Posted tagged ‘zika jokes’

Still swinging

September 30, 2016

Open note to MLB commisioner Rob Manfred. Watch replays of Friday night’s SFGiants Dodgers game.  Then please never consider giving NL a DH. #pitchershwhorake

Also after tonight’s #SFGiants game & his body slam of a fan running on  the field, free agent #AngelPagan may be offered a contract by the #SF49ers

The brightest note for #Stanford fans tonight, at least tonight’s loss won’t go in the category of heartbreaker.

The CDC now says men who travel to Zika area should wait 6 months before unprotected sex. So much for those fun NBA road trips to Miami.

Richard Trentlage, 87, has passed away. He was known for writing the Oscar Meyer jingle, one of the most iconic of our time. So if he gets his wish, will Trentlage be reincarnated as an Oscar Meyer Weiner?

 

Former NBA commissioner David Stern says he has changed his mind and now wants expanded legal sports betting in the United States. Because that’s going to be the only way to get most Americans to care about the NBA regular season?

Anthony Bourdain, asked if he would dine with Trump, replied “Absolutely f—ing not,” and described the Donald as “loathsome.” And this is a man who has eaten bull testicles, seal eyes and hakari (dried fermented shark.),

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If @realDonaldTrump were elected President that 3:00am phone call might be from his chief of staff telling him to get off Twitter.

But if  elected will Donald Trump’s first act as President to be to close down all U.S. newspapers?

Donald Trump and Twitter, the gift that keeps on giving: “Remember, don’t believe “sources said” by the VERY dishonest media. If they don’t name the sources, the sources don’t exist.”
Did “many people” tell Trump the sources didn’t exist?

 

Donald Trump, in a NY Times interview, said that infidelity was “never a problem” during his three marriages. Well, I guess it wasn’t a problem for him.

That moment when a thrice-married overweight man calls out his former beauty pageant winner for her sexual past & her size.

Another commie-pinko media type for Hillary:
“But most Americans will soon make their choice. It will be either Mr. Trump or Mrs. Clinton – experienced, forward-looking, indomitably determined and eminently sane. Her election alone is what stands between the American nation and the reign of the most unstable, proudly uninformed, psychologically unfit president ever to enter the White House.”
Dorothy Rabinowitz, Wall Street Journal editorial board:

I miss Walter Cronkite. #Election2016

Mistakes may not have been made.

April 11, 2016

The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.

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That moment when even ‪#‎ESPN‬ on ‪#‎BaseballTonight‬ says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎Hellhasfrozenover‬

Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?

Even if you’re not a ‪#‎Warriors‬ fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked ‪#‎KobeBryant‬ farewell tour off ‪#‎ESPN‬ Wed

 

Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..

Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎butcanweelectstupid‬

 

Monday was ‪#‎NationalPetDay‬. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”

Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.

The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money

Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?

Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.

 

Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?

Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!