Posted tagged ‘rose bowl jokes’

Not perfect enough?

January 2, 2018

So Auburn team that beat both Georgia & Alabama was beaten by UCF. Explain to me why undefeated  Golden Knights shouldn’t have been in playoffs?


Baker Mayfield after Rose Bowl  talked about disappointment of not winning a national title. Fortunately Mayfield isn’t projected #1, or he could find out what it’s like to be disappointed not to win, period. #Browns

So when did the #RoseBowl turn into college football equivalent of NBA All-Star game? Defense not required.


On a brighter note for those tired of #SEC dominance, at least one team in College Football Championship has a Democratic senator.

Got nothing against idea of a college football playoff. But #RoseBowl should be between #Pac12 & #BigTen. Period.


 may bring plenty of revenue to Stubhub.   But w/ game less than 1 1/2 hr from Georgia and 3 hour drive from Alabama  .not exactly going to help Atlanta economy. Or Delta Airlines.

Many had hoped for #Michigan & #Stanford to play in bowl w/ Shaw vs Harbaugh. Probably would have been good game – they couldn’t BOTH blow 2nd-half leads.

Prime Minister of Australia will be heading to DC for a meeting w/ Donald Trump this Feb. Maybe some of his entourage can take Jared or Donny Jr to a nice wine bar?

In 2017, Texas had #SutherlandSprings church shooting, plus 8 fatally shot in Plano by angry ex-husband at football party & now man arrested w/ arsenal at Houston hotel before NYE. But all these guys w/ guns were white, so it’s not terrorism…

Backwards in time? Hawaiian Airlines flight from Auckland took off after midnight Jan 1, 2018, & landed in Honolulu just after 10am on Dec. 31, 2017. GOP is thinking, big deal. we just took the entire country back 50 years..

As of Jan 1, Californians can now legally buy recreational marijuana. Jobs, jobs, jobs!! Although many of them in fast-food restaurants & at 7-11.

Today recreational marijuana is legal in Calif. As if companies didn’t have hard enough time getting employees to show up on time after holidays on Jan 2.

Good thing about not knowing who #LoganPaul was until today, don’t have regrets about spending ANY of my life having watching even one of his videos.

Trump tweeting about “great Iranian people.” So he’s banning them from entering US because they’re too great & would make Americans feel bad by comparison?


Rosy feeling

January 2, 2016

#Iowa discovered today it’s a lot easier to tip a cow than ‪#‎McCaffery ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ ‪#‎Stanford‬ ‪#‎fearthetree‬


#‎Pac12‬ would be perfect in bowl games if weren’t for those underachieving schools from Southern California.

Christian McCaffery’s older brother is a WR at Duke, his younger brother Dylan will be a senior QB in HS & has accepted a scholarship to Colorado. Youngest brother Luke was JV QB last year. Note to ‪#‎Stanford‬ and ‪#‎DavidShaw‬: Recruit him now.

So to be a Power Five conference shouldn’t you actually have to win some bowl games? ‪#‎NotsoBig12‬

Overhead shot of the ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ in the 4th quarter. Where did all the yellow fans go? ‪#‎Iowa‬ ‪#‎Stanford‬

So have to wonder, what did ‪#‎Iowa‬ coach tell his team at ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ halftime?

So you think there are any ‪#‎Heisman‬ voters wanting a mulligan? ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ ‪#‎McCaffery‬. ‪#‎Stanford‬

Brent Musburger very disappointed in ‪#‎McCaffery‬. Christian doesn’t have a known gorgeous girlfriend who Brent can droll over. ‪#‎RoseBowl‬

Stealth bomber again shown flying over the ‪#‎RoseBowl‬. So isn’t it supposed to be invisible?

Most of college football would like to thank Jim ‪#‎Harbaugh‬ and ‪#‎Michigan‬ for standing up today against idea of ‪#‎SEC‬ dominance. ‪#‎Citrusbowl‬

Note to Stanford grad Carly Fiorina – you’re better off panderingto Iowa with ethanol. And you’re as good at picking teams as you were at running HP. This tweet today “Love my alma mater, but rooting for a Hawkeyes win today. ‪#‎RoseBowl‬

Sometimes you post on social media and later it’s “What was I thinking?”

