Posted tagged ‘Darwin jokes’

Times they are a changin’

September 13, 2016

Vin Scully said today he won’t broadcast the postseason so that his last game will be the Dodgers-Giants in SF Oct. 2. So maybe he has less faith in how LA will do in the playoffs than even Giants fans.

So it’s only one game, but wonder if #LosAngeles is thinking of suing #StLouis under the “Lemon Law.” #Rams #49ers

Trent Dilfer said before MNF that Colin Kaepernick had caused “friction” that had “torn at the fabric of the team” by becoming the “center of attention.”
Uh, looking at the 49ers-Rams final score guessing a lot of NFL teams will be trying to figure out how to tear fabric this week in practice

So while we are into conspiracy theories, what about the possibility of a #TrumpBodyDouble. Would explain that inhuman shade of orange and some of the wild statements- especially if the body double was a giant Furby.

Just when you think you’ve heard every airline excuse under the sun, and the moon, now I have a client on a delayed United flight in Denver because “they dented the plane with a baggage loader.”

After reports of phantom donations, House Democrats now seeking a Justice Department investigation of Trump Foundation, #sauceforthegoose

Donald Trump, attacking Hillary Clinton for her “basket of deplorables” line: “You can’t lead this nation if you have such a low opinion of its citizens.” Can a statement have an asterisk?

 

A 21 year-old California man in Hawaii decided to make an illegal, nearly 200 ft jump off Kauai’s Wailua Falls. He was knocked unconscious, had to be rescued by other tourists, and called it ‘spiritual’, I call it ‘Almost a Darwin.” #misseditbythatmuch

The U.S. Census Bureau said median income in the US rose over 5% to $56,516, the first increase since 2007. #IblameObama

Edward Snowden says now he thinks President Obama should pardon him, saying his actions “may seem unlawful in letters on a page but when we look at them morally, when we look at them ethically, and when we look at the results, it seems obvious that these were necessary things.”
And then does Snowden expect Obama will bring him home from Russia on a flying pig?

The Presidential election is distracting us from interesting state contests, but Lousiana’s Senate race deserves more attention. Not only is David Duke running, but a new book out “Murder on the Bayou” has allegations against one candidate, Rep. Charles Boustany, that prompted this verbatim statement from fellow candidate GOP Treasurer John Kennedy:
“I want to be very clear that my campaign played absolutely no role in creating this story alleging Congressman Boustany’s sexual relationships with prostitutes that were later murdered, his staff’s alleged involvement in running the bar and hotel where this illicit behavior took place, or publishing the book,”
#nottheOnion #Youcantmakethisstuffup

A new kind of danger zone?

May 14, 2016

The movie “Top Gun” turns 30 his week. Now when its stars are asked if they still have a “Need for Speed,” the response is likely to be “Depends.”

A woman in labor was stranded in a four hour traffic jam on the Tappan Zee bridge and finally, with police help, ended up getting through but still having her baby in the hospital parking lot. Did they name the little girl “Christie?”

 

Words of wisdom from Russell Wilson to University of Wisconsin graduates: ” I’m also here to share some things I’ve learned,” Wilson. “Things like, if you’re dating a woman that’s way out of your league, ask her to marry you. If you can throw a football 80 yards, for some reason, people think that’s pretty cool. And if you’re playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and you’ve got 26 seconds left and you’re down by four, and it’s second and goal on their 1-yard line, try not to throw an interception. That’s purely, purely hypothetical though, of course.”

Apparently more than 1.2 million people have signed a pledge to boycott Target over their announcement to let transgender customers use whichever bathrooms they want.
Hmm, time to start a petition to see how many millions of Americans are now MORE likely to shop at Target? ‪#‎canwefocusonrealissuesforachange‬?

A study in Italy found that Botox facial treatments may affect the brain and people’s ability to process other people’s emotions. Or it may simply be that the more people focus on freezing their faces in time, the less energy they have for caring about other people’s emotions.

