Posted tagged ‘Michigan jokes’

M going to be Blue

October 17, 2015

For as rough as that game ending was in Ann Arbor,  a game-winning touchdown after a blocked punt with 10 seconds to go, Jim Harbaugh still has to be waking up tomorrow thinking “At least I’m not still coaching the 49ers.”

Jim Harbaugh probably got a sympathy tweet from Nick Saban ‪#‎MSUvsMICH‬ ‪#‎AuburnvsAlabama‬

 And here Harbaugh thought his kicking nightmares were over when he left Stanford and Jordan Williamson.

San Francisco rents are so high that one female software engineer has written about the fact that she now lives in a VW Bus. What will be even scarier is when she decides to rent half the bus out on AirBNB.

So some KC Royals fans are starting a petition to have Joe Buck removed from the ALCS because they say he is biased against their team. SF Giants fans are laughing. They know Buck is biased against any team that isn’t the Cardinals.

While the ALCS is moving to Toronto for game three, there won’t be a game on Sunday. So we won’t have the dilemma – would MLB still insist on “God Bless America?”

Jeb Bush and Donald Trump called each other “pathetic” yesterday. It was a rare time they were both right.

The Oklahoma Sooners flight to Manhattan, KS for their football game against KSU today was delayed over 8 hours. Now I know travel agents have a different perspective, but really? The DRIVE is only about 4 1/2 hours

As expected, Zack Greinke has opted out of his contract with the Dodgers.(he ONLY has 3 years and $71 million left, and wants a longer deal.)
Not sure about 5 years to any 32 year old pitcher. But SF has a record as a good home for head cases.

Mike, a combat dog that became a service animal for an Army veteran was shot and killed by a bicyclist in Wyoming who said the dog threatened him. Waiting for the NRA to say “If only the dog had been armed.”

Memphis defeated Ole Miss today to move to 6-0. Wow. Memphis has a college football team?

USC played Notre Dame‬ Saturday .    Bringing up the age-old question for many American football fans – “Can both teams lose?”

Lindsay Lohan is now saying in “In #2020 I may run for president.” And somewhere Jon Stewart is thinking “The universe REALLY doesn’t want me to retire.”

US Airways flight 1939 took off Friday night from San Francisco to Philadelphia, the last US Airways flight ever before their merger with American Airlines. Poignant night for many fliers – one less airline to blame.

TBS host Casey Stern was caught dropping an f-bomb on air after the Mets’ game 1 NLCS win over the Cubs today. Can only imagine what some of the Michigan broadcasters said away from the microphone after the end of the MSU game.

Apparently Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki, Lindsey Graham and Rick Santorum are all spending more money than they are getting in donations so could end up dropping out of the 2016 Presidential race soon.
With the possible exception of Paul, and maybe Huckabee, who’s donating to ANY of them?


Candlestick Park South?

December 31, 2014


For the opening kickoff of the first Foster Farms Bowl, the wind blew the football off the tee repeatedly so Maryland had to use a holder.   They can take the 49ers out of Candlestick, but they can’t take the Candlestick out of their field.





Game time temperature at Levi’s Stadium 45 degrees with wind gusts up to 40mph. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to have a bowl sponsor with a major product of frozen food. ‪#‎FosterFarmsBowl



VTA Light Rail announcement tonight at each stop on the way to Levi’s stadium. “Look both ways before crossing tracks.”. Might be more effective to say “Trains use both tracks. Please have your organ donor card available”.

The Lion’s Ndamukong Suh won his appeal and will play Sunday after his one-game suspension was changed to a $70,000 fine. Bonus time for the NFL, as they get the money from his fine plus higher rates as people tune in to see which Cowboy Suh is planning to stomp now.

Nick Saban said today he’s “not really interested in any situation in the NFL.” Makes sense, the Alabama coach is making plenty of money, and he already gets to deal with professional players, who will be gone after a maximum of four years.


Maryland beat Michigan in football this year 23 to 16. Stanford probably calling Harbaugh tonight to see if Jim wants to schedule a game.

Texas A&M fired student assistant coach Michael Richardson after he hit two West Virginia players during the Liberty Bowl. Richardson may, however, be offered a tryout with the Oakland Raiders defense.

At a Idaho Wal-Mart, a 2-year-old boy shot and killed his mother when he reached into her purse where she was carrying a concealed gun and the weapon fired. If only the woman had been armed. Oops, wait, never mind.

