Posted tagged ‘Triple Crown jokes’

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Thirty seven years…..

June 6, 2015

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Not sure what’s harder to believe, 37 years since the last Triple Crown.  Or how old I’ll be if it’s 37 years until the next one.

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Millions of course for this win for the owner, trainer and jockey. For American Pharoah… .all the mares he wants.  A lot of men are thinking, not a bad deal.

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As if spelling in the US wasn’t bad enough, millions of children will grow up never learning how to spell Pharaoh. ‪#‎AmericanPharoah‬

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Wonder how many superstitious horse owners will now deliberately try to misspell their horse’s names.

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Two women who work as costumed characters in Times Square were arrested Thursday, after “Minnie Mouse” got into a brawl with “Hello Kitty.” And how many children in the area are headed for a lifetime of therapy?

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Wow. A Fantasy Football Convention scheduled for Las Vegas was cancelled after the NFL objected, saying it violated the league’s rules about players being associated with gambling. There’s gambling around the NFL?? I’m shocked, shocked.

(Actually I’m more shocked the NFL could say this with a straight face.)

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The Westboro Baptist Church picketed Beau Biden’s funeral. Can we just tell all ISIS sympathizers that the WBC likes to draw Mohammad too? ‪#‎bipartisanbustohell‬.

A man was arrested today for allegedly throwing coffee at Westboro Baptist Church members who were picketing Beau Biden’s funeral. What!? Wasn’t the coffee hot enough?

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Apparently there was a rule in Louisville started in the late 18th century for town meetings – all business must be concluded before drinking could begin. Hmm, might be a good rule to apply to the U.S. Congress.

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The Duggars are now blaming the “media frenzy” as being “a thousand times worse” than their brother Josh’s abuse. Now, I feel sorry for the girls, and have no doubt this isn’t any fun for them now at all….but isn’t their family’s whole livelihood dependent on the media in the first place? ‪#‎LivebytheRealityShowDiebytheRealityShow‬

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A Delta Air Lines flight from Green Bay to Minneapolis made an emergency landing back in Green Bay after an engine was damaged by an apparent bird strike during takeoff. Delta says there were no injuries. The bird would disagree.

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Oh brother.

May 17, 2015

As Jeb Bush fumbles his way around the Iraq question, have to wonder if Jimmy Carter is quietly thinking “And they said MY brother was an embarrassing liability.”

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Russian President Vladimir Putin apparently scored 8 goals while playing in an exhibition hockey game with former NHL players. Not to be outdone, Kim Jong Un reported scoring 16 goals in a game after using an anti-aircraft gun on the goalie.

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#‎FAOSchwarz‬‘s flagship store in New York is closing. For many of us, especially ‪#‎TomHanks‬ fans, that’s a ‪#‎Big‬ loss.

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American Pharoah has a misspelled name. These days does that make him truly America’s horse?

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Walt Disney World is opening an Indiana Jones Themed bar and restaurant. Not sure all the entrees, but will one of them have to be snake?

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It’s May 17. Which means we are only a month and two days away from a potential game 7 in the NBA finals No joke. ‪#‎andtheysaythebaseballseasonistoolong

 

Happiest people besides Houston Rockets fans after the Los Angeles Clippers’ collapse in game six? Advertisers for the fourth quarter of game seven. Regardless of the score, NO ONE is going to turn the game off early.

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When asked if their hockey team could win the Stanley Cup most New Yorkers answer “Yes.” Most Floridians answer “We have a hockey team?”

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Full credit to whoever was in charge of music at Great American Ballpark last night. While the smokestack burned they played “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”

 

Meanwhile , so all that the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ were missing to turn into an offensive juggernaut was for someone to set a fire in the outfield?

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-A US raid has killed a major ISIS commander. Finally something the GOP won’t blame on Obama.

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Elizabeth Warren at the Anaheim Convention Center with one of the best summation of the 2016 GOP Presidential candidates:  Some of them took too many rides on the tea cups across the street.

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Anti-vaccine protestors outside the California Democratic convention have a number of signs. Including one that says the Republicans are against mandatory childhood vaccinations. And a number of Democratic candidates are thinking “Can we borrow that sign?”

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The Clintons have apparently made $30 million in the last 16 months. “Slackers,” sniffed Mitt Romney.

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Some Republicans are blasting Bill and Hillary Clinton for making $30 million mostly off speeches. At least they think Chelsea will make her money the American way – by inheriting it.

 

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  ” At a Connecticut golf course, a man in one group ahead brandished a gun on a second group behind who complained that they were moving too slow and demanded to play through. This gives new meaning to ‘approach shot’.”

(wonder if he was on vacation from Florida)

 

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Royal inheritance?

