Posted tagged ‘Kobe Bryant jokes’

Sing it.

February 16, 2016

Not sure what makes me feel older at Grammys, the “in memoriams” or all these major acts I have never heard of.

 

You know it’s bad when the ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ halftime show had better audio than the ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬

 

#‎Hamilton‬ wins Grammy for best musical theater album. Good for them. but this could really make tickets hard to get.

#‎TaylorSwift‬‘s “Out of the Woods” was received so well at tonight’s ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ she’ll need to find a new boyfriend to break up with to top it.

For all those who say that Peyton Manning is getting a pass from the media over his past sexual assault allegation because he is white, I give you the adulation also now given at the end of his career to Kobe Bryant.

 

Dylan McCaffrey, a QB and the younger brother of Christian, has committed to Michigan. Good for Jim Harbaugh. But an important note – Stanford didn’t make him an offer.

Sign of the apocalypse? USA today is projecting the ‪#‎Cubs‬ to win 101 games.#

Anyone but me want to see ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ & ‪#‎KanyeWest‬ try to get together and see if their egos will fit in the same room?

Hoping those folks who claimed to be offended by Beyonce at ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ are listening to ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ tonight with picture off. #seriouslyskimpyclothing

Kanye West says he’s $53 million in debt. If true “I feel so sorry for him,” said nobody.

So if Kanye West’s really $53 million in debt will he declare bankruptcy? If so, maybe that will be the first step for Kanye to show he’s serious about running for President.

Who says Californians don’t have weather problems in February? Why, after leaving my car in a shopping center parking lot today for an hour I had to turn the fan on driving home to cool it down….

So Antonin Scalia was reportedly found with a pillow over his head, but looking “peaceful” and his family waived an autopsy. ‪#‎BlameObama‬ conspiracy theories in 3-2-1…..

 

Jeb Bush is taking some grief for having his brother campaign for him in South Carolina. But after watching recent GOP debates, have to figure a lot of Americans are thinking W. doesn’t look so bad by comparison. ‪#‎maybedumbbutnotbatshitcrazy‬

Got to love targeted advertising. Clicked on a story about major Comcast outages across the country, and then almost immediately got a Yahoo ad to switch to Comcast.

Even Anthony Weiner is beginning to think that ‪#‎EliotSpitzer‬ has serious issues with women.

Marco Rubio’s latest ad referenced Reagan’s 1984 “Morning in America” ad. Except the footage was from…. Vancouver! Is Rubio trying to be Ted Cruz’s running mate?

Apparently the Democrats don’t want to debate on Fox News. I don’t know. Seems like a fine opportunity for both Hillary and Bernie to show they’re tough enough to stand up to Megyn Kelly.

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All about love

February 15, 2016

The best Valentine’s Day present for many of us is the realization that pitchers and catchers report this week. ‪#‎SpringTraining‬ ‪#‎MLB‬

 

Watching the NBA All Star game had to wonder   –  Does Kobe Bryant have a fatal disease or something?

NBA All Star Game is over. So ‪#‎NBA‬ fans who enjoy games with no defense will just have to go back to watching the ‪#‎Lakers‬

There actually was a spread on the NBA  All Star Game. And if you know what it is, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.

Since the slam-dunk and 3-point shooting contests are so popular with viewers, maybe here’s a solution to the Pro Bowl: forget the game, and just get the top players together for some skills contests. And maybe the No Fun League for one day could let players come up with their “best touchdown celebration.”

Denver Broncos safety Shiloh Keo was busted for DUI in Idaho, making him the third NFL player to be arrested this year. Once again, the league is proving they can keep making headlines in the offseason.

A T & T winner Vaughn Taylor made the field Monday in  Pebble Beach as an alternate. Put that in a movie & critics would say it wasn’t realistic.

And Taylor certainly “needed” it more than Mickelson.  But Lefty at 45 remains one of the most entertaining (and beloved) golfers of our time.

New SF Giants outfielder Denard Span told an interviewer in 2013 that he was afraid of birds and fish. “You know, I’m okay with someone throwing a fastball at my head But a bird flies at my head, I’m more terrified.”. Which could present interesting challenges for Bruce Bochy in the late innings at AT&T park. ‪#‎gullpower‬

 

As Ted Cruz continues to insist he will filibuster anyone Obama nominates to the Supreme Court, has it occurred to him that our cerebral and thoughtful President, himself a former law school professor, might pick someone Cruz would like a lot better than, not even a possible President Sanders or Clinton, but a President Trump?

If these GOP candidates really want to prove how much they love the 2nd amendment, why don’t they agree all to be armed for the next debate? ‪#‎mustseeTV‬

 

A 45 minute lockdown at Arkansas State University was lifted after ‘gunmen’ on campus turned out to be student actors filming a video. Once again Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Neal makes an potentially fun  point,

Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. …

“Too bad she didn’t get a selfie with the candidate.”