A thought about this toddler who shot and killed his mom with her own gun at Walmart. That woman wouldn’t have been allowed to drive the kid to the store without a carseat. But a loaded gun with the safety off, no problem. ‪#‎noanticarsafetylobby‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

Jim Harbaugh has a seven year contract at Michigan. Seven years?! And they said it with a straight face.

Groupon is selling a “49ers field experience” where during the first five weeks of 2015, you’ll be able to enter Levi’s Stadium and run around on the field and play with a football. And if you can get along with Jed York, maybe the team will offer you a coaching position.

How social media can make you feel really out of touch. The #1 trending story on FB this morning is “Giada De Laurentiis announces divorce.” And my #1 reaction was “Who?”

Kim Kardashian claims she doesn’t smile often because it causes wrinkles. Got news for Kim, people aren’t looking at her face

Mistakes were made.

December 30, 2014

Oops, the Detroit Free Press printed a Jim Harbaugh to UM story on their cover. Except they used a picture of JOHN Harbaugh. Well, okay, they used a photo of the wrong brother. Many Americans think in 2000 we elected the wrong brother as our President.


Two men were arrested today after a nearly 3 hour police chase that started when they stole San Francisco Chronicle newspaper delivery truck. Many are wondering, “What’s the value of stealing a newspaper delivery truck?” Still more are wondering “Who knew they still delivered newspapers?

The NY Jets fired coach Rex Ryan and GM John Idzik. Owner Woody Johnson said he has already reached out to potential candidates. Wonder if he called the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board). They have experience dealing with train wrecks.

Ndamukong Suh was suspended for the Lions’ playoff game for stepping on Aaron Rodgers’ leg. Suh is appealing, saying it was unintentional, and besides he knows millions of Americans were hoping he would step on Tony Romo.

Lane Kiffin, now offensive coordinator at Alabama, said he “definitely” plans on returning to the Crimson Tide for a second season. Translation, “unless I get a better offer.”

Texas A&M played West Virginia, and Oklahoma played Clemson Monday. In two of the bigger “We-expected-a-much-better-season” bowls.

The 6-10 Atlanta Falcons fired coach Mike Smith. What? After the team came only one game from making the playoffs…..

Not saying that it wasn’t time for Jim Harbaugh to move on from SF. As three years seems to be about his shelf life. But can we name a top football coach who doesn’t have a least a somewhat arrogant and irritating personality? Or any former top coach for that matter?

Bus to hell time: Reports indicate that debris from “a red and white plane” which is likely the missing Air Asia jet has been spotted.  Sad news for families, and for CNN, as the network had been hoping the plane would be lost for at least a week.

Meanwhile, over at Fox News, co-host Anna Kooiman suggested that the metric system could be to blame at Air Asia. “Even when we think about temperature, it’s Fahrenheit or Celsius, it’s kilometers or miles. You know, everything about their training could be similar, but different.” And when an FAA expert a bigger difference was foreign pilots’ greater reliance on autopilot, she responded “It’s not just a difference in the way that we measure things? Is it not as safe in that part of the world?”

Spectacular. By suing a 22 year old kid with a website,, that probably wasn’t going anywhere, United and Orbitz have taken “hidden-city ticketing” from an odd and limited strategy that only some travel agents and frequent fliers knew about, to a trending item on social media.

(Basically the idea is simple. If a nonstop flight is expensive between two cities, book a connecting flight on to a cheaper city and then get off the plane. For example, SF to Houston is expensive, so book a ticket SF via Houston to Orlando. But you can’t check bags, and if you put in your mileage number they track the no-show so you can’t get miles, and it only works one-way at a time.  For starters. Still, thanks to the lawsuit and publicity, millions of people have now been turned onto the concept.


C.C. Sabathia apparently came unglued at Newark Airport this past weekend when he and 11 friends, all booked in first class, showed up 15 minutes before departure for a flight to Jamaica, and United told him he had no chance to make it through security in time. On brighter notes, no arrests were made, and a lot of people who thought they had had no chance for a upgrade suddenly got lucky.

Bowling along.

December 28, 2014

When it comes to sports, in many ways hate has it all over love. Because the teams you love can suck, but there’s still always plenty of opportunity to root against the teams you hate.  (especially during Bowl season.)