May 4, 2015

Lots of discussion in England over who the new baby Princess looks like. Of course, it will be a long time before we find out the answer to a very important question – was she lucky enough to inherit Aunt Pippa’s bum?

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Open educational note to any idiot who was thinking of making an anti-Mideast/Muslim comment about American Pharoah and his owner Ahmed Sayat. Sayat is Jewish. No joke. You’re welcome.

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Apparently the Brewers’ Ron Roenicke has earned the dubious distinction of being the first MLB manager fired in 2015. On the first weekend in May. Even Cubs fans think that’s giving up a little early.

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Several commentators place the SF 49ers as amongst the teams with the worst 2015 drafts. And if you listen hard, you can hear the giggles all the way from Ann Arbor.

(my friend Karen points out there was an earthquake in Michigan yesterday.  So maybe it was Harbaugh doing his happy dance?)

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Tiger Woods has posted on his website that he and Lindsey Vonn “have mutually decided to stop dating.” Well, at least he didn’t call it a “conscious uncoupling.”

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Listening to some experts say that breakup with Lindsey Vonn might help Tiger Woods focus on golf. Thinking Tiger did just fine when he was juggling a wife AND half a dozen waitresses.

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Sure are a lot of people upset today over wasting their money on the “Fight of the Century.” Maybe they’ll all be named honorary SF 49ers Personal Seat License holders.

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So now that the Mayweather-Pacquaio event is over, will fight fans just have to sign up with MLB to stream Kansas City Royals games?

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So many celebrities in Vegas that they ran out of room to park private jets. Wonder how many of the same celebrities had used those same jets to go to events for Earth Day.

 

A U.K study that included over 2 million people found that those with the highest dementia risk in old age were those who were UNDERWEIGHT. Well, that is at least some comfort to those who worry about an increasing epidemic of dementia in the U.S.

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Client reports a United nonstop from Washington-Dulles to SF today has a PLANNED fuel stop in Wichita. Pilot says it’s because the flight is full and they have to either stop for gas or bump 50 people. On a clear spring day. Right. Because flights in the U.S. these days are never full…. ‪#‎andairlneswonderwhywedonttrustthem‬

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SF Giants opened up today’s game with back-to-back home runs. (Aoki and Panik) Last time they did that was 1964 – and the pitcher was Bob Gibson. Wonder how many Giants paid for that feat with knockdown pitches and/or balls in the ribs.

 

Who’d a thunk this a couple weeks ago? The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎RedSox‬ now have identical 12-13 records.

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Not only going to miss watching the Spurs play for the rest of these playoffs year, going to miss Pop’s interviews: “People ask me about Tim [Duncan] and Manu [Ginobili] and myself for the last five years, what we’re going to do, It’s all psycho babble. I have no clue. We’ll probably come back. Paycheck is pretty good. You think I’m lying.” ‪#‎honesty‬

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Excuses, excuses…

June 9, 2014

Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll just told the L.A. Times he wouldn’t have left USC in 2010 if he knew the NCAA was going to sanction the Trojans. I think I liked “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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There is now a drive to legalize marijuana in…. Jamaica?!! Does this even need a punchline?

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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn’s rant after the #BelmontStakes may have cost him and the colt some endorsement. But maybe they’re still in line for a deal with California wine.

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Don’t get me wrong, Steve Coburn was a poor sport yesterday. But as the NY Times points out, the last NINE Belmont winners have skipped the Preakness. ‪#‎TripleCrown‬

(T.C wonders,  “So if Maria Sharapova wins the French Open and doesn’t have to play against the Williams sisters or Li Na; she’s a coward, right? ”

 

It’s approaching mid-June, and as most experts predicted, the Los Angeles Dodgers and NY Yankees have very similar records. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t predict those records would be basically .500.)

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Even FIFA is impressed with the flopping levels in the #NBAFinals.

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So next year, how many #NBA teams will choose their home games against the #Heat to give free fans to fans and turn off the a/c?

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On a sweltering day in Paris, Rafael Nadal won his 9th French Open. Imagine what he could do if Roland Garros had air conditioning.

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A Northern California high school basketball player is in jail on suspicion of using stolen credit cards to pay $13,000 to rent a McLaren car and $27,000 to rent a vacation home. Guess he wasn’t good enough to get those perks playing college basketball?

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Former “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestant Emily Maynard, who was engaged twice on the show, has just gotten married. And she told People magazine in an “exclusive”. “For so long I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about that TV stuff The grace that my faith has given me to wipe that all away and not find worth in that and find it through God.” Guess “magazine stuff” is different from “TV stuff.”

 

Two police officers in Las Vegas, plus another bystander, were shot and killed today, And then the suspects killed themselves. Once again, wishing these folks with murder-suicide plans could take take care of the second part first.

