Posted tagged ‘Tigers jokes’

Poll dancing.

October 19, 2013

Five of the 10 ten NCAA football teams have lost today. “Wow,” said SEC players. “That’s more than half.”

Clemson, Texas A & M, South Carolina and Georgia all lost today.   Guess you can’t really build up strength on a steady diet of cupcakes. 

Great touchdown catch for Stanford. Guess you know you’re gettting old when you can remember a time when the reaction wasn’t “Well that will make Top Ten” on “Sportscenter.”

Who knew? University of Central Florida might be a better football team than the University of Florida.

Kentucky coach John Calipari last night “We don’t just play college basketball, we are college basketball. As you know, we are everyone’s Super Bowl.” It’s that kind of humility and grace that makes the Wildcats so beloved around the sport…..

Former Houston Oilers and New Orleans Saints coach Bum Phillips has passed away at the age of 90. Will Saints fans who attend his funeral wear paper bags over their heads?

Former NBA superstar Bill Russell, 79, was arrested this week at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport after he apparently forgot about a loaded .38 caliber pistol in his carry-on luggage. If you’re too old to remember you have a gun, perhaps you’re too old to have a gun.

Jim Leyland has managed this ALCS like a man who is pushing for MLB to have a mandatory managerial retirement age.

Was Max #Scherzer really done in both #ALCS games?   Maybe. Without him, Tigers were really done. Definitely.

So when the Boston Red Sox vote playoff shares will they vote one to the LA Dodgers for taking $250 million worth of bad contracts off their payroll?

Cal is now 1-6 this year after a big loss to Oregon State. The real question for the 2013 Golden Bears – how did they win that one game?

Playoffs and other stress tests.

October 16, 2013

Apparently after a routine stress test, doctors found that George W. Bush had a 95-percent blockage in one of his coronary arteries, which doctors opened with a stent. “Who needs a heart anyway?” responded Dick Cheney.

 

Fans who don’t regularly watch baseball and have turned in for the playoffs had to be looking at tonight’s Cardinals-Dodgers game and thinking “Wait, you’re allowed to score before you’ve played 5 or 6 innings?”

 

No one will know if Yasiel Puig woke up the St. Louis Cardinals. Besides, the idea that such a thing can happen during the postseason is a myth. Just ask the SF Giants who beat the same Cardinals during Jeffrey Leonard’s “One Flap Down” playoff series…. Oops, never mind.

(of course as my friend Michael says  “Cards are a lock. When’s the last time they blew a 3-1 series lead?)

 

Regarding Puig, I do seriously get the youthful exuberance.   But while baseball has ceded many things about being America’s pastime to football, I do hope they never try to match the NFL with all the dances and celebrations that have gone from following a game-winning touchdown, to the most trivial of tackles or catches.  As the much-ascribed line goes “act like you’ve been there before.”

 

Detroit twice had runners on third with less than two out, and failed to score today. The 2013 Tigers picked a bad day to turn into the 2013 SF Giants.

 

 

Class act: Dennis Eckersley on the 25th anniversary of the Kirk Gibson HR “It was a great moment for the game, just not a great moment for me. There’s so many great things that have happened to me since that time, if that’s the only thing I have to live with for the rest of my life, I’m cool with it.”

From Bill Littlejohn:  On the 25th anniversary of Kirk Gibson’s iconic World Series HR against the Athletics,  the Dodgers wanted him to throw out the first pitch at Tuesday’s playoff game-.  The D-Backs manager declined, but said that he would throw a couple of Dodgers into a swimming pool

Lights back on in Comerica Park after a 17 minute power outage. Waiting for the Baltimore Ravens to blame this on Roger Goodell.

 

The Senate is trying to resolve the shutdown and debt ceiling crisis created by the House. And if and when this is done, will Senate leaders Reid and McConnell also give House members a timeout?

Two days to default. And the Senate passed a “clean” funding bill two weeks ago. But somehow a House that can vote to overturn Obamacare 40 times can’t manage to vote on it once?

(Can’t we borrow the “Vote of No Confidence” rule from Britain just once?  And use it next week?)-

People complain Obamacare is confusing? As opposed to the current mess? Anthem says they pay 70% for non-participating providers, but actually pay closer to 20%, because they decided a California ob-gyn doctor should only charge $90 for a new patient comprehensive exam. Their response to a complaint: “The amount is determined according to the non-participating provider section in your Evidence Disclosure Form from March 1, 2013, on page 131….” #weneedsinglepayer

 

(regarding that page 131… wonder how many pages are in the form?)

 

Not so high hopes?

October 10, 2013

Talk about a culture of diminished expectations. The Dow rose over 300 points today over a GOP proposal for a temporary debt ceiling raise, which would keep the government shut down. It’s like dropping the insurance rates on a wild teenage party, because one or two adults might have shown up.

So wonder if the #OaklandAthletics have invited the #DetroitTigers to jump in their stadium sewage?

The rumors of Justin Verlander’s pitching demise have been greatly exaggerated.

As Sonny Gray took the mound for Oakland tonight, A’s fans were thinking “Madison Bumgarner.” Tigers fans were thinking “Salomon Torres.”

Big money ball thought of the day: You could add the payrolls of the Detroit Tigers and Oakland As together, and still be about $30 million less than the LA Dodgers…

Wild times in Provo. Apparently Coke Zero, which is forbidden along with other caffeinated beverages at Mormon-owned BYU, was accidentally stocked in a campus vending machine, and according to the Salt Lake Tribune “immediately caused a run on the machine.” Just imagine the profit potential for smuggling Starbucks….

SF 49ers’ LB Aldon Smith was charged with 3 felony counts of illegal possession of an assault weapon yesterday. The guns in question are legal in some states, but not California. Considering the variation in state laws, free agency rules, and some players’ mindsets, you’d think Florida and Arizona would have better football teams….

From T.C.  “In honor of QB Matt Schaub, A Houston pizza joint has a item called “Pick 6″ toppings. It’s pickup only as the owner figures deliveries could be intercepted.”

The service academies will be able to continue playing football and other sports through the end of October, despite the government shutdown. Well, with our country’s priorities so in order, sounds like things will be resolved by Nov 1.

Actor James Woods told a Twitter follower “‘I don’t expect to work again” after he criticized President-Obama over the government shutdown. Responded most Americans “Who’s James Woods?”

The Democrats and Republicans are often going to disagree. And laws will be passed in future that one or another party does not like. So to those who are cheering Boehner’s shutdown strategy, assume you have no problem with Democrats doing it in future when THEY strongly believe a law is dangerous to our country? #thenewnormal

A friend of a friend is against Obamacare because of the “tyranny of forcing people to buy something from a private company.” So what’s the next government shutdown going to be over? Car insurance?

The Jonas Brothers canceled their planned concert tour because of “a deep rift within the band.” And in a display of bipartisan unity, both GOP and Democratic parents who had promised to take their pre-teens to the shows, said “Now, there’s a shutdown we can get behind.”

 

Saddest thing about a sad Glee episode, the disclaimer during the credits “The events and characters depicted in this motion picture are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events, is purely coincidental.” Tonight, wish that that were true. #Rememberingcory