The NBA draft lottery is next week, But the draft itself might be only 4 days after the Championship is over. The NFL is trying to figure out how they can do that. ‪#‎yearroundleague‬

Ivanka Trump said about her father has “created dialogue around issues. It’s a powerful thing.” Yeah, how often before in American politics have we had discussion about hand size, and as Trevor Noah says, a candidate wanting to “bang his own daughter.”

 

George Zimmerman has apparently reposted the auction for his sale of the gun with which he shot Trayvon Martin “The previous auction and bids were purged due to illegitimate bidding. Yes, this auction is real.”
The minimum bid is $100,000, instant purchase price $500,000. Too much to hope that you CAN go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public?

 

 

 

A father and son pair of tourists at Yellowstone National Park reportedly put a bison calf in their SUV in order “to save it from the cold.” The two humans received tickets, and the calf was released. And presumably “Mama Bison” being elsewhere at the time of the pickup kept the pair from a much deserved Darwin award..

Fear and loathing

January 26, 2016

Donald Trump is now saying he will “definitely” skip Thursday’s GOP debate on Fox. So this man thinks he can stand up to America’s enemies, and he can’t even stand up to Megyn Kelly?

 

Donald Trump & Sarah Palin have done so much for Megyn Kelly & Tina Fey’s careers/earning potential they could almost ask for royalties?

 

 

Unclear on the concept – Trump says he doesn’t want to debate because Megyn Kelly is a “lightweight.” Uh, to use a sports analogy, no NBA team is upset this year to see the Lakers or 76ers next on their schedule.

Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Well, of course he did. Assume the self-styled “America’s Toughest Sheriff” has designs on being Attorney General?

And now John Rocker is endorsing Trump. Wow. Anyone heard from Archie Bunker lately?

Missouri QB Maty Mauk has been suspended from the football program for the third time since September. The first was a violation of team rules, the second after a dispute in a bar, and this time after a video surfaced of him allegedly smoking cocaine. Even Johnny Manziel is thinking “Dude, get it together.”

Tom Delay is claiming the FBI is “ready to indict” Hillary Clinton. Well, I guess Delay does consider himself an expert on indictments.

Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin reportedly fractured his hand during an argument with a member of the team’s equipment staff.  So was the injury during the fight itself, or when the guy moved towards Griffin and Blake flopped?

 

Peyton Manning reportedly told Bill Belichick after the AFC Championship that this *(Super Bowl) might be my last rodeo.” And Belichick no doubt was thinking “We expected THIS game to be your last rodeo.”

In a week the first 2016 Presidential caucuses will be over. And then we can go back to not caring about Iowa for four years.

Reports of hearing gunshots at Naval Medical Center San Diego apparently were a false alarm. But now everyone at the Center will be banned from playing “Call of Duty” without the sound muted.

 

The SF 49ers hired as their new defensive coordinator the Browns’ Jim O’Neill. So no one told them Cleveland’s only good defensive performance last year was against San Francisco?

New York Jets lineman Sheldon Richardson was placed on 2 years probation after pleading guilty to reduced charges stemming from a July police chase in St. Louis. He allegedly drove up to 143 mph, resisted arrest, and was found to have a loaded handgun under the floor mat. Police also detected a “strong marijuana” odor in the car.
Richardson served a four-game suspension this year for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. but his lawyer doesn’t expect additional discipline.
Once again, it’s part of the league’s strict “12 strikes and you’re out” policy.

Today’s Darwin nominee: Michigan police say a man who killed in a single car rollover accident in Detroit wasn’t wearing pants and was watching porn while driving. Women are going “How appalling stupid can you be?” Men are going “You can do that?”

Breaking news that Oregon protest leader Ammon Bundy and others have been arrested; 1 person is reportedly dead. ‪#‎Ifonlytheywerearmed‬…. no, wait, never mind.

