Posted tagged ‘Grammys jokes’

Happy pitchers and catchers report day

February 12, 2017

The REAL sign of Spring.

Meanwhile….

Once again, those Grammys moments when you not only aren’t a fan of the winners, but you have no idea who some of them are.

 

Question of the day from the younger generation “What the heck is a ‘record’?” #GRAMMYs

Spurs were upset this afternoon by the Knicks at Madison Square Garden.  But to be fair, it’s hard to focus on basketball when you visit the circus.

 

Bill Littlejohn wonders if we can call the latest Knicks drama “Oakley’s Believe it or Not?”

 

Wonder how many Americans who talk about throwing all the undocumented workers out and only buying “Made in America” are okay with $10 strawberries and $1000 phones. For starters.

 

Kellyanne Conway says she apologized to Trump after saying “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff.” Because she should have said “Go buy other Trump stuff too?”

I’ll believe Trump’s immigration reform isn’t racist when we start seeing #ICERaids on pubs frequented by English and Irish ex-pats.

So would Trump care to explain how he’s going to build his wall under budget without foreign materials & immigrant labor?

 

So Trump apparently took the call about North Korea’s missile launch on a mobile phone during dinner in the main Mar-a-Lago dining room. Hope as far as national security Trump is practicing extreme vetting in hiring waiters and busboys.

Mark Cuban to CEO’s-. “Do what you think is right. “Be an American citizen first. In the bigger scheme of things, our country benefits from peaceful activism a lot more than it benefits from one more shoe being sold, or one more basketball ticket being sold, for that matter.”
And now he’s is a Trump Twitter target.
Who’d a thunk it, Mark Cuban as the voice of reason?

As an admitted Obama Girl since 2007, I do admit, Barack never did as good a job as Trump in making @SNL must-watch TV.

 

 

Last night’s @SNL ratings were the highest in 6 years. #MakeSNLGreatAgain.

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Sing it.

February 16, 2016

Not sure what makes me feel older at Grammys, the “in memoriams” or all these major acts I have never heard of.

 

You know it’s bad when the ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ halftime show had better audio than the ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬

 

#‎Hamilton‬ wins Grammy for best musical theater album. Good for them. but this could really make tickets hard to get.

#‎TaylorSwift‬‘s “Out of the Woods” was received so well at tonight’s ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ she’ll need to find a new boyfriend to break up with to top it.

For all those who say that Peyton Manning is getting a pass from the media over his past sexual assault allegation because he is white, I give you the adulation also now given at the end of his career to Kobe Bryant.

 

Dylan McCaffrey, a QB and the younger brother of Christian, has committed to Michigan. Good for Jim Harbaugh. But an important note – Stanford didn’t make him an offer.

Sign of the apocalypse? USA today is projecting the ‪#‎Cubs‬ to win 101 games.#

Anyone but me want to see ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ & ‪#‎KanyeWest‬ try to get together and see if their egos will fit in the same room?

Hoping those folks who claimed to be offended by Beyonce at ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ are listening to ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ tonight with picture off. #seriouslyskimpyclothing

Kanye West says he’s $53 million in debt. If true “I feel so sorry for him,” said nobody.

So if Kanye West’s really $53 million in debt will he declare bankruptcy? If so, maybe that will be the first step for Kanye to show he’s serious about running for President.

Who says Californians don’t have weather problems in February? Why, after leaving my car in a shopping center parking lot today for an hour I had to turn the fan on driving home to cool it down….

So Antonin Scalia was reportedly found with a pillow over his head, but looking “peaceful” and his family waived an autopsy. ‪#‎BlameObama‬ conspiracy theories in 3-2-1…..

 

Jeb Bush is taking some grief for having his brother campaign for him in South Carolina. But after watching recent GOP debates, have to figure a lot of Americans are thinking W. doesn’t look so bad by comparison. ‪#‎maybedumbbutnotbatshitcrazy‬

Got to love targeted advertising. Clicked on a story about major Comcast outages across the country, and then almost immediately got a Yahoo ad to switch to Comcast.