As of very late Saturday night on the West Coast,  an AirAsia jet is missing on its way from Surabaya, Indonesia to Singapore, and an Italian ferry with over 400 people on board is on fire in the Adriatic sea. Potential tragedies in both cases, but for CNN, this is hitting the daily double.


Michigan governor Rick Snyder has signed a “suspicion-based” drug testing bill for welfare recipients. Hmm, can we expand this to elected officials and candidates? Because some of them sure act like they’re on drugs.

Chicago’s Starlin Castro was questioned by Dominican Republic police in connection with a shooting at a nightclub this morning, after the Cubs shortstop was questioned earlier this month for ANOTHER nightclub shooting. Who does Castro think he is, an NFL player?

The NFL fined Marshawn Lynch $11,500 for an obscene gesture during last Sunday’s game. Wonder how much they’ll fine the ‪#‎NYJets‬ for their obscene performance all season?

Anyone but me thinking that ‪#‎Marchmadness‬ pools are going to be rather forgone conclusions this year? ‪#‎raceforsecond‬ ‪#‎Kentucky‬

Jim Harbaugh is expected to sign on as the coach at Michigan. So time to start two pools. 1. How long until the Wolverines win a Rose Bowl? 2. What percentage of Harbaugh’s contract will he last in Ann Arbor?

So now we are likely to have Jim Harbaugh at Michigan vs. Urban Meyer at OSU Stand by for ‪#‎Whatsyourdeal‬ – the sequel.

A new study found that marijuana use has increased in Colorado. Did the survey also find that water is wet?

According to ESPN Rex Ryan “expects to be” fired by the Jets. Shouldn’t the correct verb be “hopes to be?”

The Browns suspended WR Josh Gordon for Sunday’s season finale. Thereby increasing the odds that no one outside of Cleveland will be able to name a single active player on the team.


Johnny Manziel, who is on IR, had to either be present for the Browns’ workout Saturday or be getting treatment. But he was AWOL. And later in the day, Cleveland gave the QB his first fine. So congrats to all who had Dec 27 in the pool.

North Korea, angry over “The Interview,” now referred to President Obama. Is the country trying to curry favor with Fox News?


A sight to behold?

December 3, 2014

In England, George Clooney made an appearance on Downton Abbey for charity.

Women get it. To explain this concept to men, this is the equivalent of NFL football with naked cheerleaders.


Boston’s Mass General Hospital is treating a possible Ebola patient. But of course, this isn’t making major headlines – since the November election is over.


Go figure this targeted FB ad, from Walmart, suggesting that you “not miss a minute of the 49ers game” with Walmart grocery delivery. What do they target supposed Oakland fans with? “Come stand in line at our stores and you don’t have to watch the Raiders game.”?

#‎BlackFriday‬ sales were down, ‪#‎CyberMonday‬ sales weren’t up as much as expected. Uh, maybe because the ‪#‎smallbusinessSaturday‬ and ‪#‎GivingTuesday‬ and the extended everything sales have made Americans think they’d be idiots to buy early?

The NFL is not apologizing for the St. Louis Rams players who came out with their hands up before Sunday’s game. The league presumably is still deciding whether they need to apologize for the play of the Raiders.

The underachieving ‪#‎SF49ers‬ are playing the simply awful ‪#‎oaklandraiders‬ this Sunday. Can we dub this the Grumpy Bowl?

Michigan is apparently firing coach Brady Hoke after a 5-7 season. The Wolverines really now might be a particularly good fit for Jim Harbaugh. If the situation you’re coming into is bad enough, no one cares if you’re an a**hole.

After security lines at Chicago’s Midway Airport stretched over a mile Sunday morning, TSA now said they made a mistake. They opened checkpoints at 4:00am, but due to the holiday, ticket counters had opened at 3:30am. Sort of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their ability to catch bad guys.

Veteran MLB umpire Dale Scott just revealed that he is gay and married to his partner of 28 years. Who knew, an ump turns out to be braver than the players.

NY Jets WR Eric Decker’s wife Jessie says her husband has been “depressed about the team’s season. And season ticket holders are thinking “HE’S depressed? We’re the ones paying to watch this sh*t.”

Rain has hit the San Francisco Bay Area so hard and fast that most networks have barely had time to have their reporters covering the drought over to “Stormwatch.”

