Posted tagged ‘Chargers jokes’

In need of a recharge?

January 13, 2017

The San Diego Chargers now are moving to Los Angeles. As if the city needs another NFL team not to care about.

Only person really happy about #Chargers move is Dan Snyder. Because Dean Spanos has just replaced him as most hated owner in NFL.

 

The Spurs tonight beat Lakers by 40. Last time that margin was March 1989, when LA beat San Antonio by 40.  1989.  Almost 30 years ago.  Was Tim Duncan off that night?

As more & more coaching and GM candidates sign with other teams is it time to change SF 49ers mascot to chopped liver?

Maybe Jed York is waiting to name himself @49ers coach?

Knicks have lost 9 of their last 10 games. It’s enough to make New Yorkers actually miss the Jets.

Amazon announced they will create 100,000 full-time jobs with benefits in the next year and a half in the US.
Of course, what Amazon didn’t announce is that their expansion will put about 200,000 retail brick-and-mortar employees out of work.

Small step of resistance – buy actual newspaper from time to time. This might be time when we need all free press we can get.

The SFPD says it will start apprehending “rule-breaking pedestrians and bicyclists as part of a Bike & Pedestrian Safety Enforcement Operation.”
This might be one of the few things done in San Francisco that could get bipartisan agreement. #darwinwannabes.

Senate last night made a preliminary vote against #Obamacare for pre-existing conditions, young adults on parents’ plans, & birth control. Let them eat cake while dying?

Apparently those folders that Trump pointed at yesterday when he indicated he was putting his sons in control of his business may have been full of blank paper.
Sigh, never thought I’d miss “binders full of women.”

We’re going to miss #JoeBiden too.

Earlier today Russia Today suddenly replaced the regular C-SPAN programming. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

 

In December, Paul Ryan told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that ““it will clearly take time” to come up with an ACA replacement “It’s not going to be replaced come next football season.”
Next season? Thinking that repealing Obamacare is going to be a lot like the 49ers firing Jim Harbaugh.

A new report this week shows 42% of California is now drought-free. Not all Californians know this yet, however, as they’ve been unable to read their soggy waterlogged newspapers..

Well, I guess targeted advertising has its limits – just got this email “Become a Trump Hotels Travel Specialist Today. ”

Here we go again. Full disclosure, I am a Cory Booker fan. But Trump hasn’t even been sworn in yet, and already seeing Democrats washing their hands of Senator Booker because he voted against a prescription drug amendment. He says it’s because he and others were trying to get safety standards included and another amendment covering such standards fell through. We shall see. Early days. And not saying Cory is always right. Or perfect.

But come on folks, seriously. If Democrats refuse to consider supporting anyone who isn’t 100% pure by their standards, we are going to get Trump (or Pence) re-elected. #whenwillweeverlearn

Rolling over

January 11, 2017

Cavaliers put up as much a fight against Trailblazers tonight as media did today against President-Elect in Trump Press Conference.

So apparently the Chargers are planning to move to Los Angeles. Sad for San Diego. But LA’s best chance for serious post-season football will still be the USC Trojans.

 

 

#LAChargers haven’t even started playing yet and already on their way to giving #Cowboys run for their money as America’s most hated team.

Just before last year’s Fiesta Bowl, Ezekiel Elliott was cited for three misdemeanor traffic charges in Ohio including driving with a suspended license after his car hit another vehicle, resulting in minor injuries to one passenger. This after several speeding tickets. And today no one was injured after he apparently ran into another car near Dallas.
Thinking just maybe the Cowboys might want to invest in a car and driver?

Former SF Giants closer Santiago Casilla is apparently nearing a deal with the Oakland As. Good for him. At least he won’t have to deal with any postseason pressure.

Taco Bell this month is rolling out their fried chicken taco nationwide – the taco shell is made out of fried chicken, then it’s filled with lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese and avocado ranch sauce.
So for all those fearing the end of the world, here’s one more option to decrease your chances of being around to see it.

Donald Trump on Twitter  today “Russia has never tried to use leverage over me. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA – NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING!”

He’s going to break his keyboard hitting the “CapsLock” so hard:

Hell is freezing over: “Though we at Fox News cannot confirm CNN’s report, it is our observation that its correspondents followed journalistic standards Neither they, nor any other journalists, should be subjected to belittling and delegitimizing by the president-elect of the United States.”
Standing up for journalists in general? Or are the folks at Fox just worried that they will be the next as seen to be too liberal for Trump?

Unreal. From the sooner to be Tweeter-in-Chief : “Intelligence agencies should never have allowed this fake news to “leak” into the public. One last shot at me.Are we living in Nazi Germany?
Right, because the worst thing about living Nazi Germany was being accused of cavorting with prostitutes. Not to mention that he is complaining about a story involving showers.
Even the bus to hell breaks down on this one.

Would be truly Machiavellian to come up and leak an over-the-top faked story that could be easily disproved, and use that as an excuse to discredit ALL the rest of the bad stories, many of which are actually true. But can’t imagine that a President and his team would stoop so low…… #goldenshowers #sarcasm

A BBC correspondent now says there are “multiple intelligence sources” alleging Russia has potentially embarrassing or compromising material on Trump.
Standby for tweets comparing the “over-rated” BBC to Buzzfeed in 3.2.1…..

