Posted tagged ‘Rodman jokes’

Tough and tougher.

July 3, 2013

Jamaican runner Novlene Williams-Mills. who won a bronze with her 400m relay in the 2012 Olympics, just revealed she been secretly diagnosed with breast cancer the month before and had a lumpectomy 3 days after the closing ceremony. Weaker sex my a**.

So Dennis Rodman thinks that after his visit to North Korea he should be a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. More like a candidate for the Piece Of Work Prize.

1. All countries spy. 2. Edward Snowden has made it clear he views it is his mission to expose spying and will use any means at his power to do so. 3. Snowden wants to live in a new country. 4. See #1. 5. Snowden is scr*wed.

Aaron Hernandez jerseys are now selling for hundreds of dollars on Ebay. To paraphase P.T. Barnum, guess no one also ever went broke underestimating the bad taste of the American public.

Regarding that New England Patriots offer to trade in Aaron Hernandez jerseys;  T.C. says “The kicker is that you get an Ochocinco one in return.”

New York City GOP mayoral candidate Joe Lhota just called on Anthony Weiner’s ex-girlfriends to dish dirt so that women “will come to the right conclusion after enough women come out and talk about what it was like to be with him and date him and things like that.” Uh, did Lhota forget that New Yorkers re-elected Giuliani, and voted overwhelming twice for Bill Clinton?

Iggy Pop, 66, says he has quit stage-diving in his shows. Was this after a number of shows where he dived and couldn’t get up?

Jennifer Aniston: “I’ll never forget when Justin and I were on a road trip and we were so hungry, “The only thing around was McDonald’s. I think I ordered a Big Mac. Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system.” Even most first-world people are thinking “REALLY-First-World Problems”

An Ohio day-care operator was arrested and charged with putting Benadryl and Melatonin in kids’ pancakes to get them to sleep. “How awful” said many Americans. “How much did she use?” asked many tired parents.

So after Rick Perry gets his special legislative session to vote on his abortion bill, will the Texas governor’s next move be to ask his state to declare they are not subject to the 19th amendment?

There are rumors that Texas Governor Rick Perry might announce another run for President of the United States. Millions of Americans are very excited about this possibility. They’re called “Democrats.”

The GOP strategy if Hillary Clinton runs for President is reportedly to try to paint her as “old news.” Well, that really ought to boost Jeb Bush.

Watching Yasiel Puig makes me think maybe a good second half strategy for SF Giants might be to troll waters outside Cuba with a black and orange boat and sign saying saying “Baseball players welcome here.”

Entitled much? A TripAdvisor review of a 3-star NY hotel booked ON PRICELINE rants how even though she advised a 7a arrival the hotel did not have her room ready at 9a for early check-in.  (And only had it ready an hour before the promised 3pm check-in time.)   Plus they wouldn’t give her Hilton Honours points with the discounted price.  And she got a small, dark room. Hello? ‎#Yougetwhatyoupayfor

Send in the Rodmans?

March 5, 2013

Kim Jong Un’s wife apparently secretly gave birth in late 2012. This could further explain why the North Korean dictator wanted Rodman to visit – not only does Dennis know basketball but no doubt he was also the baby’s first clown.

No brainer? Magic Johnson has offered LeBron James $1 million to participate in the NBA’s slam dunk contest. Seriously LeBron, do the dunks, take the $1 million, donate it to charity. Might be the best “Decision” you ever publicly made.

Charlie Sheen is saying that Lindsay Lohan needs help and is offering to be her mentor. Which is a nice thought, but just exactly how screwed up do you have to be before Charlie Sheen is your voice of reason?

Anyone else get the impression listening to Mitt Romney now that instead of having to run for President, he feels that he should have just been appointed to the job, like a Pope?

Reggie Bush says that Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo “definitely could” have made it in the NFL? Maybe, though like most soccer stars, it would have been an adjustment for Ronaldo to learn about falling on the the ground hard when he was REALLY hit.

Joe Flacco says his new 6-year $120.6 million deal with Baltimore “wasn’t necessarily about the money. It was about earning that respect and feeling like I was respected around here.”

So if the Ravens had offered him $100 million, would Flacco have felt disrespected?-

Marissa Mayer reportedly came up with her directive abolishing telecommuting when she found out that employees weren’t logging in at home as much as they were supposed to be. Or is it just possible they tried regularly, and ofter couldn’t get Yahoo mail to work….

Apparently there are already some extra long airport wait times at Customs and things will get worse in TSA lines due to the sequester. But surely at this difficult time the U.S. can find money in the budget to make sure all members of Congress go through secondary screening.

A question no one would have heard not that long ago. “I forgot my phone, can you please tell me what time it is?”

NY GM Brian Cashman broke his ankle this morning skydiving. Who does he think he is, part of the Yankees’ putative starting lineup?

Gonzaga is #1 in the AP men’s basketball poll today. There goes any hope they had of being the tournament’s Cinderella.

Really? Actual headline from this morning: “Kate Middleton Attends Wedding While Nearly Five Months Pregnant.” Shocking what some women are able to accomplish..

From my friend Alex Kaseberg: A little tacky but …  “Quoting Youngbloods, everybody try to love one another right now. Except for that witch blocking the grocery aisle with her cart.   Die, whore”

(I’m thinking the same on a few folks with 35 items in the Express Line.)