Posted tagged ‘duncan jokes’

Numbers game.

December 14, 2016

Gregg Popovich has 1,109 career wins in the regular season. 1,001 of them were with Tim Duncan.

 

Despite announcing the wrong winner last year, Steve Harvey has been invited back to host the next Miss Universe pageant. Forgiveness? Or FOX figuring that viewers hoping for another flub will give them all-time high ratings?

Jim Brown is a legend but wonder why Donald Trump met with Ray Lewis. Hope it wasn’t for advice on how to get away with murder?

Lions CB Darius Slay, on the Pro Bowl being in Orlando instead of Hawaii “It’s really pointless.” Uh, has the Pro Bowl ever been anything but?

(Idea, what if being picked as a Pro Bowler just gets you two free tickets to Hawaii. Save the wear and tear and potential injuries Of course this would disappoint at least a dozen fans.).

WR Michael Floyd was arrested for DUI and failure to obey a police officer after he was found allegedly passed out in his running car early Monday morning on a Scottsdale street. Today the Cardinals released him. When will they ever learn – if you want to stay on a team and get arrested, you’d better be a superstar.

Lane Kiffin already has his first controversy as coach of FAU, by signing East Mississippi Community College QB De’Andre Johnson. Johnson was a top prospect who was dismissed from Florida State he was seen on video in a bar punching a woman.
So congratulations to all those who had December 14 in the pool

 

At San Francisco Intl Airport (SFO), a traffic management program is in effect, causing some arriving flights to be delayed an average of over 2 hours. Or as frequent fliers in and out of SFO call it “Wednesday.”

Reports are that at least 300 employees of Google and Twitter and other tech companies have signed a pledge to refuse to help Trump build a Muslim registry. Of course there’s another way out of this, have Yahoo or AOL volunteer to build the registry; then it just won’t work.

Conagra Brands, the company that makes Reddi-wip, said they may have a shortage this Christmas due to a fatal explosion at a Florida nitrous oxide plant this summer. The horror. This could mean not only no aerosol whipped cream this holiday, but no dregs of nitrous oxide in the can to help survive your relatives.

Good to see #Trump taking time between insults, celebrity pics & thank yous to tweet about tragedy that is #Aleppo. Oh, wait, never mind.

Trump is considering Carly Fiorina as Director of National Intelligence. Because after the report of Russian hacking Donald might want Carly to do to Intelligence employees what she did to those at HP?

Carly Fiorina in the debate after Donald Trump insulted her face. “I think women all over this country heard very clearly what Mr. Trump said.” Yeah, and it sounds like in the end Carly herself paid about as much attention to what he said as many women.

After meeting with Trump, #Kanye tweeted today #2024. Isn’t it a little premature to think of taking on President #CoryBooker?

BP announced it is moving headquarters from Houston to Denver. This following Exxon-Mobil moving its headquarters to the White House?

 

 

from Marc Ragovin “The NY Yankees have signed Reuben Tejeda to a minor league contract. He reportedly is head over heels with the move.”

A solution to voter apathy?

July 13, 2016

So imagine what turnout could be in November if we put ‪#‎Pokestops‬ in voting booths. #‪#‎PokemonGO‬

 

At Stanford Shopping Center in California, a roving security robot allegedly ran over a toddler’s foot and knocked the child down. Was the robot texting at the time?

So the MLB All-Star Game is over, and now we again realize that after a voting process many people didn’t take very seriously, the result actually counts. Sort of like the GOP primary.

 

Tim Duncan, in talking about his retirement from the NBA, said he could “probably still play, but “It wasn’t fun at times. And I always said when that point comes when it’s not fun anymore then I’m done.”
And many of the 76ers, Knicks and Kobe’s ex-teammates,  for starters,  said “You mean it’s supposed to be fun?”

NBA commissioner Adam Silver just said that Kevin Durant going to the Warriors is “not ideal from a league standpoint.” Well, I’m sure that makes the Lakers feel so much better about their 2011 vetoed trade for Chris Paul.

In Nashville, a man had his face covered with toilet paper while he robbed a store. Witnesses said he appeared a little flushed.

The College Football Playoff is considering moving the semifinals from Dec. 31. “”We’re thinking about if New Year’s Eve is the way to go.”
Uh let’s see, last year’s Orange and Cotton Bowl semi-finals on Dec. 31 had 38.5 & 36.5 % drops in ratings from the year before. What was their first clue?

Interesting to see how many Republicans are upset by GInsburg’s anti-Trump comments and want her to recuse herself in cases going forward. Of course, these are the same people who wanted Scalia to recuse himself when his son was working for the firm George W. hired for Bush vs. Gore. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Forget what she thinks of Trump, now that the 2nd US Circuit Court has denied Tom Brady’s appeal, we really need to know what Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg thinks of the Patriots.

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is on Trump’s VP short list. Before anyone gets the sense that the Donald is considering getting off the crazy train, remember that in 2012 then congressman Pence likened the Supreme Court’s ruling upholding the Democratic health care law to 9-11.

 

As Trump decides on  his running mate, has anyone told Donald unlike marriage, he can’t just trade his choice in later on a younger model?

Trump apparently will announce his VP pick Friday. “It’s a little bit like ‘The Apprentice,” said Newt Gingrich, “You find out sooner or later who the last one standing is.”
Forget “The Apprentice,” isn’t it more like ‘Last Comic Standing.”?

The GOP is reportedly $6 million short of the $64 million fundraising goal they had for the convention next week in Cleveland. Can’t Trump get Mexico to pay for it?

Another reason Tim Duncan might have waited until this week to retire – it was too late for him to have to been “honored” at the ESPYs.

