Posted tagged ‘bowl jokes’

Lost?

January 3, 2016

Not saying the Hawkeyes defense really lost track of during the . But I hear they’ve put his picture on milk cartons.

 

Potential good news for Stanford fans in 2016: Since McCaffery did so well in the Rose Bowl and he’s a good looking,  likeable kid, maybe the television gods, who rule college football, may decide to put the Cardinal on TV at reasonable times in hopes of good ratings.

 

It is actually trending on social media that folks are upset because the Stanford band made fun of Iowa with a simple halftime performance featuring a farmer and a corn field and a cow, which included saying that Iowans meet on “farmersonly.com.
Uh, has anyone who is upset actually seen or heard of the Stanford band before? ‪#‎prettymildbytheirstandards‬

 

#‎TCU‬ beat ‪#‎Qregon‬ after being down 31-0 at ‪#‎AlamoBowl‬?!    Wow. Looking back Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett had better odds against the Mexican army.

This is the last time ‪#‎Oregon‬ gets to dip into the celebratory brownies at halftime.

 

So let’s see, neither Iowa nor New Hampshire nor South Carolina has ‪#‎NFL‬ team. Does ‪#‎CarlyFiorina‬ root for ‪#‎Patriots‬ or ‪#‎Panthers‬?

Californians wonder if Fiorina got the idea to root for Iowa because she has fond memories of developing the concept of Demon Sheep there?

Note to ‪#‎CarlyFiorina‬: If you are going to pander to get votes in GOP primary., pick a state whose team could actually win.

Just imagine how popular ‪#‎CarlyFiorina‬ will be at her next ‪#‎Stanford‬ reunion.

The ‪#‎TaxSlayerBowl‬? It’s enough to make you long for the innocent less commercial days of the ‪#‎PoulanWeedEaterBowl‬

So was the prize for winning the ‪#‎Motel6CactusBowl‬ not having to spend the night after the game in a ‪#‎Motel6‬?

So how long will it be until ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ start railing against the ‪#‎StanfordBand‬?

Yahoo Sports reports that Alabama, who beat Wisconsin in their season opener at AT&T, and then MSU in the Cotton Bowl, now has more wins (2) than the Cowboys do this season (1) in Dallas’s home stadium.‪#‎Dallasreallysucks‬

Affluenza teen Ethan Couch has hired a prominent Mexican lawyer, Fernando Benitez, to fight his dispensation, and says authorities are “‘unlawfully separating him from his dog.” And even ambulance-chasing lawyers in the U.S. are thinking “Benitez, have you no shame?”

 

On Saturday a group of armed self-described millitiamen took over a federal building in Oregon wildlife refuge after an anti-government rally. So much for that “well-regulated” part.

And if you haven’t heard anything on the story on the news… well, the men are white.  And none of them are Muslim.  #justsaying

Holiday cheer hangover?

December 27, 2015

Apparently the 3rd biggest Kickstarter Campaign of 2015 was a card game called “Exploding Kittens.” For all those who find “Cards Against Humanity” just a little too PC?

 

A new Al Jazeera report names several prominent athletes including Peyton Manning, Ryan Howard and Ryan Zimmerman as having received HGH. Thinking again it’s about time to put a big asterisk outside the Hall of Fame(s) and be done with it.

In Texas, three grocery stores, including local chain H.E.B., Whole Foods and Safeway, have said they will opt out of the state’s new open-carry law, which takes effect Jan 1. So folks who like to police their fellow shoppers will just have to find another way to enforce that “15 items or less” rule.

At LaGuardia Airport, after reports of smoke coming from a Spirit Airlines aircraft, more than 200 passengers were evacuated without injury. Even though many disobeyed flight attendant instructions to leave their carry-on bags on the plane.
How foolish, leaving aside the safety issues no doubt Spirit would have charged them another fee to bring the bags back on board.

 

The Philadelphia Eagles not only gave away the game tonight with all their penalties and turnovers, they probably took away a potential  classic great Internet meme featuring the Kirk Cousins “knee doesn’t quite equal spike” play.

Groupon is offering a deal for half price on two dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts. So you can get a head star on breaking your New Year’s resolutions.

