Posted tagged ‘NBA All-Star game jokes’

All about love

February 15, 2016

The best Valentine’s Day present for many of us is the realization that pitchers and catchers report this week. ‪#‎SpringTraining‬ ‪#‎MLB‬

 

Watching the NBA All Star game had to wonder   –  Does Kobe Bryant have a fatal disease or something?

NBA All Star Game is over. So ‪#‎NBA‬ fans who enjoy games with no defense will just have to go back to watching the ‪#‎Lakers‬

There actually was a spread on the NBA  All Star Game. And if you know what it is, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.

Since the slam-dunk and 3-point shooting contests are so popular with viewers, maybe here’s a solution to the Pro Bowl: forget the game, and just get the top players together for some skills contests. And maybe the No Fun League for one day could let players come up with their “best touchdown celebration.”

Denver Broncos safety Shiloh Keo was busted for DUI in Idaho, making him the third NFL player to be arrested this year. Once again, the league is proving they can keep making headlines in the offseason.

A T & T winner Vaughn Taylor made the field Monday in  Pebble Beach as an alternate. Put that in a movie & critics would say it wasn’t realistic.

And Taylor certainly “needed” it more than Mickelson.  But Lefty at 45 remains one of the most entertaining (and beloved) golfers of our time.

New SF Giants outfielder Denard Span told an interviewer in 2013 that he was afraid of birds and fish. “You know, I’m okay with someone throwing a fastball at my head But a bird flies at my head, I’m more terrified.”. Which could present interesting challenges for Bruce Bochy in the late innings at AT&T park. ‪#‎gullpower‬

 

As Ted Cruz continues to insist he will filibuster anyone Obama nominates to the Supreme Court, has it occurred to him that our cerebral and thoughtful President, himself a former law school professor, might pick someone Cruz would like a lot better than, not even a possible President Sanders or Clinton, but a President Trump?

If these GOP candidates really want to prove how much they love the 2nd amendment, why don’t they agree all to be armed for the next debate? ‪#‎mustseeTV‬

 

A 45 minute lockdown at Arkansas State University was lifted after ‘gunmen’ on campus turned out to be student actors filming a video. Once again Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Neal makes an potentially fun  point,

Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. …

“Too bad she didn’t get a selfie with the candidate.”

Signs of the times?

February 11, 2016

The NBA is discussing a proposal during the All-Star break that would let teams sell ONE corporate logo on their uniforms for the 2017-18 season. Meaning by about the 2020-21 season the uniforms should all look like NASCAR’s.

So Jeremy Affeldt is joining the CSN broadcast crew.  Can’t wait until the first time the former SF Giants pitcher second guesses Bruce Bochy’s pitching change decisions.

SF Giants fans who remember Affeldt’s creative stints on the DL hope that the network offers good medical insurance.

Some discussion on where RGIII may end up next year. Well, the Redskins QB may have been disappointing but RGIII should be thankful to Johnny Manziel for making him look like a good bet by comparison.

Jason Castro today became the first MLB player to lose in arbitration this year.. He had asked for $5.2 million, but the arbitrator sided with the Astros, and gave him only $5 million.
You know baseball salaries are in another world when the immediate reaction is, “only $200,000, why couldn’t they settle?”

Scientists say they have detected gravitational waves, which were a major component of Einstein’s theory of relativity. Waiting for the GOP rebuttal.

Ben Carson – “I’m getting a lot of pressure to make sure I stay in the race.” No doubt, primarily from comedy writers who lost both Fiorina and Christie in the same day.

Anyone but me think it’s a bit strange that the guy who is saying “Make America Great Again” is a multi-billionaire who consistently has had America be pretty great for him.

Donald Trump attacked the NY Daily News after it put him on their cover as a clown, saying it was a failing paper. So now the NYDN has a new hashtag, ‪#‎Trumpfails‬, and started a “brief history of Trump’s many failures.” Get some popcorn folks, this could be fun.

