Posted tagged ‘Sandoval jokes’

Stupor Tuesday

March 1, 2016

 

What does it say about ‪#‎MarcoRubio‬ that today in ‪#‎Oklahoma‬ he can’t even beat the guy who spells it ‪#‎Oaklahoma‬? ‪#‎SuperTuesday‬

So do Texans actually still like ‪#‎TedCruz‬. Or do they want to keep him on the campaign trail and out of the state? ‪#‎SuperTuesday‬

 

Donald Trump when asked about his plan to deport all illegal immigrants and if it might be modified – “At this moment, absolutely not.” Uh, anytime you qualify any statement with “at this moment….”

 

Chris Christie standing next to Donald Trump tonight looked about as happy to be there as most wronged wives do when they stand by their man during a press conference.

Six New Jersey newspapers have called on Governor Chris Christie to resign. Hope none of their editors have to take bridges to get to work.

Ted Cruz says he is not interested in being anyone’s running mate this November. As if anyone in the GOP could stand running with him.

Whole Foods has recalled Maytag raw milk blue cheese over fears of possible listeria contamination. Fortunately this won’t matter to the 95% of Americans who can’t afford to shop there.

The Christian Post has come out and urged their readers not to vote for Donald Trump. Hah, joke’s on them. As if most of the Donald’s supporters actually read.

Paul Ryan is the latest Republican to denounce Trump’s not denouncing David Duke, adding “This party does not prey on people’s prejudices,” And Ryan said that last with a straight face.

At spring training in Florida, Yoenis Cespedes apparently bought a prizewinning 270 pound hog for $7,000. Must.Not.Make.Pablo.Sandoval.Jokes.

So we all expected when the Washington Redskins put a franchise tag on a QB it would be Kirk Cousins?!

 

United Airlines is touting how their Mileage Plus program was named the top Frequent Flier program in a recent survey. Isn’t that like being the leading GOP primary vote-getter in 2016. ‪#‎damningbyfaintpraise‬

MLB has suspended Yankees closer Aroldis Chapman has been suspended 30 games under their new domestic violence policy. Right about now Chapman has to be regretting his decision – to play baseball instead of football.

Ivy League schools will eliminate tackling during football practices. They hope this will both limit players’ chance of brain injury and also prepare them to be drafted by the New Orleans Saints.

 

 

 

 

All about me

June 20, 2015

Brian Williams apologized and blamed his ego for his exaggeration of the truth. And then Williams added that Sigmund Freud had told him that he had one of the biggest egos the psychiatrist had ever seen.

Reports are that  A&P , once the U.S. leading grocery chain, is considering filing for bankruptcy. Said everyone under 40, “What’s A&P?”

First year Warriors coach Steve Kerr received a text from former teammate Tim Duncan “It’s that easy, huh?” Hmm, maybe we have a new candidate to take over some day from Gregg Popovich?

 

Skip Bayless on Friday called Tiger Woods a “disgrace” and a “train wreck.” Well, if anyone knows about being a disgrace and a train wreck.

Orlando’s “Wet and Wild,” one of America’s first water park opened in 1977, will close at the end of 2016. Apparently it’s not cool enough for today’s kids. And besides, it’s hard to go down the slides with smart phones.

 

Well, at least he’s got things in perspective. Steph Curry at today’s Warriors’ celebration after their parade. “6 years ago I could walk around & not be recognized, now we’re world champs & I’m known as Riley’s dad.”

Just saw a list of Major League Baseball top prospects. Curiously enough I looked up the March 2014 “top prospects by team.” Found a list that for the SF Giants, listed Joe Panik as their 15th best prospect. Matt Duffy was 30th. ‪#‎whatdotheyknow‬?

From T.C.  “St. Louis Cardinals say they have stopped hacking into the Houston Astros computers as they have found way more interesting stuff snooping into Pablo Sandoval’s phone. ”

(And Panda was benched for a day for being on Instagram during a game.  So does that mean he got to spend the evening in the clubhouse with his phone?)

 

Okay, who says I never say anything nice about Republicans?