Senator Rob Portman said yesterday he will not run for President in 2016. And most Americans said “Who?”

Raining on a parade

November 1, 2014

Lots of happy ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans were taking pictures in the rain at ‪#‎SFGiantsParade‬ Over-under on folks needing new cellphones today?

So many people think newspapers are irrelevant these days. But wonder how many are saving screen shots of the SF Giants World Series victory for their children and grandchildren.

SF mayor Ed Lee, speaking at a post-parade ceremony “Panda, you own the postseason.” And the SFGiants are thinking, “Great, you just maybe cost us another $10-20 million?”

Great post parade line from Buster Posey to ‪#‎HunterPence‬ “See those cameras back there? That means live TV.” ‪#‎SFGiants‬

The SF Giants used pictures from their last World Series Parade to advertise yesterday’s parade. If new manager Joe Maddon leads the Cubs to a title, they’ll need to find someone who’s an expert in reproducing cave paintings.

Today, November 1. is “Day of the Dead.” This is a holiday in Mexico. Not the Michigan football homecoming.

The Los Angeles Dodgers have 7 free agents. Hanley Ramirez,Chris Perez, Jamey Wright, Paul Maholm, Roberto Hernandez, Kevin Correia and Josh Beckett. “Gosh, I really really hope we can keep them” said no Dodgers fans


Pablo Sandoval says he wants to remain a Giant, though the Red Sox are interested. So what will it take? Maybe $100 million over 5 years. And a copy of Boston’s weather report. (Freezing temperatures this weekend.)


This would be funnier if it weren’t sad for the pilots. Still, euphemism of the year perhaps, Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo space tourism rocket crashing in Mojave desert. And Virgin Galactic reported it as an “in-flight anomaly.”


Former Florida congressman Trey Radel, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in 2013, has had his criminal record expunged after completing “all conditions of his probation.” Expunged. Does this make him an honorary football player?

If they gave away free candy at polling place would people make as much effort to vote as they do to trick or treat? ‪#‎Halloween‬ ‪#‎Electionday‬


How scary was this on Halloween? A senator spoke honestly in public: Mary Landrieu, asked why Obama has such low approval ratings in Louisiana. “I’ll be very, very honest with you. The South has not always been the friendliest place for African-Americans. It’s been a difficult time for the president to present himself in a very positive light as a leader.”

Time passages.

September 27, 2014

For anyone who has been, or still is, an ugly duckling. I give you this picture from Time Magazine;



(George Clooney)


Apparently Alex Rodriguez is getting in shape and preparing for his return to the Yankees after a year’s suspension. It’s enough to make you long for another Derek Jeter farewell retrospective.


Starbucks is apparently trying out a new latte that’s supposed to taste like Guinness. One word. “Why?”

MLB Executive V.P. Joe Torre changed a hit against  Felix Hernandez last Tuesday to an error, making four runs later in that inning unearned.  And dropping the Seattle ace pitcher’s ERA by .16.  Which gives him a chance ot win the ERA title.

Next up, MLB will try to figure out what they have to change to give the Yankees and Derek Jeter a spot in the playoffs.

#‎Stanford‬ managed to beat Washington today.  Despite proving again that they may be the best in college football with the ‪#‎redzone‬ “prevent offense.”



So Eric Bolling’s wife is apparently the reason the FOX News host apologized for his “boobs on the ground” joke about the female fighter pilot: Perhaps a bit of understatement: “I made a joke and when I got home, I got the look, and realized some people didn’t think it was funny at all,’


The Milwaukee Brewers are retiring #1 for Bud Selig. And across the rest of baseball, fans are joining in by holding up one finger.

From Dwight Perry: “Oakland Raiders are in London this weekend to play the Miami Dolphins. Don’t know how the football game will go, but the Black Hole is favored by 2½ over the soccer hooligans.”

The only good thing about Michigan’s season? Other FBS teams should be lining up to offer the Wolverines million dollar payouts to play them.

Yet more celebrity nude pictures have been hacked and posted online. Maybe it’s time to buy stock in Polaroid.


Florida State barely escaped with a win over North Carolina State. Maybe all those police interviews are tiring Jameis Winston out.

The Daytona 500 hours?

February 29, 2012

No, it just seemed that long.

Though Mitt Romney did have time to get a car into the race to compete with Rick Santorum…?

