need them? As in the ESPN spoof I want to see… Alex Rodriguez is still stuck on 599 home runs, and Generalissmo Francisco Franco is still dead.

After 10 plastic surgery operations, Heidi Montag has filed for divorce from Spencer Pratt. Her alleged reason? He doesn’t appreciate “the real me.”

Washington manager Jim Riggleman says he will employ a “closer by committee” strategy after the team traded Matt Capps for prospects. This is a relatively new concept for the Nationals — having games to close.

A snarky but funny comments from Gary Morton regarding my post about the Bristol Palin-Levi Johnston saga, where Levi’s ex-girlfriend may be pregnant with his child, but she doesn’t know which of three guys it is…. “What, she couldn’t read the names on the back of their jerseys (as they sprinted from her trailer)?

Sarah Palin criticized President Obama for going on “The View.” I guess she feels like he should spend his time on more important things, like taking his family camping with Kate Gosselin.

Bill Clinton today, in talking about Chelsea’s wedding and her potential dress, said he doesn’t remember what Hillary wore during their wedding. Makes sense, he hasn’t remembered his vows either.

On “The View,” President Obama admitted he didn’t know who “Snooki” was. That’s okay, on “Jersey Shore” Snooki admitted she didn’t know who President Obama was.

Two men were arrested at Citi Field during the Mets-Diamondbacks game after they jumped onto the field carrying Mexican flags to protest of Arizona’s immigration law. Fans were actually rather supportive of their efforts. In fact, a majority felt that we should leave Mexican workers alone, and just deport the Mets.