Getting what you pay for?

February 8, 2013

As another blizzard bears down upon the East Coast, after dumping snow and ice on the Midwest, those high California tax rates are looking more and more like a bargain.

Some might be surprised that Monopoly chose to add a cat token. But the Humane Society did note that 33% of U.S. households own at least one cat. Though they have said “are owned BY at least one cat.”

Kobe Bryant, talking about Dwight Howard, says he should play with pain. As opposed to Bryant’s longtime Laker teammates who have played with a pain.

Dwight Howard is firing back at teammates who say he should be playing. The Lakers center said before tonight that just as soon as his shoulder has healed he will be back on the court, regularly, and once again demanding a trade.

After Dwight Howard returned for tonight’s Lakers-Celtics game,  which Boston won 116-95,  wonder if Kobe Bryant will tell Howard to relax and take more time off.

For 5 weeks in a row, the #1 team in college basketball has lost. This title is getting to be as short-lived as #3 in Al-Qaeda.

Chris Christie told the White House doctor who expressed concern about his weight to “shut up.” If not, the N.J. governor may threaten to sit on her.

The Oakland Raiders are putting a tarp over “Mt. Davis,” the stadium section which destroyed views for As fans when it was built when the football team returned from L.A. A tarp?! Really!? Wouldn’t it be more effective to use dynamite?

The Grammys have sent out a memo for stars and performers asking that “buttocks and female breasts” be “adequately covered…Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.” That crash you heard was ratings for potential straight male viewers.

Kristin Cavallari, who is engaged to Jay Cutler, said the Bears QB proposed to her via text message. Well, that ought to do wonders for Cutler’s 4th place finish in the “most disliked” athlete poll.

You can’t make this *stuff” up dept: The Rockies’ Todd Helton, who signed a $141.50 million contract in 2001, was arrested for DUI this weekend. According to police, Helton was arrested at a gas station, where he had gone to buy….lottery tickets.

The times, they are a changin’…. Quote from Curt Schilling, a conservative who’s supported GOP candidate and toyed with running for Senate: “I’ve never understood this ‘issue’ with gay players? Who cares? I know I played with some, their sexual orientation never had much to to do with how they hit with RISP, or pitched in late & close situations, why the hell would what they do in the bedroom ever matter?”

So with the latest allegations out of Florida, maybe fantasy baseball leagues should add a bonus category – first major leaguer to be suspended in 2013 for PEDs?  And readers, feel free to put your guess in comments – no prizes – just bragging rights:

The rings are the thing?

August 16, 2012

 

An upcoming NY Magazine article apparently features this quote from Kobe Bryant’s wife Vanessa: “I certainly would not want to be married to somebody that can’t win championships. If you’re sacrificing time away from my family and myself for the benefit of winning championships, then winning a championship should happen every single year.” Sounds like a couple who really deserves each other.

 

Vanessa Bryant also apparently has had some work done,but she denies it was because of Kobe. Might be true, Vanessa could be hoping to trade up to more (and more frequent) rings..

 

Arizona, bidding to take the “crazy” lead from Florida,  with an assist from Ohio:. State Sen. Lori Klein invited Ohio congressional candidate Samuel Wurzelbacher (“Joe the Plumber”) to speak at her fundraiser. Where he said the government  should “put a damn fence on the border going with Mexico and start shooting.

 

 

This year’s deficit, over $1.3 trillion. Mitt Romney says he will cut the $444 million a year the government spends on the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which includes local stations and PBS. So I guess now “C is for Cookie Crumbs.”

 

“To circumvent (baseball’s PED) test is like taking candy from a baby. It’s easy to circumvent. I call it the ‘duck-and-dodge’ system. The only people that get caught are the dumb, and the dumber.” Victor Conte, quoted in USA Today.

 

Was at PNC Park in Pittsburgh today,  they introduce LA Dodgers lineup and no one even boos. What is with these people?

(and no, Todd Harris, it is NOT because the Dodgers are beloved.)

 

Sometimes a headline says all you need to know, like this one from Sfgate.com: “Girl who appeared on NBC’s Today after a ruckus over a flirty yearbook photo behaves badly at mother-daughter kegger.”

 

Over 100 FedEx workers were treated for exposure after a forklift accidentally punctured a barrel of concentrated chili peppers used to make pepper spray. Yikes. Let’s hope TSA doesn’t start categorizing Tabasco as a prohibited substance.

 

 

 

From T.C. in B.C.  – Canada achieved just 1 gold medal this Olympics.  Good news is there’s a Ontario Great Lakes Org attempting to get “Polluted Beach Volleyball” added to the 2016 events.

I don’t know, T.C. what about Beach Curling?

 

 

 

 

and a short op-ed from my friend Todd Harris, who is right about many things if not his baseball team.