(from Jim Pratt, via Tony L. Thanks.)

The Dow closed above 13,000 Tuesday. The GOP immediately started talking louder about birth control.

Rick Santorum Tuesday night talked in his speech about “the men & women who signed the Declaration of Independence.” Yeah, I can see why Santorum’s so down on education, he clearly hasn’t retained much of his.

Mitt Romney won Michigan today, although he lost with GOP voters without a college degree, and lost by a wide margin amongst those making less than $100,000 a year. In short, Mitt got all the GOP primary voters with two Cadillacs.

$4 million for a slim primary win in Michigan. And Mitt campaigns on the idea of cutting wasteful spending.

(Romney might have done better if he donated the money to the Detroit Tigers to buy another pitcher.)

One thing people aren’t talking about. Yes, Mitt Romney is winning his home state with 41 % – a plurality. But 59% of the GOP in Michigan prefer anyone but the man who should have wrapped up this nomination a long time ago.

Santorum talking about his mom who got graduate degree, worked as a professional and made more money than her husband while raising three kids. So, an uppity elitist who used birth control?

Posting an intelligent quote for a change: “I do find it frustrating that an atmosphere of polarization and ‘my way or the highway’ ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions.” That would be Maine GOP senator Olympia Snowe, in announcing her retirement today.

The Big 12 announced today that the price for Missouri’s and Texas A&M leaving the conference will be $12.41 million each. Once again, hard to imagine how these recruits get seduced into thinking it’s about money.

Last year at the NFL combine, Cam Newton recorded a 35″ vertical leap. This year Andrew Luck achieved a 36’’ vertical. Wow. At least one white man can jump.

Hank Haney, Tiger Woods’ former swing coach, says in his new book that the quest to break Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 majors weighed heavily on Tiger. Really? I would think that what took a bigger toll in the end was Woods’ pursuit of 18 plus waitresses.

Manager Brad Mills has decided that Brett Meyers will be the Astros new closer. Next up, trying to make sure Myers actually has games to close.

The 12 contestants have been announced for “Dancing with the Stars.” And many of the names bring the usual reaction from most Americans – “Who?”

Okay, this really isn’t funny, but, Darwin award of the year nominee: Police say a Havelock, North Carolina man is dead after he accidentally drank from a jar of gasoline and then smoked a cigarette. (He died in the UNC burn center.)

Streaked out.

September 16, 2011

Detroit Tigers’ players may not be that unhappy over the end of their 12 game winning streak tonight against the Oakland A’s.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland had said he was wearing the same underwear during the team’s 12 game win streak and didn’t plan to wash or change it until they lost. This might explain the team’s recent great pitching during the streak. No one wanted a visit on the mound.

Meanwhile the Red Sox are 3-11 in September. Not to say fans are officially panicking. But if this keeps up they may start referring to Fenway Park as Boston’s “Friendly confines.”

The Pirates have clinched their 19th straight losing season. But that’s okay with folks in Pittsburgh since the Steelers have gotten off to another great start….. Oops, never mind.

Mitt Romney said today that Dick Cheney “is the kind of person” he’d like to have as running mate. Translation, he doesn’t want to do the work of governing any more than George W. did?

Either that or Romney wants to make sure he has the best hair on the ticket.

The latest leaked picture scandal involves Scarlett Johansson, with candid photos appearing to show her naked appearing online. Apparently the FBI lottery to be assigned to the case closed yesterday due to too many applicants.

As my friend Pat M. says – “More federal employees hard at work.”

Pat Robertson said that a spouse having Alzheimer’s is justification for divorce. Newt Gingrich said Robertson’s comments were “a good start.”

University of Michigan supporters helped save the life of a 68 year old Notre Dame fan who had a heart attack during last weekend’s game in Ann Arbor. Doctors said he survived in part due to one man who performed CPR and others who called for medics. The fans downplayed their heroism and added “Hey, it’s not like he was from Ohio State.”

Congratulations to Pablo Sandoval, who tonight hit for the cycle (a single, double, triple and home run in one game) against the Rockies. In 2011, it’s hard to remember many games where the Giants as a team hit for the cycle. Heck, sometimes it’s hard to remember games where SF got four hits.

USA Today reports that analysts say Joe McGinniss’s new book “The Rogue’ negative book may not hurt Sarah Palin. Well, yeah, it’s not like many of her supporters actually read.