 

That moment when you realize #MarcoRubio is now the conscience of the GOP?!!

He’s comedy gold every day, but I’d rather be struggling to write pantsuits jokes. #TrumpPressConference

Oh brother.

December 16, 2014

Jeb Bush says he is “actively exploring” a presidential bid after talking with his family over Thanksgiving. So is he serious about running, or just trying to prove he can use bigger words than his brother?

A source says Sen. Marco Rubio will run for President in 2016, even if Jeb Bush also runs. Two candidates from Florida in one national election. Even Jewish late-night talk show hosts are thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”

Some stories almost don’t need a punchline, but… NY Jets CB Josh Thomas tweeted that his playbook has been stolen. 1. The Jets HAVE a playbook? 2. The thief when caught will be tested for insanity.

 

The Chargers decided they will not relocate in 2015. In a statement “The team will not be exercising the lease termination clause and will keep working to find a publicly acceptable way to build a Super Bowl-quality stadium in San Diego.” Of course, what fans really want is a Super Bowl-quality TEAM in San Diego.

Meanwhile, once again, rumors are that Sunday could be the Raiders last game in Oakland. And many fans are thinking “Promise?”

A new poll by Men’s and Women’s Health found that only 37% of men and 48% of women think it’s cheating to have a Tinder account. So your chance of accidentally finding your significant other also online are better than you think.

It is wrong to take pleasure in the suffering of others. Nonetheless, this one’s for my fellow ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans: The LA ‪#‎Dodgers‬ DFA Brian Wilson, and will eat his $9.5 million contract.

Jay Gruden has been told he will return as Washington’s coach next year. Translation, Dan Snyder can’t find anyone else to take over that mess.

 

The newest Heisman winner appeared on David Letterman last night and read “Top 10 thoughts that went through Marcus Mariota’s mind when he won the Heisman Trophy.” You can tell the Oregon QB is from the Pac 12. He can count to 10.

Yankees GM Brian Cashman, lowering expectations for A-Rod during an interview today “I can’t expect Alex to be anything.” Oh, I don’t know. A magnet for tabloid headlines seems a pretty sure bet.

In New Jersey, three elementary school teachers have been suspended and will probably be fired for having what they thought was a private email chat where they referred to their “moron” special needs students. Seems like the real morons here are any adults, not only for their insensitivity, but for thinking that in this day and age any emails are truly private.

Larry J. Cano, 90, has died,He founded El Torito restaurant, the first big U.S. Mexican food chain. In his honor, millions of Americans will toast with a sugary slushy margarita that few people in Mexico would recognize..

#‎whythereisnosatire‬ Ted Cruz apologized today to other GOP Senators for keeping them in D.C. last Saturday: “The senator acknowledged that a number of his colleagues had to unexpectedly change their weekend plans, and he apologized to them for inconveniencing their personal schedules,”

Ah, shutting down the government and, causing all kinds of people not to be paid, that’s not a problem, but “inconveniencing personal schedules” of mostly millionaires, that Cruz feels bad about. ….

 

 

Romo, romo, where art thou, romo?

December 30, 2013

Image

Thanks to Jeff Klein for the picture.

And thanks to Kyle Orton for the great fourth quarter Tony Romo imitation.

If consistency is a virtue than the #Cowboys are a truly Godlike team. #eliminatedagain   (Three .500 seasons in a row.)

Cowboys should have put in Jon Kitna?

But worst of all for Cowboys fans?  They face the additional heartbreak of not being able to blame it on Tony Romo.

Congrats to the Chargers. But if it takes a missed 41 yard FG , (and a missed defensive penalty on the attempt) , and then an OT FG to win against a KC Chiefs team that rested 7 starters including their QB…. well, thinking their SD fans might not have to worry about tickets for week 2 of the playoffs.

Drew Brees, 381 passing yards. Peyton Manning. 266 passing yards. Each with 4 TD passes in the first half. Brees added a rushing TD in the second. Unlikely they both make it to Metlife, but if so and the game isn’t played in a blizzard, might be the highest Super Bowl total score in history.

Peyton Manning broke Drew Brees’ NFL record for most passing yards in a single season (5,476) today in Oakland. Should the record have an asterisk since it was against the Raiders?

Rex Ryan and Geno Smith will apparently both be back with the NY Jets next year. Not sure if this will be good news for Jets fans, but it should be for comedy writers.

Detroit finished off their late season collapse on a consistent note, with their 4th loss of the month (and 6th in their last 7 games.) This December these Lions couldn’t have even beat the Christians.

The Redskins are expected to fire Mike Shanahan after today’s game. Thereby creating a job opening with the approximate same chance of success as mediating peace in the Middle East.

So have to wonder, if “Paula’s Best Dishes” and “Paula’s Home Cooking” had the ratings “Duck Dynasty” has, would Paula Deen still have her TV gig?

A man who was mugged in Central Park this weekend that the mugger took money, but looked disgustedly at his flip phone, and gave it back to him. Yet another reason to carry, if not a flip phone, a Blackberry.

Kanye West apparently told fans at his Toronto concert this weekend that he plans to keep his opinions to himself for a while. “Might be another, like, six months. At least. You’re just gonna have to run back the interviews and s–t if you wanna hear some realness.” Promise?