 

“So the Dow is steadily over 13,000 for the first time in about four years. The housing market (at least in California) is rebounding. Unemployment is inching down. We have a system in place for health care for everyone. The auto industry has been restored and banks (deservedly or not) have been saved. The wars that were burning us four years ago are ramping down. And we have a smart, caring, relatable, and steady guy at the helm who respects the rights of everyone, particularly women and minorities. Oh, and he’s for renewable energy and affordable education for all. And we should trade this out because?”

 

 

 

Authenticity.

June 14, 2012

London’s Olympic Opening Ceremony is so about giving visitors an authentic English experience that it will feature artificial clouds that can actually make rain. Wonder if volunteers will also sport blacked out teeth.

I know it’s “innocent until proven guilty.” But this Sandusky case definitely makes me want to make a “Mercy rule” exception – as in “We’ve heard enough and the victims don’t have to keep talking about it.”.) –

The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency is now bringing doping charges against Lance Armstrong, threatening to strip his Tour de France victories. Well, guess they’ve got to do something now that the Roger Clemens trial is almost over.

Madonna is still dealing with controversy after she  exposed a nipple during an Istanbul concert. In the “Material Girl’s” defense, she had asked for the cameras and lights only to be trained on her from the waist up.

Federal prosecutors have decided not to retry John Edwards after his first trial ended in a hung jury. This will save taxpayer $$$, and besides, prosecutors figure that John’s having to deal with “baby mama” Rielle Hunter for the rest of his life is punishment enough.

A London hotel advertisement talks about “London’s sporting spectacular” this summer. “Sporting spectacular?” Sounds like the Olympics keep the same tight legal control of their name as the Super Bowl. (In the U.S., most ads have to talk about the “Big Game” or something.)

Get out the violins. Boxer Floyd Mayweather already had his 3 month sentence for domestic violence postponed so he could fight on May 5. Now his lawyer wants the sentence changed to house arrest, because Floyd’s “boxing career is in jeopardy… Along with being subjected to the poor prison food, he is getting out of shape.”

Kobe and Vanessa Bryant’s divorce has been put on hold. Wonder how many million reasons Kobe gave her to stay together? –

Bristol Palin’s latest realty show, “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp,” debuts next week. And Bristol says it will show America she’s just “grounded, normal mom.” Of course, don’t most normal teen moms do a series of television shows?

Wonder before tonight what would have been the longer odds in Las Vegas. On Matt Cain throwing a perfect game, or on the SF Giants scoring 10 runs?

(In all seriousness,  before Tuesday night,  SF Giants had hit seven home runs at home in 2012. They hit five in the last two days.)

Kobe locked out?

December 18, 2011

In Vanessa Bryant’s statement that she and Kobe are divorcing, she asks for “privacy during this difficult time.” Not that I wish the woman any harm, but if she wanted privacy, she should have married someone other than Kobe Bryant.

Wonder what happened between the Bryants? Did the lockout dent Kobe’s jewelry budget?


There are rumors that the Lakers’ star’s infidelities just got to be too much. Who’d a thunk Kobe would get in trouble for too many passes.

The Des Moines Register, a paper that endorsed John McCain in 2008, has given a reserved endorsement this year to Mitt Romney. The musical background to this endorsement, presumably, “Making the Best of a Bad Situation,” or “Love the One You’re With.”

(or as my friend Melodi says “Clowns on the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, “Stuck in the Middle with You!”)

Mitt Romney said of Congress that “It’s hard to expect a bunch of kitty cats to all come together and march in lock step. The only way to herd cats is to have a leader.” Cats following ANY leader? Sounds like the man who drove on vacation with the family dog strapped to the roof of his car knows as much about felines as he does about canines.

Newt Gingrich acknowledged in Iowa that his GOP rivals’ attacks have taken a toll on his campaign. Newt says he hasn’t heard vitriol like this since he divorced his last two wives.

The Gildan New Mexico Bowl between Temple and Wyoming Saturday was the first of 35 bowls this year. If you watch all of them, heck, if you can NAME all of them, you might need a life”

.

The Rose Bowl promotes itself as the “Grandaddy of all Bowls.” If true, does that make the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl and Advocare 100 Independence Bowl two of the “Weird Cousins of all Bowls?

Anyone know who won Saturday’s bowl games? Me neither.


From T.C. One of these things is not like the other…..

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Beef O’Brady Bowl, Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, Chick Fil-A Bowl, The Outback Bowl, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, The Fight Hunger Bowl.

Apparently the Playboy issue featuring Lindsay Lohan isn’t selling very well. Makes sense, most Americans, men included, think they’ve seen too much of Lindsay already.

Some say it will be difficult to convict Penn State officials of anything, since perjury is so hard to prove. Well, if the government can spend millions to convict an athlete for misleading statements about how he played a game, they can sure get these b*stards.

Penn State Police have reported they were called to investigate a locker room fight between quarterback Matt McGloin and receiver Curtis Drake. Shocking! Penn State Police know where the locker room is?