In Kentucky, a federal judge has ruled that the state cannot deny millions of $$ in a tourism tax incentive to a religious group building a Noah’s Ark attraction, citing First Amendment grounds. Alrighty then, who’s ready to join me in supporting a Wiccan theme park? Or “Atheist World?” Or heck, why not “Mecca Land?”

Love a parade.

June 18, 2015

Warriors coach Steve Kerr says after the Warriors victory parade Friday, “I just want to sit on my couch and watch the U.S. Open and drink beer.” Well, for the last two rounds maybe Kerr can invite Tiger Woods to join him,

Apparently in the 24 hours after the Golden State Warriors won the NBA championship, a record amount of gear was sold. Wonder if for an extra charge manufacturers could make the shirts etc look like fans had been wearing them for a while.

Donald Trump apparently offered actors $50 each to show up and cheer for him as he announced his run for the Presidency.. Aha, NOW I see the Donald’s jobs plan… imagine how many people he will have to hire to show up at his various campaign events.

 

For the first time since 1970, McDonald’s is closing more restaurants than they are opening in the U.S. Because in an era of pizza with hot dogs and XXL grilled stuffed burritos, their offerings aren’t fattening enough for Americans anymore?

An American tourist, 27, is in stable condition with bite wounds at a Cancun hospital. This after the man, while allegedly drunk, ignored England and Spanish warning signs and climbed the barbed-wire fence of a crocodile enclosure at the Iberostar resort…. And once again, Darwin is thinking “missed it by THAT much.” #cantfixstupid

 

Maybe SF Giants fans should be happy at least Sandoval left before we got these “Panda being Panda” stories. He was benched for tonight’s game after “liking” a young woman’s pictures on Instagram last night during the game. Said he was in the bathroom at the time…..

 

A little inside baseball for SF Giants fans.

#‎Panda‬ who? ‪#‎McGehee‬ who? ‪#‎Duffy‬ does it again. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Astros’ GM Luhnow is denying reports that alleged Cardinals’ hackers got into the Astros database because he hadn’t changed his password(s). But have to wonder how many other people in baseball who have changed teams in the past just changed their passwords.

And now back to the serious stuff.  Don’t worry.  I’m not going to stay with this much serious stuff  for long. Though it would be nice to dream that maybe THIS time some things might actually change…. No joke.

 

The NY Times is reporting that the alleged Charleston terrorist was arrested and banned from a local mall in Feb. 2015 after he alarmed security guards by asking questions at stores about employees and when they left the mall. Then he was arrested again two months later at the mall, and jailed for 12 days. Clearly a troubled young man. And his dad decided that a good birthday present for him was a gun?!!!

Well, that didn’t take long. FoxNews.com already has an editorial saying that if churches weren’t gun-free zones, last night’s ” horrible tragedy…probably could have been avoided.”

And now it also  comes out that last week the alleged Charleston terrorist told friends and neighbors at the park that “he was looking to kill a bunch of people on Wednesday.” And his roommate said the guy has been talking about “something like that for six months.”“He was big into segregation and other stuff.. He said he wanted to start a civil war. He said he was going to do something like that and then kill himself.”

But they  thought he was joking. We’ve been taught to take suicide threats seriously, seems like it’s time to do the same with comments about killing. Even TSA, as much as we joke about them, would have stopped him for those words.

Not sure about Pepsi?

May 31, 2015

When I asked for a Coke Zero on a plane today, a United flight attendant gave me the entire can, unopened. So are soda cans off the weapons list?

Or is Coke Zero safer than Diet Coke?

In Takhatpur, India, villagers had a wedding ceremony between two frogs.  They are in the midst of a drought and frog marriages are supposed to invoke the rain gods.  Could be very disappointing for one frog if a kiss turns one of them into a prince or princess.

Now, if this frog marriage stuff works it opens up all kinds of possibilities for California. But can we have same-sex frog marriages?