Cellphones do allow us to do many things easier and more quickly, including qualifying for Darwin awards: In San Diego a man who was looking at his phone on Christmas Day just walked off a cliff. Literally. Hope the guy’s friends and family kept the receipts for his presents. ‪#‎bustohell‬

FSU senior QB Everett Golson, who transfered after last season from Notre Dame, and then got demoted mid-season, did not travel with the team to Atlanta for the Peach Bowl for “personal reasons.”
Just guessing that the reasons involve Golson not starting?

Snow. Lots of snow. At ‪#‎Sunbowl‬ in El Paso, Texas. Cue the hell freezing over comments.

Duke-Indiana today in the Pinstripe Bowl. Wonder how many viewers saw the matchup, tuned in, and were disappointed when they learned it wasn’t college basketball?

Two Cleveland Browns were arrested last night. after a traffic stop for speeding, one for DUI. one for Adderall without a prescription.. Police also found a gun in the car.  The team is both disappointed and relieved: Johnny Manziel was not involved

Big brother Max now has a bowl win at Duke. Time for Christian McCaffery to hold up his end of the family in the Rose Bowl. ‪#‎GoStanford‬

Nebraska and UCLA ended up in the Foster Farms Bowl at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, CA, while Duke and Indiana got the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium. Who knew that the Blue Devils and Hoosiers would get to spend Christmas in warm weather?

So was ‪#‎UCLA‬‘s excuse for tonight’s ‪#‎FosterFarmsBowl‬ that the weather is more like ‪#‎Nebraska‬ in December than California?

 

Donald Trump apparently spent Christmas in Palm Beach.  Makes sense, the Donald wanted to find a state to optimize his chances of not being the craziest person in the room.

A 24 year old tourist from Pakistan is now staying at Rikers Island instead of the Sheraton Brooklyn. He got frustrated over a check-in delay and allegedly said there’s a “bomb in there” about his luggage. (There wasn’t)
If true, the guy may not be charged with terrorism, but with criminal stupidity.

 

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “Tesla announced they are two years away from a driverless car. And BMW is three years away from a douche-bag-less car.”

Can’t tell anything without a score card?

December 19, 2015

The College Bowl season starts this Saturday. And if you can name more than one of the first weekend’s games, you might have WAY too much time on your hands.

ESPN complained during the Clippers-Spurs game about the “hack-a-Jordan” strategy, saying it was ridiculous. Of course, what might be more ridiculous is a well-paid professional athlete not learning to shoot simple free throws.

Cool. A 74-year-old man wins $1 Million from a scratch-off lottery ticket. Would be even cooler if he’s optimistic enough to take the payout over 20 years.

A German woman is suing Airbnb after she and her husband discovered a hidden camera in their rental unit, that they believe was being operated remotely, and recorded “personal and intimate” details. And just guessing the unit owner wasn’t giving a discount for their guests providing entertainment?

There are claims now that Bernie Sanders aides stole Hillary Clinton’s secret voter lists. Hmm, is this how the Sanders campaign is trying to prove they are big time?

Apple stock has fallen over 20% recently. And somewhere Steve Jobs is snickering “No one person is indispensable my ass.”

Martin Shkreli, the price-gouging CEO who was arrested yesterday on securities fraud, was released on $5 million bond, and tweeted “Glad to be home, thanks for the support? “Support?” Sounds like not only is Shkreli an asshole, he’s delusional as well.

NM Governor Susana Martinez says she “regrets the way the situation was handled” after she called 911 at 1:30a after a noise complaint was made against a party in her room at a Santa Fe hotel and told police to “call them off.”
The police recording says that someone called the hotel front desk about a loud party and said guests were throwing bottles off of a balcony. (The Gov. says it was just snowballs.)
Martinez has been mentioned as a possible V.P. candidate. Well, I suppose this might help with the GOP’s stodgy reputation.

We interrupt the usual picking on other states for a California item of ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬: Downtown Los Altos, two young men on skateboards, with Safeway bags in one hand, drinks in another, skateboarding down the middle of the street. In the dark. So maybe they thought getting Darwin awards would get them out of needing to buy Christmas presents?

