Posted tagged ‘NASA jokes’

Houston, where are we?

February 22, 2017

The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum is sending the Apollo 11 Command Module on a tour around the U.S. to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. 50 years?! Wow. Assume the capsule will travel cross country with its left blinker on.

After receiving a new NCAA notice of allegations that brings the total to 21, Ole Miss officials announced they are self-imposing a one-year bowl ban for the 2017 season.
What a shame after their great 2016 bowl appearance…. oh, wait, they were 5-7. Never mind.


Rumors are that Kirk Cousins might be traded from the Redskins to the 49ers. Would be the owner equivalent of going from one frying pan into a younger frying pan.


In April, McDonald’s will have a promotion where all soft drinks, even the extra-large size, will be only $1. Using the restroom, however, may be $5.

“7 Earth-size planets found orbiting nearby star” How long until Trump takes credit for making galaxy great again. HUGE


So this intentional walk change in MLB is for real. Got a better idea with same time results, let the pitcher still throw his 4 pitches, but take one of the between-inning commercials and put it on half the screen. Then shorten one of those breaks. #dontmesswithbaseball

Kellyanne Conway hasn’t been seen lately. Wonder if she’s in the same “undisclosed location” they used to put Dick Cheney?

From Politico article talking to Trump associates “Leaving him alone for several hours can prove damaging, because he consumes too much television and gripes to people outside the White House.”
So basically Twitter has become his way of screaming “You punks get off my lawn?”

If protestors were paid as often as @POTUS & @PressSec seem to think they are, they’d be rich enough to vote GOP.

Pence says GOP will bring “individual responsibility back to American health care.” In other words, if you’re sick it’s your responsibility.

So if transgender bathrooms are a states’ rights issue, does that mean that, for example, marijuana is too?


As much as some conservatives freak out, guessing most have been in bathrooms with transgenders & HAVEN’T EVEN NOTICED.


It’s as dangerous to allow trans kids in school bathrooms  as it was to visit Bowling Green during the massacre. #ProtectTransKids


Reportedly six White House staffers left last week after failing FBI background checks. Considering some of the stories on those who DID make it through, even to the Cabinet, you do have to wonder what these guys did.



Marc Ragovin FTW

Lakers President Jeanie Buss has fired her brother Jim because of the team’s poor record. “Amateur,” said Kim Jong-Un


A few Saturday thoughts…

October 10, 2009

Memphis is appealing the NCAA’s decision to strip all the university’s basketball wins in 2007-08 because their star player faked an SAT test. Yes, heaven forbid the one academic year that Derrick Rose spent at Memphis before he left for the NBA be tainted.

NASA says its moon bombing was a success. Said Dick Cheney – “An unprovoked, successful missile strike – where do I sign up?”

Unfortunately for Colorado fans, the Phillies-Rockies game was postponed by snow. Unfortunately for St Louis fans, the Dodgers-Cardinal game wasn’t.

President Obama just took home the Nobel Peace Prize. Considering the ratings jump David Letterman is getting from all his mea culpas about sleeping with staffers, can we say he is taking home the “Piece Prize?”

The moon and other flights..

October 9, 2009

The Swiss denied bail for Roman Polanski, saying that they believe he is a flight risk. Wow, what was their first clue?

NASA has sent a rocket basically to bomb the moon. They say it’s to detect the presence of ice. But the real reason? Once we bomb the moon, NASA hopes the government will be willing to spend billions of dollars there.

On her Facebook page, Sarah Palin told President Obama that now is not the time for “second thoughts” about Afghanistan. And if anyone’s an expert on “second thoughts,” it’s the woman who served over half of her term as Governor.

Oops. Five Somali pirates were captured by the French navy, after they attempted to storm the French navy’s 18,000 ton flagship in the Indian Ocean. (They had apparently mistaken it for a private cargo vessel.) This is the worst Pirates performance since Pittsburgh wrapped up their 2009 MLB season.

Some conservatives are criticizing Mary Cheney for having a second child with her partner of almost 20 years. They claim, (for two printable examples) that the lesbian partnership is unnatural or that the child should have a father around. Anyone want to lay odds on this new baby growing up more or less well-adjusted, than say, the child of an unwed teenager mother whose teenage father is posing nude in Playgirl?

Despite reports in Forbes magazine, Tiger Woods said he is not a billionaire. Guess he had a 401k too.

Apparently the “pecking order” for scheduling major league baseball games is now something like this. If the Yankees are in the playoffs, their game will always be played in prime time. If the Yankees are out or have an off-day, the prime slots go to the Red Sox, then the Cubs (well, not this year), and then probably the Los Angeles Dodgers.

So kids who want to see a World Series played during the day sometime, keep rooting for something like Twins-Rockies.

If the SF Giants had somehow managed to make the playoffs, local fans could probably count on the games at 11a.

From the very funny Alex Kaseberg: After Rio de Janeiro has been selected for the 2016 Olympic Games, residents swigged rum, tore off their clothes and danced in the street all night. When asked why they were so excited about the Olympics, the most common response; “What Olympics?”