Cheers?

A new Harris study says that Americans drink more when they are happy and celebrating than when they are stressed and having bad days. Which does not quite explain beer sales over the years at Wrigley Field.

 

 

Carmelo Anthony says that Syracuse is going to beat Gonzaga on Friday: “We’re going to win. We’re going to the Elite 8.” Wonder if the 2016 Knicks could make it to the Elite 8.

Aaron Rodgers says he saw a UFO in New Jersey in 2005. Is he sure it wasn’t one of Eli Manning’s rookie year passes?

Conrad Dobler, 65, a retired NFL offensive guard, said in an interview talking about his memory loss. “I have six kids, I don’t even know their names.”
Sad, but in the NFL there are young men without CTE who don’t even know how many kids they HAVE.

 

The JetBlue flight attendant who fled a security checkpoint after being caught trying to smuggle 70lb of cocaine in her carry-on bag has turned herself in. Still trying to wrap my head around that 70 lbs – and I thought my purse was heavy.

After playing the Cuban national team the Tampa Bay Rays’ plane had mechanical issues and was stuck on the tarmac for hours in Havana. So the U.S. players must have felt right at home.

Forbes says the New York Yankees are the most valuable team in baseball, now at a $3.4 billion valuation. Imagine what they’d be worth with real playoff revenue again.

 

A-Rod told ESPN.com today that “I won’t play after next year.” Later he told the NY Daily News that after his contract ends in 2017, “we’ll see what happens.”
“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.

Lebron James said on the A&M comeback over UNI: “I would quit basketball. If I was on Northern Iowa, I would quit.”
Hmm, because that loss was almost as embarrassing as getting swept by the Spurs in the the 2007 NBA finals? ‪#‎stayclassy‬

At Stanford Shopping Center in  California, an off-duty police officer working security for a business accidentally left his gun in a restroom. Fortunately it was found and turned in by another security guard. Bringing to mind another question – how do you stop a stupid guy with a gun?

In Wisconsin, a 17-year-old girl who says she didn’t even know she was pregnant gave birth to a baby in her bathroom. Fortunately the child is doing well. Got to love that “abstinence only” education.

Jeb Bush has endorsed Ted Cruz. And Cruz must be so thrilled to have such a winner on his team.

Donald Trump is apparently furious at Ted Cruz for using a scantily-clad picture of Melania from her model days in a campaign ad. Hmm, well, if that upsets him so much am sure the Democrats will honor Trump’s wishes and never post any of those pictures in the general election.

.

One thing is pretty certain out of this Cruz-Trump fight over pictures of their spouses. Pretty sure even the Donald wouldn’t have the stomach to post pictures of a nearly naked Bill Clinton.

 

Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are calling for extra surveillance of Muslim-Americans. But if you look at recent terrorist acts – there is another link that is even stronger- almost all the killers were relatively young men. So maybe what we REALLY need to do is start seriously monitoring men between the ages of 18-35.

Explore posts in the same categories: airline jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized

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