 

On the O’Reilly Factor, a spokeswoman for Donald Trump asked what the point of having nuclear weapons is if the United States is “afraid” to use them. Of course by the same “afraid to use them” logic she might have asked what the point is of several of the GOP candidates having brains…

A San Jose elementary school had a decades-old field trip tradition of having kindergarten child deliver letters to Santa at a local coffee shop. Then a Jewish mom, who said she was “not anti-Christmas but wanted other religions to be represented,” wrote a four-page letter and asked that the trip be canceled. And the school agreed.
Some parents are protesting by taking their kids out of school and doing the visit themselves. But come on, you want other religions represented, fine, volunteer to bring Hannakuh cookies and talk about the holiday. Or whatever. But can we just LIGHTEN UP?

Mistakes were made.

December 30, 2014

Oops, the Detroit Free Press printed a Jim Harbaugh to UM story on their cover. Except they used a picture of JOHN Harbaugh. Well, okay, they used a photo of the wrong brother. Many Americans think in 2000 we elected the wrong brother as our President.

 

Two men were arrested today after a nearly 3 hour police chase that started when they stole San Francisco Chronicle newspaper delivery truck. Many are wondering, “What’s the value of stealing a newspaper delivery truck?” Still more are wondering “Who knew they still delivered newspapers?

The NY Jets fired coach Rex Ryan and GM John Idzik. Owner Woody Johnson said he has already reached out to potential candidates. Wonder if he called the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board). They have experience dealing with train wrecks.

Ndamukong Suh was suspended for the Lions’ playoff game for stepping on Aaron Rodgers’ leg. Suh is appealing, saying it was unintentional, and besides he knows millions of Americans were hoping he would step on Tony Romo.

Lane Kiffin, now offensive coordinator at Alabama, said he “definitely” plans on returning to the Crimson Tide for a second season. Translation, “unless I get a better offer.”

Texas A&M played West Virginia, and Oklahoma played Clemson Monday. In two of the bigger “We-expected-a-much-better-season” bowls.

The 6-10 Atlanta Falcons fired coach Mike Smith. What? After the team came only one game from making the playoffs…..

Not saying that it wasn’t time for Jim Harbaugh to move on from SF. As three years seems to be about his shelf life. But can we name a top football coach who doesn’t have a least a somewhat arrogant and irritating personality? Or any former top coach for that matter?

Bus to hell time: Reports indicate that debris from “a red and white plane” which is likely the missing Air Asia jet has been spotted.  Sad news for families, and for CNN, as the network had been hoping the plane would be lost for at least a week.

Meanwhile, over at Fox News, co-host Anna Kooiman suggested that the metric system could be to blame at Air Asia. “Even when we think about temperature, it’s Fahrenheit or Celsius, it’s kilometers or miles. You know, everything about their training could be similar, but different.” And when an FAA expert a bigger difference was foreign pilots’ greater reliance on autopilot, she responded “It’s not just a difference in the way that we measure things? Is it not as safe in that part of the world?”

Spectacular. By suing a 22 year old kid with a website, Skiplagged.com, that probably wasn’t going anywhere, United and Orbitz have taken “hidden-city ticketing” from an odd and limited strategy that only some travel agents and frequent fliers knew about, to a trending item on social media.

(Basically the idea is simple. If a nonstop flight is expensive between two cities, book a connecting flight on to a cheaper city and then get off the plane. For example, SF to Houston is expensive, so book a ticket SF via Houston to Orlando. But you can’t check bags, and if you put in your mileage number they track the no-show so you can’t get miles, and it only works one-way at a time.  For starters. Still, thanks to the lawsuit and publicity, millions of people have now been turned onto the concept.

 

C.C. Sabathia apparently came unglued at Newark Airport this past weekend when he and 11 friends, all booked in first class, showed up 15 minutes before departure for a flight to Jamaica, and United told him he had no chance to make it through security in time. On brighter notes, no arrests were made, and a lot of people who thought they had had no chance for a upgrade suddenly got lucky.

Bowling along.