A recycling center in California is looking for a woman who dropped off a vintage Apple Computer. They sold it for $200,000 and want to give her half. Hmm, wonder what I could get for my Blackberry.

At a Four Seasons in Texas, Johnny Manziel got frustrated with a fan and threw a water bottle at him. Fortunately the situation didn’t escalate any further, as no doubt Manziel’s throw missed the guy by a foot.

John Kerry, 71, broke his leg in a bike accident in the French Alps. Not sure if the Secretary of State still thinks he’s young enough to be President, but he clearly thinks he’s still young enough to be riding a fancy racing bike..

Apparently Kim Kardashian is pregnant again. And she’s said “It is an adjustment trying to balance a career and motherhood for sure, but the key is to prioritize.” Kim Kardashian has a career?

Darwin nominee for the week. In Maryland, a man was fatally burned after he lit a cigarette while trying to pump his own gas at a service station. So is this a potential new marketing strategy for electric cars? “We don’t just save the environment.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

The Washington Nationals put Stephen Strasburg on the DL with neck stiffness. Wonder if Strasburg, who had an 2015 ERA of 6.55, strained it by all that turning around to see balls hit off him this season.

Guess war doesn’t count? Jeb Bush today suggested the budget deficit during his brother’s administration was because W. “let the Republican Congress get a little out of control, in terms of the spending.” But hey, okay, is Jeb suggesting we elect him along with a Democratic House and Senate?

From T.C.   Country star Garth Brooks had to cancel his three shows in Tampa in order to accomodate the NHL Lightning’s Stanley Cup home games. See, this is what happens when you only have friends in low places.

No sharks needed.

May 25, 2015

Despite warnings of dangerous and potentially life-threatening rip currents, 2 swimmers have died and several hundred more have needed to be rescued from Florida beaches this weekend, more than 400 in Volusia County (Daytona Beach area) alone, Darwin would be so proud.

Just heard Mike Krukow on TV today refer to Bud Selig as a great commissioner of baseball.  So guess Kruk picked up some brownies during ‪#‎SFGiants‬’  Colorado visit?

 

San Jose police arrested DE Ray McDonald, at the time a member of the Chicago Bears, on a domestic violence charge. This is turning into a twisted version of “Groundhog Day.”

The Ray McDonald era in Chicago is over. The Bears cut him later Monday. So now the question…. which team will give him a 4th chance?

With the most recent arrest of Ray MacDonald, former Gators’ coach Urban Meyer is really solidifying his position as leader of the all-time trouble team. ‪#‎Hernandez‬ ‪#‎MacDonald‬ ‪#‎Harvin‬

 

 

Horrible flooding in both Texas and Oklahoma. Forget oil.. Shouldn’t someone be able to figure out a way to build a pipeline for water to California?

Baltimore Orioles reliever Brian Matusz was suspended 8 games today, after being caught Saturday with a sticky substance on his arm. Considering he was the 2nd pitcher caught in a week, thinking MLB should have tacked on more games for stupidity. ‪#‎maybeheshouldhavetriedsomethingdifferent‬?

 

 

Apparently a lot of mall shoppers were upset by a black and white PacSun t-shirt displayed Monday with an upside-down U.S.flag, saying it was “disrespectful” etc. Although if you really want to honor fallen soldiers on Memorial Day, is going to the mall the best way to do it?

 

Basketball fans across the US hoping Stephen Curry is okay. Even in Cleveland, where they’re thinking Steph should think of his long term health, and just take about a month off. ‪#‎WarriorsvsRockets‬

After the first quarter ‪#‎HoustonRockets‬ were on pace for 180 in regulation tonight.

Have to wonder how different things might be in the Western Conference NBA finals if the Houston Rockets had only called a time out at the end of game 2?

Anyone who says baseball is slow has clearly never watched last minutes of ‪#‎NBA‬ game when fouling is a viable option. ‪#‎warriorsvsrockets‬

 

Who knew?