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Do wish Fox News and the GOP would grieve as much for all those lives that have been lost in the Iraq war, as they do for those four Americans lost in in Benghazi and however many soldiers were lost looking for Bowe Bergdahl.

 

 

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Close but no Chrome

June 8, 2014

secretariat

Once again, a picture though to remind us  of maybe the greatest athlete ever. And a win that will never be equaled.

 

Saturday might have been the only time New Yorkers have been sorry to see a Californian lose.

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The stars looked like they might have been aligning for California Chrome for a Triple Crown. Another miraculous event occurred Saturday – the Cubs were on a five-game winning streak.

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Carolina Panthers Coach Ron Rivera says he voted against his QB Cam Newton for the cover of ‘Madden 15’ because of the curse. So somewhere in a closet is there a dusty copy of “Madden 1909” featuring the Cubs?

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North Korea says they have detained a U.S. tourist. Wonder what the alleged crime is? Being stupid enough to be a U.S. Tourist in Korea?

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Hertz says they have to review and correct financial statements from the past three years after an internal audit found accounting errors. “I’m shocked.” said no one who regularly reviews their own car rental bills.

 

 

Sacramento guard Jason Terry said today he thought Spurs coach Gregg Popovich had something to do with the broken air conditioning during San Antonio’s Game 1 win. Of course, because everyone knows that it’s being overheated that helps age and treachery overcome youth and skill

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Bartolo Colon, 41 against Tim Hudson, 38.. A battle for the aged. #SFGiants #Mets

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Two words guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of New Yorkers: “Mets Bullpen.”

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You know it’s going well when you win a game where tying run in the bottom of the 9th gets on base via a strikeout. #SFGiants #walkoff

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Best thing for #NYMets fans Saturday night. The #SFGiants game ended past their bedtimes.

 

 

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Not standing the Heat.

June 10, 2012

Miami defeated Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals Saturday night.   Interesting phenomenon in this series. Most of America was rooting for the Celtics, and most of those rooting for the Heat were just doing so in hopes of seeing the Thunder beat them in the finals.

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As my friend Tony Alan Banks said, “I  just felt a thud and heard a sound. I think it was America jumping on the Oklahoma City bandwagon.”

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Ben Roethlisberger and his wife of a year Ashley, are apparently expecting a son. The Steelers QB announced this on his website, saying “It is truly a blessing and we are so excited!” Especially since the baby isn’t a girl, so Ben won’t have to warn the child “Stay away from men like Daddy.” –

 

What’s a bigger shock this weekend, that the Washington Nationals are on the verge of sweeping the Boston Red Sox.  Or that so far in 2012, the Nationals are unquestionably the better team.

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Spain is the latest Eurozone country that looks to be in need of a bailout.  Maybe what President Obama REALLY should have done with this mess of an economy is have the U.S. join  the  Euro and then cry for help?

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Not that I’m a boxing fan, but from what I read tonight’s welterweight boxing split decision win of Timothy Bradley over Manny Pacquiao was controversial enough many think the U.S. Supreme Court had to be involved.

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Regarding New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s plan to ban large sugary drinks – wonder if he hopes to have it in place in time for the July 4 Nathan’s hot dog eating contest? –

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The Devils have forced game 6 against the Kings? Most Americans hearing this are asking “Is this some sort of religious competition?”

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Mitt Romney keeps talking about throwing President Obama out of office because he hasn’t fixed the economy in 3 1/2 years. But how about this quote: “Most turnarounds in American industry are anywhere between four and five years. And we’re at the beginning of the journey, not the end of the journey.” From that noted liberal Meg Whitman, now at HP.

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Now that “I’ll Have Another” is out of the Belmont Stakes, who was the favorite? Yeah, alas I didn’t care either.

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Union Rags ended up winning the Belmont Stakes today in a time of 2 minutes, 30 42/100 seconds. Over six seconds behind Secretariat’s 1973 2 min 24 second record and one of the slower Belmont’s ever. If the 3 year olds weren’t all male, you might have thought they stopped to ask for directions.

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Regarding Mitt Romney’s anti-Obama comment “He says we need more firemen, more policemen, more teachers. Did he not get the message of Wisconsin? The American people did. It’s time for us to cut back on government and help the American people.” Uh, wonder if Mitt has a private security and fire force for his mansion?

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And we wonder how the “dumb jock” label got started. Denver Broncos LB D.J. Williams tweeted a picture of his digital playbook: The picture revealed several defensive formations. (Apparently a team official called him and the tweet was removed.)

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Double crown?

June 9, 2012

So now that “I’ll Have Another,” has been scratched from the Belmont,  and our best hope of a horse racing Triple Crown is gone another year,  should we really start consider setting the bar down to a  “Double Crown?” –

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I’ll Have Another”, scratched for the Belmont for a tendon injury.   Damn. Let’s hope he wasn’t washing his truck or something.

