Posted tagged ‘Orange Bowl jokes’

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Happy new year

December 31, 2015

It’s now January 1.  Which means most of us only have about four more months to write 2015 on our checks.

(if I have any millennial readers no doubt you are saying “what is a check?”)

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Some ‪#‎OrangeBowl‬ worries as to what viewers would do with choice between a close game and watching the ball drop. ‪#‎problemsolved‬ ‪#‎MSUvsAla‬

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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch and his mom reportedly had a gun with them in Mexico (which was found by workers at the deluxe resort where they first stayed.) And a lot of Texas Republicans are thinking “See, the kid isn’t all bad.”

 

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Congrats to the University of ‪#‎Houston‬ on their upset of ‪#‎FSU‬. Does this mean the ‪#‎DallasCowboys‬ are now only the 3rd best team in Texas?

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At Clemson, they are building a $55 million complex exclusively for football players. It will have a miniature golf course, sand volleyball courts, laser tag, movie theater, bowling lanes, barber shop and more. Athletics spokesman Joe Galbraith – “It’ll be their home on campus, when they’re not in class.” And he said that last phrase with a straight face.

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The Browns will start QB Austin Davis said Johnny Manziel won’t play Sunday “given he’s in the NFL concussion protocol.” Guess even in Cleveland they can’t say “We’ve addressed his behavior and are giving him one more chance this year” with a straight face.

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#‎Twitter‬ has hired a new V.P. of Diversity – a white man. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ High Tech Division

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The TCU star quarterback who was arrested and then suspended for the Alamo Bowl apparently made it back to his room for curfew and then went back out. Sure because even had things gone well there was no chance someone might have recognized him and taken a picture for social media. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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‪#‎BenCarson‬‘s campaign manager quit. Shocking. This means someone was stll running Carson’s campaign?

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Rough night for ‪#‎MSU‬. Football fans in Michigan normally aren’t this disappointed unless the ‪#‎Lions‬ are playing

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Who knows how ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ will turn out but it’s a lovely night in LA. Guessing now ‪#‎Iowa‬ isn’t feeling that bad about that ‪#‎MSU‬ loss.

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The Rose Bowl tomorrow between Stanford and Iowa is now alas considered second tier with the new College Football Playoff. Why, no team has even had a player get arrested.

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The Army Research Institute of Environmental Medicine has offered up to $200 for anyone willing to subsist on nothing but so-called “meals, ready-to-eat” (MREs) for 3 weeks.  The scary thing, for many Americans these days, especially fast-food fans, that’s probably a flavor upgrade.

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Move over grumpy cat.

January 4, 2014

 

 

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The holidays are over, it’s back to work, and how about those NFL seedings?

 

 

Gosh. Nick Saban and Urban Meyer have both lost their BCS bowls. “What a shame” said nobody.

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Although the happiest  Orange Bowl vIewers tonight? Anyone who bet the over.

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All of this talk in the media about what went wrong for Nick Saban and Alabama. Is it just POSSIBLE they played exactly at their level? #SECoverrated

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Major mess of a snow day for the first weekend in January in the New York area. So how many of my fellow bus to hell passengers are hoping we have the same weather the first weekend in February?

 

 

Paul Walker’s death was sad. But at over 100 mph on city streets, can we chalk it up to another DUIT – Driving Under the Influence of Testosterone?

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Houston Texans owner Bob McNair said he is open to trading the team’s #1 pick in the NFL draft. Which is great news – for potential #1 draft picks.

 

 

Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston about speculation that FSU coach Jimbo Fisher would leave for Texas saying if if he “goes to Texas, I’m going to ask him can I go with you? Yeah, I’m serious. He’s my coach.” Well, that might add a few millions to the Longhorns’ offer.

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Beanie Babies creator Ty Warner, 69, who pleaded guilty to stashing over $100 million in a Swiss Bank account to evade taxes has asked a judge for probation instead of prison, because he “emerged from an unhappy family and a youth devoid of educational advantages to become, through decades of hard work and extraordinary creativity, a self-made American success story.” So what is this – “adult-onset affluenza?”

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You think you’re absent-minded. The California winner of the Dec. 17 Mega Millions, half of a $648 million jackpot, apparently is a delivery driver who until earlier this week, forgot he had been in San Jose and bought some tickets that day. (At least he could still find them.)

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And re that winner, it’s a safe bet he’s either not married, or didn’t talk to his wife about buying tickets. Because she wouldn’t have forgotten….

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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones favors expanded NFL playoffs. How expanded? Presumably just big enough for Dallas to get in every year.

 

 

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From T.C.   Pope Francis drew a record 6.6 million people to his Vatican events in 2013. This more than double any of his predecessors. “Given numbers like that, there would not be any local TV blackout”, said the NFL.

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Orange you glad….?

January 4, 2011

If you bet Stanford in the Orange Bowl.  Fuzzy picture of trophy ceremony below.

Virginia Tech fans generally left after the third quarter. Guess they no longer had a dog in the fight.

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The score was 13-12 at halftime.   I want a copy of whatever speech Harbaugh gave Stanford at halftime.

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Maroon and orange? Did Virginia Tech forgot to show up for college color picking day and end up with the leftovers?

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An anonymous friend asks – “what is a Hokie?”  It might be the card you use to open the door of the motel room you rent by the hour?

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After the game, QB Andrew Luck and coach Jim Harbaugh lobbed Oranges at the other players during the trophy presentation.  Good thing Stanford wasn’t in the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl or the Hyundai Sun Bowl.

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ESPN.com headline:  Lakers have issues to address. With all due respect, that’s been true for a while. But now they have issues to address on the court.

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Inspired by a  joke from Patrick Wyatt:

The difference between the Big Ten and cornflakes? Cornflakes don’t fall apart as soon as they get in a bowl.

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If Harbaugh wants the NFL then he should try the 49ers job. If he wants to stay in college, what’s the point of moving? He’s proven he can recruit a top 10 class where he is. And besides, at Stanford when they give the concussion test – “How many fingers am I holding up?” – the response isn’t “Ah, coach, I’m not great at math.”

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Two massage therapists are now also claiming they were harrassed by Brett Favre.  Will it never end?  Let’s hope neither of them refers to him as a “crazed sex poodle.”

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