March 10, 2015

Hottest accessory in ‪#‎NFL‬ locker rooms this preseason? Badges in team colors saying “Hi, my name is….”

How many NFL teams will be playing a new theme song?    “The Who'”s  “Who Are You?”

Jake Locker has announced his retirement from the NFL. Jake Locker was still in the NFL?

So is ‪#‎JedYork‬ trying to change the ‪#‎49ers‬ new motto from ‪#‎Winningwithclass‬ to ‪#‎Losingwithanass‬? ‪#‎sf49ers‬

 

All this controversy about a bunch of potentially embarrassing emails, and then 47 GOP senators decide to go ahead and prove you can write something absolutely embarrassing in an old-fashioned letter

The latest Hillary Clinton email scandal, that she said her email server “contains personal communications from my husband and me.” And Bill has said he has only sent two emails in his entire life, but he loves Twitter. So maybe Hillary is lying. Or maybe she’s just another woman whose husband who responds either with silence, or 140 character or less answers.

 

The Boston ‪#‎RedSox‬ have to be wondering, what will ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ say about THEM when he moves onto his next team?

A 27 year-old Central Florida woman was apparently so focused on her texting that she walked into a moving freight train.. While she sustained injuries to her right arm and leg, the woman was expected to survive. And somewhere again Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.”

The Wisconsin Timber Rattlers, a minor league affiliate of the Milwaukee Brewers, are introducing a new “Funnel Cake Burger” this summer. Featuring a beef patty, bacon and cheese, sandwiched between two sugar dusted funnel cakes. The price is $20, but presume it comes with a discount coupon for an EKG.

Woman on a bench outside our office, talking loudly on a iPhone speaker about her business deals. So tempting to ask her to speak up a bit so we can take notes.

A 32-year-old woman was arrested for indecent exposure for sitting naked outside a Dunkin’ Donuts. She told police she did it as a dare. Well, this time it’s pretty easy to guess Florida. Sure wouldn’t happen now in Boston.

South Dakota may join Idaho, Texas, Utah and Wyoming as states with 80 MPH speed limits. Interesting enough, they’re all states you might want to drive like a bat out of hell to get out of….

 

Apparently Tri-Delta sorority members were also on that SAE party bus where they were singing the racist chant, and some may have been involved. The National Chapter of Delta Delta Delta released a statement saying “the behavior documented in the video is deplorable and is in no way consistent with Tri Delta’s ideals and core values.” Well this is a bit of a shock. Sororities have “core values?”

The name game?

February 24, 2015

The Atlanta Braves’ B.J. Upton now wants to be known as Melvin Upton, Jr. Talk about a player to be named later.

Yep, cigarettes can kill you. But usually not this quickly. A man driving along the Columbia River in Oregon stopped to smoke and take a selfie while a train passed. He didn’t see another train coming from the other direction. ‪#‎Darwinawardoftheweek‬

It’s really a shame we don’t have Joan Rivers around to dish on how tacky it was to exclude her from the “In Memoriam” Oscars segment.

Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t bring your mom as your Oscar date when you’ve just starred in a soft-core porn flick. But just imagine how awkward the interview might have been if instead of bringing Melanie Griffith, Dakota Johnson had brought her father….

The Oscar ratings fell to a four-year low last night. Not sure what the Academy could do about the trend. Maybe something heretical like nominate more movies people have actually seen?

So we’re looking at a Homeland Security Department shutdown because the GOP is trying to tie a funding bill to a rollback of Obama’s executive actions on immigration. So where’s Giuliani’s rant on ‘loving your country” now?

Kristi Capel,, a Fox news anchor in Ohio referred to Lady Gaga’s performance as “jigaboo” music, and then in her apology said “I had no idea it was a word or what it meant. ” Uh, Kristi, here’s a hint, if you don’t know what a word means, don’t use it.