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Anyone want to guess the no-show percentage tomorrow for a sold out Belmont Park?

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I’ll Have Another has now formally been retired. What’s the difference between NBA players and thoroughbred racehorses? The players don’t wait until retirement to go out to stud.

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Lindsay Lohan apparently went to the emergency room with non-life threatening injuries today after totaling her Porsche in a accident today. So congratulations to all those who had June 7 in the pool. –

 

Detroit Lions lineman Nick Fairley, arrested May 27 for the 2nd time this spring:”I want to personally apologize to my fans, teammates and the organization for bringing this unwanted attention to our team. I recognize my actions were inexcusable and I personally need to uphold the expected standard of behavior of a professional athlete.” Over-under on how many times we’ll hear this same statement in 2012? –

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The bidding is up to $3,500,000 for the opportunity to have lunch with billionaire Warren Buffett. The first piece of investment advice Buffet will no doubt give the winner? “Don’t spend $3,500,000 on a lunch.”

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Even casual horse racing fans were disappointed by the news that “I’ll Have Another” has tendonitis and won’t be able to run for the Triple Crown tomorrow. Romney strategists are trying to figure out how to blame this on Obamacare.

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Six Mariners pitchers combined tonight for a no-hitter against the Dodgers. Long-suffering Seattle fans who didn’t see the game had only one question – did the team win?

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Paraguay’s president, Fernando Lugo has admitted he is the father of a 2nd out of wedlock child, (claims from 2 MORE women are pending. Lugo fathered these children while he was a Roman Catholic bishop. No word from the Vatican; presumably they are at least relieved Fernando was sleeping with adult women.

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The first match in the Eurocup 2012 was today. With no U.S. team playing, this means Americans could start ignoring the soccer tournament right from the beginning.

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To the driver of the little black BMW convertible driving at least 45-50 mph in a Palo Alto school zone, weaving in and out of traffic, and then running the light as it turned red, one question. Did the car make you a a**hole, or were you that way when you got it?

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11,000 San Francisco residents lost power this afternoon. Does this make them honorary SF Giants?

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Curt Schilling, an ardent small government conservative, and supporter of many GOP candidates, moved his video game company to Rhode Island in exchange for $75 million in state loan guarantees in 2010. The company, 38 Studios, filled for bankruptcy today. Where’s the Mitt Romney photo op on this one?

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Twits and Tweets.

June 8, 2012

Triple Crown Candidate “I’ll Have Another” has a Twitter account. Well, the horse is probably more likely to say something intelligent than most professional athletes..

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T.C’s comment “Remember, if you don’t have a bet, it’s just horses running in a circle.”

(hmm, that’s a close paraphrase of how I’d describe NASCAR.)

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Nice game from Lebron James Thursday night. Doesn’t mean America has to make  “The Decision” to like him.

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The crazy derby continues: In Arizona a super PAC supporting GOP candidate Jesse Kelly has an new ad featuring the candidate holding a gun. Kelly is running for Gabrielle Giffords’ congressional seat. Your move, Florida.

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Bill Clinton says he supports Obama and is “very sorry for this stirring up.” He adds that he did not mean to undermine the President with his comments on tax cuts and Romney’s business record. Gosh, who’d a thunk it? Bill not thinking about possible consequences of his actions….

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Chad Ochocinco was released today by the Patriots. So guess we say Ochocinco was Ocho-seis’ed?

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Mitt Romney said in a anti-Obama speech today that “I will not be that president of doubt and deception.” Yep, with Mitt there’s no doubt about his deceptions.

The Philadelphia Phillies, with a $174 million payroll, are under .500 and were just swept by the Dodgers? With that kind of pay to performance ratio who do they think they are – – Congress?

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Villarreal soccer coach Manuel Preciado, 54, passed away from a heart attack Thursday, one day after being hired. Sad, but at least he died with a perfect record.

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The CDC conducted an anonymous national survey in 2011 that found that 58% of high school seniors said they had texted or emailed while driving during the previous month. Which means that about 40% of kids lied about it. –

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Three home runs for the SF Giants Thursday in their 8-3 win over San Diego.  The hardest thing for the players involved?  Remembering how to do that trot.

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Boston mayor Thomas Menino was trying to praise the Celtics and referred to KJ and Hondo instead of KG (Kevin Garnett) and Rajon Rondo. The team may end up getting a call from the President, but Menino appears to be angling for a call from Joe Biden.

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New Orleans’ newspaper the Times Picayune has announced a switch to a three day a week printed paper format, with other days of the week being online over.  Brennan’s restaurants of New Orleans have announced a “Cocktails for a Cause” promotion, where proceeds from a number of specialty drinks will go towards keeping the paper going seven days a week.

Not surprisingly, this promotion is receiving a lot of buzz online.

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