Posted tagged ‘Kim Jong Un jokes’

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Running away with it?

September 21, 2017

 

Ryan Trahan, a Texas A&M athlete, has been told he may lose his eligibility over “Neptune bottles”, his ecologically friendly steel reusable bottle company, because the NCAA thinks it he might be profiting on his “athletics reputation or ability.”
Trahan, a freshman, is a cross-country runner. And we all know that sport is about the fame and big bucks. #WTF?

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LaGuardia power failure this am resulted in many flight delays. It was the biggest power outage for NY in the summer not involving the Mets.

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Anyone else think it’s not just their records – colors of #49ers #Rams uniforms make it look like watching college teams?

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Apparently #AaronHernandez had CTE. Maybe Mama Boucher was right about “foosball is of the devil.”

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Charles Barkley, scoffing at today’s “soft” NBA players, said when he was playing, players “flew commercial and we were able to play back-to-back.”
And we walked to school five miles in the snow, uphill, both ways…

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Ok, now it’s SNOWING in Montana. You don’t have to be a scientist to get the idea that Mother Nature is really not happy with us.

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Everyone thinking “relax, no way abomination known as #GrahamCassidy will pass” – we thought no way Trump gets elected either. #keepcalling

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So Jimmy Kimmel is being branded as a “Hollywood Elite” by supporters of our Reality Television Star President. #whythereisnosatire

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Entire island of Puerto Rico is w/out power; restoring it may take “months.” These are US citizens. Sorry Trump, “stay safe” isn’t enough.

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Iowa Sen Grassley on Graham-Cassidy “You know, I could maybe give you 10 reasons why this bill shouldn’t be considered. But Republicans campaigned on this so often that you have a responsibility to carry out what you said in the campaign.”
And why should this promise be different from most other campaign promises?

 

Facebook will now apparently release the Russian election ads, and Mark Zuckerberg said company was determined to make it “much harder” for anyone to interfere in elections and to “use our tools to undermine democracy.”
Then after his statement did Zuckerberg go out to lock the barn door and look for his horses?

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Haley –Trump name calling worked w/ Kim Jong Un- Every other international community referring to him as ‘Rocket ​M​an.’” What are we, 6?

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Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Kim Jong Un calls Trump “mentally deranged US dotard” This would all be much more entertaining if they both didn’t have weapons of mass destruction.

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#Dotard” – I guess you find it in the dictionary after “Covfefe.”

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Testing, testing.

December 24, 2014

 

Turns out North Korean internet wasn’t really hacked. Kim Jong Un just tried to switch the whole country over to AOL.

 

 

Sony now says they will release “The Interview” in 300 theaters. Wonder how long it will take before North Korea demands a share of the profits.

 

Manti Te’o said the SF 49er’s Anthony Davis was giving him a hard time about his imaginary girlfriend last weekend’ He told a reporter that he expected it last year but “this year?” Find a new joke.'” Uh, this year apparently that joke is the 49ers.

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Jamaica is going to introduce automatic kiosks for tourists entering the country, so they won’t have to talk to an immigration officer. Makes sense, who expects tourists to smuggle something INTO Jamaica.

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie say their daughter Shiloh now wants to be called “John.”  What’s odder, that she wants a boy’s name.  Or that a celebrity child actually wants a NORMAL name.

 

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Weird for current NBA fans to see the Golden State Warriors to fall to the Lakers.  Even weirder, for longtime Warriors and Lakers fan that this year  it might have been considered a “trap game.”

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Lots of NBA games on Christmas day, and the league expects good ratings. Not that any NBA games really matter in December, but hey, any excuse for many people to stop talking to their relatives.

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Why there is no satire. U.S. Rep. Michael Grimm pleaded guilty to federal tax evasion. Grimm serves on the House Committee on Financial Services…..

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Hawaii is expecting a White Christmas with an actual snow blizzard on Mauna Kea. Okay, this one we can definitely blame on Obama.

 

 

Much sympathy for the family of ‪#‎AntonioMartin‬. But these days it doesn’t matter what color you are, it is a REALLY REALLY bad idea to raise a gun to a police officer.

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Apologies to real douchebags

March 12, 2014

North Korea reported that Kim Jong Un was elected to the country’s highest legislative body with “unanimous approval of his district which had 100% turnout.” Well, 100% of now living voters, no doubt.

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Religious radio talk show host Kevin Swanson is  claiming that Disney’s movie “Frozen” is the work of the Devil and “indoctrinates” children to be gay, because it talks about the love between sisters. Florida? Arizona? Texas?   Nope, Swanson is from Colorado. But to those other states… it’s your move.

