Posted tagged ‘Brewers jokes’

Royal inheritance?

May 4, 2015

Lots of discussion in England over who the new baby Princess looks like. Of course, it will be a long time before we find out the answer to a very important question – was she lucky enough to inherit Aunt Pippa’s bum?

Open educational note to any idiot who was thinking of making an anti-Mideast/Muslim comment about American Pharoah and his owner Ahmed Sayat. Sayat is Jewish. No joke. You’re welcome.

Apparently the Brewers’ Ron Roenicke has earned the dubious distinction of being the first MLB manager fired in 2015. On the first weekend in May. Even Cubs fans think that’s giving up a little early.

Several commentators place the SF 49ers as amongst the teams with the worst 2015 drafts. And if you listen hard, you can hear the giggles all the way from Ann Arbor.

(my friend Karen points out there was an earthquake in Michigan yesterday.  So maybe it was Harbaugh doing his happy dance?)

Tiger Woods has posted on his website that he and Lindsey Vonn “have mutually decided to stop dating.” Well, at least he didn’t call it a “conscious uncoupling.”

Listening to some experts say that breakup with Lindsey Vonn might help Tiger Woods focus on golf. Thinking Tiger did just fine when he was juggling a wife AND half a dozen waitresses.

Sure are a lot of people upset today over wasting their money on the “Fight of the Century.” Maybe they’ll all be named honorary SF 49ers Personal Seat License holders.

So now that the Mayweather-Pacquaio event is over, will fight fans just have to sign up with MLB to stream Kansas City Royals games?

So many celebrities in Vegas that they ran out of room to park private jets. Wonder how many of the same celebrities had used those same jets to go to events for Earth Day.

 

A U.K study that included over 2 million people found that those with the highest dementia risk in old age were those who were UNDERWEIGHT. Well, that is at least some comfort to those who worry about an increasing epidemic of dementia in the U.S.

Client reports a United nonstop from Washington-Dulles to SF today has a PLANNED fuel stop in Wichita. Pilot says it’s because the flight is full and they have to either stop for gas or bump 50 people. On a clear spring day. Right. Because flights in the U.S. these days are never full…. ‪#‎andairlneswonderwhywedonttrustthem‬

SF Giants opened up today’s game with back-to-back home runs. (Aoki and Panik) Last time they did that was 1964 – and the pitcher was Bob Gibson. Wonder how many Giants paid for that feat with knockdown pitches and/or balls in the ribs.

 

Who’d a thunk this a couple weeks ago? The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎RedSox‬ now have identical 12-13 records.

Not only going to miss watching the Spurs play for the rest of these playoffs year, going to miss Pop’s interviews: “People ask me about Tim [Duncan] and Manu [Ginobili] and myself for the last five years, what we’re going to do, It’s all psycho babble. I have no clue. We’ll probably come back. Paycheck is pretty good. You think I’m lying.” ‪#‎honesty‬

Squirrel power:

October 15, 2011

Although really, the only thing squirrely about Friday night’s game in St. Louis was Milwaukee’s fielding.

Open note to SF Giants management: In 2012, install squirrels at A T & T Park. Or heck, put a salt water pool in center field and install a real sea lion. Cute mammals seem to help.

Good news in Milwaukee is that the Brewers may auction off their game six gloves for charity. The gloves should get good prices considering they weren’t really used.

Boston Red Sox owner John Henry said it was “sad” to lose both Terry Francona and Theo Epstein at the same time. “Sad?” Maybe. The word I would use is “Pathetic.”

Steve Wozniak was apparently the first person in line to buy a new iPhone 4s. 20 hours worth. And he said “The experience (of being in line) is deep in my heart. It’s kind of like ‘Dancing with the Stars. The fact that it’s so hard is what makes it fun. ” Anyone else think Apple’s co-founder just might have a little too much time on his hands?

The BCS has said the Big East’s automatic bowl bid is safe through 2013. But after that they will re-evaluate. Translation at that point the committee will see if there is any way they can get two guaranteed BCS spots for SEC teams.

TSA’s latest security idea is “Chat Downs”. Whereby officers will start asking travellers a series of probing questions about their travel plans etc. Presumably one phase of the plan will be hiring thousands of Jewish mothers.

(And of course the first question will be, okay, when was the last time you visited your mother?)

The GOP House hired a lawyer to defend a law denying federal benefits to same-sex spouses. The attorney, Paul Clement, said “Homosexuals have a great deal of political power” and are not entitled to the safeguards that courts have established for laws that discriminate against racial minorities or women. Well, if it had been up to today’s conservatives, we wouldn’t have laws to protect minorities or women either.

So he thinks CAMPAIGNING for President is rough? Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he “stands by his wife,” and won’t dispute his wife’s assertion he’s been “brutalized and beaten up and chewed up” in the presidential campaign. Somewhere Barack and Michelle Obama are just giggling.

Cal lost 30-9 to USC at AT & T Park in football Thursday night. Makes sense, local teams seem to have a problem this year scoring at A T & T against professional opponents.