December 28, 2014

When it comes to sports, in many ways hate has it all over love. Because the teams you love can suck, but there’s still always plenty of opportunity to root against the teams you hate.  (especially during Bowl season.)

As of very late Saturday night on the West Coast,  an AirAsia jet is missing on its way from Surabaya, Indonesia to Singapore, and an Italian ferry with over 400 people on board is on fire in the Adriatic sea. Potential tragedies in both cases, but for CNN, this is hitting the daily double.

 

Michigan governor Rick Snyder has signed a “suspicion-based” drug testing bill for welfare recipients. Hmm, can we expand this to elected officials and candidates? Because some of them sure act like they’re on drugs.

Chicago’s Starlin Castro was questioned by Dominican Republic police in connection with a shooting at a nightclub this morning, after the Cubs shortstop was questioned earlier this month for ANOTHER nightclub shooting. Who does Castro think he is, an NFL player?

The NFL fined Marshawn Lynch $11,500 for an obscene gesture during last Sunday’s game. Wonder how much they’ll fine the ‪#‎NYJets‬ for their obscene performance all season?

Anyone but me thinking that ‪#‎Marchmadness‬ pools are going to be rather forgone conclusions this year? ‪#‎raceforsecond‬ ‪#‎Kentucky‬

Jim Harbaugh is expected to sign on as the coach at Michigan. So time to start two pools. 1. How long until the Wolverines win a Rose Bowl? 2. What percentage of Harbaugh’s contract will he last in Ann Arbor?

So now we are likely to have Jim Harbaugh at Michigan vs. Urban Meyer at OSU Stand by for ‪#‎Whatsyourdeal‬ – the sequel.

A new study found that marijuana use has increased in Colorado. Did the survey also find that water is wet?

According to ESPN Rex Ryan “expects to be” fired by the Jets. Shouldn’t the correct verb be “hopes to be?”

The Browns suspended WR Josh Gordon for Sunday’s season finale. Thereby increasing the odds that no one outside of Cleveland will be able to name a single active player on the team.

 

Johnny Manziel, who is on IR, had to either be present for the Browns’ workout Saturday or be getting treatment. But he was AWOL. And later in the day, Cleveland gave the QB his first fine. So congrats to all who had Dec 27 in the pool.

North Korea, angry over “The Interview,” now referred to President Obama. Is the country trying to curry favor with Fox News?

 

Kim Jong Uh-oh

December 23, 2014

North Korea is recovering from a countrywide internet outage. So someone found the plug and plugged it back in?

North Korea’s internet was completely down for most of a day. Is this the Circular Firing Squad theory of hacking?

Four inteceptions last night. Who did Peyton Manning think he was? Eli?

Damn. Joe Cocker has died. His voice will always be so beautiful to me. ‪#‎nowIfeelold‬

 

We expected the rock stars from our youth to die of things like drug overdoses and various crashes. Not ready for them to die of things related to getting older.

Only good thing about the Ravens and 49ers recent play. Won’t be any playoff tension in the Harbaugh family this January.

 

Kourtney Kardashian has named her new son “Reign.” William and Kate please come back. We need a real royal family.

“Reign” huh, well at least the Kardashians have plenty of money for future therapy..

Apparently a recent poll of Americans under 30 found that only 29 percent mail Christmas cards. And no doubt 21 percent said “What’s a Christmas card? And 50 percent said “What’s mail?”

Only 367 shopping days until Christmas 2016. ‪#‎enoughsalesalready‬

Forget March Madness. The real challenge is picking all the NCAA Bowl game winners. Heck. It would be hard enough to name all the bowls.

A sad unintended consequence of Kindles etc: a generation will grow up without the vacation experience of brief bonding over books. “Oh that’s a great read.”. “Have you read…?” “What do you think of that book?

 

A Southwest Airlines flight clipped the wing of an American Airlines plane on the tarmac at LaGuardia. No injuries. But presumably that’s the end of Holiday Happy Hour for pilots.

(But hey,  suppose it was bound to happen now that budget cuts have forced most schools to eliminate Driver’s Ed.)