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Chelsea Clinton in a speech today said “I definitely taught my parents how to text.” And remembering Anthony Weiner, etc, most Americans are thinking, “Thank God you didn’t teach your dad until after he left the Oval Office.”

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Open note to Dodgers fans whining about Barry Bonds spending a week helping out in SF Giants training camp. How’s your hitting coach doing these days? #glasshouses

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Is #JuanPablo Spanish for “a**hole?” #TheBachelor

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At Oscar Pistorius’s trial a friend who said that the “Blade Runner” had a big love for weapons,’ also said he agreed to “take the rap with pleasure” after Pistorius’s gun went off in a restaurant. Depending how the judge rules, we just might have found a cellmate for Aaron Hernandez.

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George Zimmerman, telling an interviewer he doesn’t understand why people are still so upset with him. “But I’m willing to talk to everyone and try to answer their concerns or questions and help them realize there is no need to be angry.” #speechless

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Cruise lines for years have had “gentlemen hosts” who were willing to dance with single women on board. Now Crystal Cruise Lines is introducing female hosts for single men looking for dance partners. Both of them?

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Jerry Sandusky’s wife Dottie, in an interview with Matt Lauer: ‘I’m not a weak wife.” So does that means she’s delusional? Or evil?

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Adam Vinatieri, 41, has signed another two-year deal with the Colts. So will he be the first kicker to run onto the field with his left blinker on?

 

Another winter storm is expected to drop several inches to two feet of snow from Chicago to New England over the next couple days. Note to God, if you want to send a “hell freezing over” message, maybe better to be a little more specific.

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The 49ers have traded for Jonathan Martin. Makes some sense. Whatever you think of Jim Harbaugh, hard to imagine he suffers fools, or bullies.

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn: “49er Donte Whitner has signed with Cleveland.He should change his name to What?-ner”

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Tear down those nets.

April 8, 2013

Stirring run by Louisville after Kevin Ware’s horrific injury. But as cutthroat as college basketball has become, have to wonder, is there a D1 coach out there thinking “Hmm, how do I draft a high school star with brittle bones?”

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Now that the NCAA men’s tournament is over, fans of high-level amateur basketball will just have to be content with a few more games from the Lakers.

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Wonder if Michigan coach John Beilein used magic markers on the hands of his players tonight to help them keep track of the number of remaining timeouts?

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Over-under on the number of Division 1 college teams burning practice videos this week?

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Dennis #Rodman was fired last night from #CelebrityApprentice.” Let’s hope no one tells his “friend for life” Kim Jong Un.

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In Tennessee, a 4-year-old who picked up a sheriff deputy’s gun at a family BBQ allegedly shot and killed the man’s wife. An Tennessee Bureau of Investigations spokesman said it appears accidental at this time.” Ya think?

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Metta World Peace said he will start Tuesday night for the Los Angeles Lakers, just 12 days after knee surgery. Well, it’s not like World Peace needs to save himself for the playoffs.

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Damn, Annette Funicello has died. She was 70. And millions of baby boomers suddenly feel very old.

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Just thinking, before Sesame Street, how many people remember “M-I-C (see you real soon) -K-E-Y (why, because we like you) M-O-U-S-E” as the first words they learned to spell?

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Thieves in Germany apparently stole 5.5 tons of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a truck last weekend. Wonder if this followed a marijuana heist nearby. Talk about a sticky situation.

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The NY Jets are forcing unhappy CB Darrell Revis to show up to “voluntary” workouts while they try to trade him. Meanwhile, QB Tim Tebow will voluntarily show up if he hasn’t been cut. New York sure doesn’t need Barnum and Bailey to have a circus in town.

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Monday was the home opener for the Chicago Cubs. Who made masochism fashionable a century before “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

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Former Sen. Rick Santorum said today that the GOP must stay opposed to gay marriage to avert political suicide. Santorum also maintained his support for changing the symbol of the Republican party from an elephant to a lemming.

(or as my friend Michael D. says, a passenger pigeon)

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Why even in the 21st century, grammar and punctuation still matter: #Nowthatchersdead set off a number of rumors today that Cher had died. (#Youhaventseenthelastofme)

 

-New Indians’ manager Terry Francona got lost Monday making the two-block walk from his Cleveland apartment to Progressive field for the home opener against the Yankees. Unfortunately for Francona, a team employee got him there in time to see the Indians lose 11-6.

(Francona may also be thinking, “that’s the last time I use a old beer-stained map from Josh Beckett.)

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