Posted tagged ‘DOMA jokes’

Fabulous!

June 26, 2013

Conservatives may be disheartened over DOMA being overturned today, and gay marriages being allowed again in California. But hey, from a business standpoint, think of all the economic stimulus from gay weddings! #Expensivechampagne

Is the New England Patriots’ season as dead as DOMA?

Apparently Aaron Hernandez is the 29th NFL player arrested since this year’s Super Bowl.  This is clearly what comes of allowing too many heterosexuals in the league.

The prosecution’s evidence against Hernandez allegedly includes some used bubble gum found in a car seen near the site of the murder.  Gum that he may have been seen buying.   So does this mean, if he chewed, then he is through?

Cleveland rookie LB Ausar Walcott was arrested Tuesday and charged with attempted murder after he allegedly punched a man in the head last weekend. Gosh, the Browns can’t even get the major headlines on the NFL police blotter.

Rough week for Paula Deen. Who knew it was possible to make Walmart look politically correct?

Paula Deen in a teary television interview today complained of “horrible, horrible lies” about her. Uh, in Celebrity 101 class shouldn’t there be a session featuring Hugh Grant’s interview with Leno? Admit, say you were stupid, and move on. (Then if necessary find God and beg forgiveness.)

Just wondering, how would Justice Clarence Thomas have ruled on “Loving v. Virginia” in 1967….

(if that’s too “inside baseball,”  “Loving v. Virginia” was the ruling that struck down inter-racial marriage laws. And Thomas is married to a white woman.)

Best comedy line of the week goes to coach Chip Kelly: “As I have I stated before, the NCAA investigation and subsequent ruling had no impact on my decision to leave Oregon for Philadelphia.”

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Former Cub Kerry Wood found a body floating in a harbor.  I hear he strained his shoulder calling 911.”

In Justice Scalia’s angry dissent today he once again railed against “homosexual sodomy.” So does he have a position on heterosexual sodomy. (Technically defined as anything but vaginal intercourse…?.)

Texas Gov. Rick Perry just called a new special session to take up the abortion bill that was filibustered last night. What happened to that “small government” philosophy?

You can’t make this stuff up…   Gov. Perry says he is calling a special session on that abortion bill because “Texans value life.” On the same day that the state has executed its 500th inmate since they reinstated the death penalty in 1982.

Somewhere both #MollyIvins and #AnnRichards are together looking down on #WendyDavis. And smiling.