Even Anthony Weiner is beginning to think that ‪#‎EliotSpitzer‬ has serious issues with women.

Marco Rubio’s latest ad referenced Reagan’s 1984 “Morning in America” ad. Except the footage was from…. Vancouver! Is Rubio trying to be Ted Cruz’s running mate?

Apparently the Democrats don’t want to debate on Fox News. I don’t know. Seems like a fine opportunity for both Hillary and Bernie to show they’re tough enough to stand up to Megyn Kelly.

Worse than a Christmas sweater?

January 27, 2014

Image

The NFL, never to concede the limelight to anyone,  might have eclipsed Oregon for ugly uniforms with this year’s Pro Bowl neon orange-white and grey-puke green outfits.  And they were an embroidered sweater top away from making the U.S. Olympic team look good by comparison.

So when it comes to “how desperate do you have to be to watch?,  it was a close call tonight. The NFL Pro Bowl?    Or “The Bachelor’s Live Wedding?”

Many Americans think the Golden Globes are the most fun awards show to watch, because so many of the stars range from a bit buzzed to drunk. Hmm, maybe an idea really to spice up the NFL Pro Bowl. – pre-game Mai Tais for all!

Pope Francis yesterday lauded women for their sensitivity toward society’s “weak.” Wonder if by “weak” he meant men?

NY Knicks played the LA Lakers today. And the game was about as relevant as the NFL Pro Bowl. #howthemightyhavefallen

Pam Dawber (Mindy) will reunite with Robin Williams (Mork) when she guest stars this spring on the “The Crazy Ones”, Williams’ new sitcom. Of course, things have changed a bit in 32 years…. wonder if Robin might drop a Mork ad-lib, like “You punks get off my planet.”

You know you’re getting older when… it’s not that you know you don’t like most of the acts up for Grammy awards, you just have no idea who many of them are….

And yeah, “Daft Punk”  winner at the Grammys. Apparently it’s a noun not an adjective.

From Gary Bachman:  “A couple robots won a Grammy. First major entertainment award for a robot since Al Gore won an Oscar.”

American Hustle has 10 Academy Award nominations. Thinking anyone who has seen the movie might agree with me that it should win “Costume Design” just for the miraculous use of tape. Specifically on Amy Adams’ dresses.

Rand Paul said today that Bill Clinton’s past “predatory” sexual behavior should receive more attention if Hillary runs in 2016. Looks like we’re headed for another of those “issues-oriented” campaigns that makes politics so beloved to average Americans….

The outdoor NHL game at Yankee Stadium today was delayed by “glare on the ice.” Yet another potential wrinkle for next week’s Super Bowl?

And as we approach Super Bowl Media Week, the Richard Sherman show continues  – with Sherman’s statement “I want people to understand that everybody should be judged by their character, and who they are as a person, and not by the color of their skin.” Agreed on all counts.

But step 1. No matter what the color of your skin, your character will be judged better if you’re a gracious winner.

And the winner is?

February 10, 2013

You know you’re getting old when, it’s not that you don’t like the music on the Grammy awards, it’s that you have no idea who some of the acts are.

Singer Chris Brown says paparazzi caused him to crash his car into a wall in Beverly Hills Saturday night. Wonder how long it will be before Brown denies hitting the wall.

459,000 people are without power after Nemo. 459,040 when the NY Mets set their active roster after Spring Training.

Nemo snow total in Central Park – 11 inches. Otherwise known as a Subway Foot.

Northwestern has announced they will play 5 football games over the next several years at Wrigley Field. Said coach Pat Fitzgerald, “I don’t think anyone has ever had a bad day at Wrigley Field.” He clearly forgot about the guys wearing Cubs uniforms.

On Friday, USC fired their football offensive coordinator. Because nothing, ever is Lane Kiffin’s fault.

Tiger Woods has apparently been spending a lot of time with Lindsey Vonn since her skiing accident. Makes sense for Tiger, since Vonn is on crutches, there’s zero chance if it goes south that she can wield a golf club.

