Posted tagged ‘weather jokes’

Judgment day?

February 14, 2015

The NY Yankees apparently have told Alex Rodriguez he could use Yankee Stadium as a location to make a public apology. What, along the lines of “Today I consider myself the scuzziest man in America.”?

Apparently some people are more upset than usual that they didn’t win the Powerball lottery. Because one of three winners was from Puerto Rico – – and you know, damn foreigners…. No joke. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

So cold in New York All-Star game weekend that the players won’t even be able to hit the streets looking for their future baby-mamas.

Jeb Bush, when asked Friday about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars his brother started – “I won’t talk about the past.” Does Jeb want to be President, or Mark McGwire?

Major League Baseball is thinking of shrinking the strike zone to attract younger fans. Of course, maybe if the sport REALLY wanted younger fans maybe they would have not scheduled all the World Series games for the past several years to start after 830p Eastern time and finish around midnight.‪#‎pastbedtimes‬

 

I know the San Francisco Bay Area is experiencing near record high temperatures while the Midwest and East Coast freeze. But the SF Chronicle running an online article today about the best outdoor bars in town is probably adding insult to injury.

In Fresno, an 8-yr-old girl is recovering after being shot by her 10-yr-old sister with a handgun that their father had left on a bed in their home. Dad’s job? He’s a county sheriff’s deputy. ‪#‎howdoyoustopastupidgoodguywithagun‬?

#‎ValentinesDay‬ is a tough day for many people. On the other hand it’s followed by ‪#‎HalfPriceCandy‬ day!

 

 

Bad news for Dodgers fans, the 2015 season may still be in a TV blackout. Worse news for Lakers fans. The rest of their 2015 season won’t be.

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked in London whether he believes in the theory of evolution, and responded. “I’m going to punt on that one…. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other.” Evolution is a “question”? We’ve had stupid in politics for a while, but when did it become a virtue?

Snow place like home…

February 1, 2011

Once again, some airlines are pre-emptively cancelling flights today because snow MIGHT cause delays at the airport.  (While other carriers are still -operating flights between the same cities at the same time.)

This will nonetheless cost these airlines some big bucks. Which will likely mean only one thing – stay tuned for “weather fees.”

The King’s Speech is now the front-runner for Best Picture. And it seems to resonate with Americans. Of course, we know all too well that when someone ends up in charge just because they are their father’s son, it’s easy to end up with an inarticulate leader.

British tennis fans are really unhappy after Andy Murray’s loss at the Australian Open to Novak Djokovic.  The match had been considered a a great chance for the country’s first male Grand Slam event win in 75 years.

75 years of misery?!.  “Wimps,”  responded Cubs fans.

Yet another storm is expected to close New York airports for much of the remainder of the week and potentially into the weekend. Wonder how the NFL feels these days about the decision to put the 2014 Super Bowl in the Meadowlands.

Chicago O’Hare airport may also be closed for a while. Well at least Bears and Jets fans have no need to fly to Dallas.

As far as I can tell, this year’s version of “the Bachelor” seems to be about nonstop crying. Are we sure John Boehner isn’t somehow involved?

Sarah Palin says she is now happy about the media proposing to boycott her, because this way it will “keep me from being blamed for Egypt.” Actually, Sarah, most of the media is laying odds as to whether or not you could find Egypt on a map.

At the Safari Club International Convention in Nevada, Sarah Palin warned gun owners to “keep tabs on the White House,” and “just think if we had stricter gun control laws.” Yes, I’m thinking about it, and we’d have six people still alive in Arizona, for starters.

Well, Jay Leno hasn’t “friended” me. But he did use this joke, which I posted on Facebook and on my blog Dec 28, almost word for word tonight: The Chilean miners are all heading to Disney World on an expense-paid trip that Disney has donated. So these men survived over two months being trapped underground; now comes the real test, how will they do on a few back-to-back rides on “It’s a Small World?”