“Regardless of our views about the symbolism of the … flags — and people of goodwill can disagree on the subject — the governor believes that most (residents of the state) would agree that the symbols of (the) past should not be displayed in a manner that may divide (us) today,” Governor Jeb Bush of Florida in 2001, ordering the Confederate flag taken down at the capitol.

Your move, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley.

 

 

 

Don’t need three reasons why Texas Gov. Rick Perry is unfit to be President. This one will do. From an interview today, about South Carolina. (capital letters are mine ) – “Any time there is an ACCIDENT like this, the president is clear. He doesn’t like for Americans to have guns and so he uses every opportunity, this being another one, to basically go parrot that message.”

Love a parade.

June 18, 2015

Warriors coach Steve Kerr says after the Warriors victory parade Friday, “I just want to sit on my couch and watch the U.S. Open and drink beer.” Well, for the last two rounds maybe Kerr can invite Tiger Woods to join him,

Apparently in the 24 hours after the Golden State Warriors won the NBA championship, a record amount of gear was sold. Wonder if for an extra charge manufacturers could make the shirts etc look like fans had been wearing them for a while.

Donald Trump apparently offered actors $50 each to show up and cheer for him as he announced his run for the Presidency.. Aha, NOW I see the Donald’s jobs plan… imagine how many people he will have to hire to show up at his various campaign events.

 

For the first time since 1970, McDonald’s is closing more restaurants than they are opening in the U.S. Because in an era of pizza with hot dogs and XXL grilled stuffed burritos, their offerings aren’t fattening enough for Americans anymore?

An American tourist, 27, is in stable condition with bite wounds at a Cancun hospital. This after the man, while allegedly drunk, ignored England and Spanish warning signs and climbed the barbed-wire fence of a crocodile enclosure at the Iberostar resort…. And once again, Darwin is thinking “missed it by THAT much.” #cantfixstupid

 

Maybe SF Giants fans should be happy at least Sandoval left before we got these “Panda being Panda” stories. He was benched for tonight’s game after “liking” a young woman’s pictures on Instagram last night during the game. Said he was in the bathroom at the time…..

 

A little inside baseball for SF Giants fans.

#‎Panda‬ who? ‪#‎McGehee‬ who? ‪#‎Duffy‬ does it again. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Astros’ GM Luhnow is denying reports that alleged Cardinals’ hackers got into the Astros database because he hadn’t changed his password(s). But have to wonder how many other people in baseball who have changed teams in the past just changed their passwords.

And now back to the serious stuff.  Don’t worry.  I’m not going to stay with this much serious stuff  for long. Though it would be nice to dream that maybe THIS time some things might actually change…. No joke.

 

The NY Times is reporting that the alleged Charleston terrorist was arrested and banned from a local mall in Feb. 2015 after he alarmed security guards by asking questions at stores about employees and when they left the mall. Then he was arrested again two months later at the mall, and jailed for 12 days. Clearly a troubled young man. And his dad decided that a good birthday present for him was a gun?!!!

Well, that didn’t take long. FoxNews.com already has an editorial saying that if churches weren’t gun-free zones, last night’s ” horrible tragedy…probably could have been avoided.”

And now it also  comes out that last week the alleged Charleston terrorist told friends and neighbors at the park that “he was looking to kill a bunch of people on Wednesday.” And his roommate said the guy has been talking about “something like that for six months.”“He was big into segregation and other stuff.. He said he wanted to start a civil war. He said he was going to do something like that and then kill himself.”

But they  thought he was joking. We’ve been taught to take suicide threats seriously, seems like it’s time to do the same with comments about killing. Even TSA, as much as we joke about them, would have stopped him for those words.

Out of place.

March 13, 2015

John Madden was upset about Will Ferrell’s spring training escapades, feeling that the aging comic actor had no place on a baseball field with real players. Wait until someone tells Madden that A-Rod’s back in Yankees camp.

A meth lab was found inside a backpack in a Muncie, Indiana Wal-Mart bathroom. Police presumably are looking at surveillance videos for anyone who bought all five seasons of the “Breaking Bad” DVDs.

SF 49ers CB Chris Culliver has now signed with Washington. Now, I know Culliver has issues, but how much of a train wreck does your team have to be before the Redskins look like a better option?