The Boston Red Sox announced that outfield prospect Bryce Brentz accidentally shot himself in the leg last month. The NRA immediately called for legs to be armed.

Ann Coulter is angry at PBS’s Mark Shields for calling her “The Marie Antoinette of the Conservative press corps.” She’s right. Shields should have called her their Louis XVI.

There is now a $1 million bounty on fugitive ex-LA cop Charles Dorner. Thinking if you’re a large African-American man in Big Bear might be a good time to take a week away.

Lindsey Graham said today he’ll block Obama’s nominees for Defense Secretary and CIA director if the White House doesn’t provide more information about Benghazi. Where was Graham’s outrage over, for example, the alleged WMDs?

Los Angeles Lakers vs. Miami Heat Sunday.   ABC could have probably gotten even more viewers if NBA basketball games had the possible outcome of both teams losing.

Former V.P Dick Cheney that President Barack Obama has jeopardized U.S. national security by nominating substandard candidates for key cabinet posts. I guess Cheney is still bitter that we’re not in the second term of a McCain-Palin administration.

Three people died in a helicopter crash near Los Angeles while filming a reality show. Many Americans upon hearing the news had two reactions. 1. How horrible. 2. If it had to happen shame it wasn’t during a date on “The Bachelor.”

Getting what you pay for?

February 8, 2013

As another blizzard bears down upon the East Coast, after dumping snow and ice on the Midwest, those high California tax rates are looking more and more like a bargain.

Some might be surprised that Monopoly chose to add a cat token. But the Humane Society did note that 33% of U.S. households own at least one cat. Though they have said “are owned BY at least one cat.”

Kobe Bryant, talking about Dwight Howard, says he should play with pain. As opposed to Bryant’s longtime Laker teammates who have played with a pain.

Dwight Howard is firing back at teammates who say he should be playing. The Lakers center said before tonight that just as soon as his shoulder has healed he will be back on the court, regularly, and once again demanding a trade.

After Dwight Howard returned for tonight’s Lakers-Celtics game,  which Boston won 116-95,  wonder if Kobe Bryant will tell Howard to relax and take more time off.

For 5 weeks in a row, the #1 team in college basketball has lost. This title is getting to be as short-lived as #3 in Al-Qaeda.

Chris Christie told the White House doctor who expressed concern about his weight to “shut up.” If not, the N.J. governor may threaten to sit on her.

The Oakland Raiders are putting a tarp over “Mt. Davis,” the stadium section which destroyed views for As fans when it was built when the football team returned from L.A. A tarp?! Really!? Wouldn’t it be more effective to use dynamite?

The Grammys have sent out a memo for stars and performers asking that “buttocks and female breasts” be “adequately covered…Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.” That crash you heard was ratings for potential straight male viewers.

Kristin Cavallari, who is engaged to Jay Cutler, said the Bears QB proposed to her via text message. Well, that ought to do wonders for Cutler’s 4th place finish in the “most disliked” athlete poll.

You can’t make this *stuff” up dept: The Rockies’ Todd Helton, who signed a $141.50 million contract in 2001, was arrested for DUI this weekend. According to police, Helton was arrested at a gas station, where he had gone to buy….lottery tickets.

The times, they are a changin’…. Quote from Curt Schilling, a conservative who’s supported GOP candidate and toyed with running for Senate: “I’ve never understood this ‘issue’ with gay players? Who cares? I know I played with some, their sexual orientation never had much to to do with how they hit with RISP, or pitched in late & close situations, why the hell would what they do in the bedroom ever matter?”

So with the latest allegations out of Florida, maybe fantasy baseball leagues should add a bonus category – first major leaguer to be suspended in 2013 for PEDs?  And readers, feel free to put your guess in comments – no prizes – just bragging rights:

“Unimaginable?”

February 13, 2012

One statement released about Whitney Houston’s death said it was “Unimaginable.” “Sad”, yes, “a terrible waste”, yes, “horrible for her daughter”, yes. But “unimaginable?” Not exactly. Maybe not even completely “unexpected.” (Are you paying attention, Lindsay Lohan?)