 

 

But the best of the ESPYs, if that’s not an oxymoron, was a great speech, seriously, from Craig Sager, diagnosed with terminal leukemia, “I’ve run with the bulls in Pamplona. I’ve raced with Mario Andretti in Indianapolis. I have climbed the Great Wall of China. I have jumped out of aeroplanes over Kansas. I have wrestled gators in Florida. I have sailed the ocean with Ted Turner. I swam with the oceans in the Caribbean. And I have interviewed Gregg Popovich, mid-game, Spurs down seven..
If I have learned anything through all of this, it is that each and every day is a canvas waiting to be painted, an opportunity for love, for fun, for living, for learning.”

Not with a bang nor a whimper

July 11, 2016

No farewell tour for Tim Duncan,  unless you say it was the same quiet tour he was on for almost two decades.

Of course unlike Kobe, Duncan figured his last season would extend beyond the regular season.

 

#‎TimDuncan‬ will be in Hall of Fame for many reasons. But this stat will probably never be matched again. He played 19 years, for ONE coach.

 

Draymond Green was arrested on assault charges in Michigan after what a police source called “basically an altercation between two guys.” And at this point, the Warriors and NBA have to be thinking “Well, at least it wasn’t a woman.”

Congrats to ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬ for being named NL All-Star game starting pitcher. Not a bad consolation prize for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not getting Zack Greinke

 

You could have actually bet on the Home Run Derby winner tonight in Las Vegas. And if you seriously bet, and care, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.

(But if you bet on Celebrity Softball you DEFINITELY have a problem.)

 

 

Ok, probably didn’t want to see him risk injury with 50 plus swings. But would have been fun to see a ‪#‎MadBum‬ cameo in ‪#‎HomeRunDerby‬

San Diego Padres All-Star Wil Myers today told the media “East Coast Mexican food is better than West Coast Mexican food.” Has someone checked Myers for concussions?

So many top ‪#‎NL‬ pitchers won’t be playing in this year’s All-Star game you’d almost think it was an Olympic event.

(or as my friend Steve L. says “or the GOP convention.)

Jordan Spieth is the latest golfer to withdraw from the Olympics. If this keeps up maybe Tiger Woods should consider going to Rio – he could win by attrition.

United flight from San Francisco to Frankfurt delayed almost two hours due to “catering difficulties.” Wouldn’t it have been faster to call Domino’s?

Starbucks is giving all US store employees and managers at least a 5% raise this year, plus improved stock benefits. And soon no doubt a generous low-interest loan payment plan for their regular customers.

#‎PokemonGO‬, the hottest new app in years, but it has security risks. As in players are likely to walk into trees. other people, & traffic.

Donald Trump today called himself the “law and order candidate.” As in “I make my own laws and don’t follow orders.”

GOP now pushing for a perjury probe against Hillary Clinton over her emails. Because of course they wanted the same probe with the Bush administration over those alleged WMDs. Oh, wait, never mind.

 

Got a free sample of Eye Repair Cream today, a solid white cream that claims to “reduce the look of dark circles and puffiness.” On the back – “For external use only.” ‪#‎beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

As ‪#‎BernieSanders‬ prepares to endorse ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ anyone but me half expect him to say at the last minute “Just kidding”?

 

With joke writing, you never know in advance about getting material, except this week – when Donald Trump will announce his running mate

Let my people whine…

April 25, 2016

Just thinking, if Moses tried to lead his people out of Egypt today how many would have had to be left behind bitching about food allergies?

Happy 40th Birthday to Tim Duncan. If the Spurs manage to win him one more ring, San Antonio will have the first NBA championship parade to do the entire route with their left blinkers on.

 

Mark Cuban today before game 5 made a comment that Kevin Duran was the “one superstar” on the OKC Thunder, but that Russell Westbrook was ” an All-Star but not a superstar.”
Yeah, that worked out well.

Grade 1 sprain for Steph Curry. Which means that millions of Warriors fans are suddenly going to become amateur knee doctors for the next few weeks.

 

 

ESPN reports that the NFL says no player tested positive for drugs during February’s scouting combine. Meaning either that this year’s draft class is clean, or that they were smart enough not to do anything until AFTER the combine.

Yeah, professional athletes aren’t quite like the rest of us. Sunday’s “Style” section of the SF Chronicle focused on “FashionWarriors,” Golden State players and their post game looks. Andre Iguodola looked sharp in a sweater pants combination with some expensive jewelry but noted “it’s just an old Gucci sweater, a couple of seasons at least.”

Panthers RB Cameron Artis-Payne was reportedly arrested for driving 102 in a 65 mph zone in rural North Carolina. Hmm, with that kind of speed maybe Artis-Payne should consider a career change to NASCAR..

A federal appeals court has ruled in favor of the NFL in the “deflategate” case, and reinstated New England Patriots Tom Brady’s original suspension. Your tax dollars at work.

Donald Trump is now referring to Ohio’s governor as “1 for 38 Kasich,” based on the 1 state Kasich won. Maybe the Donald isn’t really running for President – he’s trying to be “Triumph, the Insult Dog.”

 

Megyn Kelly has announced that Donald Trump has agreed to sit down with her for an interview to air next month. Proving once again, that we CAN all get along – especially when rating$$$$$ are involved.

Another thought on this bathroom craziness. The talk is mostly of men in women’s rooms. But leaving aside the fact that it isn’t always obvious, do all these alarmists want, for example, a big burly transgender with facial hair who was born female forced to use the ladies’ room?

 

Karma in mean bitch mode again. Some users want to sue Ashley Madison for revealing their personal information. Except a judge has ruled that to go forward with the lawsuit, they must reveal their real names.

Sam Bradford has now demanded a trade because he figures the Eagles will draft a better QB. Hmm, sounds like the guy might be a perfect fit for the 49ers.