 

Dear gawd. As Candlestick Park is being demolished now even more memorabilia is being sold online. Not just seats, but parking lot signs, lockers, traffic cones, and, no joke, the IV holder from the home team locker room. What’s next? Urinals?

Capital New York is reporting that Wikipedia pages about alleged police brutality, like the Eric Garner case, have been altered from NYPD computers at 1 Police Plaza. Not only are crooks stupid, but also sometimes so are the people chasing them…. ‪#‎IPaddresswhatIPaddress‬?

So keeping her emails on a private server may confirm to many Americans that Hillary Clinton is secretive, calculating and not always 100% honest. Which actually might be qualities many people want in a President.

Why there is no satire, from a new paper on “Attention decay in science” by researchers in Finland and Palo Alto, California: “The exponential growth in the number of scientific papers makes it increasingly difficult for researchers to keep track of all the publications relevant to their work. Consequently, the attention that can be devoted to individual papers, measured by their citation counts, is bound to decay rapidly”

Translation, this study has found there are too many studies.

 

 

Pablo Sandoval, in response to a former teammate calling him out over his ego on a Facebook post. “Who is Aubrey Huff?” Apparently no one ever taught the Panda, who has three World Series rings despite playing in only two of them, and who signed a $95 million contract with Boston, that no one likes a sore winner.

So two judges have ruled that the difficult question of whether Uber and Lyft are employees or independent contractors must go to juries. Great, so a difficult legal decision that will affect the livelihoods of tens of thousands of people may well be made by 12 people who aren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Univision fired talk show host Rodner Figueroa after he said that first lady Michelle Obama “looks like she’s from the cast of Planet of the Apes.” Was Figueroa angling to get a job at FOX News?

So safety Antrel Rolle signed with the Chicago Bears because of what he said was a “sign from God”, an Orbitz ad on his phone with discount fares to Chicago. Does that mean Rolle would have signed with the SF 49ers if his phone had an ad for RIngling Brothers?

St Petersburg police determined that a 25 year old man who was fatally shot on a bicycle died because a gun he was carrying in his jacket pocket accidentally went off. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

The pain, the pain.

November 18, 2014

Got an invitation for a pre-sale for “Hello Kitty’s Supercute Friendship Festival” at Oracle Arena. Anyone but me think that sounds like a violation of the Geneva Convention?

RB LeGarrette Blount is with his 4th team in 5 years, and was suspended most of a year at Oregon for punching another player. Now he was  released for apparently leaving the field before the end of the MNF game.  Congrats to all those who had November 18 in the pool.

 

Almost 100 years ago, an exchange that perhaps might have anticipated the gay men in the locker room shower silliness: Winston Churchill said to Lady Astor that having a woman in Parliament was like having one “intrude on you in the bathroom.” Her response “You are not handsome enough to have such fears.”

To put Giancarlo Stanton’s contract in absurd perspective. $325 million is more than half what it cost to build Marlins Park. ($515 million.)

Buzzfeed quoted a senior Uber exec at a dinner suggesting the company should consider hiring opposition researchers to dig up dirt about journalists who criticize them. Emil Michael, the exec in question says he wasn’t serious and he thought he was off the record anyway. Proving again that testosterone poisoning makes you stupid. Who in high tech thinks ANYTHING is off the record?

A controversy has erupted over about 1,000 autographed items allegedly signed by Jameis Winston. Part of it is that the authenticator wasn’t allowed to witness the signings. And part of it is that many doubt an FSU athlete could count to 1000.

FIFA today logged a criminal complaint against the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Isn’t that like the pot suing the kettle?

 

The SF Giants’ Tim Hudson. 39, says he will probably retire after the 2015 season? “So young?” responded birthday boy Jamie Moyer, 52..

Starting in early 2015, tourists with a medical marijuana card from their home state can buy pot in Las Vegas. I can see it now “Dude, where’s my slots?”

But really, is this a good idea?  Medical marijuana and buffet restaurants?

#‎BigPapi‬ took ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ to dinner in Boston. No word on whether or not ‪#‎Panda‬ will sign with the ‪#‎RedSox‬. But they may have at least temporarily  shut down an all-you-can-buffet.

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Peyton Manning threw two interception this past weekend in the Broncos loss. “Amateur,” said brother Eli.”