Though questions remain about Whitney Houston’s death, the sad truth is that the person she probably needed a bodyguard from was herself.


Bus to hell time. So wonder what Whitney Houston was drinking at the time of her death? Bathtub gin?

Wonder if all those big post Grammy parties and champagne that friends of Rihanna suggested to Chris Brown that he go home and take a nice long bath?

Okay, I get celebrity watching, even extending to funerals. But all these non-media folks lined up with phones and camera phones outside the Beverly Hills Hotel jostling to get a shot of the coroner’s van with Whitney Houston’s body?

Not exactly a picture you’d print for your mantel.

A little irony, Jennifer Hudson was eliminated on American Idol during Barry Manilow week. But the week before, she wowed everyone on movie soundtrack week with “I have nothing,” from “The Bodyguard.

How quickly things change. The Sunday newspaper talked about the big story at the Grammys tonight being the singing comeback of Adele.

Why the Academy Awards always has it over the Grammys. The Oscar telecast is LIVE. Come on folks – those of us on the West Coast can handle a show starting on television late Saturday afternoon. We just managed the Super Bowl.

Warriors vs. Rockets Sunday night. Otherwise known as the “We scr*wed up on Jeremy Lin” matchup.

Republican infighting reaches new heights with even Ron Paul going after Romney and accusing him of cheating in the Maine caucuses. (Santorum and Gingrich were already in full attack mode.) It appears to be bitter, personal and unending. Who does the GOP think they are? Democrats?

Got to love TSA. Today at the airport my carry on bag seemed a bit wide to one agent. Said I couldn’t bring it through security. Asked if I had a sweater or jacket inside? Had a sweater. Told me to take it out and carry it. Now we were good. Felt so much safer…. Sigh.


Did someone forget to tell Phil Mickelson that Tiger Woods was supposed to be today’s golf story?

The Yankees are reported in talks with the Pirates to move A.J. Burnett. The trade would no doubt require NY to eat some of his $35 million salary for the next two years. This passes for baseball equality these days, the rich get a little less rich, and the poor get stuck with players like Burnett.

Beach Boys 50 year reunion. Yeah, they’ve still got it, even if those “Good Vibrations’ might now be from their overheated hearing aids.

Not to say Beach Boys aren’t as active as they used to be. But hear one song on their reunion tour will be “Channel Surfing USA.”

Going Gaga.

February 13, 2011

So after the Grammys will Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” album be retitled “Hatched this Way?”

And some of these acts must be making the younger generation of viewers think –  they’re called the Grammys because only your Grammy has heard of some of these acts.

Since when did part of the purpose of the Grammys become making whatever stars wear to the Oscars look good?

So if the Grammys are really a huge national event and championship for the music industry, how come no one sang the National Anthem?

On the other hand, maybe the music industry wanted a night where no one forgot the words.

Tiger Woods shot a 75 and ended up 20th in Dubai. Who won? Yeah, I don’t care either.

John Boehner says the facts say President Obama is a Christian and a citizen. But he added that “it’s not not my job to tell the American people what to think.” Actually, these days, the GOP seems to prefer that people NOT think.

Tonight’s Washington Wizards game against the Cavaliers in Cleveland:. The perfect appetizer for all those who couldn’t wait for the March Madness play-in game.’

Well Cleveland Cavaliers fans, that winning streak was great while it lasted.

Another sorry sidelight to the Christopher Lee  – aka the Craiglist Congressman – saga.  The guy was vain enough to lie about his age by seven years (said he was 39 instead of 46), but still stupid enough to use his real name?

For anyone dreading Valentine’s day, as my friend Dan McCarthy points out, it is only one more day until “Cheap Candy Day.” 

(And okay, February 15 is maybe not quite as good as November 1,but the cheap stuff on the 15th is prettier.)

And commie-pinko time:   Okay, while they say their top priority is eliminating abortions, the GOP wants to cut about $750 million from the “Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants & Children” (WIC). So can someone explain to me how you can be “pro-life” but anti-feeding pregnant mothers, and the kids once they’re born?