Patriots owner Robert Kraft to a TV reporter “I happened to see Archie (Manning)…. He has two sons who have won two Super Bowls (each) But with all due respect, we have one son who has won four.” Ah, it’s this sort of thing that makes the Patriots so beloved outside New England. ‪#‎stayclassy‬

 

 

The Raiders announced they have signed a lease to stay in Oakland for the 2016 season. Translation, nobody else wants them.

Kanye West, in lyrics about Taylor Swift – ” I made that that B—H famous.” Hard to believe it’s possible but Kanye might almost make the Kardashians look classy by comparison.

Marco Rubio says he broke a tooth chewing on a frozen Twix Bar. And somewhere W. is thinking “And they gave me grief on a pretzel?”

 

 

After a summit in Munich, John Kerry has announced a deal for a ceasefire in Syria “within a week.” ‪#‎IblameObama‬

You call this a debate? Where is the name-calling, where is the crazy talk, where are the clowns? ‪#‎DemDebate‬

 

The U.S election system really has gotten corrupt. Why, we can’t even vote on the American Idol semi-finalists anymore. Viewers won’t be able to vote until the last six weeks. ‪#‎isnothingsacred‬?

From T.C.  “Nike is celebrating its Jordan Brand’s 30th anniversary this weekend. The latest models will sell for $200. This compared to only $100 when they were first introduced. The company  blames the price increase on raises that have brought their Chinese children factory workers up to 35 cents per hour “

Judgment day?

February 14, 2015

The NY Yankees apparently have told Alex Rodriguez he could use Yankee Stadium as a location to make a public apology. What, along the lines of “Today I consider myself the scuzziest man in America.”?

Apparently some people are more upset than usual that they didn’t win the Powerball lottery. Because one of three winners was from Puerto Rico – – and you know, damn foreigners…. No joke. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

So cold in New York All-Star game weekend that the players won’t even be able to hit the streets looking for their future baby-mamas.

Jeb Bush, when asked Friday about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars his brother started – “I won’t talk about the past.” Does Jeb want to be President, or Mark McGwire?

Major League Baseball is thinking of shrinking the strike zone to attract younger fans. Of course, maybe if the sport REALLY wanted younger fans maybe they would have not scheduled all the World Series games for the past several years to start after 830p Eastern time and finish around midnight.‪#‎pastbedtimes‬

 

I know the San Francisco Bay Area is experiencing near record high temperatures while the Midwest and East Coast freeze. But the SF Chronicle running an online article today about the best outdoor bars in town is probably adding insult to injury.

In Fresno, an 8-yr-old girl is recovering after being shot by her 10-yr-old sister with a handgun that their father had left on a bed in their home. Dad’s job? He’s a county sheriff’s deputy. ‪#‎howdoyoustopastupidgoodguywithagun‬?

#‎ValentinesDay‬ is a tough day for many people. On the other hand it’s followed by ‪#‎HalfPriceCandy‬ day!

 

 

Bad news for Dodgers fans, the 2015 season may still be in a TV blackout. Worse news for Lakers fans. The rest of their 2015 season won’t be.

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked in London whether he believes in the theory of evolution, and responded. “I’m going to punt on that one…. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other.” Evolution is a “question”? We’ve had stupid in politics for a while, but when did it become a virtue?

Star power.

February 26, 2012

Orlando police are apparently on the lookout to stop prostitutes trying to sell their services during NBA All-Star weekend. But some fans are crying foul. Unlike the Bobcats, Hornets and Wizards this year, the prostitutes are providing consistent value per entertainment dollar.

Academy Awards are right after the NBA All-Star game. And for fans of acting in the meantime, there’s Dwight Howard talking about how much Orlando means to him.

Mitt Romney is being lampooned for having less than 1000 people attend an event at Ford Field, which seats 65,000. Good thing I suppose that he didn’t schedule his speech at Michigan’s “Big House” in Ann Arbor. (Seating capacity 111,000.)

A security checkpoint and concourse at Sacramento Airport were shut down today after a metal detector was briefly left unattended, The airport did find and rescreen five people who had gone through during that time. And I trust TSA still made their quota on confiscating water, shampoo, cupcakes and snow globes.