 

New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred has said a return to a 154 game schedule is “not impossible.” And ESPN responded “As long as it doesn’t cut down on Yankees-Red Sox games.”

 

KC ‪#‎Royals‬ manager Ned Yost: “I think without Madison we would be champions.” ‪#‎ThatswhytheycallittheMVPaward‬

Phil Jackson actually called out his Knicks team on Twitter last night. What’s more surprising. That the Knicks are this bad, or that Jackson knows how to use Twitter?

 

Louisville dismissed men’s basketball starting guard Chris Jones after campus police released a report that says he texted a woman who had “messed up his room” that he would “smack TF out of” her.” So maybe Jones is violent, maybe he isn’t. But if nothing else the man should be dismissed for being stupid enough to put a threat in a text.

Value for money.

December 10, 2014

Magic Johnson says he hopes the Lakers lose every game for the rest of the year so the team can get a high draft pick. “”Because if you’re going to lose, lose. I’m serious.” What a nice warm fuzzy message for this year’s season ticket holders.

 

Pitcher Jon Lester says he chose the Chicago Cubs over the SF Giants because the income tax rate in Illinois is 5%, and it’s $13.3% in California. Well, makes sense. On only $155 million over 6 years he really needs to feed his family.

(And his children’s family, and his grand-children’s family, and his great-grandchildren’s family.)

And of course, in Chicago, Lester won’t have to pay taxes on playoff winnings.

Jon Lester may be reunited with his friend Jake Peavy in Chicago.  Peavy has a duck boat and cable car from his last two World Series wins, apparently if the Cubs win the World Series he and Lester both plan to buy flying pigs.

Meanwhile in SF,  Giants fans’ attitude will be going from “wow, how cool would he look with Madbum in the rotation?” to “Just as well, it’s insane to pay any 31 year old pitcher $155 million for six years.”

And in Oakland,  the Athletics have now traded Jeff Samardzija to the White Sox. How are the As ever going to decide on bobbleheads for 2014-15 when there’s a good chance any “name” player they have will be gone before his giveaway day?

Weather forecasters in the SF Bay project over 20 foot waves during a “storm of the decade” that is supposed to hit this Thursday and Friday, Suppose it would be tacky to start a pool on the number of potential Darwin Award winners.

A woman flying on Southwest from San Francisco to Phoenix went into labor and gave birth on the plane, which was then diverted to Los Angeles. Good thing it was Southwest, United, American and Delta would all have charged her for another seat.

Johnny Manziel will start at QB Sunday for Cleveland. The rookie QB may not get the team to the playoffs, but he will make the Browns a top story on Sportcenter…

Prince William, who is 6’3″, flew on a commercial US Airways shuttle from NY to DC Monday. He did, however, fly first class. Perhaps having told his staff, “I may be the ‘people’s prince’ but I’m not crazy.”

Korean Air announced that their chairman’s daughter, an executive with the airline, has resigned after ordering a senior flight attendant off the plane for serving her macadamia nuts in a bag, not on a plate. Americans are stunned by this story… an airline actually serves expensive macadamia nuts?

Cam Newton sustained back fractures but apparently escaped serious injury when his car was hit Tuesday in Charlotte. No word on the other driver, but certainly wasn’t a Saints player. Last week they proved they couldn’t hit anyone

Facebook is working on an AI digital assistant that will warn people posting “questionable” photo uploads, it would say something like “Uh, this is being posted publicly. Are you sure you want your boss and your mother to see this?” Of course, if a “friend”, relative or colleague is posting a such picture of you, this might encourage them to post more.

Gooooood Morning, Heaven.

August 11, 2014

The world is kind of a depressing mess right now – Iraq, the Ukraine, Gaza…. So maybe at some point even God just said “We need the best comedian in the world up here pronto.”

 

And yes, the news today just sucked.  Robin Williams, dead at 63.  A suicide.   Apparently making millions of people laugh on a regular basis wasn’t enough to keep away his own tears.