Apparently the guy who ambushed and shot two NYPD cops had tried unsuccessfully to hang himself last year. That’s one of many problems with guns – you don’t even need to be competent to kill

 

6.4 million have signed up for Obamacare, and the stock market closed over 18,000. Time for the GOP to have another hearing on Benghazi.

 

 

Early Christmas blessings.

December 22, 2013

Thinking the BCS should be sending San Jose State’s team a major Christmas present. Had the Spartans not beaten Fresno State, the Bulldogs instead of being humiliated in Las Vegas by USC, would have been blown out in a major BCS bowl.

 

So in “Miracle on 34th Street”, much is made over the question of whether a beloved but allegedly fictional character is real. Sort of like if they made a move about a Chicago Cub wearing a World Series ring.

 

Washington State did such an incredible job of snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory. Are we sure Tony Romo isn’t somehow involved?

Who’d have expected this a handful of years ago? That USC beating Stanford in football would have been an upset? And that the Trojans’ reward for that win would have been a berth in today’s Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl?

Meanwhile USC fans chanted “over-rated” at Fresno State as the Trojans demolished the Bulldogs. And really, the only chance Fresno State probably would have had in the game is if Lane Kiffin were still coaching at USC.

 

Some people seem to have a problem with the idea that “freedom of religion” doesn’t mean just “freedom to follow MY religion.” And the same folks also don’t seem to get that “free speech” doesn’t just mean “freedom to say something I agree with.”

 

That infamous PR executive who tweeted “Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!” has been fired. Guessing unless she changes her name, she won’t have to explain to any other potential future employer “So why did you leave your last position?”

Lindsey Vonn, who thought she injured her right knee today in a fall during the World Cup Downhill, says she didn’t do any new damage and she still plans to compete in the Sochi Olympics. Who does Lindsey think she is? RGIII?

 

Guess Scott Boras miscalculated. Shin Soo Choo ended up signing with the Texas Rangers for 7 years, and only $130 million, after he reportedly earlier turned down 7 years and $140 million with the Yankees. Poor Choo, how will he feed his family?

 

Uh oh, now what do some in the GOP do? In a People magazine interview, when the President was asked “Who would you rather spend the day with: Kim and Kanye or the Duck Dynasty Family?’ Obama said the Duck Dynasty family, that “they seem like a pretty fun bunch” and he has watched the show on Air Force One.

 

Target’s commercials – “Expect more, pay less.”  Well, they may have the “pay less” down. But 40 million people expected more security.

A cold day in h*ll, or in New Jersey?

December 9, 2013

This just keeps getting better. To avoid congestion and due to limited parking, even fans with tickets that cost thousands will not be able to hire taxis or limos for the Super Bowl. There will be fewer than 13,000 parking places, but other than that the 80.000 ticket holders will have to use a “Fan Express” bus, or N.J. Transit. No drop-offs by private vehicles will be allowed.

 

Bad weather across the U.S. has closed businesses and forced the cancellation of many flights. The worst thing in D.C., however, was that it didn’t cancel yesterday’s Redskins game.

 

A 24 year old Georgia woman said that she and a guy she was casually dating are now a serious couple after he accidentally shot her in the leg last month with a hunting rifle, and he has even moved in to take care of her. How sweet. If they end up planning a wedding will the lovebirds invite Dick Cheney?

South Carolina DE end Jadeveon Clowney was pulled over yesterday in a Chrysler 300 near Columbia and ticketed for going 110 mph in a 70 mph zone. The fine may be dwarfed by the endorsement Clowney he gets from Chrysler – — you can go 110mph in one of their cars?

 

Christmas cheer for the 49 states that aren’t Texas. On the ninth day of December my true love gave to me…. 11 #Cowboys sucking….

 

Eleanor Parker, who played the baroness in the “The Sound of Music” movie has died at 91. Let’s hope that NBC live special didn’t kill her.

Candlestick Park is offering fans a chance to buy a pair of their plastic seats (for $749!) before the stadium is torn down after this season. Of course to get the full experience, will they sell the seats with cushions made of ice packs?

The SF 49ers won’t be on MNF next year because of parking issues in Santa Clara at their new Levi’s stadium, which is surrounded by local businesses so won’t have parking on weekdays. Bodes well for the Cal-Oregon game scheduled for 2014 at the stadium…on October 24, a Friday night?!