Palin is reportedly particularly incensed. Sarah feels strongly that if there are going to be books containing lies about her, she wants to write them.

The latest college football rumored move is Florida State considering the SEC. Apparently according to ESPN the school’s football fans have always wanted such a move, but the faculty favors being in the ACC because of the league’s academic reputation. Responded the football crowd – “what’s an ‘academic’ reputation?”

A new poll shows the GOP split down the middle on those between those who do and don’t consider themselves Tea Party members. And the party is deeply divided on many of the issues. Who do they think they are? Democrats.

Hail to the once and maybe future Victors?

January 12, 2011

So Michigan finally tapped Brady Hoke as their next coach.  And yeah, how’s this for a vote of confidence for starters….?  Well, it took us a while  to decide there were better options out there than the guy we spent millions to get from West Virginia.  Then our first choice turned us down to either remain at Stanford or go with the 49ers. And our second choice decided to stay with LSU.   But really, Brady, you’re the man. 

Carnac moment: Answer – “Hoke Pokey” – Question. What will be Michigan’s excuse for firing their new coach if he doesn’t get the Wolverines’ program turned around FAST?

A formerly out-of-work Fremont, California man has opened “Your Coffee Cups,” Northern California’s first drive-thru coffee stand with bikini-clad baristas. Business is apparently going well enough that he’s considering expanding. Could this be the beginning of a new Silicone Valley?

Once again, the “you cannot make this stuff up department.” A U.S. Border Patrol agent was arrested today in San Diego. The charge, harboring his illegal immigrant father. (Who had been deported twice starting in 2007.) The father, for what it’s worth, escaped and remains at large.

The NFL players’ union says the league’s proposal for an 18 game season is just “unacceptable” and a “slap in the face.” Well, except for teams that might end up with those two extra games against the Carolina Panthers, the Denver Broncos or the NFC West.

Oregon coach Chip Kelly may not have won the national championship, but he might get the award for the most honest interview answer. When asked if he had any thoughts when he heard Andrew Luck was coming back, his response was “Yeah, I threw up, to be honest with you.”

Jim Harbaugh may not have gone to Michigan from Stanford because he felt the school’s academic standards for athletes were too low. But Les Miles may have turned down the Wolverines offer and remained at LSU because Michigan’s academic standards are too high.

MySpace announced they are laying off half their global staff. The news caught most Americans by surprise – MySpace still HAS a global staff?

Bill Littlejohn, after Boston Celtics center Shaquille O’Neal playfully shouted “Why? Why? Why?” after the NBA docked him $35,000 for criticizing officials: “Gee, did he get fined or get hit in the knee by Tonya Harding?”

And this inspired by a conversation with Littlejohn:   After interviewing with nine different teams over the years, Ron Riviera finally was named head coach, for the Carolina Panthers.  If this works out well, he hopes his next job will to be coach a professional team.

But really, nine interviews?  Riviera was becoming the Susan Lucci of the NFL.

Embarrassment of riches.

May 26, 2010

Dwayne Bowe, former first round draft pick, told ESPN the magazine that his rookie year the team “imported” a number of women they had met on social networking sites to stay at a San Diego hotel during a road trip. Well, it’s hard to believe it’s possible, but yes, he might end up a more embarassing first-round pick than JaMarcus Russell.

The University of Michigan decided to sanction itself in hopes of avoiding major NCAA penalties for its football problem. The sanctions include two years probation from bowl games. Well, considering that the Wolverines are 8-16 in two years under Rich Rodriguez… will anyone notice?

Michigan is afraid that the NCAA might impose even tougher sanctions – like requiring them to continue employing and paying Coach Rodriguez.

Phoenix tied up their NBA playoff series with the Lakers in large part because of great performances from their bench. And Kobe Bryant said, “What’s a bench?”

Okay, for all you San Francisco Giants fans who were in the pool for which Giant would score the first run since last Friday – who had Todd Wellemeyer?

(translation on the above, Wellemeyer is the Giants fifth starting pitcher, a long time journeyman who has only a handle of career hits. But he got one tonight on an 0-2 pitch and did indeed score.)

Vaughn Ward, a GOP congressional candidate in Idaho, had already fired his campaign manager after it was found he “borrowed” language from other Republican politicians. Now he gave a speech that at times was word for word the same as President Obama’s 2004 Democratic Convention keynote speech.

