Posted tagged ‘“I’ll have Another” jokes’

Double crown?

June 9, 2012

So now that “I’ll Have Another,” has been scratched from the Belmont,  and our best hope of a horse racing Triple Crown is gone another year,  should we really start consider setting the bar down to a  “Double Crown?” –

I’ll Have Another”, scratched for the Belmont for a tendon injury.   Damn. Let’s hope he wasn’t washing his truck or something.

Anyone want to guess the no-show percentage tomorrow for a sold out Belmont Park?

I’ll Have Another has now formally been retired. What’s the difference between NBA players and thoroughbred racehorses? The players don’t wait until retirement to go out to stud.

Lindsay Lohan apparently went to the emergency room with non-life threatening injuries today after totaling her Porsche in a accident today. So congratulations to all those who had June 7 in the pool. –

 

Detroit Lions lineman Nick Fairley, arrested May 27 for the 2nd time this spring:”I want to personally apologize to my fans, teammates and the organization for bringing this unwanted attention to our team. I recognize my actions were inexcusable and I personally need to uphold the expected standard of behavior of a professional athlete.” Over-under on how many times we’ll hear this same statement in 2012? –

The bidding is up to $3,500,000 for the opportunity to have lunch with billionaire Warren Buffett. The first piece of investment advice Buffet will no doubt give the winner? “Don’t spend $3,500,000 on a lunch.”

Even casual horse racing fans were disappointed by the news that “I’ll Have Another” has tendonitis and won’t be able to run for the Triple Crown tomorrow. Romney strategists are trying to figure out how to blame this on Obamacare.

Six Mariners pitchers combined tonight for a no-hitter against the Dodgers. Long-suffering Seattle fans who didn’t see the game had only one question – did the team win?

Paraguay’s president, Fernando Lugo has admitted he is the father of a 2nd out of wedlock child, (claims from 2 MORE women are pending. Lugo fathered these children while he was a Roman Catholic bishop. No word from the Vatican; presumably they are at least relieved Fernando was sleeping with adult women.

The first match in the Eurocup 2012 was today. With no U.S. team playing, this means Americans could start ignoring the soccer tournament right from the beginning.

To the driver of the little black BMW convertible driving at least 45-50 mph in a Palo Alto school zone, weaving in and out of traffic, and then running the light as it turned red, one question. Did the car make you a a**hole, or were you that way when you got it?

11,000 San Francisco residents lost power this afternoon. Does this make them honorary SF Giants?

Curt Schilling, an ardent small government conservative, and supporter of many GOP candidates, moved his video game company to Rhode Island in exchange for $75 million in state loan guarantees in 2010. The company, 38 Studios, filled for bankruptcy today. Where’s the Mitt Romney photo op on this one?

Ran for the Roses.

May 6, 2012

One of the points of Kentucky Derby day appears to be to drink enough mint juleps to make those hats look good.

 

So maybe “I’ll Have Another” won’t win the Triple Crown.  But he also won’t get arrested, won’t give a stupid interview, and all his illegitimate children will at least be conceived deliberately.

 

You cannot make this stuff up: On Cinco de Mayo, a Mexican jockey wins the Kentucky Derby in his first try – aboard “I’ll Have Another.”

 

 

 

Mormons are different: Mitt Romney’s son Tagg and his wife just welcomed twins conceived through IVF and born to a surrogate. Well, they can afford it, and infertility is rough no matter what your wealth. But the boys are their 5th and 6th children….

 

A thought about Mitt Romney’s son Tagg’s two new twin boys, born by IVF and a surrogate. So what do pro-life folks do with the extra embryos?

 

Two of the three hikers held in Iran after they accidentally hiked across the Iran-Iraq border are getting married. Hope they are registered for a GPS.

 

Shaquille O’Neal received his doctorate in education today from Barry University in Florida. Putting him about 7 1/2 years of university ahead of most college stars today.

 

“The Avengers” had the second highest opening day in history with a $80 million take Friday. When asked what they thought of the plot, millions of moviegoers responded “Plot?”

 

Okay, for fans of useless baseball trivia. Madison Bumgarner, 22, got a hit and RBI today for the Giants, Jamie Moyer, 49, got a hit, and scored a run for the Rockies. Is this the biggest gap in age ever for two pitchers getting a hit on the same day?

 

The Angels gave Albert Pujols the night off.   Meaning he contributed as much to their offense as he has on an average night this season.

 

 

 

 

The original line in “My Old Kentucky Home” is “Tis summer, the darkies are gay.” Now it’s sung “Tis summer, the people are gay.” Amazed being Kentucky, that they haven’t changed it to “the people are happy.”

 

Some buzz on the internet about a man taking pictures as his wife was attacked by cheetahs in a petting pen in South Africa. (The women survived with relatively minor injuries.) But uh, “cheetahs” and “petting pen?” Those are two words that maybe should not be used in the same sentence.