Posted tagged ‘Sesame Street jokes’

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$unny day.

August 13, 2015

Sesame Street is moving to HBO. So the show will now be brought to you by the letter $.

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The outlet mall in Livermore, California is expanding and has renamed itself “San Francisco Premium Outlets.” Well, at about 45 miles from the city it’s no further away than the “SF” 49ers.

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Carly Fiorina is going to solve the maternity leave problem in the U.S! In her own words by making the economy “so strong that employers are forced to compete for workers by offering better salaries, better leave policies, more time off, and good benefits.”
And no doubt many of those workers will be with military contractors developing flying pigs.

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The A’s are having Mark McGwire bobblehead night next Tuesday. Does it come in two sizes, “before” and “after”?

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Vernon Adams finally completed his undergraduate degree from Eastern Washington so he can play this fall for Oregon. The Ducks’ expected starting QB passed the final exam today on his second attempt for a math class.

And down in the SEC they’re going “math class?”

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IK Enemkpali has a job in the NFL, Junior Galette has a job in the NFL Greg Hardy has a job in the NFL… Anyone but me thinking that with Ray Rice, who at least does appear to have learned something, the issue isn’t that elevator punch but the step or two he’s lost as a running back?

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The court sketch artist who drew an unflattering picture of Tom Brady now says she is being “cyber-bullied” by Patriots fans. Okay, if you REALLY care about a courtroom sketch to the point of harassing the artist, you probably have too much time on your hands.

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Frontier Airlines is getting rid of their toll-free numbers. Wonder which airline will decide to go them one better by getting rid of phone numbers period?

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Uh, ‪#‎ESPN‬, at this point isn’t “Tiger Struggling” redundant? ‪#‎TigerWoods‬ ‪#‎PGA‬

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A NASA climatologist says that this winter “has the potential of being the Godzilla El Niño,” Bill Patzert, a climatologist with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.” Great, so Californians can deal with a drought and flooding at the same time.

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So Buzzfeed is reporting that Al Gore is at least thinking of entering the 2016 Presidential race now. Well, heck, let’s run him against Mitt Romney. “I’ll take two politicians most people just want to go away for $1000, Alex.”

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Wisconsin men’s basketball coach Bo Ryan announced in June that he would retire after the 2015-16 season. Now he says “I’m not totally sure, ” and adds that the AD “said I could change my mind at any time.”

“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.

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Next stop, the Supremes? A Colorado court has ruled that a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple cannot use his Christian beliefs as a defense. You know, I would have a lot more sympathy for these religious folks if they also made an effort not to bake cakes for couples who live together before marriage, or who met while one was already married, etc.

From T.C. “MetLife Stadium has gone totally wireless, except one QB’s jaw.”

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MLB Rule 2.00

October 5, 2012

MLB Rule 2.00 is the infield fly rule.  (which is currently posted on the Atlanta Braves website…. without comment.)

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The rule states that an infield fly is a fair fly ball (not including a line drive nor an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder with ordinary effort.   To give the umpires some benefit of the doubt,  with all the errors Atlanta made tonight, they might have been confused about this “ordinary effort” stuff.

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Women baseball fans are still especially stunned by that so-called infield fly tonight in Atlanta that ended up well into the outfield – normally when men misjudge length they don’t err on the low side.

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Chipper Jones has to be  thinking,  for his last MLB game, maybe he should have loaned the umps his reading glasses?

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Even the replacement refs who saw that play are saying  – “What were they thinking?

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This just in, Al Gore blamed that infield fly call in the Cardinals-Braves game on the altitude.

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Dear Gawd, and Bud Selig thought the worst thing that could happen with this ridiculous one-game playoff idea is that the NY Yankees might end up out of the post-season by the weekend.

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If there’s a karmic silver lining in tonight’s Cardinals-Braves game, is Don Denkinger finally off the hook?

(for non-baseball fans,  Don Denkinger was the umpire whose blown call at first base cost the St. Louis Cardinals the World Series against the Kansas City Royals in 1985.)

Listening to an aging Jack Welch rant today that the unemployment numbers “don’t smell right.” Uh, a potential one word answer on that smell issue – “Depends?”

