Posted tagged ‘coach k jokes’

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Opening Day- Closing night

April 6, 2015

On Opening Day at Yankee Stadium, A-Rod apparently got the loudest ovation of any player when he was introduced. Figures, most comics work nights and had the day off.

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The NY Times reported today that Jeb Bush listed himself as Hispanic on his 2009 voter registration form. So where is Donald Trump’s call for Jeb’s birth certificate?

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Anyone but me think Mike Krzyzewski must have a really scary looking portrait in an attic somewhere? ‪#‎NationalChampionship‬ ‪#‎Duke‬

 

Two controversial calls down the stretch that both went the Blue Devils’ way should do wonders for Duke continuing to be universally loved across the country.

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Bo Ryan, 67, would have become the oldest coach in NCAA tournament history to win his first national championship if Wisconsin won tonight. 67?! Makes Ryan about the average age of the San Antonio Spurs.

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The Los Angeles Dodgers won 6-3 today, but Clayton Kershaw gave up 3 runs in 6 innings. That’s it, he’s clearly over the hill.

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Pedroia and Ramirez on space for 324 home runs each. Pablo Sandoval on pace for 486 strikeouts. ‪#‎OpeningDay‬ ‪#‎Redsox‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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So much for all those who thought Kentucky could beat an NBA team. Of course, they still might be able to beat the Lakers.

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The Cubs went 0-13 with runners in scoring position and lost 3-0 on “opening night.” So how many of the Wrigley faithful are breaking out new “Wait until next year” t-shirts?

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From my friend Scott Russell. “It is apropos that the Red Sox play Boston College in their exhibition opener and the Philadelphia Phillies on opening day.” Scott does not say whether he believes Boston College or the Phillies to have been tougher competition.

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In most of Europe, Easter Monday is still a holiday. So why did we in the US fight for independence again?

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The playoffs may be different, but for Sunday night, age and treachery still overcome youth and skill. ‪#‎Spurs‬ ‪#‎Warriors‬

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In Albuquerque, New Mexico, a father allegedly decided he was too drunk to drive, and got his 13-year-old son to take him on a beer run. Then dad got into an argument in the store and fired his gun eight times. (fortunately hitting no one.)  He was arrested by cops who were conducting a DWI checkpoint across the street.   Your move, Florida.

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So in Missouri, a GOP lawmaker has proposed that a bill that would ban food stamps for being used to buy “cookies, chips, energy drinks, soft drinks, seafood or steak.” Yeah, because you’d hate to have them waste money on tunafish? ‪#‎dotheythinkbeforetheycomeupwiththeselaws‬?

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Fight on!

April 1, 2015

USC AD Pat Haden tweeted today he will skip the College Football Playoff meeting this week in Indianapolis. “I am the proud father of a gay son In his honor, I will not be attending the FP committee meeting in Indy this week.” Impressive work by Indiana, who knew you could give USC the moral high ground?

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After supporting the new “religious freedom” law strongly, Indiana Governor Mike Pence today said “we’ll fix this and we’ll move forward.” Translation, “we had no idea that even old boys’ clubs NCAA and NFL would be against it. and we’ve $uddenly got million$ of rea$on$ to rethink thi$.”

 

New “Daily Show” host Trevor Noah is taking heat for tweets from a few years back that were misogynistic and/or racist. This should be interesting, Noah may turn off some regular viewers, but he might be the first person on the show to be defended on FOX News.

 

 

We’ll see how it plays out with Trevor Noah’s offensive tweets. But was anyone but me just a bit annoyed that the Daily Show had to go all the way to South Africa to find someone to replace Jon Stewart, rather than hiring a woman?

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Coach K and his former player-assistant coach both have chances to hoist banners this year. ‪#‎Stanford‬ ‪#‎Duke‬ ‪#‎NITTournament‬ ‪#‎NCAATournament‬

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The average salary this year in Major League Baseball will top $4.25 million. You know what that means. Beer prices are going up.

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Phil Jackson, trying to reassure Knicks season tickets holders for next year said “We have a clear plan.” Uh, so did Custer.