Not this time though, posted a message to a friend doing ESPN stats for the Rose Bowl  (note time and date) “Hope McCaffery wears you out looking for offensive records that he breaks smile emoticon
December 30, 2015 at 11:17am”

(not that I had the courage of my convictions enough actually to BET on the game, or the records 🙂

Ohio State DE Joey Bosa, the likely 1st NFL draft pick was ejected in the 1st quarter of the Fiesta Bowl today for targeting. Well, heck, if he was going to be gone that fast, Bosa could have just done something more fun like missed curfew to party in Scottsdale.

At least Bosa did prove he is NFL ready.

Bill Cosby apparently sent out a tweet “Friends and fans, Thank You.” Not sure about ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ But certainly ‪#‎cantfixtonedeaf‬.


Happy new year

December 31, 2015

It’s now January 1.  Which means most of us only have about four more months to write 2015 on our checks.

(if I have any millennial readers no doubt you are saying “what is a check?”)

Some ‪#‎OrangeBowl‬ worries as to what viewers would do with choice between a close game and watching the ball drop. ‪#‎problemsolved‬ ‪#‎MSUvsAla‬

“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch and his mom reportedly had a gun with them in Mexico (which was found by workers at the deluxe resort where they first stayed.) And a lot of Texas Republicans are thinking “See, the kid isn’t all bad.”


Congrats to the University of ‪#‎Houston‬ on their upset of ‪#‎FSU‬. Does this mean the ‪#‎DallasCowboys‬ are now only the 3rd best team in Texas?

At Clemson, they are building a $55 million complex exclusively for football players. It will have a miniature golf course, sand volleyball courts, laser tag, movie theater, bowling lanes, barber shop and more. Athletics spokesman Joe Galbraith – “It’ll be their home on campus, when they’re not in class.” And he said that last phrase with a straight face.


The Browns will start QB Austin Davis said Johnny Manziel won’t play Sunday “given he’s in the NFL concussion protocol.” Guess even in Cleveland they can’t say “We’ve addressed his behavior and are giving him one more chance this year” with a straight face.


#‎Twitter‬ has hired a new V.P. of Diversity – a white man. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ High Tech Division

The TCU star quarterback who was arrested and then suspended for the Alamo Bowl apparently made it back to his room for curfew and then went back out. Sure because even had things gone well there was no chance someone might have recognized him and taken a picture for social media. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

‪#‎BenCarson‬‘s campaign manager quit. Shocking. This means someone was stll running Carson’s campaign?

Rough night for ‪#‎MSU‬. Football fans in Michigan normally aren’t this disappointed unless the ‪#‎Lions‬ are playing


Who knows how ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ will turn out but it’s a lovely night in LA. Guessing now ‪#‎Iowa‬ isn’t feeling that bad about that ‪#‎MSU‬ loss.

The Rose Bowl tomorrow between Stanford and Iowa is now alas considered second tier with the new College Football Playoff. Why, no team has even had a player get arrested.

The Army Research Institute of Environmental Medicine has offered up to $200 for anyone willing to subsist on nothing but so-called “meals, ready-to-eat” (MREs) for 3 weeks.  The scary thing, for many Americans these days, especially fast-food fans, that’s probably a flavor upgrade.

This picture might be worth 2,000 words.

January 2, 2015

As tweeted by Danny Nanell    “The SEC Programming Network tomorrow.”




For the first time since 2005, there will be no ‪#‎SEC‬ team in the BCS National Championship. No punch line, I just like writing it.



Children in Africa tonight will be rejoicing over a shipment of brand new FSU vs. Alabama National Championship T-shirts.



Many Florida State players refused to shake hands with Oregon players after the Rose Bowl samples. Maybe they were worried about giving possible DNA samples?

Early in the 4th quarter,  ESPN said ‪#‎Oregon‬  was “executing.” Yep, execution was the right term. FSU was looking for a clemency call from the governor.. ‪#‎RoseBowl‬

Good thing ‪#‎FSU‬ didn’t bring their 2013 BCS championship crystal trophy to the ‪#‎RoseBowl‬. They probably would have dropped it. ‪#‎OREvsFSU‬

One Big Ten excuse in various Rose Bowls over the years is that Midwest teams have sometimes been distracted by a week in warm weather. Florida State might need to come up with a new one.