Another post-debate thought. If Mitt Romney is determined to cut PBS why didn’t he reference a perceived elitist show like “Masterpiece Theater,” instead of “Big Bird,” – one of the most beloved characters on one of the beloved shows in America?

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Ohio State backup QB Cardale Jones tweeted today “Why should we have to go to class if we came here to play FOOTBALL, we ain’t come to play SCHOOL classes are POINTLESS.” And SEC players responded “What are classes?”

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Jim Lehrer said today that the “The likelihood of my doing another debate in 2016 is, on a scale of one to 10, a minus one.” Hillary Clinton is bummed, she was counting on Lehrer making her look young and vigorous.

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The jobless rate fell to below 8% today. Which the GOP immediately said was bad news for job seekers – specifically Romney and Ryan.

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Amazing that some conservatives who think Obama is the most incompetent President ever still think he has the power to orchestrate a massive conspiracy on the unemployment rate.

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From T.C.  “I  just flew home on American Airlines and sat in rows 15, 14, 11 & 8.

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F is for Fiber….

November 11, 2009

Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street! Apparently Cookie Monster is celebrating with some Metamucil
wafers.

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Bad news for the Sesame Street 40th Birthday celebration. Apparently Oscar the Grouch showed up in his trash can, and accidentally got recycled.

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Of course, these days, the PC police might never have allowed Sesame Street to get started. Or if they did, it might be with “Gravitationally Challenged Bird,” and “Oscar the Socially Challenged.” Not to mention the “Fuzzy Blue Creature with an Eating Disorder.”

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Sesame Street got into some controversy after an episode referring to “Pox News” as a “trashy news show.” Fox took offense, but realistically, who would have thought anyone would refer to the network as having a “news show?”

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Sarah Palin just discovered that even at Fox News there are limits, when she implied that a liberal Democratic conspiracy was the reason that “In God We Trust” had been moved from the center to the side of U.S. Coins. Actually, the design change was approved by President George W. Bush.

Fox News fact-checked Palin’s statement, and called her on it. This might mark the first time that “Fox News” and “fact-check” appeared in the same sentence.

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The state of New York has reached an $875,000 settlement with CVS Pharmacy to stop sales of expired products — including medicine, baby formula and food. Just how out of date was some of this stuff? Some of the packs of gum contained Jamie Moyer rookie cards.

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This post-season was filled with umpiring errors, and what seemed like a record number of visits to the mound by New York catcher Jorge Posada. So at their annual meeting, MLB general managers brought up the subjects of instant replay and speeding up the game, and decided to do… absolutely nothing.

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Of course, when your World Series goes into November, maybe arguing over a few minutes extra per game seems a bit hypocritical.

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Bud Selig had stated he didn’t see “any reason to consider expanding: instant replay. And he didn’t see a problem with all Posada’s mound visits… eight in one INNING at one point. Of course, this could be because Selig and MLB at this point are wholly owned subsidiaries of the New York Yankees.
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In California, Senate candidate Carly Fioriana is already going after Barbara Boxer, without even mentioning her formidable Republican primary opponent, Chuck Devore. Not that it’s impossible for her to be nominated, but isn’t this like the 4-4 New York Jets discussing their strategy against New Orleans in the Super Bowl?

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L is for Layoff

March 12, 2009

The economic crisis hit Sesame Street today as Sesame Workshop, the show’s producers, announced they would cut about a fifth of their staff.

Now Oscar is really Grouchy.

Cookie Monster may be rationed to crackers.

And Big Bird is tiptoeing quietly around all KFC locations.

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So Bristol Palin’s engagement is off. And Meghan McCain said her parent running for president interfered with HER love life.

Wonder if McCain-Palin had won if we would have had the first White House shotgun wedding?

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In a recent poll, 96 percent of Californians said the state was in “bad times.” This is shocking. There are actually four percent who think things are good?

Didn’t know that many Californians were on the payroll of Manny Ramirez.

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The Fiesta, Rose, Orange and Sugar Bowls have signed just deals to keep the BCS format going through at least 2013.

So Barack Obama may be able to fix the economy, solve global warming, and bring our troops home from Iraq. But it doesn’t look like he can do anything about the BCS

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