Posted tagged ‘Sound of Music jokes’

A cold day in h*ll, or in New Jersey?

December 9, 2013

This just keeps getting better. To avoid congestion and due to limited parking, even fans with tickets that cost thousands will not be able to hire taxis or limos for the Super Bowl. There will be fewer than 13,000 parking places, but other than that the 80.000 ticket holders will have to use a “Fan Express” bus, or N.J. Transit. No drop-offs by private vehicles will be allowed.


Bad weather across the U.S. has closed businesses and forced the cancellation of many flights. The worst thing in D.C., however, was that it didn’t cancel yesterday’s Redskins game.


A 24 year old Georgia woman said that she and a guy she was casually dating are now a serious couple after he accidentally shot her in the leg last month with a hunting rifle, and he has even moved in to take care of her. How sweet. If they end up planning a wedding will the lovebirds invite Dick Cheney?

South Carolina DE end Jadeveon Clowney was pulled over yesterday in a Chrysler 300 near Columbia and ticketed for going 110 mph in a 70 mph zone. The fine may be dwarfed by the endorsement Clowney he gets from Chrysler – — you can go 110mph in one of their cars?


Christmas cheer for the 49 states that aren’t Texas. On the ninth day of December my true love gave to me…. 11 #Cowboys sucking….


Eleanor Parker, who played the baroness in the “The Sound of Music” movie has died at 91. Let’s hope that NBC live special didn’t kill her.

Candlestick Park is offering fans a chance to buy a pair of their plastic seats (for $749!) before the stadium is torn down after this season. Of course to get the full experience, will they sell the seats with cushions made of ice packs?

The SF 49ers won’t be on MNF next year because of parking issues in Santa Clara at their new Levi’s stadium, which is surrounded by local businesses so won’t have parking on weekdays. Bodes well for the Cal-Oregon game scheduled for 2014 at the stadium…on October 24, a Friday night?!

Oh the horror. Some local papers (and the coach) bemoaning how San Jose State was a bubble team that was shut out of a bowl. The Spartans are a fun team with a very good QB (David Fales). But they were 6-6.

Washington coach Mike Shanahan says he might sit RGIII for the team’s 3 remaining games. Except that without their star QB the Redskins might unwatchable…. Oops. Never mind.


Britney Spears told an interviewer she would “I would really like to have another baby, a girl,” because then “I’m not going to feel as alone in the world anymore.” Right.   Britney and her sister Jamie were so every mom’s dream in their late teens and early 20s.

Richard Sherman thinks the SF 49ers only won yesterday because of “questionable calls” by the officials. “We expected to blow them out, but they got the benefit of a few calls tonight throughout the game and that helps you, especially on third down.” Well, this ought to do wonders for the Seahawks’ reputation for being less than good sports.

Former San Diego Mayor Bob Filner was sentenced today to three month’s home confinement and three years probation. The judge also specified the Filner “may not seek or hold elective office during the term of his probation.” So otherwise voters might be stupid enough to elect him again?



Perfect fit?

December 7, 2013

Notre Dame, 8-4, has accepted an offer to play in the Pinstripe Bowl. So Yankee Stadium will end up hosting a big name, big money team with a national reputation that has underachieved this year. Local fans should feel right at home.



Urban Meyer says he has decided not to start Marcus Hall after he was ejected from the Michigan game and flipped off the crowd. And the OSU coach said he was “very, very disappointed” in Hall’s actions. So over-under on how many plays the offensive lineman will miss?



Sorry Northern Illinois. But you really shouldn’t be in a BCS bowl when you lose big to a school whose initials aren’t even recognizable on the ESPN feed.   (BGSU  — Bowling Green State University.)


In the midst of all of the doom and gloom stories on the news, finally some good news for millions of Americans: “Family Guy”s Brian the dog is reportedly coming back from the dead.

The U.S got Ghana, Portugal and Germany in their World Cup group draw. Which means that Americans who only pay attention to soccer every few years will probably be able to get back to ignoring the sport sooner..

Will any country who doesn’t think they are in a World Cup “Group of Death” please stand up.

The Texas have fired coach Gary Kubiak after an 11-game losing streak. Well, based on Houston’s level of play in 2013 maybe Kubiak can get a short-term minor bowl gig with one of these college teams whose coaches have moved on?

Michael Mina is going to open a bar-restaurant at the new SF 49ers stadium. Makes sense. Because when you’ve paid $1000 for a pair of tickets, that $30 glass of Cabernet is going to seem like a bargain.

Journey’s Neal Schon will marry DC ‘Real Housewife’ and White House party-crasher Michaele Salahi Dec. 15 in San Francisco on Pay-Per-View. His fifth marriage, her second. Sounds perfect for all those who find “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” just a bit too intellectual.

Robinson Cano to the Mariners $240 million. With the added bonus of no playoff pressure.

(My friend Marty Burtwell thinks he’ll be stranded on base so often he should change his name to Robinson Crusoe.)

Apparently there were no fatalities but 15 people were injured when an elderly woman drove her car into a Long Island, NY Trader Joe’s this afternoon. Hoping everyone recovers quickly, and if she hit any wine that it was only “Two-Buck Chuck.”

A friend wanted to know why I didn’t make any Carlos Beltran Yankees age jokes tonight. Simple. Compared to Derek Jeter Carlos is a mere child.

Convicted wife-killer Martin MacNeill unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide in his Utah cell. It’s a real shame that some of these a**holes who are into murder-suicide don’t reverse the order of their attempts.

Whatever you thought of “the Sound of Music Live”, got to give Carrie Underwood props for guts, and making more headlines than most entertainers make without getting arrested.

Got a bit confused with the Sound of Music too. I don’t remember Captain von Trapp marrying Heidi.

This is getting to be like a limbo dance – how low can they go? Rick Santorum: “Nelson Mandela stood up against a great injustice.” And then he compared Mandela’s struggle to the GOP fight against “great injustice going on right now in this country, with an ever-increasing size of government that is taking over and controlling people’s lives. And Obamacare is front and center in that.”