As Lee Slice pointed out, the national championship is now – – the Rose Bowl.  (Big 10 vs. Pac 10/12)


Like many, I had hard time deciding who to root against more? Nick Saban or Urban Meyer?    I think my son had it right, rooting for a 2nd half brawl that gets some players from the winning team suspended against Oregon.

(Of course, in retrospect, another reason to be happy about the OSU win, we know we won’t have to watch Alabama offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin on the sidelines.)

Lewis Rudolph, 95, a co-founder of Krispy Kreme, has died. So presume instead of being embalmed he will be glazed?


Undocumented immigrants can now get drivers licenses in California.  While there are some issues where good people can disagree as to whether this is a good or bad idea, there’s one absolutely good thing about it – undocumented immigrants can now also get car insurance in California.  #andnotliketheywerentgoingtodriveanyway


Mario Cuomo has died at the age of 82. When it came to whether or not to run for President his decision-making abilities rivaled those of Brett Favre. But a very smart man, and one of the best political speakers of our time: “The American people need no course in philosophy or political science or church history to know that God should not be made into a celestial party chairman.”

Let’s hope they don’t have to lower academic standards….

January 1, 2015

Looked last night like ‪#‎TCU‬ is just a little upset about being left out of the College Football playoff…

And Wisconsin, the team that lost 59 to 0 against Ohio State just beat Auburn. Tell me again about SEC supremacy?


Defensive coordinator Jim Haslett is out at Washington. During his 5-year tenure, the defense has finished a collective 29th in the NFL total yards and 30th in points per game. Talk about a job opening where there’s nowhere to go but up.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who “consciously uncoupled” from Chris Martin this year, now said in an interview “there are times when I think it would have been better if we had stayed married….” Two words for Gwyneth “nobody cares.”

Ndamukong Suh won his suspension appeal for twice stepping on Aaron Rodgers by saying his feet were cold and numb, and he couldn’t tell the difference between the QB’s feet and the ground.. So while he plans this week’s excuse has someone warned Suh that Dallas has a retractable roof?


Rex Ryan is apparently on the 49ers interview list as a possible new head coach. So Christmas may not be over for San Francisco area comedy writers.

Jed York doesn’t think the uncertain coaching situation all season with Jim Harbaugh was a distraction. So presume the reason that the 49ers are interviewing Rex Ryan is that York thinks the team might have performed better being distracted?

In the Southern California mountains over 150 people were rescued when a snowstorm caught them in their cars. And in the East Coast and Midwest that sound you hear is giggling.

Seattle DE Michael Bennett says that QB’s aren’t treated the same as other players. “If I get knocked to the ground, the referee just steps over me and says, ‘That’s part of the game.’ If Peyton Manning falls to the ground, the referee helps him get up. I thought everybody was equal, but that’s a lie.” And in related news, Bennett has just figured out that the Pope is Catholic?

UNC says they have fired a professor after a report found fake classes allowed over 3,000 athletes to inflate their GPS from 1993-2011. (She allegedly helped women’s basketball players enroll in the “courses”) Of course I am sure none of the other current faculty and athletic department had anything to do with this scandal. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

John McCain, who was censured by the Arizona GOP last year for being “insufficiently conservative” is apparently purging Tea Party opponents from state party offices. Every once in a while McCain reminds me of why I used to like him.

In Peachtree City, Georgia a woman is in critical condition and her police chief husband is on leave after he says he accidentally shot her twice. Bringing up the question again “How do you stop a good guy with a gun?”

(As my friend Jim Barach asked ?  “ccidentally” shot her twice? I guess he thought he missed with the first accident…”)

Chick-fil-A has reported a credit card breach at some of their restaurants. Okay, the sandwiches start at $3. Who uses a credit card at Chick-fil-A?

Three people were injured outside the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Eve when winds uprooted pop-up tents outside the stadium. And Stanford and USC fans alike could unite in thanking their teams for not putting them in that position.

Idina Menzel missed some high notes during her performance of “Let it Go” on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Times Square last night. Of course the wind chill made it 15 degrees. Who knew “Frozen” would turn out to be a documentary?


#‎RoseBowl‬ viewers who have never watched Oregon play before have to wonder, where do the ‪#‎Ducks‬ plug in their uniforms?