Oh the horror. Some local papers (and the coach) bemoaning how San Jose State was a bubble team that was shut out of a bowl. The Spartans are a fun team with a very good QB (David Fales). But they were 6-6.

Washington coach Mike Shanahan says he might sit RGIII for the team’s 3 remaining games. Except that without their star QB the Redskins might unwatchable…. Oops. Never mind.

 

Britney Spears told an interviewer she would “I would really like to have another baby, a girl,” because then “I’m not going to feel as alone in the world anymore.” Right.   Britney and her sister Jamie were so every mom’s dream in their late teens and early 20s.

Richard Sherman thinks the SF 49ers only won yesterday because of “questionable calls” by the officials. “We expected to blow them out, but they got the benefit of a few calls tonight throughout the game and that helps you, especially on third down.” Well, this ought to do wonders for the Seahawks’ reputation for being less than good sports.

Former San Diego Mayor Bob Filner was sentenced today to three month’s home confinement and three years probation. The judge also specified the Filner “may not seek or hold elective office during the term of his probation.” So otherwise voters might be stupid enough to elect him again?

 

Almost bowled over….

January 5, 2011

With apologies to Chicago – Does anybody really know what bowl this is…. does anybody really care?

And there have been some good games. But for fans without a connection to the schools involved, many of these bowls have all the drama and interest of division rivalries between the NFC West.

Terrelle Pryor was named the MVP of the 2011 Sugar Bowl. Think officials figured out how to put a tracking device on that trophy?

Actually, there are rumors that Pryor and his to-be-suspended OSU teammates may star in an off-season reality show  – Bowling for Dollars.

The story switches hourly but now it seems like Jim Harbaugh is heading to the 49ers. Which means he might be the first college coach to switch to the pros and take a step down with his quarterback.

On the other hand Harbaugh isn’t that much older than Brett Favre?  Maybe the 49ers want him to be a player coach.

Earlier today there was the rumor of Harbaugh to the Raiders? With all due respect, entering into a business relationship with the 81 year old Al Davis at this point seems about as likely for long-time success as marrying Hugh Hefner.

Tough luck for Tom Cable. His greatest problem as a coach this year? Not being in the NFC West.

Meanwhile, back in Ann Arbor, the word out of Michigan is that Rich Rodriguez is fired, no he’s not fired, maybe he is fired, maybe he’s not. Not sure who’ll be coaching the team next year but wonder how long it will take for them to offer a job to new quarterbacks coach Brett Favre.

And okay, I admit, I hate Notre Dame. But listening to all these puns and headlines with Stanford’s quarterback we should all be glad he didn’t go to South Bend. How many times could we have stood the phrase “Luck of the Irish?”

Panthers owner Jerry Richardson says negotiations between the NFL and the unions are not going well. But they could still settle in time to play the 2011 season, so Carolina fans shouldn’t get too optimistic.

Snooki has written a book.  Putting her in that exclusive fraternity with folks like George W. Bush and Sarah Palin, who wrote a book before they read one.. 

From Bill Littlejohn:  There is now a video game in which you can play a round of golf at Augusta National Golf Club.If you log in that you’re a woman, the game includes angry stares and catcalls from club members”

Plus ca change…

December 8, 2010

Mike Singletary has announced that Alex Smith will start in place of Troy Smith next Sunday. Okay, that’s it. The phrase “rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic” has now been officially updated for the 21st century to “re-arranging quarterbacks on the 49ers.”

So Albert Haynesworth was suspended for four games which means he will not be on the field for the 5-7 (and fading fast) Washington Redskins for the remainder of the season. Given Albert’s bad attitude, why did the team choose to reward him?

Sarah Palin has now turned her attention to Wikileaks founder Julian Assanger, and tweeted “Someone making things up again? Keep seeing this quote attributed to me. Huh?” I guess no one is supposed to attribute quotes to Palin except her ghostwriters.

R.I.P. Elizabeth Edwards. Her useless husband probably did love her, at least as much as he loved anyone who was not himself.