Some are already putting Robin Williams’ suicide down to drugs or alcohol. But a very smart psychologist in training I know made a very good point – “The scary thing about going sober when you’re depressed or bipolar. It’s a lot harder to cope with the pain.”

 

It somehow would be easier to take if Robin Williams’ were an accidental overdose, a single car accident,  some random chance. Because then it would be horrible luck.  Instead of perhaps the funniest man of our time being unable to imagine a reason to smile any longer.

 

Robin Williams- the Golf skit. This is one of those that it was always hard to watch without laughing so hard you cried. Even harder today. (note, adult language, so be careful playing this at work.) http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8e441c0a24/robin-williams-drunk-scotsman-invents-golf-from-dirttron

 

 

And now because the show must go on…  Even the little shows.

Rory McIlroy said this weekend that breaking up with Caroline Wozniacki “has been for the better in terms of my golf.” So maybe before he was nervous about being with an athletic woman who might have much better aim with a golf club than Elin Nordegren?

Pitcher Mo’ne Davis who will play in the Little League World Series, throws a 70 MPH fastball. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.

Ryder Cup captain Tom Watson said today is Tiger Woods is still a possibility “It’s really going to have to come from him. I don’t make this comment loosely. He is Tiger Woods and he brings a lot to the team if he has the ability to play and he is healthy. And I would be a fool not to consider him.” Translation. “And if I don’t consider him, I’ll really be on NBC’s sh*t list.”

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, 71, says that the pictures of him with strippers are five years old, and a “misrepresentation.” “Misrepresentation” how, that Jones is now too old for even strippers to cuddle publicly?

Two Steubenville Ohio football players were convicted last year of raping a 16-year-old girl at a party in August 2012. Now, WR Ma’lik Richmond, is free after serving a one-year sentence in a juvenile facility. And he is back on the high school football team. No joke. Sounds like Richmond is already prepared for big time college football and the NFL..

A Polish couple touring Portugal died this weekend when they fell while trying to take a selfie with their children on top of a cliff. (The kids were not harmed) Sad. But the saddest thing, since they had already reproduced this wasn’t a Darwin Award.

If he’s really leaving, who can he take with him?

February 24, 2014

Alec Baldwin says he is leaving New York and “It’s goodbye to public life.” Is it too soon to start a pool on his next headline-causing incident?

That sinking feeling when it’s only February and you think the “Darwin Award Winner of the Year” competition might be over: Police are reporting a Michigan man fatally shot himself in the head Sunday, while demonstrating gun safety..

Meanwhile, the geography award of the day goes to the client who asked me to send her all the flight options from Amsterdam to the Hague….

Former San Diego State RB Adam Muema left the NFL combine early, telling a reporter that God told him if he quit, he’d play for the Seattle Seahawks. “(God) told me to sit down, be quiet, and enjoy the peace.” Sounds like Muema’s likely to enjoy the peace of a phone not ringing.

Apparently McDonalds may start serving their breakfast items until 12n. And many Millenials are thinking. “Dudes, why stop so early in the day?”

Taco Bell is introducing a waffle taco. Presumably the product will debut in Colorado and Washington?

Now that the Sochi games are over, most casual American sports fans can stop ignoring the Olympics, and start ignoring the NHL and NBA regular seasons.

Harold Ramis, co-writer of “Animal House” has passed away. Toga party in heaven tonight?

For the second time in a year, Disney is raising prices for their Magic Kingdom Park in Florida, to $99 for a single day pass. Gosh, for the cost of taking a family of four, you could almost buy a bleacher seat at Yankee Stadium.

A recent AP poll of Americans found that while 48% were against letting airline passengers make inflight cellphone calls, amongst those who’d flown at least 4 times in the last year, the opposition rate was 78%. Those other 22% are no doubt the reason most of us are so against the idea.