What’s in a name?

January 2, 2014

Kate Winslet will not give her baby son “Bear” her husband’s last name, which is (legally) “RocknRoll. He will be known as Bear Winslet “Of course we’re not going to call (him) RocknRoll. People might judge all they like, but I’m a (bleeping) grown-up.” And she said it with a (bearly?) straight face

“Gosh it’s so sad seeing Nick Saban lose” said no one in 49 states. (And in Alabama, no one in Auburn.).

ESPN headline “Jadeveon Clowney ready to make impact in the NFL.”. Considering his being caught twice over 100 mph let’s hope that impact isn’t in a vehicle.

Can’t imagine how airlines get the reputation for unfriendly pricing. United Airlines has started offering “Premium Wines” by the glass in their United Club at the airport. Like Mark West Pinot Noir at $13. Average retail price for a BOTTLE of the wine as of today – $10, discounted as low as $6.99.

On Monday, Vikings LB Erin Henderson talked about his DUI arrest Nov. 19 and said “You start to learn a lot about yourself when things can go wrong or bad, if you’re willing to try to learn, if you’re willing to look in the mirror and figure things out. And I think I was able to do that.” On Wednesday, Henderson was arrested again for DUI. Even Lindsay Lohan is thinking that’s a slow learning curve.

Disappointing to fly back from the Rose Bowl after a Stanford loss. On the other hand, Palo Alto, sunny today with a high of 70. East Lansing, snowy today with a high of 14.

Maybe just maybe David Shaw kept running up the middle in yesterday’s Rose Bowl because he figured MSU would think Stanford couldn’t possibly be crazy enough to keep doing it and would guess “pass”?

Over 90,000 attendees at the 2014 Rose Bowl. And only one of them thought Stanford would eventually succeed running up the middle. Unfortunately for Cardinal fans, that one was their coach.

Mayor Rob Ford has filed papers to run for re-election. Not sure about the citizens of Toronto, but this is excellent news for comedy writers.

Why there is no satire: A man who won a contest last year to meet the cast of “Breaking Bad” back in September has been arrested on drug charges. (Yeah, you guessed the state. And no, not New Mexico.)

The next GOP strategy to overturn Obamacare will apparently be to focus on potential security issues with the website. Eric Cantor is saying that Americans shouldn’t have to worry “if they can trust the government to inform them when their personal information — entered into a government mandated website — has been compromised.” Right, on the other hand if banks, stores or social media compromise personal data, well, that’s just a risk of capitalism.

And in the comedy comes from pain department, Dwight Perry liked one of yesterday’s Rose Bowl jokes.  It’s a great Seattle Times sports humor column.

Chaos theory- and a thorny Rose Bowl.

January 2, 2014

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Handing off to Gaffney didn’t work after the 1st quarter.

“Toto, a band that makes nice straight lines?  I don’t think we’re in Palo Alto anymore.


– And then there’s the LSJUMB.


Well maybe this will put an end to all the David Shaw to the NFL rumors.

Stanford band kept it PG at halftime. But managed to seriously annoy Michigan State fans with a couch burning in East Lansing tribute. (Google it. :))

So will there be extra police security for couches in East Lansing tonight?

Stan Van Gundy referred to the Brooklyn Nets as a “bush league organization” in a radio interview this week.  Thereby prompting demands for an apology. From bush leagues.

Honda sign at Rose Bowl gate “Don’t forget where you parked. It’s our job to be helpful”. Of course if you get to the gate and already don’t remember where you parked you are hosed.

Ah Los Angeles. Bellman at hotel tells family they “might want to wait inside” while valet gets their car because “it’s cold out there.”. Temperature? 55 degrees.

Today in Ann Arbor was the NHL’s “Winter Classic” – an annual outdoor hockey game. And this year  broke attendance records with over 100,000 tickets sold. That’s more people shivering in the cold since the SF Giants’ last sellout at Candlestick.

Jadeveon Clowney said today he will forgo his senior year and leave South Carolina to enter the NFL draft. Makes sense. Clowney has to find some way to pay for his arrests and speeding tickets.

Michael Vick said he expects to start at QB in 2014. Hmm. Wonder if there are any openings in the CFL?