Posted tagged ‘4 20 jokes’

These are the daze?

April 20, 2015

Say what?   The NY Post reports that NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio’s hopes that a “draft de Blasio’’ movement will result in his beating Hillary in the primaries like “George McGovern successfully challenged the initially front-running establishment candidate, Edmund Muskie, more than 40 years ago”  And we all know how well that worked out for the Democrats.

 

 

Today is  4-20. Let’s hope protesters in favor of marijuana legalization remember to show up before 4-21.

 

Jon Stewart told the UK Guardian that he is leaving The Daily Show because he was becoming increasing depressed by US politics and cable news. Which alas is how many Americans feel about coping with current events without him.

Both the Oakland and Kansas City benches emptied for the third straight day during today’s game and five Royals were ejected after Kelvin Herrera threw a 100 mph fastball behind Brett Lawrie. Almost a shame the two teams don’t meet again until late June. – some say baseball doesn’t get high TV ratings because it’s not a contact sport.

Tim Tebow is joining the Philadelphia Eagles. Meaning it will be a close competition between him, Matt Barkley and Mark Sanchez for the QB most likely to have Philly fans scream “Jesus Christ.”

 

Marco Rubio today “I also don’t believe that your sexual preferences are a choice for the vast and enormous majority of people. In fact, the bottom line is I believe sexual preference is something that people are born with.”

Is the Florida Senator saying he has conceded the bat sh*t crazy vote?

Donald Trump apparently retweeted (then deleted) a tweet saying “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America. Thinking if Donald Trump can’t make TWO marriages work what makes him think he can deal with tough international relations.

A new book says that Ronald Reagan believed in extra-terrestrial life and in 1985 told Mikhail Gorbachev at a peace summit that “he was sure the two superpowers would co-operate if Earth was threatened by alien invasion.” Don’t laugh too fast… alien invasion might explain some of the candidates we have running for President.

(My friend Suzanne G. says I have now disrespected aliens.)

A British study found that drivers who were dehydrated (drinking 25 ml -less than an ounce of water) an hour, made as many mistakes as drivers who were over the DUI limit. Of course, imagine that drivers who drink a LOT of water are more likely to speed to get to a restroom.

Texas Rangers GM Jon Daniels says he’d like to give Russell Wilson a shot but . “Obviously, he’s got a pretty good thing going on with the Seahawks, and we’re not going to get in the way of that.” Translation, Wilson’s a decent baseball player but he’s not THAT good.

(Alex B. says “Wilson was going to give baseball a go, but Pete Carroll told him to pass.”

Apparently the Lily Pulitzer collection for Target caused a shopping frenzy Sunday morning online and at Target stores. And if you have any idea what that means you probably don’t have a Y chromosome.

 

High holy day.

April 19, 2014

This year Easter falls on 4 20, the national pot holiday. So hide those chocolate bunnies.

If Sunday is all about resurrection maybe Christians should add a few prayers for the #SFGiants offense?

At some point it’s not the opposing pitcher shutting you down with great stuff: #SFGiants hitting becoming oxymoron.

In New Jersey, a woman is suing the Department of Motor Vehicles for rejecting her request for a vanity license plate reading “8THEIST.” Where are the small government folks lining up to defend her right to free speech on this one?

Anyone who thinks baseball players aren’t tough, I give you the Reds’ Aroldis, cleared to throw BP exactly a month after he was hit in the face by one of his 100pm fastballs lined back at him in spring training.

The Philadelphia 76ers ended up 19-63, and but they hold two lottery picks. So their owner said yesterday “I think the season has been a huge success for us.” And for any team lucky enough to have the Sixers on the schedule.

 

A whole new phenomenon in baseball, the manager coming out to chat with the umpire, seeing the thumbs down from the bench coach who’s talking to the replay coach, and walking back to the dugout. So while waiting do they talk about restaurants?

The A’s Jed Lowrie angered the Houston Astros Friday night when he tried to bunt against the shift in the first inning with Oakland up 7-0. But hey, it’s the Astros. Is it unfair to bunt against them with any lead at all?

Both Alabama QB’s struggled in their Spring game. Meaning Nick Saban will be looking for more anti-offense college football rule changes in the name of “safety.”

Macy’s CEO just spoke out against raising the minimum wage. What, if the store has to pay more they’ll only be able to have “One Day Sales” every other day?

The Columbus Blue Jackets had their first playoff win ever Saturday night. And two questions from most Americans. 1. Columbus has a pro team? 2. What sport?

CNN headline on MH370, the search is at a “critical juncture.” Presumably because the searchers are running out of ideas, and CNN is running out of adjectives?

Fox News has fired an executive who used her company e-mail account for a charity drive for relatives of MH370’s passengers. Guess she should have known better. Had the woman simply used her business email to attack Obama she would have been fine.