Number one response across America this morning to CNN’s announcement of their cancellation of Piers Morgan’s prime time show. “Piers Morgan HAD a prime time show?

NASCAR musings.

From T.C.  “Kazakhstan finished last in the medal count with 1 bronze at Sochi. Richard Petty said they would have won it all if no one else showed up.”

From Gary M.  “Richard Petty has accepted Tony Stewart’s challenge to race Danica Patrick. At 76, it’ll be interesting to see what wears out first: Richard or his turn signal.”

 

And the winner might be?

December 28, 2013

Alas, too late in the year to qualify for the 2013 Darwin voting. In Bali, a security guard volunteered to catch a 15 ft-Python on the grounds of the Hyatt, which is closed for renovation. He got the snake by the head ahd tail and put it around his shoulders. Whereupon the python promptly strangled him.

 

Shin-Soo Choo at today’s press conference in Arlington was asked why he was drawn to Texas. He said he “was looking for a winning team — that is the most important thing for him and his career.” Right. Choo must have been dazzled by all those World Series trophies..

Tony Romo  had season-ending back surgery Friday. So looks like his season will be 1 game shorter than that of his Cowboys teammates.

With Tony Romo out, and math teacher Jon Kitna suited up on the sidelines, this means we are one hard hit on Kyle Orton away from a possible Disney movie….

In Argentina on Christmas Day, about 70 people were injured, non-fatally, when they were attacked at a beach by a swam of piranhas. Has the made-for-tv movie started filming yet? #Piranhanado?

When Jadeveon Clowney was stopped for going 84 mph in a 55 zone, he was 6 miles from the stadium – where his South Carolina team was leaving for the airport “in three minutes.” Assuming this guy survives to sign with an NFL team, maybe his contract can include a car and driver and a clock?

 

A California man pleaded guilty today to a federal terrorism charge after using Facebook to connect with Al Qaeda. How dumb are crooks? Not sure how long it might have taken NSA to catch him but FB probablly took about five minutes to show the guy ads for weapons, bombs, flights out of the country..

Some complicated permutations with the NFL playoffs depending on the Sunday’s results. But to be fair, some of those potential upsets are as likely as the Sacramento Kings beating the Miami Heat….

 

So the NFL just said that Peyton Manning’s 50th TD pass against the Houston Texans, which tied Tom Brady’s mark for most TD’s in a season, shouldn’t have counted because it was really an incomplete pass. And this matters because Brady has never received the benefit of the doubt from the officials….

 

About 10 days ago Target said 40 million customers MAY have had their credit and debit cards impacted. Originally this was between Black Friday and December 6. Then December 15. Then they were definitely impacted. But it wasn’t PINS. Now it’s PINs but they were encrypted, so it shouldn’t be a problem….. So heck, let’s scream again about government intrusion and praise the private sector.

 

So let me get this straight. “Duck Dynasty,” is a reality show about a large conservative redneck family in Louisiana, who are serious about prayer and guns. Not probably a favorite amongst liberals in the first place. Then the patriarch is suspended over un-PC statements which I’d guess a large percent of their audience had no problem with. Much outrage from fans resulted. And now Robertson is back, and no doubt ratings will skyrocket. Can’t imagine how any one might think this was a publicity stunt.

So now that Phil Robertson is back on “Duck Dynasty”, who’s going to be the next reality TV star to try to jump start their ratings by saying something offensive? Should we start a pool?

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:   The NFL says they are prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope reportedly sent the league a tweet “Don’t even think about Easter.”

 

(another day for the Super Bowl?  Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have a new prop bet.)

The NFL is prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope sent a tweet that read, ‘Don’t even think about Easter’. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/318968/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-December-27-2013-Edition-451#sthash.c456aNZL.dpuf

The NFL is prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope sent a tweet that read, ‘Don’t even think about Easter’. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/318968/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-December-27-2013-Edition-451#sthash.c456aNZL.dpuf