Posted tagged ‘Kobe Bryant divorce jokes’

Kobe locked out?

December 18, 2011

In Vanessa Bryant’s statement that she and Kobe are divorcing, she asks for “privacy during this difficult time.” Not that I wish the woman any harm, but if she wanted privacy, she should have married someone other than Kobe Bryant.

Wonder what happened between the Bryants? Did the lockout dent Kobe’s jewelry budget?

There are rumors that the Lakers’ star’s infidelities just got to be too much. Who’d a thunk Kobe would get in trouble for too many passes.

The Des Moines Register, a paper that endorsed John McCain in 2008, has given a reserved endorsement this year to Mitt Romney. The musical background to this endorsement, presumably, “Making the Best of a Bad Situation,” or “Love the One You’re With.”

(or as my friend Melodi says “Clowns on the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, “Stuck in the Middle with You!”)

Mitt Romney said of Congress that “It’s hard to expect a bunch of kitty cats to all come together and march in lock step. The only way to herd cats is to have a leader.” Cats following ANY leader? Sounds like the man who drove on vacation with the family dog strapped to the roof of his car knows as much about felines as he does about canines.

Newt Gingrich acknowledged in Iowa that his GOP rivals’ attacks have taken a toll on his campaign. Newt says he hasn’t heard vitriol like this since he divorced his last two wives.

The Gildan New Mexico Bowl between Temple and Wyoming Saturday was the first of 35 bowls this year. If you watch all of them, heck, if you can NAME all of them, you might need a life”


The Rose Bowl promotes itself as the “Grandaddy of all Bowls.” If true, does that make the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl and Advocare 100 Independence Bowl two of the “Weird Cousins of all Bowls?

Anyone know who won Saturday’s bowl games? Me neither.

From T.C. One of these things is not like the other…..

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Beef O’Brady Bowl, Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, Chick Fil-A Bowl, The Outback Bowl, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, The Fight Hunger Bowl.

Apparently the Playboy issue featuring Lindsay Lohan isn’t selling very well. Makes sense, most Americans, men included, think they’ve seen too much of Lindsay already.

Some say it will be difficult to convict Penn State officials of anything, since perjury is so hard to prove. Well, if the government can spend millions to convict an athlete for misleading statements about how he played a game, they can sure get these b*stards.

Penn State Police have reported they were called to investigate a locker room fight between quarterback Matt McGloin and receiver Curtis Drake. Shocking! Penn State Police know where the locker room is?

Reunions and separations.

December 17, 2011

Brian Wilson is reuniting with the Beach Boys for a 50th anniversary tour. No doubt a featured hit will be “Help Me Rhonda, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”

(Or “Fun, Fun, Fun until my kids and the DMV take my T-bird away.”)

Upon reflection on Vanessa Bryant’s filing for divorce,, two questions emerge. 1. Did Kobe get room service anywhere lately? 2. Did Vanessa just find out about Callista Gingrich’s $500,000 line of credit at Tiffany’s?

Kobe and Vanessa are apparently sharing custody of their children. Wonder who gets custody of the jewelry.

Barry Bonds has been sentenced to 30 days house arrest, and 2 years probation. Well, makes sense, if they throw everyone who hasn’t been truthful about PEDs behind bars we’d need to build a lot more prisons.

Hamleys, London’s most famous toy store, has this Christmas eliminated its pink “girls” and blue “boys” floors, and has said they will no longer group toys by gender. Why do I think that if they were in the U.S. at least one GOP presidential candidate would accuse them of violating the Constitution.

Just wondering, did former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney bet anyone $10,000 on the Patriots-Broncos game?

Ron Paul said on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno that, while he is 76, his “ideas are young.” Well, not as young as Mitt Romney’s, since he’s only had his current ideas for a four or five years max.

And Ron Paul, while he has some odd ideas, is certainly different from most of the other GOP candidates. For starters, his sentences have nouns, subjects, verbs….

The Canadian Transportation Agency has said that Canadian Airlines (Air Canada and WestJet) must either ban cats on flights with allergic passengers, or else provide cat-free buffer zones and effective ventilation. Could they do the same for folks who wear too much perfume, don’t bathe, or spend the flight talking loudly nonstop?

Mitt Romney, who once worked for a health-care consulting company, told an audience today that until he got into government, he didn’t understand the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. Is Mitt trying now to appeal to Rick Perry voters?

Top four headlines Friday were about the Penn State trial, Bonds’ sentencing, the Bears cutting Hurd after his drug dealing arrest, and the NFL upholding Harrison’s suspension. I’ll tell you, even as a pro-choice woman who isn’t very religious, listening to Tebow’s thanking his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” is sounding pretty good by comparison.

Britney Spears, 30, is now engaged to be married for the third time. Wonder if that means when she gets tired of singing, Spears is planning a career in national GOP politics.

Newt Gingrich STILL maintains that the $1.6 million he got from Freddie Mac was simply for giving advice as a historian. We could only wish. If that were the going rate, history professors on college campuses would be richer than football coaches.

It must be the holiday season. The House passed an emergency $1 trillion budget bill by a bipartisan 296-121 vote. These days I wouldn’t have thought you could get a 296-121 vote to pass a resolution saying “Merry Christmas.”

Let’s hope Mike McQueary finally told the truth today about that shower incident back in 2002. But one question I’d like to ask Mike – “You saw that, you told people, and yet Sandusky remained around campus and you know nothing happened. Didn’t you ever feel that maybe you should have gone to the police?