Ashleymadison.com, a dating site for cheaters, says the city with their most members per capita (38,000) is Washington, D.C. “I’m shocked”, said absolutely no one. (And members of Congress don’t even claim the nation’s capital as their residence.)

ESPN.com headline from Daytona: “Danica Patrick is back in the race after hitting the wall” Sounds like Mitt Romney’s campaign. Repeatedly.

Amazing stuff in Arizona. Paul Babeu, the anti-immigration Republican sheriff, is finding many of his conservative constituents are accepting his being gay. Even though they strongly disapprove of his “lifestyle” in one man’s words. Guess it’s just a matter of which prejudice is stronger.

New manager Bobby Valentine said the Boston Red Sox have banned beer in the clubhouse. Wonder if any pitchers are thinking “Hmm, how does fried chicken go with whiskey?”

The P.C. police are taking over. Ben and Jerry’s is taking fortune cookies out of their “Lin-Sanity” ice cream because some people thought it was offensive.. Really? Where were all these folks with say, “Godfather’s Pizza?

Rick Santorum is going after Romney these days by saying “Folks, this is an issue of trust.” And yeah, for Santorum it’s all about trust. Unless that trust involves women making decisions.

Newt Gingrich promised at today’s California GOP convention that he would lower U.S. gas prices to $2.50 a gallon. And why should anyone doubt the promise of a man who has said “until death do us part” three times?

John Hinckley, who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan in 1981, said he would like to be known as “something other than a would-be assassin.” In related news the Kardashian sisters said they would like to be known for their intellectual sides.


From my funny friend Bill Littlejohn: After Raiders QB Jason Campbell called off his wedding at the last minute: “Jenny is reportedly trying to work out a trade for Carson Palmer.”

Red Sox owner John Henry talking about Boston being more careful about spending money. “It’s an advantage to have a big payroll with a small-market mentality.” Small market compared to who? Besides the Yankees?

Mitt Romney likes to talk about principles. But Mitt has the same relationship to his own principles as Newt Gingrich does to his marriages. (Maybe only one at a time but they don’t last.)

Dunking and driving.

February 21, 2011

Today was a good sports day for fans of irony.  Two of the least racially diverse sports in America,both having their showcase events on the same day.

(For nonsports fans, the NBA All-Star game and the Daytona 500.)

So what’s more likely?  A white kid growing up in the U.S. to become an NBA All-Star starter, or a black kid growing up to be a driver at the Daytona 500?

Regarding the NBA game –  since did NBA All-Star weekend turn into another episode of the Grammys? (There was  more music than actual basketball.)

Rookie Trevor Bayne, 20, wins Daytona 500. Well, that’s one way for the sport to avoid embarrassing DUIs – have a star who’s too young to drink.

Wonder what George Washington would say if he could see our current President’s Day celebrations? Probably something along the lines of “I cannot tell a lie, some of these so called “half price” sales are major ripoffs.”

A recent survey by 24/7 Wall Street indicated that Priceline was the “big American retailer” with the worst customer service. This comes as a surprise to many Americans who’ve booked travel with the company – Priceline HAS customer service?

Donald Rumsfeld said this week that the Oakland Raiders were “evil.” What is it with this guy and his need to go after entities with no discernible weapons?

The NBA’s Sacramento Kings are thinking of moving to the Honda Center in Anaheim. Well, as far as title hopes, or even playoff hopes, perhaps they just want to be closer to their spiritual home – Fantasyland.

So some Conservatives believe the protestors in Egypt were “used” by the Muslim Brotherhood who did not have the people’s interests at heart. But there’s a deafening silence when middle and lower income Tea Partiers have travelled to Wisconsin to chant “Don’t tax corporations.”

Apparently students in Texas currently rank 47th in the nation in literacy, 49th in verbal SAT scores and 46th in math scores.

So this well-known Texas liberal wrote a letter to the Houston Chronicle against Governor Perry’s proposed budget cuts:  “In light of these statistics, can we afford to cut the number of teachers, increase class sizes, eliminate scholarships for underprivileged students and close several community colleges?”

The liberal writer?  Laura Bush.