=

After being arrested and charged with six counts of drug possession, Iowa senior star wide-receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos has been suspended from “all team activities.”

Now, Iowa’s not going anywhere this December.  But it brings to mind another question, what’s the over-under on player arrests before the bowl season starts?

Remember that college football gamme they played in Wrigley Field with only one endzone?

Maybe Wrigley should be the home of this year’s Meinke Car Car Bowl. Featuring the 88th ranked offense of the University of South Florida Bulls, vs. the 86th ranked offense of the Clemson Tigers. Forget one endzone, they teams wouldn’t need any.

Hal Rogers, a Kentucky Congressman known as the “Prince of Pork” for his skill at getting money for his hometown, has been named head of the Appropriations Committee, which will allegedly lead the GOP drive to cut federal earmarks.

Isn’t this like having unwed teen mother Bristol Palin spearhead an abstinence drive?

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times picked up on this one… how did I miss it?

“Boulder, Colo., and Ann Arbor, Mich., came in 1-2 when Portfolio.com released its list of America’s 10 brainiest cities.

Apparently it was determined before the Buffs’ and Wolverines’ last football-coaching hires.”

An actual serious thought:

‎30 years ago a part-time security guard with a history of mental illness was nonetheless able to get both a gun and hollow-point bullets. And he shot John Lennon. Yet there are still millions of Americans who don’t see the need for gun control laws. Imagine.

Bowling for dollars…

November 30, 2010

TCU, (Texas Christian University) ,which is in Fort Worth, just accepted an invitation to join the Big East. Looks like the folks in Texas take geography as seriously as they take history and science.

Although to be fair, Fort Worth is at least in the Eastern half  of Texas?

The reason for this alignment is simple, if TCU is part of a major conference, they have a theoretical chance every year to go to a big money bowl game, which the BCS hopes will shut many of its critics up.   (Although anyone who thinks this will toughen up their schedule…. let’s see, Connecticut, Rutgers, Louisville, U Conn….it’s not exactly a murderer’s row football conference.)

With TCU adopting the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” to the BCS system by joining the Big East, that leaves Boise State as the odd team out of the independent powerhouses.

Presumably the Broncos are looking for a conference that’s a good fit for their abilities – maybe the NFC West?

Funeral arrangements are pending for Leslie Nielsen. Apparently he wanted an open-casket ceremony with his body unclothed. For all those who have never seen a grown man naked.

Now there are rumors that the Broncos may have videotaped other teams besides the 49ers. And yet Denver is 3 and 7. This could end up being the worst waste of film since “Ishtar.”

Meanwhile, the San Francisco 49ers, now 4 and 7, are alive for a playoff spot. Only in the NFC West can a team potentially qualify for the postseason with a record that might not even make them NCAA bowl eligible.

Apparently Miami Heat players are complaining about coach Erik Spoelstra, saying he is “not letting them be themselves.” Oh, I don’t know, based on their ego-driven offseason antics, maybe the problem is that Spoelstra is letting Lebron and company absolutely be themselves.

Tonight, however, the Heat clubhouse is full of a little more sweetness and light.  Of course, that’s because they took advantage of one temporary cure for a tough season – playing the Wizards.

So the San Francisco 49ers, now 4 and 7, are alive for a playoff spot. Only in the NFL West can a team potentially qualify for the postseason with a record that might not even make them NCAA bowl eligible.

New York is playing hardball with Derek Jeter over his contract.  One Yankees staffer reported said that Jeter and his agent, Casey Close, need to “drink the reality potion.”

Okay, did you ever think you’d hear the words “Yankees” and “reality potion” in a discussion involving salaries?

The University of Michigan is paying Rich Rodriguez a lot of money. And because he left his old school and broke a contract to coach the Wolverines, they are paying off his old school, West Virginia, as well.

Now Michigan is probably heading to the Insight Bowl.  (See if you can name the place and date of that one without looking it up.)  The West Virginia Mountaineers, however, if they win on Saturday, will probably go to the BCS Orange bowl.

Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Monday night was the premier of “Skating with the Stars.”  Finally, a television option for those who feel “Dancing with the Stars” just isn’t gay enough