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Josie Canesco, 18, daughter of Jose, was arrested for alleged DUI this morning. Maybe the apple doesn’t stagger far from the tree.

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Alabama RB Tyren Jones was already suspended for “conduct not to the standard of the football program. Now he was arrested for marijuana possession, the third Crimson Tide player arrest in four days. Yep, Nick Saban really is running an NFL type program.

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Asked why Tampa should make him the first NFL pick this year, Jameis Winston responded “Because I’m the best player in this draft.” Well, it’s a better answer than “Florida has cheap crab legs.”

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New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft said today in court that Aaron Hernandez told him he was innocent of murder. Well, and why would Kraft think anyone connected with the Patriots would have reason to lie?

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Just a hint to political fundraisers – putting “URGENT” on emails asking for donations is a great way to get things urgently put into the spam box.

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Tough time to be a environmentally conscious Californian. Starbucks gives you a 10 cent discount for bringing a reusable cup. But washing that cup takes water…..

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From Gary M, in response to my suggestion that the Falcons pay guys from local frats rather than paying a fine to pipe in crowd noise…. “Good idea, but the frats probably can’t make bail till after the weekend.”

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The hard stuff.

January 26, 2015

President Obama and PM Narendra Modi said they have reached “a breakthrough understanding” on nuclear issues between the U.S and India. Okay, that’s a start. Now what are they going to do about deflated footballs?

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Even SNL opened with a “Deflate-Gate” sketch. Apparently it was either that or one about using guns on fish in a barrel.

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Richard Sherman, never a fan of the philosophy “when your opponent is digging himself into a ditch, stand back and watch him dig.” on Deflate-gate

““Will the (the Patriots) be punished? Probably not. Not as long as Robert Kraft and Roger Goodell are still taking pictures at their respective homes. I think it was just at Kraft’s house last week before the AFC Championship, you know. Talk about conflict of interest.”

With all due re$pect, I don’t think it matter$ who’$ playing. As Goodell has billion$ of rea$on$ not to me$$ with the ca$h cow that is the $uper Bowl.

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Miss Universe was crowned  Sunday night. Not sure how many straight men in the audience but at least nice to have one competition without deflated balls.

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Ashley Wagner won her 3rd US figure skating championship yesterday. At the age of 23. Guess this makes her figure skating’s Jamie Moyer.

 

Ideas for Super Bowl halftime  –  from Bill Littlejohn  “How about Air Supply?”

Or maybe all the songs should be sung in the key of B flat?

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Of course, Idina Menzel is doing the National Anthem. Maybe she should toss in a Frozen line  – “My power flurries through the air into the ground.”

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While we’re all on the free speech bandwagon, the mayor of Boston signed an agreement that blocks city employees from making negative comments about the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee, or the USOC. Not exactly a profile in courage.

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Sarah Palin “the man can only ride you when your back is bent.”. And somewhere W is thinking. “And they said I couldn’t speak English?”

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The Pro Bowl final score was 32-28. And if you already knew that, you might be just beyond a football fanatic. And if you had a bet on the score, you might just have a gambling problem.

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But okay, while the Pro Bowl is a joke,  caught a glimpse on ESPN pre-game of Drew Brees, Andrew Luck and John Harbaugh laughing and chatting in locker room. Now that would be a seriously fun conversation to overhear.

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New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said in an interview that he wants to “inject additional offense into the game” and would be open to pursuing the elimination of defensive shifts, which he says give the fielders a competitive advantage. Well, while he’s at it will Manfred limit the number of innings thrown by pitchers like Kershaw and Bumgarner?

 

(and didn’t we already try “injecting” offense into the game?”)

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Browns WR Josh Gordon has failed another drug test, allegedly for alcohol which was forbidden as part of his probation and may now be suspended for a year by the NFL. In Gordon’s defense, will he claim that dealing with the Manziel circus is enough to drive ANYONE to drink.

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Congrats to Coach K, for being the first Men’s Division 1 basketball coach to reach 1,000 wins. For all those one-and-done current players, that’s a 1 with three zeroes after it.

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But lest we forget, Coach K is still 98 wins behind Pat Summitt. ‪#‎1000Wins‬

 

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