Rumor has it Ward was thinking of copying from Sarah Palin too, but he accidentally washed his hands first.

But come on, a word for word “borrowing” of phrases from one of the most famous speeches made by a now sitting president? Joe Biden has got to be thinking “Dude, at least I plagarised a British politician most Americans had never heard of.” (Neil Kinnock.)

Congrats to New York City, for landing the 2014 Super Bowl. The biggest potential problem… serious cold weather for an outdoor game. “No problem, I’m used to cold weather,” stated Brett Favre.

Attendees at a real estate conference complained about Sarah Palin’s speech and some said they didn’t even think she knew what “carried interest” was. Palin replied that of course she did – all the designer purses she has carried lately attract serious interest.

Nikki Haley, the Republican front runner to replace Governor Mark Sanford in South Carolina, is facing allegations of her own. Namely from a conservative blogger who claims the two had an affair several years ago.

If these allegations are true for the married family values candidate, it could be one small misstep for a woman, one giant leap in hypocrisy for womankind.

Longshot bets.

March 16, 2010

Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner had their first debate Monday night, in front of an organization of Republican donors who pay a $10,000 annual membership fee. Or as the GOP calls them “the middle class.”

David Beckham had successful tendon surgery which means there is a chance, a very slim chance, but a chance that the soccer star could play in the World Cup. English fans in particular just hope the 34 year old can still “Mend it like Beckham.”

“Spring forward, fall back.” Isn’t that how Cubs fans would describe their expectations for their team every year?

The last known wild wolverine in the state of Michigan was found dead this weekend, apparently of natural causes. Wonder if it’s related to the fact we don’t see Wolverines in the Rose Bowl any more either.

As healthcare reform inches closer to passage, and Limbaugh considers relocation, I can’t wait until Rush realizes one thing – Costa Rica has socialized healthcare.

There must be days when President Obama wonders if it could get any worse. On the constant bright side, however, is the fact that he didn’t choose John Edwards as his vice president.

You have to love Rielle Hunter, John Edward’s “baby mama.” She states in a GQ interview that Edwards’ decision to run for president in 2008 was “reckless.” Presumably as opposed to his decision to sleep with her “a few hours’ after they first met.

But okay, while you readers might be fillling out brackets… who would have bet on Bill and Hillary Clinton staying married longer than John and Elizabeth Edwards?

The Vatican is denying that its celibacy requirement is a root cause of the latest sex abuse scandal with priests in Europe. Sure, when a non-negotiable part of a job description is that you can never marry or even have a adult sexual relationship, there’s no chance that would attract men with….issues.

You think you had a bad Monday?

September 1, 2009

It could be worse in Minnesota.

How’d you like to be the guy at the Timberwolves who made the decision to choose Ricky Rubio with the number five pick in the NBA draft?

Or maybe the guy at the Vikings who decided to spend $25 million on Brett Favre now that he may have broken a few ribs.

Bad news for the Vikings if after spending $25 million on Favre he turns out to have been injured. Good news, the bills should be covered by Medicare.

Many people disdain politics because they say campaigning is all feel-good promises and meaningless performances that end up having little to do with reality. So how come so many of those same folks are so excited about pre-season football??

So the University of Michigan is being investigated for allegations that players spent more than 20 hours a week on football during the season. I think the question on those charges is not so much, “is Michigan guilty? as “is there a top Division 1 football program that is innocent?”

In Michigan’s defense to the NCAA, they are saying “Come on, if we really spent that much time at practice, do you think we would have ended up with a 3-9 season?”

A new TSA program will require passengers to give their full legal name AND date of birth when booking airline tickets. You know what that means? – A whole lot more Hollywood actresses on Amtrak.

The SF Giants are hoping the old axiom is true. See a Penny, pick it up, all year long you’ll have good luck.

Personally, what I would really like if the Giants are going to pick up an aging former star, is that they hire Rickey Henderson for a coaching session on how to actually work a count.

For any Canadian readers…

Well, it’s that time of year in some cities, like Washington DC and Pittsburgh, where frustrated baseball fans are relieved to turn to football. Then there’s Toronto. Well there’s always hockey. Hmm, how about those winter Olympics?

(a short note of explanation, the Toronto Argonauts are currently in last place in the Canadian Football League. As to the Leafs, think Cubs. With skates.)